DiveThru is a mental wellbeing app that helps you take charge of your mental wellbeing. Harnessing the power of guided journaling exercises, we help you take charge of your mental wellbeing.
How many times have you started telling someone about some really tough shit that’s going on in your life and they respond with “Just think positively! You’ll feel better!” …like oh that’s it?? All I needed was some of your toxic positivity??
We’ve heard it a thousand times before. Think positive. Be positive. Positive vibes only. Ugh! It can become frustrating when you feel like your emotions are constantly being invalidated. It’s like people are telling you that you’re not allowed to feel anything negative at all!
Well, humans don’t work that way. We have soooo many feelings. We can’t simply shove our ‘negative’ emotions deep down inside of us and only feel happy all the time. That’s not healthy, and let’s be honest, life would get boring real quick.
People who promote the idea of constant positivity have good intentions because they’re trying to help you see the beautiful things that surround you. We believe that being grateful for the life you have is important, but we also believe that we should be allowed to experience other feelings as well.
Especially if we’re ever faced with hardship. Not every bad experience is “a chance for us to learn and grow.” Sometimes, life sucks and we just want to be sad and feel sad, dammit!
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Optimism can be a really important concept for some people, especially those who centre their belief system around it. They might want to make their lives beautiful and full of loveliness, and want to share that same feeling with everyone around them. That doesn’t sound too bad, right?? So then what is toxic positivity?
Toxic Positivity is the idea that staying positive and ONLY staying positive in any situation is The. Only. Way. To. Be. The term refers to the overgeneralization of happiness no matter what.
But if this positivity isn’t coming naturally from within yourself and is being forced onto you, it’s inauthentic. It’s repressive and it denies your other emotions. It’s toxic as hell.
When this version of extreme positivity is being forced upon you, it can become really damaging, especially if you’ve gone to someone looking for their support.
Toxic Positivity is actually a version of gaslighting. Surprise! I bet you didn’t expect to see that word in an article talking about “Good Vibes Only,” hey?
Signs Of Toxic Positivity In Practice
Here are some toxic positivity examples that you’ve probably heard or unknowingly said at one point in time…
“It could be worse.”
“Just don’t think about it. Keep positive!”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Every cloud has a silver lining.”
“There’s always a rainbow at the end of a storm.”
“If I can do it, anyone can.”
Saying these things can hurt someone’s ability to accept what they’re being challenged with. It can cause a person to feel ashamed about how they’re processing their emotions because they don’t want to be seen as the party-pooper.
Toxic positivity puts a certain level of blame onto someone as well. It’s basically saying that the only reason someone is having such a difficult time is because they “just aren’t thinking positively enough.” It can even end up affecting your mental health in the long run. Always being positive, or being told to be positive, can cause people to go into denial, develop self-doubt, and even cause depression (ohhhh the irony!).
For example, only praising someone’s positive feelings can lead to them questioning if they have a right to their negative feelings at all. It can make someone feel like they’re “playing the victim,” when in actuality, they might just need to vent!
4 Ways to Ditch Toxic Positivity
When you accept someone and their emotions – good or bad – it can be a really comforting and validating experience for them. So, if someone comes to you in need of advice or comfort, here are some things that you can say that don’t play into the idea of toxic positivity:
1. “That sounds really difficult. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.”
Simple. Straight forward. Compassionate. Validates the struggle and the way it’s affecting the person sitting in front of you.
If you’re an eternally optimistic person reading this, how you choose to look at the world and tough situations is valid too. Just remember that everyone is unique and that we all process difficult life events differently.
2. “How can I support you?”
This one deserves no explanation! Instead of assuming what your loved one needs, ask them! They’ll tell you the best way you can show up for them. Some people love a listening ear and a gentle hug, while others might prefer that you take them to a smash room and break shit.
3. “Tell me how you feel. Don’t hold back! I’m here to listen.”
It’s totally normal to feel sadness, grief, or worry when dealing with a difficult situation. Accepting hardships and the emotions that come with different circumstances can actually help someone process everything and move forward in a healthy way.All of you have to do here is be a good listener.
4. “I love and care about you and I’m here to support you no matter what.”
How they’re experiencing their emotions is completely normal and valid. Let them be sad! Let them be mad! Support them regardless of their emotional state and let them know you’re there through the good vibes and the bad vibes and everything in between.
Sometimes, all we need is to complain a bit. Let us have our moment and maybe cry a little. Or a lot. Both work!
Bodies are a beautiful thing. They are fantastic, magical, and phenomenal! They come in an array of colours, shapes, and sizes. No two are the same. There are peaks, valleys, scars, and stretch marks that decorate our skin. But so many of us see these marks as something to be ashamed of. We pick apart each soft spot on our body because, for the majority of our lives, we’re taught that our bodies are not good enough as they are. Is there even a way to be in love with your body?? Asking for a friend.
In a 2011 article,Glamour Magazine conducted a survey and found that 97% of women will be cruel to themselves every day. That’s SO MANY PEOPLE! And that’s so much self-hatred.
Let’s undo the self hate and let’s begin to rediscover what loving ourselves feels like. These journaling prompts will help you get past all the hateful bullshit that’s been programmed in your brain, and help you begin a healthy and caring relationship with your body.
1. Who benefits from you feeling bad about yourself?
Think back to when you were a kid. Did you ever think that your body looked “wrong?” Most of us didn’t start feeling bad about how we looked until someone told us to feel that way.
Now, we are constantly being told that how we are isn’t good enough. There are images everywherrrreee and they’re designed to intentionally make us feel bad about ourselves. Instagram, magazines, television… We aren’t given a frickin’ break! It’s become a way to profit off of our insecurities.
So, think about it. Who benefits from you feeling badly about how you look? Do you want them to dictate how you feel about your body so that they can make a profit? Probably not! No one should be allowed to tell you how you feel about yourself because your opinion is the only one that matters!
2. What relationship do you want with your body today?
Ideally, we all want to look in the mirror and love what we see. It’s entirely possible to get to that point of limitless self love, but don’t worry if you have to start slow. Big shifts in perspective don’t happen overnight!
Write down what it would be like to look at yourself in the mirror and think, “Wow! I’m a fucking catch!”
Have this goal to come back to and remind yourself what kind of relationship you’re working towards.
3. What is stopping you from having that relationship?
Yep! We’re here to ask the hard questions. No easy-breezy journaling prompts today!
What kind of mental barriers are you facing when it comes to loving yourself? Sometimes there is a voice in the back of our minds saying that we aren’t good enough as we are, and sometimes there are other factors influencing how we feel about our bodies.
Write allllll of it down. Sometimes when you see what’s standing in your way, it’s not so scary.
4. What does it sound like when you speak to yourself?
Write down your inner monologue. Everything! Good, bad, and ugly!
This way, you can see how you’re speaking to yourself. Would you ever say these things to anyone else? How about yourself as a child?
It’s easy to be harsh with ourselves because we don’t often verbalize our thoughts. We don’t see or physically hear them, so we give ourselves permission to keep repeating them throughout our day. Having this constant criticism playing in your ming can be exhausting mentally and emotionally.
So, BE NICE TO YOURSELF! You deserve the same kindness that you give to others.
5. How could you be kinder to yourself?
What can you do to show yourself that you are worthy of love and kindness too?
