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How to Make Sure Your New Year Goals Are Mindful Resolutions

The year is wrapping up, and now’s the time for those new year goals!! You might be thinking about all of the big and beautiful ways you want to change in the coming year before the countdown to midnight is even done. But are these new year’s resolutions mindful??

We’re all about the “new year new me” vibe, but you should make sure you’re not putting yourself down or being pushed into setting certain goals by toxic mindsets. Your 2023 goals should be more about taking care of your wellbeing rather than focusing on changing something that’s “wrong.”

We want to help you think about what it means to make good new year resolutions while taking care of yourself and your mental health. So here’s 6 ways to set mindful new year goals!

1. Write Out Your Goals

What are your goals, anyway??

It’s very possible that you made it to this article looking for a list of positive goals you can set. Which is great! Welcome, get comfy, get settled, and let’s talk. Truth is, no one can set mindful goals for yourself but you.

Which is a lot less convenient than someone giving you a list, we know. But would that even be helpful?? The best resolutions have your own interests in mind. If you love being a homebody, then would setting a 2023 goal to buy a camper van and live life on the road make sense? Alternatively, if you loooooovvveee going on adventures and want to make it a big part of your year, someone else telling you to ditch that resolution wouldn’t be great, either. Only you know what’s best for you.

That’s why we recommend journaling through your 2023 goals. It’s a really great way to check in with yourself and see what you want, without the outside influence. A helpful exercise you can do is to write out your goals, explain why you set them, and how they serve you. Try to ignore what everyone else suggests and focus on yourself. Do you really want to get into hiking, or are you doing it because your granola friend has been bugging you to go with them?

There’s no harm in challenging yourself—it’s actually pretty vital to grow—but ask how and why you’re challenging yourself with your goals, and if it’s in the way you want to be challenged. Not everyone wants to scale a mountain, and that’s okay.

The DiveThru app has hundreds of journaling prompts, if you want to get more into journaling. Which you should. Because journaling is pretty great. Check it oooouuttt.

2. Use Mindfulness to Check In with Yourself

Mindfulness is a really great way to slow down your everyday life. Okay, you can’t actually slow down time with mindfulness (we wish!). It’s more of a way to slow down your racing, anxious and stressed out thoughts to ground yourself in the present moment.

This will be super helpful while making goals for 2023. You’ll want to approach the new year with a centered mind in order to set goals that serve you well. This is true especiallyyyy if you’re the ambitious type that will set astronomical goals and then push yourself to work super hard all the time, to the point of burnout. Let’s skip the burnout in 2023! One of those goals could include “introduce ways to practice mindfulness every day” — it’s much easier to implement than you’d expect! Check out Dr. Justin Puder’s 14 Day Mindfulness Practice in the DiveThru app to get started. He’ll go through two weeks of mindfulness exercises to get you into the habit!

Use mindfulness to help you approach your goals with less stress and anxiety than you would without it. Clear mind = clear goals!

3. Challenge Diet Culture Resolutions

Every year, soooo many people set diet and exercise goals for themselves that lead to disappointment and kill self-confidence. They shell out money on juicers, diet plans, and gym memberships without really checking in with themselves first. So before you go and force a change in lifestyle, ask yourself: who told you that you need to change? And is this change serving you or damaging you?

We’re all for mindful movement and nutrition at DiveThru. You should take care of yourself, and those things are part of a balanced lifestyle! But we’re pretty tired of toxic diet culture and its insistence on very specific, unrealistic, and often unattainable body types as being the pinnacle of health.

You shouldn’t dread movement. When you choose an activity that you genuinely enjoy, you’ll be excited to go back to it, which makes all the difference! If a dance class would get you pumped to move, or kickboxing, swimming, cycling, or yoga, pick one (or more) of those! Movement should bring joy, not shame or guilt.

And when it comes to nutrition, it’s a lot more complicated than cutting out certain foods and eating “healthy” things. In fact, cutting out foods is unrealistic, and sets a negative mindset around food that can become toxic very quickly. Try intuitive eating in 2023 if you want to modify your eating habits. What food gives you energy, and what drains you? What food makes you feel good, and what doesn’t? Listening to your body’s cues is a great way to approach nutrition in the new year.

If you struggle with disordered eating or eating disorders, intuitive eating won’t be a realistic goal for you to set just yet. Seeing a therapist will be an important first step instead. Having someone helping you on this journey can truly make a difference.

4. Set SMART Goals

SMART goals are all about setting goals that you can actually achieve. If you set a massive goal that you won’t ever reach, or set a goal that’s unrealistic to achieve in the timeframe you gave yourself, then you’ll get discouraged when you fall short of your goals.

SMART is a fun little acronym that is explained by Paul J. Meyer in his book “Attitude Is Everything: If You Want to Succeed Above and Beyond.” SMART breaks down goals into five parameters:

Specific: your goal is ultra-specific and clear.
Measurable: there’s a way to track the progress of your goal.
Achievable: you’re able to complete your goal.
Relevant: your goal matters to you and makes sense with your life.
Time-bound: your goal has an end date to work towards.

If you go into 2023 with a resolution to “read more,” then it’s not going to pan out. What do you want to read more of? How much more? When will you know you’ve finished your goal? How much time do you realistically have available in your day to read?

A SMART version of that goal could be to read 20 nonfiction books this year, completing at least 5 books every three months. That way, you can do three-month check-ins on your goal, focus on nonfiction as a genre, and know when you put down book 20 that you’ve completed your goal. It’s a lot clearer than “read more” and helps you set guidelines for what you want to do!

5. Practice Gratitude

Resolutions are always about aiming for things we don’t have or don’t do. We make goals to be more active, save money, read more, do more, have more, be more. But why don’t we make goals to appreciate where we are now?

Practicing gratitude is a fantastic way to reflect positively on your current circumstances. This isn’t toxic positivity—if your life sucks right now, it’s allowed to suck, and you’re allowed to feel like it sucks. Practicing gratitude is more about finding the little things to be thankful for everyday to build a more confident, self-assured mindset. Let those sucky days suck, but you can learn to appreciate the ones that don’t suck that much more.

Setting a resolution to build gratitude, along with all your other goals, is a great way to remind yourself of how dope you already are while reaching for things you want to achieve.

6. Turn to Self-Compassion

Mindful resolutions are less about the actual resolution and more about the feelings and reasoning behind them. Toxic resolutions are all about what you aren’t, what you lack, and what you “should” be. Mindful resolutions focus on how you can best take care of yourself, while reaching for your (SMART) goals, to live a life that makes you happy and satisfied. Keeping that in mind, a big part of mindful resolutions will be self-compassion.

This year, we are SO done with punishing ourselves over new year goals. By approaching them with self-compassion, we allow ourselves to set realistic goals that align with a hopeful vision of our future. Slip-ups are okay. No one is a perfect goal-accomplishing machine, and a misstep doesn’t mean you’ve failed. As long as you’re taking care of yourself while working towards something you want, at a pace that works for you, you’re absolutely nailing your mindful resolutions.

Feeling the Holiday Blues? 15 Things That Will Make You Feel Better

It’s supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year”… but you’re just not feeling it. The holiday blues can be especially hard because the holiday season comes with the expectation that everyone is supposed to be joyful and festive. There are lots of reasons you might not be feeling like Buddy the Elf, like missing family members who are either not with you anymore or are unable to travel because of the pandemic.

Holiday depression is REAL and doesn’t make you a Grinch! You’re allowed to feel your feelings and that means sadness too. But if you’re looking for some ways to cheer yourself up this holiday season… your friends at DiveThru are here to help with some ideas for how to beat the holiday blues!