Sometimes this means showing yourself a bit of forgiveness if you didn’t accomplish everything that you wanted to in a day. Other times it’s telling yourself what you really want to hear:
“I love you.”
“Thank you for keeping me alive and healthy today.”
“You don’t need to change for anyone.”
Listen to what your body needs, what your mental health needs, and what you need! Showing yourself a bit of extra love doesn’t have to be a huge or grand gesture. It could just be giving yourself a little hug, or leaving a sticky note on your mirror reminding you what a badass you are.
Whatever kindness you need, give it to yourself.
6. What has your body done to help you today?
Think of everything that your body has done to love you. It has breathed in the air, it has digested your food, it has moved you to and from places.
Write down all the wonderful gifts your body has given you today. No matter how small! It might seem silly at first, but you’ll begin to see and appreciate how hard it’s working for you.
7. How can you thank your body?
This is the perfect opportunity for you to spoil yourself!
You can thank your body with a sudsy bath and a candle if you want, or you can relax and watch your favourite TV show. It’s totally up to you! YOU get to decide how to show yourself appreciation.
Write down ways that you can show gratitude to your body and keep this list close by. If you’re ever feeling like you could give yourself a little extra love, come back to this list and do some of the activities you’ve written.
8. How can your body bring you joy today?
Did you eat a delicious meal? How about dance around the kitchen like no one was looking?
Our bodies are not meant to be shameful things. They are meant to bring us happiness and allow us to experience the world around us in ways that make us happy. So, be happy! Write down what your body helped you do that made you feel this way! Don’t let anything stand in your way of unabashed joy!
9. What makes you uniquely beautiful?
It sounds cliché, but it’s true when we say that there is no one else like you in the world! So, celebrate that!
What makes you unique and wonderful? List your favourite things about yourself and really take the time to appreciate them. Absorb the love that you feel for these parts of your body and appreciate their beauty.
The next time that you’re feeling badly about your body, remember what you love about yourself by looking at this list. Having a tangible list can help you remember why you’re so frickin’ amazing!
10. How are you going to love yourself today?
Make a commitment to yourself as you write this. Don’t slack on it! You need to be able to show up for yourself when you really need it.
It doesn’t matter how big or small the feeling of love is. All that matters is that you showed yourself the kind of affection and care that you need. It’s so important that you stick to this commitment of love each and every day. You’re going to be with yourself for the rest of your life, so now is the perfect time to begin this new caring relationship with your body.
If you find that you need more journaling prompts or want more ways to work through your relationship with yourself, download our DiveThru app! It’s full of fantastic resources to help you rediscover what it means to be in love with your body.
Oof! Depression. It’s more than just feeling sad. It can actually be incredibly debilitating for those who battle it. One day they can seem fine, the next, getting out of bed can feel like climbing a frickin’ mountain! Their room might become messy, they might forget to shower for a few days, and their meals might become strange, simple, or non-existent. Soooo yeah, we think it’s incredibly important to learn how to support someone with depression!
People who have depression need a lot of love and support. It’s nuanced and complicated, so you need to be well prepared to ride the depression wave while supporting your friend or loved one. There’s a lot of information out there on how to support someone with depression and it’s hard to know where to start. Andddd, that’s why we’re here! Consider us your emotional Gandalf, here to help guide you through the beginning of your supportive journey.
Make Sure You’re in a Good Space
First thing’s first! Make sure that YOU are in a good emotional and mental space before offering support to your friend. Having patience and kindness for someone with depression is important. But,you need to be in a healthy place so that you’re able to offer your friend the kind of unconditional love that they need.
Check-in with yourself and be honest. Do you have the emotional capacity to help your friend today? Are you mentally ready to help them carry the weight of their feelings? If not, that’s ok! Make sure that you’re ready for anything before you help your friend.
Learn About Depression
Become as informed as you possibly can be about depression. It’s different for everyone, so taking the time to learn about the ins and outs of depression is a great start to helping your loved one. Learn about how it affects people, what the symptoms of depression are, and even treatment options.
Learning about depression can also give you more empathy and a better understanding of what your friend is going through. You don’t need to become an expert on it, but having helpful information in your back pocket that you can rely on will be soooo beneficial. The more you know, the more you’ll be prepared to provide support for someone with depression!
Ask How You Can Support Them
Everyone likes to be supported in certain ways, and that goes for people with depression too. Some might say that they want you to help them find treatment options, help them get groceries, cleaning up their home, or simply sit on the couch and watch a really cheesy movie with them (Netflix Christmas rom-coms, anyone?).Asking someone how you can help them when they’re depressed is the best way to know how to effectively support them.
What they need might also change, so check in with them regularly and make sure that the help you’re giving is the kind that they want. Also, let your friend know that it’s ok if and when their needs change. Tell them to communicate openly and honestly with you so that you’re able to cheer them on!
Listen to Their Feelings
Sometimes a good cry and vent session can mean everyyythingggg to someone with depression (OMG that rhymes!). They can feel so alone and isolated and like they’ll be a burden if they talk about their feelings.
Give them a shoulder to cry on and an ear that’s open to listening to what they have to say. And be sure that you TRULYlisten. People with depression sometimes think that their problems don’t matter, so someone who is there to validate their feelings and hear what they have to say can be a game-changer for them.
They might not always need advice, so ask if they want to hear your thoughts or if they just need to unload their brain onto someone else.
Being a safe and judgement-free person that they can turn to in their darkest times can help out someone with depression more than you know.
Help Them with Self Care
When someone is depressed,self care doesn’t always come in the form of bubble baths, candles, and a glass of wine. Sometimes it is, but other times it’s cleaning up a messy room, making appointments, paying bills, and taking a shower for the first time in a few days. Our TikTok Queen,Brittany Broski, illustrated this perfectly with herdepression meal check.
Being there to help someone with the tasks that are too overwhelming for them can help get the self care ball rolling, no matter how slowly, but rolling nonetheless.
Encourage Treatment
Here at DiveThru, we loooove therapy. It’s a fantastic tool to help you get your mind back on track and have a professional walk you through some really tough shit. Seeking help from a mental health professional is sometimes seen as a sign of weakness when it’s actually the opposite.
It takes a lot of strength to admit that you can’t go on your mental health journey all alone. If your friend doesn’t know where to start looking when it comes to treatment options, offer to sit down and look with them. Figure out together how to choose a therapist.
Do some research on therapy, medication, mindfulness, the whole 9 yards! Encourage them toseek treatment, and even offer to take them to their first few sessions. Having you there will be comforting to your friend who will likely be nervous as fuck if it’s their first time in therapy!
Therapy can also be hella expensive. We won’t sugar coat it! However, there are some clinics that are able to accommodate a lower budget. Looking up affordable therapy options can be a helpful step in the right direction.
Don’t Take It Personally
Your friend or loved one might try to push you away when you offer your help. You might be met withresistance, and they might even completely reject the help that you’re offering. Be prepared for your friend to potentially try and isolate themselves from you, and possibly say some hurtful things as well.
It might be hard, but try not to take this personally. They’re going through a lot that you might not know about or completely understand. So, forgive them, love them, and stick by their side no matter what!
Love, Love, Love Them
Your friend is going to need some loving. A lot of it. Unconditionally.
You know how your pet loves you no matter what? You need to be that for your friend. Not a pet (obviously), but a source of unconditional love. When someone has depression, they can sometimes feelunlovable or not worthy of receiving love from others. You need to show them that you do love and care about them regardless of what their depression might be telling them.
Sit with them in their most painful and uncomfortable times. Emotions are hard and they’re often difficult to address, especially on your own. Showing your friend love and kindness might help them seek out treatment, and even help them start to show a little bit of love to themselves.
But remember that you need to take care of yourself too! Your mental health and wellbeing need to be looked after just as much as your friend’s. It might be hard to set boundaries and take time for yourself, but showing up for yourself means that you’ll be able to better show up for your friend.
There you have it! You’re not an expert but now you know a few ways to provide help for someone with depression. Remember, depression can feel like a never-ending battle for everyone involved so keep your head up, keep fighting the good fight and encourage your friend to go to therapy. We promise, it’s really fucking awesome.
Eating disorders are complicated! Trust us. We know first-hand how complex they can be. There are also manyeating disorder types and they all present differently. Some cause a person to restrict their food and others cause them to binge. There are also eating disorders that manifest as counting calories, only eating organic and vegan foods, and even completely avoiding certain foods like carbs.Talking to someone who is struggling with or recovering from an eating disorder can be difficult if you aren’t sure what to say.
You might be afraid that something you say could offend or trigger them, and to be honest, that’s a valid concern. There are certain topics and statements you should avoid in order to have a healthy and helpful conversation with your loved one who is struggling.
But don’t worry! We’re here to help you avoid potential triggers so that you can support your loved one in a caring and judgement-free way. We also have an article with 10 ways to support someone with an eating disorder to help you out even more.
1. “You’re really thin” or “You’ve gained some weight”
Repeat after me… “I will not comment on someone’s weight, like ever.” While you should never comment on someone’s weight, it’s extra important to avoid the topic when someone’s struggling with an eating disorder. Those who restrict their food can gain some satisfaction from hearing others notice their weight loss.
People with binge-eating disorders will often gain weight and can feel a lot of shame associated with their new body. Hearing others notice these changes can be really hurtful and triggering for them.
So, be mindful when you talk to someone about how their body looks. Even though you might not understand their complicated relationship with food, comments like this can hurt that relationship even more.
2. “You don’t look fat to me. I think you look healthy!”
People with restrictive eating disorders often don’t see the word “healthy” as a positive thing. “Healthy,” in the ears of someone who restricts their food is a negative word and can scare them into restricting more because it’s often associated with weight gain.
Telling someone who restricts their food that you don’t think they look fat doesn’t mean anything to them. Most of the time, the only thing that matters to them is how they see themselves. They also might not be restricting just to lose weight. There might be other factors influencing their eating disorder that you might not be aware of. If you can avoid it, don’t comment on their weight at all.
3. “What you’re doing is hurting me.”
Your loved one is going through an emotionally painful time and their intent is likely not to hurt you. Centering the conversation around yourself and your emotions isn’t as effective as listening to what your loved one feels and needs.
Instead, make the conversation about them, how they feel, and what they’re going through. Because they’re going through A LOT! Mention how much you love and care for this person because, at the end of the day, that’s really the point you want to get across.
4. “Why don’t you just eat something?”
If only it were that simple! People with eating disorders WISH that they could just eat a banana or just eat a burger. They really do! But when a person has a restrictive eating disorder, food becomes the enemy. Mental blocks and barriers are created around food and they are extremely difficult to overcome.
While eating large and delicious meals might be something you look forward to, someone with an eating disorder will dread it. They can feel overwhelmed with the pressure of eating and even struggle to eat in front of others.
There is a lot of pain and emotions in the mind of a person with an eating disorder. Sadly, it’s never as simple as “just eating something.”
5. “Why can’t you just stop eating?”
Just like restrictive eating disorders, telling someone with a binge-eating disorder to stop eating isn’t as simple as it sounds. People with binge-eating disorders often feel a lack of control when it comes to food. There isn’t a simple way to stop. They often feel trapped and are going through intense emotional struggles. If they felt like they had the power to stop having an eating disorder, they would. Unfortunately, it is a complex mental health condition that takes a lot of time and effort to recover from.
6. “You either eat (/stop eating) OR…”
Ultimatums might seem like a good negotiation tactic, but unfortunately, they can do more harm than good.
A person with an eating disorder is already under enough pressure from themselves and they don’t need any extra stressors in their life. Sometimes people with eating disorders are triggered by stress or intense emotions, so avoid putting them into taxing situations that can cause them to further isolate themselves and be afraid to come forward when they are struggling.
7. “Wow, you look amazing! I wish I had your will power.”
Remember what we said at the beginning of this article? Don’t. Comment. On. Someone’s. Weight. Yes, even when it comes to “compliments.”
This can give them the validation that their restriction and dieting techniques are working, and statements like this encourage their eating disorder–and that’s the opposite of what we want to do.
8. “Isn’t that too many calories?”
People who have binge-eating disorders are often very aware of the amount of food they’re eating. There can be a lot of shame around eating, especially eating in front of people, so make sure that you keep comments like this to yourself because it takes a lot of courage to eat in front of others when you’re struggling with an eating disorder.
9. “You’re too fat to have an eating disorder.”
Anyone at any size can have an eating disorder. Medical professionals can sometimes dismiss a patient because they don’t think that the patient is thin enough to have one. But if someone is restricting their food, it doesn’t matter what size they are. They aren’t receiving the nutrients they need. Remember, weight is not an indication of a healthy relationship to food. Anyone can have an eating disorder.
10. “Should you be eating that?”
If a person with restrictive eating disorders is eating anything, and I mean ANYTHING, don’t comment on it. It takes a lot of courage and strength (think Hercules) to eat something, especially eating something in front of others. They also likely already have a list of “safe” and “fear” foods in their mind, and they might be branching out from that list and facing their fear foods.
Comments like this can trigger your loved one and their perfectionism. They can begin comparing themselves to others, go back to their old ways, and keep restricting if they aren’t given the kind of loving support that they need.
If they’re eating a type of food that you think is unhealthy, who cares? They’re eating something and that’s all that matters. And you know what? *climbs atop our digital soapbox* What someone eats, whether they have a history with an eating disorder or not, does not impact their value as a human being. Someone’s size and weight doesn’t mean that they are any less deserving of love and respect. Also, what someone eats has zero impact on you, your life, and your decisions. Let them eat whatever makes them happy and you can do the same.
If someone has a binge-eating disorder, they likely have shame and negative emotions when it comes to food. Hearing comments about the food they’re eating can bring them down even more and hurt like hell. So, instead of shaming them, show them empathy and kindness because they’re likely really struggling and could use a little (or a lot) of love.
Be Their Friend the Way They Need You to Be
It might feel like you’re walking on eggshells at first, but trust us, it gets easier! Just make sure that you ask your loved one how you can support them. Listen to what they have to say because it can be a really raw experience opening up to someone about something so painful. There’s a battle going on inside their mind and they’re on the side of both the villain and the hero! But always remind them that you love them, you’re going to be there for them, and that you’re so proud of them for tackling the eating disorder beast!
Do you remember the exact moment you decided to go to therapy? It was probably around the time that you started opening up to your friends about your feelings and letting them in on the emotional struggle. It was also likely around the time you realized you’re not the only one who feels emotionally drained or irritated by little things or too tired to get out of bed. We’re guessing this is also around the time you realized that there’s actually nothing wrong with you…that these feelings affect many other people, including your friends. Regardless of how you arrived at the Google machine, plugging in how to choose a therapist, you’re here now and we’re so proud of you.