Five Feel-Good Holiday Movies

Love a good wholesome story? Ready to escape into a cheesy rom-com? Well, here are suggestions for both!

1. Elf

A classic! If you’re looking for a charming and heartwarming movie, Elf is a perfect choice. Buddy is a human who was adopted by elves and now works at Santa’s North Pole Workshop. When he learns that his biological father is on the naughty list, Buddy heads to New York City to meet him. Hijinks ensue.

Elf has some serious star power, too! It’s directed by Jon Favreau and stars Will Ferrel, James Caan, Zoey Deschanel, Mary Steenburgen, Bob Newhart, Ed Asner, and Peter Dinklage.

2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas

The Grinch is a bitter creature who lives in a mountain above Whoville. Whos are obsessed with Christmas, and this year the Grinch has had enough—so he decides to dress up as Santa and commit grand theft Christmas.

If you’re feeling the holiday blues, you miiiight just start out rooting for the Grinch as he tries to stop his loud neighbours from celebrating Christmas. But just as the Whos eventually get to the Grinch, this story will make your heart grow three sizes, too!

You’ve got some options here! You can watch the 1966 animated TV special narrated by Boris Karloff, the 2000 live-action movie Jim Carey version, or the 3D animated movie with Benedict Cumberbatch voicing the green meanie from 2018.

Also, turns out you can actually pay to have a real Grinch come to your house and ruin Christmas…not sure we recommend though, haven’t tested it ourselves yet.

3. The Holiday

This one’s for all you rom-com lovers out there! Cameon Diaz and Kate Winslet play women from Los Angeles and London, who arrange a home exchange over the holidays to get away from heartbreak. Enter Jude Law and Jack Black!

The Holiday has been called charming, hopeful, and a modern Christmas classic. If you’re looking for something sweet that’s not going to give you a toothache, this is a great choice!

4. Klaus

Finally, Santa’s origin story! Klaus is a reclusive toymaker who is befriended by a mail carrier in a northern town. The town is divided by a feud between two large families, so the mail carrier and Klaus team up to bring the town together over the joys of Christmas.

This animated movie stars J.K. Simmons, Jason Schwartzman, Rashida Jones, Joan Cusack, and Norm Macdonald. The film was distributed by Netflix, so it’s available in every country where Netflix is available.

It will make you laugh and it will make you cry and then it will make you laugh some more. We cannot recommend this holiday movie more. 19/10.

5. Single All the Way

This one just came out in December 2021, so you probs haven’t seen it yet! Single All the Way tells the story of Peter, a newly-single guy who just wants to avoid his family’s questions when he goes home for Christmas… so he gets his best friend to come with him and pretend to be his boyfriend. Except, before they can announce their fake relationship, Peter’s mom announces that she’s set him up on a blind date. Classic rom-com situation!

Five Feel-Good Activities

You can do these alone or with a loved one! Sometimes you want some company, and other times you need some quality alone time. Totes up to you!

1. Bake Cookies

Perfect holiday activity! Baking cookies can be a creative outlet, from picking and choosing ingredients, to decorating the finished product. You also engage all your senses, from hearing the mixer to feeling the flour in between your fingers, and that engagement boosts endorphins. Mindfulness FTW! Then you get the satisfaction of seeing something that YOU made, and that’s also a boost!

Not only that, but you also get the enjoyment of eating as many cookies as you want to once they’re out of the oven. We guess you could also give some cookies to your neighbours and friends if you reaaaaally wanted to… (acts of generosity also boost your mood!) Speaking of—

2. Donate Your Time

Practicing holiday self-care doesn’t necessarily mean being selfish! Whether it’s helping out at a soup kitchen or wrapping presents at the mall for a charitable fundraiser, there are plenty of opportunities to give back that don’t cost money. Acts of charity have a tangible health benefit (known as helper’s high). A 2006 study found that donating to charity activates the part of the brain that is associated with pleasure, social connection, and trust.

Volunteering also helps foster social connections, because groups of people get together to do something for the sole purpose of doing good—and what do people generally want in friends? Good people with similar interests. If you’re feeling that holiday depression, giving back might be just what the doctor ordered!

3. Listen to Christmas Music

Upbeat tunes can boost our mood, and oh my are there a lot of happy upbeat Christmas songs… so take your pick! Maybe Frosty the Snowman or Santa Claus is Coming to Town will boost your spirits! Music is also tied to memory, so hearing festive songs on the radio can make you nostalgic for your childhood Christmases.

On the other hand—maybe Happy Xmas (War is Over) is just the right vibe for your holiday depression. Or maybe you listen to the other half of Lennon/ McCartney singing Wonderful Christmastime and be amazed at how different those two Beatles feel about this time of year.

4. Take a Stroll Under the Lights

Sure it’s dark and cold outside—and that might even be why you’re not feeling so cheery—but getting bundled up and going for a walk to enjoy the decorations can be a nice break from the holiday stress. Many places have either a town square, shopping district, or neighbourhood that takes decorating v seriously.

Even if it’s chilly, grab your toque and mitts, fill up your thermos, and go enjoy the wintry beauty! And that leads us to—

5. Warm Beverages

We ask you: is there anything better than warming up with a nice steaming mug of hot chocolate? “Not being cold in the first place,” you say?

Whether you’re a hot chocolate lover, coffee fiend, prefer a nice tea, or enjoy a nice cup of mulled wine, warm bevvies are legit good for mental health. One study found that people formed better opinions of people when holding a hot coffee instead of an iced coffee. We are JUST NOW realizing why coffee dates are so popular…

Plus, warm drinks make us feel better when we’re sick—and who isn’t a little sniffly when it’s freaking cold out??—and you even get to use your fave mug (everyone has one!). This fits with pretty much all the above tips, too! Watching a holiday movie? Eating cookies? Volunteering? Listening to music? Going for a walk? All of the above can be made better by your fave hot drink!

Five New Traditions

If the source of your holiday blues is missing loved ones who are either unable to travel because of the pandemic or unable to do the traditional Christmas dinner because of gathering restrictions, here are some new traditions you can try:

1. (Virtual) Game Night

Depending on your family or friend group’s ages and interests, this will look different for everyone! Maybe your friends gather on Xbox Live and play a multiplayer game (complete with some light trash talk!), or everyone downloads one of the many apps like Jackbox that allow people to virtually play party games together. Just because you can’t pass cards around a table, doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy game night in another fashion.

2. Cheer Train

Pack up the family, string some Christmas lights around the car, and drive past your loved ones’ homes! Be honest, you’ve always wanted an excuse to just lean into the horn, so now you’ve got one! Blast some Christmas tunes on the radio and wave out the window!

There are so many different ways to do this, too! Maybe a few families form a convoy and drive past the grandparents houses, or a bunch of people plan ahead and go for a drive through downtown with decorated cars to brighten people’s spirits (NOT during rush hour tho… because people will honk back and they won’t be friendly honks…).

3. Fires

If indoor gatherings aren’t allowed, or your loved ones aren’t quite ready for packing dozens of people into a house, having a fire can be a nice compromise. It’s an outside activity that allows people to maintain their distance, the fire keeps everyone warm, and it’s an opportunity to gather and socialize (and drink warm drinks!!). Of course, this is only a good idea if your local health authorities allow for outdoor gatherings… so best to double-check before sending off invites!

4. (Virtual) Movie Night

If you’re missing out on a tradition of watching holiday movies, you can always gather virtually and just have everyone hit play at the same time. Or just text each other the whole time, if your internet connection doesn’t love streaming and video calling at the same time. We know it’s not the same as getting together and all sharing a big bowl of popcorn, but technology at least offers a way to keep traditions going until it’s safer.

5. Zoom Dinners

It might not be ideal, but it’s better than nothing! If you can’t gather in-person, at least hearing your loved ones’ voices and seeing them squishing together to all fit on camera can be a boost. Just pick a time and drop the link in the family group chat, and away you go!

There are benefits too! You can make whatever you want without worrying about any allergies or aversions that your loved ones may have, and you can totally wear sweatpants to family dinner and no one will judge you (or know)!

Happy holidays from your friends at DiveThru 🎄⛄️

Mindfulness for Beginners: Everything You Need to Know

It’s no secret that we’re all feeling like our world is turned entirely upside down right now. There’s the daily stuff keeping us busy — school, work, family, and friends — and the scarier/bigger stuff like inflation, cost of living, war, the ongoing climate crisis, you name it. It’s hard to escape those constant feelings of fear and anxiety about everything that’s going on. So how do we unwind and rest?? Well, with a practice that has actually been around for years and years! This article is a little intro to mindfulness for beginners — for anyone who just wants to feel better, really.

You may have seen the term mindfulness trending on Instagram and TikTok. It has become an increasingly popular approach for many individuals to alleviate stress, anxiety, and depression! It is so beneficial for mental health and it’s an approach included in various current psychotherapies.

So if you’re wondering,

What exactly is mindfulness, and how do I practice it?

How do I know when it’s “working”?

And what are its benefits??

We’re about to answer all of those! Let’s break down everything you need to know to get started on your mindfulness journey and incorporate it into your busy busy life.

What Is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a form of meditation that engages you in the present moment by tuning in to your mind, sensations, and physical emotions. It is a process of becoming aware of your thoughts and emotions without labeling them as “positive” or “negative” and instead allowing them to flow freely. This can help you self-regulate your emotions when dealing with stress and worry, allowing you to be less consumed by them.

Mindfulness is not a new practice. It has been practiced for literally thousands of years, and derives from Buddhist meditative techniques. It was only approximately 50 years ago that it was brought into Western medicine, mainly owing to the work of molecular scientist Jon Kabat-Zinn.

The best part about mindfulness is that we all have the ability to practice it! But it is something that you must tune into and learn how to access, a skill which takes a little bit of time and effort to develop.

Throughout his study, Kabat-Zinn found mindfulness to be so beneficial that he tested the techniques on people with chronic pain, with incredible results. By practicing mindfulness, they lowered their levels of pain, improved their quality of sleep, and felt greater life satisfaction.

Why Is Mindfulness Important?

Short answer? It helps you lead a mentally healthier and more fulfilling life. The practice comes with a lot of benefits to your health, both physical and mental. We mention better sleep and lower levels of chronic pain but the list goes on!

These are just a few of the other advantages of practicing mindfulness:

A boost in the immune system
Reduced blood pressure
Better emotion regulation
Reduced stress levels
Reduced risk of depression
More resiliency in healing from trauma

Mindfulness helps you pay attention to and examine your thoughts and feelings. When you focus your attention in this way, it actually helps you understand those thoughts and feelings that are racing through your head. Cool, right??

Same goes for when you’re stuck in autopilot mode (literally the opposite of racing). If you find yourself driving to work and completing zoning out the entire way there, or going through your work day in a daze, mindfulness could do the trick to get your sweet little brain engaged again.

How to Practise Mindfulness

Beginning a new practice can be hella intimidating, we know! First things first. Mindfulness is not actually about having an “empty” mind without any intruding thoughts. Your thoughts will always be there and if they happen to pop in while you’re practicing mindfulness, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

What you wanna strive for is what Dr. Justin Puder describes as “moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness of the present” in his course on an Intro to Mindfulness. Let’s break that down!

“Moment-to-moment” means being aware of moments as they’re happening instead of focusing on the past or the future.

“Non-judgmental” means not labelling your thoughts as good or bad, positive or negative and just letting them be.

“Awareness of the present” means paying attention to what you’re experiencing in the present and taking in those experiences to the fullest.

Sounds easy, right? Well, there’s a bit more to learn!

1. Mindful Breathing

One of the first things Dr. Justin Puder teaches us is that your breath is such a powerful tool and it can be used to regulate your body. Did you know the average human breathes more than 20,000 times each day?? Did you know that how you breathe can actually impact what happens in your brain?

Our breath is a direct communicator between our body and mind that may be used at any moment to ground ourselves. That’s why the breath is called an anchor in the practice of mindfulness! It’s pretty dang important — just like a ship’s anchor.

If life’s got you feeling like you’re rocking up and down in the waves, your breath can keep you steady. Cheesy, maybe, but also true. Don’t sleep on your mindfulness breathing exercises.

Let’s do a basic one together! Get comfy and sit or lay down in a position that can allow your lungs to expand.

Now, activate mindful breathing by deepening, slowing down, and observing your breath.

Breathe in for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 4, then breathe out for a count of 4. That’s all there is to it — just repeat those counts as many times as you need.

As you’re breathing, if you notice your thoughts trying to pop in to remind you that you haven’t finished studying for your midterm or finalized your quarterly report yet, bring your attention back to your breath moving through your lungs. Always try to bring your attention back to your breath.

There are also tons more breathing exercises in Dr. J’s Intro to Mindfulness course in the DiveThru app if you wanna learn a few other techniques!

2. Mindfulness and Journaling

Could we ever pass up the opportunity to tell you about journaling?? Nope. We’re journaling stans.

Journaling is a practice that lets you take the messy tangled thoughts and feelings in your head and dump them all onto a crisp piece of paper (or in your crisp Notes app).

If breathing exercises aren’t your thing (totally forgiven) then you can use journaling to bring some awareness into your every day. Here are a few mindfulness journal prompts that might get you started on your moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness of the present:

How am I feeling in this moment?

If I was to pause in this moment and take a look at my surroundings, what do I notice?

How can I accept today without judgment?

What can I do right now to feel more grounded in the present moment?

What am I dwelling on in this moment and what do I want to dedicate my focus to?

3. Practicing Mindful Movement

Alright alright, maybe journaling isn’t your thing either (honestly though, so good for mental health). But as you can tell already, there are so many ways to practice mindfulness. Maybe you’re a person who prefers movement and activity to release tension and work through stress! That’s cool too!

You can totally use movement to practice mindfulness — and still get all of the benefits. Heavy duty exercise, also defined as whatever makes you sweat, is really great at keeping your mind focused on how hard you’re breathing/sweating/working in that moment.

But you can get the same reverie through a walk or any type of movement, really! Bring your attention to the way the ground feels beneath your feet, the way the sun feels on your face or the number of dogs in the park! People-watching is pretty great for keeping you in the present too…just saying.

You can also focus on observing your body in movement. Pay attention to the sensations in your body and observe how it feels as you’re walking or doing yoga. Always remember a key part of practicing mindfulness is being present without judgment.

We explored only a few tips to practice mindfulness for beginners! To really dig into it, take Dr. Justin Puder’s Introduction to Mindfulness course or check out the 14 Day Mindfulness Practice in the DiveThru app. It’ll give you a ton of mindfulness exercises and day-by-day guidance on how to start your practice.