Life is tough. Some days you might feel invincible, and other days you may feel paralyzed by all of the challenges being thrown at you. Learning how to maintain your mental wellbeing throughout these hills and valleys is tough, and you are strong for searching for help.
Are you excited to talk therapy with us? Let’s dive thru…
What Are the Different Types of Therapists?
You must have a million questions about therapy and this one is likely at the top of the list! We agree it’s a great starting point — with a dozen different titles that sometimes get used interchangeably, it can get pretty confusing. Don’t worry, we’re swooping in to help.
Psychologists
According to the Canadian Psychological Association, psychologists study how people think, feel and behave and then apply their knowledge to help people understand and/or change their behaviour.
While some psychologists focus primarily on research and work with universities or government organizations, others work as practitioners in hospitals, schools, clinics, or other facilities. It’s not weird if you find a psychologist involved in both research and practice as most of them do both.
In Canada, to become a psychologist you must complete a master’s and/or doctoral degree in psychology (PhD or PsyD). This ranges between 6 and 10 years of university, a time during which you’ll pick an area to focus on and specialize your training in. A doctoral degree basically means extra training and research, which also comes with a “Dr.” title.
So that’s cool…but how can they actually help you with your mental health? Psychologists who work as practitioners are trained to “assess and diagnose problems in thinking, feeling and behaviour.” They’re experts in a variety of mental health problems, with a great understanding of aspects that determine your behaviour. They can diagnose the role of psychological factors in your life and help you understand them too so that you can solve problems with clarity.
They’re basically superheroes who come into your life to help you identify what the problem is and then help you overcome it. Wait, no, you’re the superhero — they’re your Yoda, your Splinter, your Jarvis, your Gandalf, your Woody, your Dumbledore!
But they’re not the only ones who can help…keep reading.
Psychiatrists
According to the Canadian Psychiatric Association, psychiatrists are medical doctors who have extensive training in mental health and mental disorders — that includes the causes, the diagnosis, the treatment and the ongoing care of mental disorders.
These folks have training that allows them to prescribe medication, provide psychotherapeutic treatments, and work with patients directly. Sometimes you’ll see psychiatrists and psychologists work hand-in-hand as they try to find the best treatment and care for their patients.
The difference between the two is that psychiatrists prescribe medication to help their clients manage their mental disorders, and typically don’t provide counselling or psychotherapy. In some cases, medication is very necessary and that’s where psychiatrists will step in. The best way to get a recommendation to see a psychiatrist is to visit your family doctor first and speak with them about your concerns.
Psychotherapists
Psychotherapists are health-care professionals that work mostly with talk-based therapy to help people on their mental health journey. Under this term, we can include social workers and counsellors. In Canada, not every province has the same counselling/psychotherapy regulations but one certification you can look for is CCC (Canadian Certified Counsellor). This designation is recognized by the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA), which is a national professional body in Canada.
Similar to psychologists and psychiatrists, psychotherapists need to complete certain education requirements before they can receive a CCC designation. A PhD is not required, so psychotherapists will usually hold a master’s in counselling. The thing to remember about this title is that it’s an umbrella term that could cover a range of roles. Always dig for more specific details, like their schooling background and their particular area of practice.
Counsellors & Social Workers
Another umbrella term, “social worker” could mean several things. The Canadian Association of Social Workers (CASW) defines social work as “concerned with individual and personal problems but also broader social issues such as poverty, unemployment, and domestic violence.” Depending on the facility or setting where social workers work, their focus and area of therapy expertise will vary.
In the United States, you’ll see titles like LCSW (licensed clinical social worker, fully licensed and credentialed) or LSW (licensed social worker, provisionally licensed). Because regulations vary from province to province, and state to state, it’s up to you to check the educational background and certification of the social worker you are thinking of working with. In Canada, CASW monitors and sets standards of practice for social workers.
Things to Consider Before Going In
The process of choosing a therapist becomes even more intimidating when you learn there are more than 60 different types of therapy…is there a way to know what type of therapy and which therapist are best for you??
Yup. Here’s your checklist! Before you book your first session, have a phone consultation with your potential therapist and go through these items. Ask any and all questions that come up for you and don’t be scared to probe for more details.
1. Approach to Treatment
While this is a super simplified overview version of theoretical approaches, it will give you an idea of what to look for. Ask the therapist you’re hoping to work with what their theoretical orientation is. What that tells you is their philosophy as it applies to understanding you, and identifying and solving problems. Their theoretical orientation will inform the overall focus of your sessions and guide the session goals.
It’s worth noting that different modalities are best for treating specific challenges. For example, someone who has a borderline diagnosis will likely do well with DBT therapy, rather than psychoanalytic.
Another resource we’ll recommend checking out is the Canadian Psychological Association’s fact sheets that dive thru mental health issues in detail. These fact sheets break down complex issues in a way that is easy to understand. If you’re looking for information you can trust, this is a great guide.
2. Credentials & Education
We’ve already mentioned this but we’re going to say it one more time. It’s important to check the credentials of any therapist you’re hoping to work with. The words “therapist” and “counsellor” are unregulated terms so don’t rely on those words as your guarantee.
Mental health professionals dedicate so much time and effort to their education because they know that’s what it takes to help someone when it comes to their mental health. To check their credentials, simply ask them to detail their qualifications and explain what that means in terms of schooling. You can also contact the professional body they’re a member of and verify the information that way.
3. Good Fit
Depending on what you’re hoping to dive thru with your therapist, you should consider if they are the right “fit” for you. Are you at a place right now where you need someone who is more supportive? Are you needing someone more direct who will ask the tough questions?
Another aspect to consider is gender. You should be comfortable with your therapist and feel like you can trust them with your personal thoughts and feelings. If you do feel a strong aversion to working with one gender, don’t be ashamed to choose another. We all have past experiences that may in some way be related to gender and that’s not something to be guilty about. Choose what’s best for you.
The same goes for age and sexual identity. These two factors might also be considered when choosing your therapist if it makes you feel more comfortable.
Here are some other questions to ask when choosing a therapist:
What is your area of expertise or your specialty? What’s your approach to treatment?
Have you worked with people that have gone through similar issues to mine?
What are the most common concerns you usually work with?
How would you evaluate our progress in therapy?
Are you now or have you ever been in therapy?
How long are sessions and what is the typical charge for one session?
Do you have different payment structures available? (sliding scale/fixed cost/subsidized by gov’t)
Are there any resources that would help me with the cost?
Do you offer support in between sessions?
Do you assign homework or exercises in between sessions?
Where Do You Find Therapists in Your Region?
YAY for the advent of the internet and the way it has helped us reach things faster and easier. We’ll be giving you a few resources that will make choosing a therapist a breeze.
First up, if you’re in Canada you can use the CCPA database to find a certified counsellor. The search box gives you a ton of options to filter and narrow your search to exactly what you need. If you’re in Edmonton or within Alberta, you can also go through the DiveThru questionnaire to find the right fit for you.
If you’re not reading this from Canada, we’ve still got your back. Take a look at Psychology Today’s database of verified therapists available around the world. It’s super easy to filter down based on types of therapy, types of issues, and even price.