Pharmacophobia: What It Means To Fear Your Medication

Put yourself in this situation. You’re at a doctor’s office, being diagnosed with an illness or condition, and you’re prescribed medication. Most people are totally fine taking that medication and going on their merry way! But for a small group of folks, that decision is nowhere near as easy because of something called pharmacophobia. If you have pharmacophobia or any other phobias, you know exactly how scary it can be!
We all want what’s best for ourselves when it comes to our health. But being diagnosed with an illness and prescribed medication can make you feel everything from scared to ashamed. It can be really difficult to cope with! And no doubt you have a few questions and concerns when your doctor recommends prescriptions like:
What are the positive effects of this medication?
What are the possible adverse side effects of these medications, and what should I do if the effects are getting severe?
Is there a best time to take the medication, and should it be taken on an empty stomach or with food?
These are normal questions for patients to want to know answers to!
If you are hesitant to take prescription medications, you’re not alone. An estimated 30-50% of people don’t take their medications as prescribed, and pharmacophobia is a significant reason why. In a 2020 study, 21% of respondents self-identified as pharmacophobic. However, there are plenty of options to help improve your pharmaceutical experience.

What Is Pharmacophobia?

In short, pharmacophobia is the fear of medication and any sort of pharmacological treatment.

People with pharmacophobia may feel nervous or upset seeing or hearing about medication in a variety of settings, from a television show to seeing a pill container in someone’s bathroom.

Pharmacophobia manifests itself differently for each individual, depending on what triggers them. For example, having to take drugs regularly can be extremely difficult to deal with for some; for others, the phobia may induce severe panic attacks. The anxiety they are experiencing may be so acute that they require hospitalization.

What Causes Pharmacophobia?

One of the most common causes is a negative medical experience. That could be an allergic reaction, choking on a pill, or watching someone you love deal with a severe illness. There doesn’t even have to be a direct link to prescription drugs — your brain could still make that connection for fun. Alllll of that dread culminates in a fear of having the same response the next time you take medicine, which might make it difficult to “trust” the prescriptions. Even after talking with your doctor about the benefits, you may still decide not to take it at all.

The Nocebo Effect

We’re pretty sure you’ve heard about the placebo effect. It basically happens when you’re given some form of medication, told that it is going to help you and it does actually make you feel better, but in reality, you’ve only been given a sugar pill. Well, folks with pharmacophobia have the exact opposite of that, something called the nocebo effect.

Say you’re being prescribed medication, and your doctor warns you about some possible side effects. The nocebo effect can cause people with pharmacophobia to have a negative reaction to a drug, just because they think they’re going to. It can even outweigh the benefits of the drug.

You’ve heard the old saying “mind over matter.” For some people, merely thinking about side effect ideas can cause unfavourable symptoms. It’s difficult because, on one hand, you want to take the meds and feel better, but knowing about the adverse effects makes you even more afraid to take them. And when you begin taking your medication, you will be extra conscious of how your body adjusts to them.

Although thinking positively is great, it can also be unrealistic all the time because shit happens. But trying to be generally upbeat about treatments and medications will help. The brain can change the way nerve cells communicate by emitting chemicals called neurotransmitters that attach to molecules on neurons known as receptors, so positive thinking actually has a physical effect!

Treatment

Treating pharmacophobia is tough because it’s taking medicine that creates fear in the first place! So because drugs probably won’t help… other treatments are your best bet! There are a couple of approaches you can take with it, so let’s have a look at them.

Exposure Therapy

This form of behavioural therapy is used to manage anxiety problems and is a popular option for phobias. But it’s not easy. The patient may experience increased anxiety at first as the therapist introduces the medication to observe and touch. The therapist will make sure not to induce any harm, of course. The goal is that the more you are around this medication, the more comfortable you will become with it.

Patients learn about the symptoms and strategies to help reduce feelings of discomfort. The therapist will determine the length of therapy based on the needs of the patient.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Because it is a problem-focused and goal-oriented kind of therapy, CBT can be helpful for pharmacophobia. Patients learn how to recognize and examine specific sensations, respond better, and think when their worries manifest emotionally and behaviourally. CBT is commonly used to treat patients with OCD and anxiety disorders.

This form of therapy works to identify specific troubles and establish a treatment plan. Patients also practice coping strategies outside of sessions, to work on their thought processes, troublesome feelings, and actions.

Mindfulness and Meditation

Meditation and Mindfulness, when combined with treatment, can be extremely beneficial to people who have pharmacophobia. This can assist in diverting your anxiety by refocusing your attention on items you may not have an emotional relationship with. Breathing, redirecting energy, and emptying the mind are examples of relaxing and relieving tension in the body and mind.

Mindfulness meditation consists of several activities that can be done anywhere as long as the mind is present—easing the mind’s detachment from continually overpowering weighty thoughts to assist in achieving peace of mind.

If you totally relate to the feelings mentioned in this article or have some of the symptoms listed, we hope it helps… but we also recommend talking to your doctor. Anxiety over taking medications is quite normal and is nothing to be embarrassed about.

It’s a new journey, but you’re doing the best that you can, and that’s really important! You can be on medicine and still live your best life. As you go through this process, keep a diary to jot down your feelings and consult with a therapist for coping strategies. You’ve got this!!

How Long Can Postpartum Depression Last?

Pregnancy, birth, and the first months of a newborn’s life can bring about a range of emotions for new parents, including happiness, grief, and sometimes overwhelm. Alllllll of these emotions are normal. But because it’s “supposed” to be a delightful experience, parents may feel compelled to be happy, even if they’re struggling with their new reality.

It’s a journey that nobody can ever be fully prepared for, and that’s all right because being a parent isn’t about being flawless. It’s about learning as you go. Being responsible for a new human being can and will create changes in your life — and bring with it mood swings, fluctuations in sleeping patterns, several diaper changes, irritability and more.

There might also be a sensation of fear, which will sometimes be accompanied by intrusive thoughts like:

I don’t know what to do anymore.

Why can’t I remember that?

I’m incredibly unwell, but my baby needs me.

I’m overwhelmed and I can’t stop these tears.

I feel so helpless. Why won’t this feeling go away?

These emotions can frequently lead to despair, tension, worry, and a sense of not being or doing enough. Some of these feelings are often referred to as the baby blues, which are natural and can last between one to two weeks for new parents.

Baby Blues, What Are They?

Having a child may be an exciting time for parents, but it is also very common for new mothers to go through a period of “baby blues.” Even though they’re short-term, baby blues can be overwhelming! They’re brought on by all the changes that come with having a new baby, such as worry, loneliness, anxiety, and stress.

Here are a few of the signs you might notice if you’re experiencing baby blues:

Difficulties focusing or making decisions
Mood fluctuations of irritability or anxiety
Changes in sleeping or eating habits
Severing relationships with friends or relatives
Feeling emotionally drained

Baby blues can begin when the baby is 2 to 3 days old and typically only last a few weeks. If these emotions persist for much longer than that, they can be classified as a more severe underlying medical condition known as postpartum depression. This is when you’ll want to reach out to your doctor!

What Is Postpartum Depression?

Postpartum depression, also known as (PPD) is a kind of clinical depression that develops after giving birth. Stress and physiological changes may make you feel like so much is happening at once and you can’t catch a break during this highly vulnerable phase. With PPD, most of the baby blues symptoms persist for much longer than a few weeks.

The first joke you hear when you tell someone you’re a new parent is “HA, have fun never sleeping again.” It might be funny when you’re years down the road and looking back but definitellyyyy not while you’re going through it. New moms often get so little sleep that they may feel like they’re constantly in a fog. That feeling gets incredibly overwhelming over time with postpartum depression.

Some moms tell themselves that they just have to push through it without help, especially if they’re the kind to have overcome adversities in the past. They might think that they’ve done hard things before and they can do this too. And it’s not a bad thing to believe in your own resiliency! But it does mean that you may choose to suffer in silence and not communicate what you’re going through with your partner or your loved ones. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

Unlike the baby blues, which endure for a shorter time, postpartum depression requires assistance from a physician or a licenced psychotherapist. Here are a few other signs to look for.

Signs of Postpartum Depression

If you have any of the following symptoms for more than two weeks, it might be a good idea to get in touch with your doctor and or mental health therapist. The following are some of the most prevalent symptoms:

Having little or no drive or ambition
Disinterest in interacting with the infant, family, and/ or friends
Appetite changes, such as undereating or overeating
Having strong feelings of wanting to harm the baby or oneself
Inability to make decisions, difficulty with memory and concentrating
Alteration in sleep pattern by oversleeping or undersleeping
Extreme irritation, impatience, hostility, anxiety
Feeling insignificant or like a terrible parent
Extensive sadness and uncontrolled sobbing
Inability to enjoy previously enjoyable activities
Feeling disinterested in and disconnected from the baby, or as if your kid is someone else’s baby
Intense pains, aches, headaches, or gastrointestinal problems regularly

How Common Is Postpartum Depression?

Postpartum depression is highly prevalent, affecting up to 15 percent of women. In addition, one in every 1,000 women may also suffer a severe illness known as postpartum psychosis. Postpartum psychosis is an emergency and if you or someone you know may be experiencing it, reach out to a doctor to discuss it as soon as possible.

How Long Does Postpartum Depression Last?

Untreated postpartum depression can persist for months or even years, but with the help of a doctor, life becomes more bearable. Treatment can help regulate symptoms, and for most, symptoms will fade with time; however, 38 percent of women with postpartum depression may experience long-term symptoms.

When postpartum depression is left untreated, parents are more likely to have long-term consequences like immune system issues, heart conditions, chronic pain, and sleep problems.

Close to half of the women who receive medical assistance continue to have symptoms more than a year after childbirth. In contrast, approximately one-third of those who do not receive medical therapy still have symptoms of depression up to three years after giving birth.

What Does Treatment Look Like?

Your specific circumstances will determine your doctor’s treatment options. If you have any other health causes, your physician may refer you to a specialist or mental healthcare professional.

There are several methods your doctor can use to differentiate between baby blues and the more long-term type of postpartum clinical depression. We know it can be really difficult to share your symptoms with your doctor and talk openly about them, but we promise you there’s no shame in anything you may be experiencing. So many new mothers experience postpartum depression and they’ve all gone through similar challenges.

In combination with other treatments, your doctor may recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help you feel better (or other types of therapy!). Your doctor may also prescribe medications, like an antidepressant such as a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). Your doctor will work with you to determine the best dosage, and discuss if it may interfere with breastfeeding.

What Else Can You Do?

We want you to know that you are not alone in dealing with PPD and that none of this is your fault. While you seek treatment from a doctor, there are a few small things you can do at home to support yourself. This won’t make your postpartum depression disappear but it will provide some short term relief:

Participate in a support group
Take as much time as possible to rest
Share your emotions with friends and families
Ask for help from others

Many parents feel this intense pressure to meet society’s expectations of feeling nothing but joy with their baby’s birth. It’s overwhelming! And once you add dropping hormone levels into the mix…well, that’s just not a cocktail of emotions that anyone wants. Bringing a baby into this world is a HUGE life change and new parents are allowed to feel everything from happiness to anxiety to grief. New moms may feel frightened about how many changes their bodies are going through, how their new baby is adapting to life outside the womb, AND how all of this is not quite lining up the way they thought it might. It’s a lot. Like a LOT a lot. Remember that you’re not alone. And remember that you’re not weak for feeling this way!

8 Signs of Toxic Masculinity

When we begin talking about the signs of toxic masculinity, we often see that the term “toxic masculinity” itself brings up a lot of strong reactions in people. “Being a man isn’t a bad thing!” “Feminists are trying to take away our masculinity!” And we really do get it.

At face value, pointing out certain behaviour from men as toxic masculinity can make it sound like being a man is bad, wrong, or problematic. But it’s not! Men can be great! Without men, we wouldn’t have Mr. Rogers, The Rock, Harry Styles, that nice barista who always remembers your order, or our wonderful fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, and the millions of other amazing men in the world.

So obviously being a man isn’t inherently bad. But sometimes, societal expectations put pressure on men to act in “typically” or “traditionally” masculine ways that end up hurting themselves and others.

So what’s toxic, what’s not, and how can you tell the difference? Let’s DiveThru this idea to understand what toxic masculinity means, and the ways we can reach happy, healthy, and positive masculinity.

** Note that this article is primarily dealing with cisgender men within a North American context, and often talks in a men versus women kind of way. There are lots of different genders and cultures that are affected by toxic masculinity. Okay, on with the article!

What “Toxic Masculinity” Really Means

If you’ve ever heard someone say “man up,” “boys will be boys,” or “be a man,” there’s probably some toxic masculinity behind that. Toxic masculinity is defined as a set of cultural and societal norms of masculinity that emphasize physical violence, aggression, emotional repression, as well as homophobic and sexist behaviour as the way men are “supposed” to act. Now, this isn’t saying that all men behave this way. A lot of it depends on men’s peer groups, socioeconomic factors, and upbringing. It’s not so much an individual man problem, as it is a societal one.

There’s also a particularly harmful effect on men as a result of toxic masculinity. Men are more likely to commit suicide than women, less likely to reach out for mental health support, and less likely to go to the doctor for preventative care. Men perpetrate violent crimes, and are the victims of those crimes, more often than women. Then there’s the issue of men not feeling like they can talk freely about their emotions because they’ll be judged for it. So, yeah. Toxic masculinity harms men too. But let’s get a bit more specific with what is toxic and what isn’t.

Signs of Toxic Masculinity

What exactly makes masculinity toxic? Here’s a few signs of toxic masculinity:

Violence
Aggression
Bullying and harassment
Homophobia
Misogyny
Refusing to seek help when struggling (mentally or physically)
Engaging in risky behaviour that might cause harm to oneself or others
Engaging in unhealthy behaviour, like smoking and drinking

Everyone can get into a negative, aggressive headspace sometimes. We’re not saying getting angry or a night of heavy drinking once in a while are necessarily signs of toxic masculinity. It’s when the behaviour is consistent over time and harmful to themselves or others around them that it becomes an issue. And it’s also when men think that those negative beliefs and behaviours exemplify what it means to “be a man.” This is where the whole idea of excusing bad behaviour by saying “boys will be boys” comes in.

Not All Masculinity Is Bad

This is so important to remember! You can be a man (or a masculine person) in a million different ways, and you’re even allowed to be proud of being a man. No one should be telling you otherwise. The big difference is when there’s only one acceptable idea of what “being a man” means, and especially if that idea includes being dominant, physically aggressive, financially privileged, tall, strong, etc. Think Gaston in Beauty and the Beast.

At that point, masculinity becomes toxic because of the pressure to “act like a man” in a certain way or risk being ridiculed for not fitting in. Not every man is gonna look like Gaston, or be aggressive, dominant, or a millionaire. And that’s okay! That’s what the criticism of toxic masculinity is trying to say: those expectations are unrealistic and often damaging for men, so screw ‘em. Let every man express their own, unique version of masculinity.