Psych Central also has their own database that can help you find the right therapist for you.
7 Tips From a Therapist, About Finding a Therapist
**gets off soapbox and hands the mic over**
It’s time to hear from one of our superheroes. Our in-house mental health professional, LCSW Natalie Asayag, wants to give you some tips on how to pick a therapist:
1. “Don’t be afraid to ask questions and communicate your reservations or worries about therapy. If the therapists you are vetting are unwilling to answer your questions or seem impatient, this is not a good sign.”
2. “Each therapist is so different. Ask the therapist what sessions are like — are they strictly structured, does the patient guide the session, etc.”
3. “Inquire about the type of therapy practiced by the therapist. If needed, tell them to break it down in layman’s terms.”
4. “It usually takes about three sessions to start building a rapport with your therapist. It can be really uncomfortable to be open and vulnerable and it’s so admirable that you are putting yourself out there!”
5. “If it feels safe to do so, talk to your friends and family. Word of mouth can be one of the best ways to find a quality therapist. “
6. “If someone doesn’t seem quite like the right fit or they don’t have any openings, inquire if they can offer you referrals.”
7. “Communicate what you would like from your work together. Would you like an open space to vent and cope with daily life? Would you like to get to the root of an issue? Or would you like to change a specific behaviour? It’s helpful for a therapist to have some insight regarding your goals. If you don’t quite know, that’s okay. You can say that and then you can both work together to determine what works best for you.”
You’ve Had Your First Session, Now What?
Well, the first question we’re going to ask you is how did it make you feel?
What thoughts and feelings and sensations came up during the session? Did you feel heard? Did you feel like your boundaries were respected? At any point in time, did you start to feel uncomfortable or awkward or uncertain? Did any red flags or potential ethical issues come up?
Grab a notebook and take the time to reflect on the experience! You’re about to make an important decision that will shape out the course of your therapy. Make sure you have answers to all these questions above before you decide to continue with your current therapist or consult someone else.
Also — congratulations on the decision to seek out therapy. We think that’s pretty f*cking badass.
You’ve noticed that your friend has been refusing food lately. They look tired and are dropping weight, but when you ask them if they’re ok they always say that they’re“fine.” You’re lowkey freaking out and the words “eating disorder” keep popping into your brain but you know your own limitations. You KNOW you don’t know enough. Anddd, you know it’s not your place to speak about it until your friend is ready for it.
One day, you invite them out to dinner at your favourite restaurant and they only get a drink or eat very little of the low-calorie meal that they’ve ordered. When you ask them again if they’re doing alright, they say that they “just aren’t that hungry today.”
Your same friend has also been exercising a lot. And I mean A LOT. They complain of brittle nails and a dry mouth. All of this scares the living shit out of you because you recognize they might be the signs of an eating disorder.
Approaching someone about their disordered eating can be a really difficult thing to do. It can be hard to even start the conversation! So, how do you help someone who may be dealing with an eating disorder, when they may not yet be ready for your help?
1. Patience Is Key
Trying to help someone enter recovery for their eating disorder can be a long and complicated process. It might take a while for them to open up to you about it and until they’re ready to do that, you can still find ways to support them.
Tell your loved one that you’re concerned about them, that you care about them, and that you’re here for them no matter what and no matter when.
Eating disorders can be a really isolating experience, so having someone walk down the long road to recovery with them will help give them the courage they need to continue.
Recovery can take years! They might relapse, they might try to give up, so you need to always have patience for them and their journey. There are many ways to offer emotional support while your friend or loved one is experiencing an eating disorder.
2. Educate Yourself
Eating disorders can come in all shapes and sizes. There isn’t one specific way that someone with an eating disorder looks because they affect everyone differently.
According to Psychology Today, eating disorders are “psychological conditions characterized by unhealthy, obsessive, or disordered eating habits.” The more educated you are on the different eating disorder types, treatments, and resources, the more likely you’ll be able to effectively help your loved one.
3. Let Go of Judgement
Some people can hold a lot of shame when it comes to their eating disorder. You can support someone by being a non-judgemental pillar for them to lean on in their darkest times.
If they know they can come to you about literally anything, your loved one will trust you more and open up about their struggles and experiences.
4. Keep Calm During Hard Conversations
When you care about someone, it can be hard to not become emotional and not let those emotions show. You might be angry that they’re hurting themselves. You might be saddened watching them struggle with their mental and physical health. Maybe you’ll also see some pushback from them as they try to navigate this tough conversation. But try to keep your emotions in check as best as you can.
If you react with anger or frustration, it may damage your friendship without actually helping your loved one in their journey. Be as kind and understanding as possible. Remember it’s not about your feelings at this one moment in time, it’s about your friend’s feelings.
Keep your emotions in check and unload them later when you can work through them at home!
5. Watch Your Words
Make sure that what you’re saying doesn’t trigger them. People with eating disorders can be easily triggered by certain phrases and words. Don’t fat or skinny shame them, don’t bring up the topic of food or their disorder if you don’t have to, and always come from a place of love.
Here are some things you CAN say when supporting someone:
“I know that this is hard, but I am so proud of you for fighting!”
“I might not understand what you’re going through, but I am always going to be here to support you.”
“You are so strong!”
“I’m always here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”
“How can I support you?”
“How are you doing? Honestly.”
“I love you.”
We also have a more in-depth article on what not to say to someone with an eating disorder to help you out even more! (link to second article)
6. Support Them at Mealtimes
Eating for you might seem like a fun activity! You might look forward to mealtimes and have nooo problem finishing the delicious and amazing food on your plate.
Mealtimes with an eating disorder are a whole other experience. Because food is used to deal with uncomfortable emotions, your loved one may be soothing their sadness with excess food, or exercising control over their life by eating less and less. This difficult relationship with food can be overwhelming.
When this happens, be there for them. Ask them how you can best support them during mealtimes because they’ll really need you.
7. Include Them in Activities
Like we said, eating disorders can be super isolating. Your loved one can become withdrawn and feel overwhelmed with painful emotions relating to themselves and their eating disorder.
Don’t let them suffer alone. Invite them out to places! If you have a party, include them. Ask them out to coffee or even bring coffee to them. Find activities for you to do together so that they know that they aren’t alone and that they have you supporting them every step of the way.
8. Take Care of Yourself
It can be emotionally and mentally draining to support someone with an eating disorder. So, be sure that you’re taking care of yourself too! It’s important that you are also well enough to continue to support them.
Sometimes taking care of yourself means setting boundaries, and other times it means going to therapy. Find out what works for you so that you can keep fighting the good fight!
9. Show Them That Recovery Is Possible
People with eating disorders can want to recover, but sometimes they don’t believe that they can. They might not think that it’s possible for them to get back to a healthy state of mind and repair their relationship with food.
Many people have posted about their eating disorder recovery online, so show these stories to your loved one. Say that you believe that they can recover just like the MANY people before them!
If things are really serious and you don’t know what to do next, call a support line and get their advice. The professionals on the other end of the phone will be able to guide you in the right direction. They’ll tell you how to help your loved one when you don’t know what else you can do.
Kids Help Phone also has a 24/7 confidential helpline that you can call for help if you’re 20 years old or younger: 1-800-668-6868
At the end of the day, the best way to help your friend is to love them. Yeah, we know that sounds simple, but it’s true! Let them know that you’re with them every step of the way on this journey and that you’re always going to support them. They’ll never feel alone if they have an amazing person like you right by their side!
It’s Tuesday night and after a gruelling day at work, all you want to do is watch Annalise Keating slay in a courtroom. While you wait for Netflix to load, you open up Instagram and start scrolling. Your feed is full of amazing successes – did your friend really complete an Ironman triathlon?? Wild, I could never do that. And another friend just started her own thrift shop?? Wasn’t that just a side hustle a week ago? Damn. She’s a badass entrepreneur…and wtf am I doing?Does that sound familiar at all? It’s time to find out how to stop comparing yourself to others because there is a never-ending feed on every. single. social. media. platform.
10 Realistic Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
The last thing we want is to set you up with a grand goal that’s easier said than done. We promise this isn’t another “just stop doing it” post. (because sure, we get it. why didn’t you think of that??)
Instead, let’s get real for a minute. We want to look at examples that actually happen in real life (disclaimer: these ones have literally ALL happened to us) and see if we can learn a thing or two together. Keep in mind that it’s a journey and the work to stop comparing yourself to others is never really done.
1. Be Aware of Your Triggers
Triggers are situations and stimuli that bring about a specific reaction. When we talk about triggers, we talk about the things that you know make you feel a certain way. For example, a trigger for anxiety could be too much caffeine. An example of an emotional trigger could be rejection. For some people, a trigger for self-worth could be driving through million dollar neighbourhoods, while for others the trigger could be brunching at very high-end restaurants with friends who earn way more. You see where we’re going with this?
Learn to identify your triggers and become aware of them. What happens to your thoughts and feelings when you scroll through social media? What aspects do you perceive as “success” in others that triggers your sense of worth? Who do you compare yourself to most often and why?
When you figure out what triggers you, you can work through those emotions more easily. You can also try to avoid those triggers altogether. Go easy on the caffeine, suggest a different brunch spot, and dude don’t even think about driving around those golf-course-backed properties…
2. Remind Yourself That Your Fears and Insecurities Are Universal
You’re actually perfectly normal in feeling this need to compare…it’s universal! It’s ingrained in the way we operate and the way the human mind works. The best thing we get out of it is the motivation to do more and achieve more, and even a boost to your self-esteem!
But the worst thing we get out of it is a feeling of inferiority. Like we’re less than and not enough and not worthy. This feeling can be so overpowering that we are writing a whole article about it.
Remind yourself that other people feel it too. We promise you that the people you see as perfect and successful have insecurities of their own. They compare themselves to the Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerbergs of the world and that also makes them feel like shit. Their fears of not being worthy enough and not being successful enough are as real as yours.
3. Your Social Media Feed Is Full of Distorted Realities
Repeat after us: social media is just a highlight reel. One more time, so that it really sinks in. Social media is just a highlight reel.
The perfectly incandescently happy posts you see on social media are just a snapshot of that person’s life. One moment in time that gets documented and posted. And maybe it really was a perfect moment where that person felt so much joy, they decided to share it with the world!
But there are also many struggles that we don’t see. Social media is a distorted reality where we won’t ever really get the full picture.
4. Repeat Your Priorities When You Start to Forget
You know you’re not a person who values money more than job satisfaction. You KNOW that and yet you still feel like shit when you hear how much more your friend earns. That envy eats away at you even though you would never actually work in that field.
This is a good time to think about your priorities! Make a quick list and jot down 3 or 4 things that you want in life more than anything. Focus on what it will take to achieve these goals and that should snap you out of it.
That pull towards validation is normal and if you catch yourself wrapped up in it, bring it back to your priorities.
5. Start Practicing and Living in Gratitude
There’s this thing that happens when you start to be actively grateful. It’s like a strong dose of happiness that goes right into your core and starts to shine throughout your whole body.
Start with 3 things, small or huge, that you’re grateful for every day. Write them down on any piece of paper you find laying around you. Use the leftover McDonalds napkins in your car if you have to.
Be aware of your focus as it shifts from what you don’t have, to what you do have. Gratitude journaling will make you rediscover the many many many things that bring you joy.
6. Shift the Focus Back to You
Shine the spotlight on your own achievements. Toot your own horn for a hot minute. Let’s bring the focus back to the hard work you’ve done to get to where you are.
If you’re a perfectionist, you often forget to celebrate the smaller milestones along the way because you’re so focused on getting to the finish line. Then you start comparing yourself to others and literally lose track of all the progress you’ve done. How productive!
Let’s end comparison to others by highlighting 3 goals you’ve achieved in the past month. Go.
7. Remember We Compare the Worst of Ourselves with the Best of Others
Here’s a new perspective for you, courtesy of author Joshua Becker. We look at others’ success through the lens of our own weaknesses.
That means we’ll compare what we assume is the “best” about someone else to our own insecurities that we feel strongly about. Have you noticed a general theme when you start comparing yourself to others? Is it when you see a post about a (presumed) happy long-term relationship? Is it when you see someone’s progress in the corporate world?
We’re also so much tougher on ourselves than we are on our friends. That harsh internal critic can leave us feeling discouraged, even before we begin comparing ourselves to others. The best cure we know for that is self-compassion, something you can work through with journaling.
Get started on your journaling practice by downloading the DiveThru app and checking out all of the free resources created by therapists. You’ll find hundreds of journaling and mindfulness exercises to choose from, including one on quieting your internal critic. And if you’re looking to create a daily routine instead, we’ve got you covered with one of our Dives!
8. Keep in Mind You Will Never Run Out of Things to Compare
Even if you succeed in changing this one thing about yourself that you think you need to, there will always be something to take its place.
Speaking from experience, it’s a constant battle of “improvement.” There’s always an extra 10 lbs you could shed. There’s always a new skin care routine with more expensive products that would give you that extra “glow.” And even if you achieve those two, there will likely be something else to take their spot: a newer car, a newer iPhone, you name it.
While dedication and drive can help you grow, comparing yourself to others along the way can hurt that progress. And it’s never ending so let’s nip the need to compare in the butt. The bud? We’ll go with butt because that’s saucier.
9. Use Your Past Self as a Benchmark to Compare
If you absolutely HAVE to compare, use your past self as a benchmark. This way, the only person you’ll be competing against is yourself and it’ll give you an idea of how much you’ve grown.
Thinking back to where we were 5 years ago, DiveThru wasn’t even born yet! And now we have a huge community of wicked awesome people who care about their mental wellbeing! Talk about growth! This is a comparison we can get behind.
10. Remember How Unique You Are
You hear this all the time but only because it’s so true. And your mothers will agree with us when we say you’re all special and unique and individually beautiful.
Not a single other soul is exactly like you.
This is perhaps our best tip in ending comparison to others because how can you argue with it? It doesn’t make sense to compare apples to oranges to doughnuts. We’re all different and we move at different paces, with different purposes.
And if you’re wondering, yes we’re the doughnuts. Cause we’re sweet AF.
When we say “fear of commitment” (or commitment issues if you will) you probably automatically envision someone who is afraid of being in a long-term relationship.
You’re partially right. Fear of commitment is very common in romantic relationships, but it can be present in many other areas of life too. Friendships, careers, and projects that require dedication to a specific person/cause can all lead to fear of commitment. Commitment issues can pop up for a variety of reasons, including past trauma, difficulty trusting others, and societal expectations.