Positive Masculinity

So what counts as positive masculinity? There are so many examples! A 2013 paper in the Journal of Counseling & Development looks at positive perspectives on masculinity to counsel men. Rather than focus on the negative things that should change (see: toxic masculinity), the study suggests that mental health professionals encourage positive traits that are already present in Western masculinity. This includes a desire to provide for loved ones, forming groups, helping others, engaged and enthusiastic fatherhood, self-reliance (but asking for help when needed), and sooo many other great things.

Positive masculinity can be empathetic, emotionally intelligent, fun, and supportive of those around you — without having to sacrifice pride in one’s masculinity. Heck yeah! A win for the dudes.

Celebrating Masculinity

So now that we’ve talked about some misconceptions, how do you celebrate healthy masculinity? Well, you can celebrate it however you want!

Become an Advocate

You can become an advocate for healthy masculinity. Jaylen Brown spoke openly about the culture of toxic masculinity in Boston and how it can lead to violence. The Boston Celtics player took part in a documentary about mental health and professional sports, and how the image of the stoic athlete can be damaging.

Express Yourself

There’s always the option to experiment with your look, choosing styles that might be different from society’s expectations for men. ASAP Rocky, Lil Nas X, Harry Styles, David Bowie, and Prince are just a few examples of men that went outside the box. If it feels like you, give it a shot! You won’t know if you rock a dress until you try it.

You can express your sexuality openly in a more traditionally masculine career, like Carl Nassib, the NFL player who came out as gay in July 2021. In the video, he expressed his appreciation for the support from his friends and family, and said he would be donating $100,000 to The Trevor Project, an LGBTQ+ organization that focuses on mental health crisis support, such as suicide prevention. The league and his team also announced their support for Nassib on social media.

Fight for Human Rights for Everyone

Healthy masculinity can also include using your voice to speak out on violence against women and children. Pearl Jam has used their platform many times in support of women’s issues. During their South America tour in 2018, they wore orange shirts in support of the anti-femicide movement, and let the audience know that they back the people that are fighting for change, gender equality, and women’s safety.

There’s also Ashton Kutcher, who pivoted from his acting career to focus on fighting human trafficking. He and Demi Moore co-founded Thorn, a company that develops software that aims to detect, identity, and prevent online child sex trafficking. Thorn provides the technology free to law enforcement and has identified more than 17,000 victims.

Did you notice that all of these men are pretty different, and express themselves in a bunch of different ways? That’s, like, kind of the whole point. But you don’t need to go above and beyond. You can be a masculine person, doing your best, everyday, to be an authentic version of yourself. So long as you’re happy and comfortable in your skin and trying to minimize harm to yourself and others, you’re good! Be a man, in whatever kind and fun and weird and wonderful way you choose.

“Winter Blues” or Seasonal Depression?

Do you get the “winter blues”? Even if you like wearing oversized sweaters, drinking PSLs, and stepping on crunchy leaves, pining for warm summer months is totally normal. Getting bundled up and giving off ASAP Rocky/Rihanna Met Gala vibes makes our hearts happy, but when the cold air makes our lungs hurt? Noooo thank you. We’re counting the days until July comes again.

But there’s a difference between being sad about shovelling snow and seasonal depression. When the winter blues start to interfere with your daily life by making everyday tasks harder than they’d usually be, you may be experiencing seasonal depression. If you’re wondering if you have the winter blues or are dealing with something more, let’s DiveThru it.

What Is Seasonal Depression?

Seasonal depression, aka Seasonal Affective Disorder, aka SAD, is a type of depression that’s experienced in the fall and winter and goes away when spring comes around. There’s also a rare form of SAD that occurs in the spring and summer months.

Unlike depression, which can affect anyone at any time of year, SAD is distinguished by a depressive episode being triggered by the change in the seasons for at least two years in a row (though not always consecutively). If the phrase “winter is coming” triggers the same level of dread in you as it triggered in Game of Thrones characters, maaayybe it’s time to consult a therapist.

What Causes It?

Researchers theorize a few different causes for SAD. Reduced sunlight can lead to reduced serotonin levels — which affects our mood, happiness, sleep, and lots of other important functions. Basically, lower serotonin levels = lower mood regulation = potential depression symptoms.

There’s also a link to seasonal depression and melatonin levels. That’s the hormone that regulates your sleep patterns. The days are short and the dark lasts longer, so our body thinks it’s time to snooze, even though it’s only 7 p.m.. Rockin’ that retirement home sleep schedule and sleeping too much can take a toll on your wellbeing.

Who’s Affected By It?

Bad news for the far north and far south: seasonal depression is found more often in people who live far away from the equator. This is thought to be related to the shortened days in the winter compared to places with a more consistent level of daylight. Okay, but do places near the equator have cozy fall nights with hot apple cider??… Yes?… Oh, well, never mind then.

It’s also more likely to affect people between 18 and 30 years old. (As if your 20s weren’t enough to deal with!) As you get older, if you haven’t experienced SAD before, the odds of you experiencing it goes down. And you may want to talk to your family, because seasonal depression is more likely to be present in those whose family members also deal with it.

Seasonal depression is more common in people with other disorders, such as bipolar II disorder, ADHD, major depressive disorder, and anxiety and panic disorders.

What Are The Symptoms?

There are some symptoms associated with seasonal depression that you should look out for. Because it is a form of depression, there are the common symptoms of depression, which include:

Less interest in stuff you like
Feeling agitated
Low energy
Feeling hopeless or worthless
Difficulty concentrating
Lower sex drive

A few of the fall/winter seasonal depression symptoms are:

Overeating, usually associated with cravings for carbohydrate-heavy foods
Weight gain
Oversleeping
Social withdrawal

If you find yourself sleeping a little too much, social distancing (for non-pandemic reasons), and enjoying way more of those pumpkin shaped sugar cookies than you usually do, you may be dealing with something more serious than the winter blues. Luckily, there’s a few options available to help you out.

How Can You Treat It?

One way to help seasonal depression is light therapy. That’s where you get a very bright light (way more than your run-of-the-mill bulb) and shine it at yourself for at least 30 minutes a day, usually first thing in the morning, to simulate daylight. Pretend it’s a solar eclipse and don’t look straight at it, of course. Actual sunlight is preferable, but sometimes that’s not an option, so a specialized light box is the next best thing.

Antidepressants are also an option for treatment. This 2006 study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry showed that light therapy and antidepressants both work for treatment, and it’s more up to patient choice and doctor recommendation. As well, this 2002 study in the Journal of Affective Disorders suggests that cognitive behavioural therapy to change your attitudes and behaviours around the winter months (mixed with light therapy) can have good long term results in patients, but the data is limited, so, you know, take it with a grain of salt and talk it out with your therapist.

But remember! The symptoms of SAD can overlap with the symptoms of other conditions, so always consult a doctor before trying out treatments yourself. So, yes, “treat yo’ self!” in the Parks and Rec kinda way: get that PSL you’ve been craving all week, but leave the SAD treatment advice to the experts.

How To Stop Dissociating With 5 Practical Tips

You know when you’re driving on the highway and it dawns on you that you don’t remember the past five miles? Or maybe you’re reading a book and you realize that “one more chapter before bed” suddenly turned into “oh shit it’s 3:26 AM.” These are everyday examples of dissociation, where you disconnect from what’s around you, your own thoughts, or your sense of time and place.

It can be disconcerting AF to feel your grasp on reality slipping. Dissociation, like most mental health issues, is made worse by stress. Feeling like you’re stuck in a feedback loop of symptoms>stress>worse-symptoms>more-stress is tough. But you’re not alone and there is help available. Let’s dive thru how to stop dissociating together!