Ahh society, back at it again with the damaging expectations. Gotta love it.
Regardless of your situation, if you’re looking to get past your fear of commitment, here are 5 journaling prompts to get you started. These will help you dig deep and will provide the reflection you need to commit to getting past your fear of commitment.
1. What is the root cause of your fear?
Oh yeah, we’re jumping right in folks. No surface-level stuff around here.
In order to truly address your fear of commitment, you first have to know what’s causing it. Are you scared to commit because you’re afraid of rejection? Is it because you have low self-esteem and/or low self-confidence? Were you in an unhealthy relationship that makes it difficult to trust people? All of these reasons are completely normal and valid but will need to be addressed before you can move forward. As always, be honest with yourself, be kind to yourself, and let go of any judgement towards yourself.
2. How has commitment shaped your life?
So much of who we are is made up of what we have experienced in our lives. Take this opportunity to examine the role of commitment in your past and the role it continues to play in your life.
How have others demonstrated their commitment to you? How have they neglected their commitment to you? Were you surrounded by positive examples of commitment growing up? How might your life experiences be leading to your fear of commitment?
These prompts will allow you to examine your view of commitment by looking into the past and will provide a starting point for how you want to proceed.
3. Have you communicated your fear of commitment?
If you have, how did it impact your relationships and your life? If you haven’t, why not?
It may be scary to open up about your fear of commitment, but if you don’t address it, the people in your life may never know that it’s bothering you. Communication is especially important in romantic relationships because if you’re not open about what you’re going through, you may end up inadvertently hurting your partner.
Communicating your fear of commitment can also mean talking to a therapist or mental health professional. They will be able to provide you with a safe space to open up and strategies to start overcoming your fear.
4. What are the pros and cons of making a commitment?
This could be any type of commitment: a work commitment, a friendship, or a romantic relationship. If you’re nervous about making a commitment, write out a list of pros and cons that are specific to that situation. Then take a step back and examine each side. What can you do to address the cons or maybe even turn them into pros? Psst.. keep reading to find out.
Organizing and sorting through your thoughts on paper is extremely helpful for decision-making. There are no cons about a pros and cons list, that’s for sure.
5. What are your next steps?
When tackling any sort of challenge, it’s always a good idea to have a game plan. You may have the best intentions, but without a solid plan, it’s really difficult to actually make any progress. Planning parties is fun, so why can’t planning out your goals be fun, too?
Consider these questions: How will you push yourself outside your comfort zone? What can you do when you feel yourself pulling away from a relationship? Who can you lean on when things become difficult? How will you address setbacks?
Answering questions like these will help you see that although it may be nerve-wracking, change is possible and attainable. Set SMART goals that are realistic and tangible. Reward yourself when you complete them and forgive yourself when you don’t.
Like any fear, fear of commitment is scary. But the only way to get past it is to acknowledge it and work through it. Your journal is a great starting place to address your feelings, and to take note of what you can do to improve. But that’s just one of the many uses of your journal.
By taking the initiative to address your fear of commitment, you’ve already conquered one of the hardest steps. The process will be difficult and will likely take time, but don’t be discouraged. The growth you’ll experience in letting go of your fear will be well worth it in the end. You got this.
Do you know what your purpose is? Are you well on your way to being the version of yourself that you want to be? Do you feel fulfilled with the place you are at right now in this moment? It’s ok to not have answers to those questions. At least for now anyways, until we teach you how to set goals with journaling and make you a goal-setting expert! Come along, we have some stuff to dive thru…
Most of us have come across the principles behind SMART goals but if you haven’t, let us enlighten you. The acronym stands for goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Some people have also expanded on the acronym to make it SMARTER, adding Evaluated and Reviewed. SMART goals are helpful because they are clear, realistic, and tailored specifically to you, which means you’re more likely to achieve them.
We’re gonna make your SMART goals even SMARTER-er! We’re going to teach you how to set goals with journaling and actually make them happen.
Ready? Leggo!
1. Use Freewriting to Identify Your Goals
Your feelings, values, and beliefs are at the heart of everything you do. If you don’t take time to explore them, you won’t know what’s important to you and, therefore, won’t know what goals to set.
If someone came up to you and asked you what your short-term, long-term, health, career, relationship, and personal goals were, would you have an answer on the spot?
The truth is, there are things you might not even know you’re feeling until you take the time to think about them and write them down. Freewriting is a stream-of-consciousness type of writing where you just write whatever comes to your mind until you run out of words. No interruptions or erasing or grammar checks welcome.
This style of writing is beneficial for goal setting because the unfiltered expression allows you to pinpoint exactly what your goals are, as well as the reasoning behind each of them.
2. Journal Through Your Goals to Make Them Stick
When you have a goal in your mind, it’s just an idea. But as soon as you put pen to paper and write it down, suddenly it becomes a real, tangible thing. It becomes doable. Writing down your goals makes them seem more attainable, which is a synonym for achievable, which is one of the characteristics of a SMART goal. How convenient?
According to Forbes, “the act of writing stimulates the reticular activating system (RAS) in the brain. The RAS is like a filter and it sorts the things that are written down as being important.”
So, one could say that writing down your goals is a SMART thing to do.
3. Write Your Goals Down Now, Then Expand and Modify Them Later
You aren’t the same person you were 5 years ago, 1 year ago, 6 months ago, or even one month ago.
You change, your life changes, and guess what? Your goals are allowed to change, too. Writing your goals down allows you to modify and change them as needed, without losing all of your prior progress. Everything will still be there, allowing you to keep track of where you’ve been and where you’re going.
Goals might not come to you in an instant, either. Some may need a little bit more thought and refinement. It’s hard to brainstorm in your brain without it becoming a storm of ideas. Before you know it, you’ve lost all the good ideas you thought you had and you’re back to square 1.
Plus, there’s only so much you can keep in your head before you start forgetting. Journalingallows you to expand on your goals so that your thoughts will be kept and not forgotten in favour of your family’s Subway order.
4. Use Journaling to Help You Sort Out Your Priorities
When you keep your goals in your head, it’s easy to let them come and go. Goals can quickly become the least of your worries when you’re trying to deal with everything else going on up there: 15 (definitely different) versions of the same password, impossible microbiology terms, your daughter’s dance schedule, the works.
Seeing everything written down and lined up can help you organize your goals and decide what’s most important instead of trying to keep track of everything at once. After you write them down, use categories or give each one a ranking number to prioritize your goals.
5. As You Write, Allow Yourself to Be Honest
It can be intimidating to write and share your goals in front of an audience, so if that’s not for you, we definitely get it. Luckily, when you practice goal setting in a journal, it’s for your eyes only.
Make it a judgement-free, safe space where you can share whatever your heart desires and be completely, 100% honest about your goals. When you’re honest with yourself, you’ll end up setting more realistic goals anyway, instead of trying to be and achieve something unattainable.
6. Kick Start the Process with a Deep Dive
If you’re looking to zone in on one of the goals you’ve identified, we suggest using our DiveThru app. DiveThru has over 1000 structured journaling exercises, allowing you to dig deep and explore topics that interest you.
If your goal is career related, DiveThru has an entire section of exercises to help you in that department: prepping for a job interview, starting a new job, or making a career change. Actual actionable prompts, pals.
If your goal is to develop a gratitude practice, we’ve got your back with both quick dives (gratitude hit) and deep dives (6 day gratitude challenge). Download the app for free to start crushing your goals today.
By getting into the habit of writing down your goals, you’ll ensure you’re getting the most out of them. Before you know it, you’ll have the SMART-est goals around.
We’re gonna put happy and alone in the same sentence, because guess what? Your happiness and fulfillment do not depend on having a partner. Read that again, friends. Let it really sink in because we’re about to dive thru the billion things to do when you’re single that’ll help you live your best single life.
But first…
Alone does not mean lonely – although that is something society is trapping you into thinking is correlated (AHEM, those darn rom coms).
Don’t get us wrong, we love romantic comedies. The Notebook will forever draw tears. Don’t even get us started on 10 Things I Hate About You. (Heath Ledger, we will forever adore you).
We LOVE love. But the notion of “completing” one another is toxic. We are whole humans. Period. We have emotions and feelings and needs and desires. Who we choose to share those with is just that – a choice. A way to cherish another human.
Anyways, we know being single is hard. We know you sometimes feel like you’re missing out. And we wish we could say we had a list of “How To Be Single & Love It In 7 Easy Steps”, but in all honesty, they’re never as easy as we hope they’ll be.
So how about this instead: “7 Potentially-Challenging-But-Fulfilling-And-Worth-It Things To Do When You’re Single?”
Ok ok, now that’s something we can get behind.
If you just recently went through a breakup, these steps might be extra hard (yay). Whatever place you’re starting from, just know that it’s okay.
1. Feel Your Feelings
You just got home from your Bumble date and you’re still smiling from ear to ear. How the HECK can someone be so handsome and so nice?? This literally couldn’t have gone better.
He was genuinely interested in what you were saying all night. He opened every single door for you AND he laughed at your jokes.
Your heart is now pounding and you’re realizing that holy shit you could see yourself getting attached to this guy.
As the week goes on, you guys keep texting. He does seem to be really busy and only answers occasionally. But you’re obviously not gonna be ‘the crazy one’ and read too much into it.
The weekend is coming up so you guys plan another date for Friday night! Absolutely stoked for it, you take 3 hours to get ready (and in a small panic, shave everything just in case).
Then you get the text, an hour before you’re supposed to meet.
“I’m so sorry, caught up with work. Can we reschedule?”
Well fuck. Yeah sure thing, not a problem. No worries, all good. Of course, I totally understand. Which lie do you respond with?
Our single friends all know this dilemma. It sucks. Really fucking sucks because you spent time and effort getting ready.
Here’s where we come in.
It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be irritated. Or relieved! Or really truly happy. It’s also ok to change your mind about those feelings. Angry is fine too. And comfortable is just as ok!!
There are ups and downs to dating and the best thing you can do is roll with those feelings. Disappointed? Call your best friend and rant for a minute. Sad? Have a quick ugly cry.
Avoiding those feelings so that you can come across as “chill” and “strong” will not do you any favours. The only way to get past these feelings is to go through them.
2. Take Care of Yourself
So what happens now that your date is cancelled and you’re looking like a total smokeshow on a Friday night??
You take care of yourself. Once you’ve checked in with your feelings, it’s time to decide how you’ll dedicate this perfect night to yourself.
If you don’t want that $68 foundation to go to waste, take yourself on a date! We know it’s scary going to a restaurant and sitting down by yourself but why not have a seat at the bar? The bartender will break the ice and take the pressure off so that you don’t feel awkward. Brownie points to them if they introduce you to some people.
If that’s not what you need, then take that makeup off and run a nice hot bath. Grab a book, grab a bottle of wine, grab some candles. How delightful does that sound?
And you don’t have to wait for a cancelled date to take care of yourself either. You gorgeous, amazing soul, you.
Try your best to keep self-care in your daily routine. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive; the best self-care practices are often free. Taking care of yourself – your whole self – is an important part of being fulfilled (whether you’re single or not).
3. Begin a Journaling Practice
Journaling really is the gift that keeps on giving. According to a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, journaling about your romantic life can actually speed up an emotional recovery process. Ok, we’re listening…
Sometimes there is so much going on in your head that it’s hard to pin down exactly what you’re feeling, and why you’re feeling that way. A journal is a safe space for you to unload your thoughts and sort through everything you’re feeling.
It won’t judge you if you’re writing about your baddie sex adventures. It won’t judge you if your eyes are swollen shut from crying. And you bet it won’t turn away when you over analyze the moment you got ghosted. It’s the perfect listening ear.
If you’ve never journalled before, now is as good a time as any to start. All you need is a pen and a piece of paper. Write as much or as little as you want about whatever you’re feeling in that moment. If you need a little journaling inspiration to get started, check out our DiveThru app, which features over 1000 free journaling exercises.
If this sounds like the best thing you’ve heard all week, go ahead and download the DiveThru app for free right now.
4. Appreciate the Present
Your mindset can make all the difference in the world. Life Coach Shula Melamed suggests “thinking of being single as an opportunity, not a punishment.” We totally agree. This is an opportunity to learn, grow, build confidence, and find yourself. Run wild. Focus on the present moments as they find you and make the best of them.
In addition to taking time for yourself, Melamed adds that this can be a great time to focus on your career and your friends. Always, always, always look for the silver lining and find gratitude in the treasures you have.
5. Be Selfish & Find Your Own Interests
We mean this in the best possible way.
Take this example. Your partner never liked going to the movie theatre. They said it was too busy, too expensive, and too much of a hassle. So you always streamed the movies at home on your shabby (minus the chic) couch. On the other hand, you love the theatre. You love nothing more than the smell of fresh buttery popcorn and the anticipation of the big screen.
Well, guess what? You’re about to rack up some serious Scene points because now you can go to as many movies as you want. And there won’t be a single complaint. Music to your ears.
We tend to compromise parts of ourselves in relationships, but now is the time for you to finally do what you want to do. Focus on things that make you happy and things you may have neglected in the past. In this context, being selfish is ok. 13/10 recommended by experts.
6. Do Things Alone
It can be scary to venture out alone when you’re so used to having someone by your side. Whether you’re getting groceries, going to a Christmas party, or walking to class, it just feels weird not having them there. Like something is off. Like you’re missing something.
Au contraire mon ami, everything you need is inside of you. Cheesy, but true.
Little by little, try to step out of your comfort zone and do things on your own. You’ll rediscover the power and freedom that comes from not relying on anyone but yourself. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, and you don’t have to take anyone else’s wishes into consideration. Except obviously, your friends’ and family’s, but you get the point we’re trying to make. Just imagine the freedom!!
7. Date, or Don’t! Whatever Is Right for You
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it will feel weird and uncomfortable and different being alone. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. There’s such a negative connotation around being single but it’s definitely not warranted. Being single is liberating, reassuring, and, frankly, really fun.
Instead of going on dates with a new partner, we recommend (once again) going on dates with yourself. Treat yourself to a fancy dessert, go to a concert solo, or book a weekend getaway to the beach. You deserve to be loved by yourself above all others.
We weren’t lying when we said these steps would be worth it in the end.
So next time you feel like you’re missing out on stuff because you’re single, invest in yourself. By taking time to do that, you’ll realize that you are (and have always been) resilient, loving, and all around phenomenal. These steps will help you see the silver lining in the word ‘single’ and will remind you how great it is to be in the company of yourself.