What Is Dissociation?

Urban Dictionary defines dissociation as–jk jk. According to the American Psychiatric Association, dissociative disorders can affect every part of mental function, with the most common issues being memory, identity, perception, and one’s sense of self.

Common symptoms of dissociation include (but are not limited to):

Memory loss
Feeling detached from yourself or your emotions
People and places feel distorted or unreal
A blurred sense of identity
Significant stress
Inability to cope with stress
Other mental health problems like depression or suicidal ideations

People who have experienced trauma are particularly vulnerable to dissociative disorders. Dissociation can develop as a way to keep difficult memories off your mind. This can present in a number of ways, the most common being repressing memories of a specific event, like intense combat or a sexual assault. Stressful situations can temporarily worsen symptoms.

There are treatment options for you or your loved one to consider. Psychotherapy is the primary option and you’ll want to look for a therapist who has experience with trauma patients. While there are no specific medications for dissociation, antidepressants or other drugs can help control symptoms of the related mental health concerns.

Types of Dissociative Disorders

There are three major types of dissociative disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (or DSM-5 to its close friends).

Dissociative amnesia is a loss of memory ranging from specific incidents all the way up to (though more rarely) a complete loss of memory.

There’s also dissociative identity disorder, which was formerly known as multiple personality disorder. You might feel the presence of more than one person living in your head or feel like you have multiple identities. Each identity has its own characteristics, like mannerisms, accents, or even the need for glasses.

Depersonalization-derealization disorder can sometimes present as an out-of-body experience. It can also make the things around you feel dreamlike or otherwise unreal. These symptoms can last only a few moments at a time but can persist for months or years.

You don’t have to have one of those disorders to experience dissociation — as mentioned, it can also be a symptom of anxiety or a trauma response. Dissociation is ultimately your brain’s way of dealing with something reallllyyyy difficult, whether that’s an event or an emotion. If you’re experiencing a lot of the symptoms we’ve been talking about, it would be best to seek out a mental health professional and get some answers.

How to Stop Dissociating With 5 Practical Tips

In the meantime, we may be able to help with a few tips on how to stop dissociating. Contrary to what television shows would have you believe, dissociation is not caused or fixed by being hit in the head with a frying pan. Fear not, we’ve got coping tips!

1. Ground Yourself

No, you didn’t miss curfew or fail a test! We’re talking about keeping yourself present in the moment. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise! This practice is great for keeping you alert. Engage all five senses and mindfully notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Increasing your sensory input helps you stay in the moment.

2. Take Care Of Your Body

You only have one body, so listen to it. Eating well, sleeping enough, and being active can all help your mental wellbeing. Exercise releases endorphins, improves your mood, boosts your energy and improves focus. Feeling good physically can help you feel good mentally, making dissociative episodes less likely.

3. Avoid Potential Triggers

Dissociation can be part of your body’s trauma response. If you’ve experienced dissociative episodes before, then you might already have some idea of what triggers them. So, take notice of what those triggers are for you and try to change things up where needed! If you’re not sure what your triggers are, try journaling or other mindfulness exercises to work through your feelings.

4. Show Yourself Compassion

You have nothing to be ashamed about! Dissociation can be a shitty thing to deal with, but it’s not your fault. A little self-love can go a long way.

5. Talk To A Therapist

If you have the ability to see a mental health professional, it’s definitely the best option. Especially if your dissociation is related to another mental health issue, a therapist can help you untangle your symptoms and work with you on ways how to stop dissociating.

It can be v stressful to experience dissociation. We hope these tips help you, or at the very least make you feel less alone in what you’re going through. You’ve got this!

How to Address Misgendering When It Happens

You’re having a great day. You nailed that presentation and your boss was totes impressed. Now you’re going to treat yourself and grab take-out from your fave restaurant on the way home. But when you walk into the restaurant, the host says “sorry sir, it’ll just be another five minutes” — except you’re a woman. It was just a single word that was probably an accident, but now your good vibes are gone and you’re never wearing that pantsuit again.

That would be a shitty feeling, right? Now imagine that nearly every interaction you have was like that. For trans or non-binary people, that can unfortunately be the case. We’ve all said the wrong thing before. Pobody’s nerfect, after all. What’s more important is making things right after your slip of the tongue.

What Is Misgendering?

Misgendering is when someone is referred to by a pronoun or honorific that doesn’t match their gender identity. In case you don’t remember English class, pronouns are substitutes for nouns, e.g. he, they, her, she, his, their. Honorifics are title prefixes, like Ms., Mr., Mx., or Dr.

Misgendering can be done accidentally or intentionally, but has negative impacts either way. You might make assumptions based on a person’s primary or secondary sex characteristics like voice pitch, facial hair, or chest. But you know what they say about assuming… so ask! It’s also just a basic sign of respect to call someone by their preferred name and pronouns. Using the proper terminology helps create a safe space where people can feel more comfortable being themselves.

Let’s dive thru some ways to address and prevent misgendering!

What To Do If You’ve Misgendered Someone

Say sorry right away and continue the conversation. If it was just a slip of the tongue, move on as though you said “pass the salt – sorry, pepper.” Most trans or non-binary people don’t want the conversation to be derailed into a discussion on their gender. Apologize quickly and move forward. If the person you misgendered isn’t present, you don’t need to apologize, but you should still acknowledge your mistake before continuing your sentence.

Key Dos & Don’ts When Apologizing

DO focus on the other person, not yourself. You might feel awful, but your feelings aren’t what’s important at this moment.

DO apologize like you mean it. Take accountability. None of that “sorry if I offended you” bullshit.

DO thank the person if they were the ones who corrected you.

DO work to regain their trust. Your words may have affected their view of you as a safe space. That doesn’t mean saying you’ll do better next time; it means doing better next time.

DON’T put someone in a position where they feel like they need to comfort you. That means no tears and no self-pity.

DON’T make excuses or get defensive. Saying pronouns are confusing for you is doubling down on your mistake and trivializes their feelings. OH and if you hear someone say they/ them pronouns are grammatically incorrect, they’re wrong. Just ask Merriam-Webster.

DON’T ask the person for help. It’s not their job to help you respect them. If this is something you do on a regular basis, even if it’s not intentional, you need to work on getting better ON YOUR OWN TIME. Nobody else is responsible for your personal growth. Self-improvement could be as simple as thinking before you speak (TBH that’s just a good idea in general) or practicing using pronouns that you’re less familiar with.

If you’re the one who was misgendered, you’ll probably feel a million emotions all at once, and we’re here to tell you that all of them are totally valid! Having your identity dismissed can be super painful. You deserve respect. Whether or not you feel comfortable speaking up is totally up to you.

4 Ways To Prevent Misgendering

So, what else can you do to help reduce misgendering? Here are some everyday ways to make yourself more inclusive.

Normalize Sharing Your Pronouns

Put your pronouns in your email signature. When meeting someone new, say “Hi I’m _____! I use ____ pronouns. Even if you’re cisgender (you identify with your sex assigned at birth), sharing your pronouns can make a positive impact by normalizing the idea.

Avoid Gendered Language

Gendered language is everywhere in our society. Common terms and phrases like mankind, manmade, fireman, and “hey guys” all have a gender neutral version. Try humankind, artificial, firefighter, and “hey everyone/ folks” instead. If gender doesn’t need to be specified, don’t! If you don’t know someone’s pronouns, use they/ them pronouns until otherwise clarified.

Correct Others When Possible

It’s important to note that this should only be done if you’re comfortable and feel safe doing so. If a friend or family member uses the wrong terminology or deadnames someone, call them in, not out, by politely explaining why the term they used isn’t appropriate and what they should say next time. It’s an opportunity for growth and doesn’t need to be a confrontation. Speaking up means it’s one less time a trans or non-binary person needs to correct someone. Unfortunately, sometimes people take a correction as a personal attack and can react aggressively. We can’t stress enough, only do this if you feel safe!

Start Early

If you have kids, there are plenty of age-appropriate ways to explain concepts like gender and sexual orientation. Learning about inclusivity from a young age makes it easier to understand more complex issues later on. Just because your generation had to re-learn some stuff doesn’t mean everyone has to!

These are just a few ways you can help create a safe space for everyone! When in doubt, be kind and treat others the way you want to be treated.

Defining Attachment Styles & What Yours Means

You’ve probably heard about “attachment styles” before, whether it was from your therapist or in a psychology class! Attachment theory was coined in the 1960s by British psychologist John Bowlby and American-Canadian psychologist Mary Ainsworth. Attachment theory basically describes how present and responsive your caregivers were to your needs as a baby! It drives the growth of your social, emotional and cognitive development and influences how you form relationships throughout your life (so, pretty much everything about you).

Now, you might be thinking “so my caregivers literally shaped who I am today?” And you’re right! The patterns from childhood tend to be pretty similar as you navigate adulthood, and can also be affected by your relationships. But, luckily, your attachment style is flexible and adaptable (yay)! We’re going to walk you through what the different types are, what they mean, and how yours changes over time.

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles are your first form of coping mechanisms when you’re young. It’s what helps comfort you in difficult moments and what helps you navigate the world around you when you’re eventually left to your own devices! A common test that researchers have used on infants to assess their attachment involves separating them from their caregiver for a short period of time. And, how that child reacts can mean one of four things:

If the child is super upset at the caregiver leaving, but still welcomes them back with wanting a hug, their attachment is secure.

A child who is upset by the separation and is still anxious when the caregiver returns is likely experiencing an anxious-resistant attachment.

An avoidant attachment would show up as a child who is fairly unphased by the separation and doesn’t exactly welcome the caregiver’s return.

And, lastly, if a child is confused by the caregiver’s return and responds with resistance or violence, they have a disorganized attachment (usually caused by childhood trauma, where the caregiver may be threatening and not a place for safety).

Types of Attachment Styles

Childhood attachment issues take on similar names when you grow up. BUT, adult attachment styles tend to be a little more dimensional — meaning you may experience anxiety and avoidance at different levels; whether high, low or somewhere in between! You may also exhibit different attachment patterns depending on the relationship.

Here are the core four attachment styles in adulthood:

Secure
Anxious-preoccupied (ambivalent)
Dismissive-avoidant
Fearful-avoidant (disorganized)

Anxious-preoccupied folks tend to have high anxiety and low avoidance. Meanwhile, those with a dismissive-avoidant attachment usually show low anxiety and high avoidance, and fearful-avoidants generally experience and show both high anxiety and high avoidance! Oh, and all three of the above are classified as insecure.

What Is Insecure Attachment?

Let’s take a look at secure vs insecure attachment because they shape your relationship stability and emotional availability! In short, secure attachments are more likely to be able to provide secure love and receive love while maintaining individuation, whereas insecure attachments tend to be less so. Let’s dissect that a little more!

If you have a secure attachment, your caregivers were likely available, sensitive, responsive and accepting. They gave you freedom but were also there to set rules and provide security and comfort. They played with you and reassured you when you needed it. And, as a result, you have learned how to trust, have developed healthy self-esteem, learned to provide love to others and receive love in return. You are in touch with your feelings, and generally have successful relationships! (But no, this doesn’t mean people with secure attachments are perfect!)

Now let’s turn our attention to insecure attachment styles.

Ambivalent

With an anxious-preoccupied attachment, your caregivers were likely very inconsistent with their care — sometimes they were there and sometimes they weren’t. You tend to become sheltered, because you can’t rely on that parent figure for protection, and act clingy or demanding in hopes of getting their attention! This results in a lot of anger, reassurance-seeking and distrust over the years.

Avoidant

Parental figures who minimized feelings, rejected requests, and didn’t help with difficult tasks will most likely have left you with a dismissive-avoidant attachment. You learn to become self-reliant, shut down your emotions, and not turn to your caregivers when you’re distressed — because making your negative emotions known hasn’t gotten you any support before!

Disorganized

A fearful-avoidant attachment is usually caused by caregivers who ridiculed, rejected and/or frightened you. Basically, they took their own unresolved trauma out on you and caused you trauma by doing so. You start creating behaviours that make you feel somewhat safe, like becoming aggressive towards your parental figures, refusing any form of care from them, and just becoming super self-reliant. However, this type of attachment is unpredictable and can look consistently different.

Attachment Styles Through The Years

After reading all of that, it’s probably easy to see how attachment styles stick with you over the years. It’s not easy to break patterns that were ingrained in your lil’ brain when you were barely able to walk and it’s almost like a security blanket to keep them around. But, as we’ll show you shortly, having an insecure attachment can make it difficult to form and keep relationships! So, let’s see what we can do about it.

Attachment Styles In Relationships

Alright, now that we’ve established that you’ve likely carried these attachment styles with you throughout adulthood, we can see what it looks like in relationships! Whether with close friends or in romantic relationships, there are a few different characteristics you’ll take on based on how you were treated by your caregivers in infancy (just lovely, right?).

Here are 6 ways each of the different attachment styles show up in relationships:

Secure:

Have higher emotional intelligence
Able to draw healthy boundaries
Happy alone or in a relationship
Able to give and receive healthy intimacy
Communicate issues well
Able to grieve, learn from relationships, and move on

Ambivalent:

Feel nervous and insecure in relationships
Many stressors: jealousy, possessiveness, neediness, etc.
Automatic negative thinking or distrust
Constantly needing validation or positive reinforcement
May turn to emotionally turbulent relationships
Struggle to be alone

Avoidant:

Very self-sufficient and independent, emotionally and behaviourally
Fear of intimacy that makes you vulnerable
Need freedom and push someone away when they get too close
Other priorities trump relationships (work, individuality, social life, personal projects, etc.)
May have commitment issues and prefer being single
Lots of acquaintances, but few really close relationships

Disorganized:

Experience a lot of grief, abandonment and abuse
Inner conflict because you crave intimacy but are also afraid of it
Fear of losing yourself in a relationship
Have a hard time relying on others
Suspicious of other people’s intentions or actions
Push people away and only have few very close relationships

Can Attachment Styles Change?

Okay, so that info dump was probably A LOT to take in! You might be questioning your entire upbringing and all past relationships at this point. But don’t worry, we’ve got some good news! Your attachment style can change and shift over time. The first step is figuring out what you want to change, and the second is to actually take that step!

There are two ways you can do this. First, you can find someone with a secure attachment style to connect with (easier said than done, but very effective)! A secure person has the ability to be willing to grow with you and have those difficult conversations when you choose to open up to them. In short, they may help you heal a little bit! Relearning patterns through security is helpful because we can begin to shift when we’re feeling safe and seen.

Second, you can see a mental health professional! Therapy, whether it’s individual or through couples therapy, is always a great option for working through trauma and finding out where it stems from. Once you’re able to actively recognize why an insecure attachment style causes you to act a certain way, you can incorporate some internal practices to help break the cycle!