DiveThru Team, Author at DiveThru

What to Do If You’re Questioning Your Sexuality

When you first start questioning your sexuality, it can either hit you like a ton of bricks or be something that you’ve known your entire life. Either way, hi! Welcome to the club. Some of our team members are part of the LGBTQIA2S+ Community (including the one who wrote this), and they can tell you that it’s an awesome place to be. They are so excited that you made it to this article!

It can feel a bit scary when you’re first coming to terms with your sexuality. Many of us have probably taken the “Am I Gay” quizzes made by 15-year-olds in 2007 at least a dozen times. Or turned to the interweb, plugged in “what is my sexuality” and hoped that would give us answers to alllll the questions we have. Well, we’re here to help you! Hopefully, we’ll help you more than those quizzes did.

If you’re looking up ways to help you discover your sexuality, chances are that you’re part of the Queer Community. And if you’re reading this article, chances are that you haven’t come out yet.

That’s ok! Coming out for the first time can be a really scary and intimidating thing to do. Plus, you might not even be ready to tell anyone about your sexual identity just yet.

It can be difficult to validate your sexuality when you aren’t out to anyone. It’s a quiet conversation with yourself, and it’s hard not to feel like your feelings and attractions aren’t “real.”

But they are! They are totally real! They’re as real as any feeling that you’ve ever had before. But if you’re struggling to feel validated in your sexual identity, this article is dedicated to you.

Be Honest With Yourself

When you’re in the process of accepting your sexuality, it’s totally normal to have a bit of an identity crisis. Many people ask themselves questions like:

Am I doing this just for attention?

Do I really feel this way?

But I’ve never had experience with this gender. Does that mean I’m not really what I feel I am?

All of these thoughts are normal, and some people in the Queer Community who are out still sometimes feel this way. Acknowledge these feelings, accept them, and try to decipher why you might be asking yourself these things. Is it because of internalized phobias? How about the patriarchy? The patriarchy ruins everythingggg!

Check-in with yourself. What is your heart telling you? If YOU know what your sexuality is, that’s all that matters. At the end of the day, no one can tell you if you’re wrong or right because they can’t experience what you’re feeling.

If it helps, journal your feelings! Sometimes we need to reflect inwards and sit with our feelings as we put them on paper. Ask yourself:

Who are you attracted to?

How do you feel when you refer to yourself with this new sexual identity?

How do you feel calling yourself straight?

If you lived on the side of a mountain with no heteronormative influences, how would you identify?

How do you feel when you picture yourself with a person of the same gender or someone beyond the gender binary?

How do you feel when you picture yourself in a relationship with this person?

What kind of qualities can you give your sexuality? Does it have a colour or smell?

What would it feel like to accept your sexuality?

Just remember that it’s ok for sexuality to change. It doesn’t mean that what you felt at one particular moment in your life was wrong, it just means that you’re changing and helping yourself reach your ultimate form (like a Queer Pokémon). Go from one end of the sexuality spectrum to the other if it feels right! No one is telling you that you can’t.

Talk to Others in the Queer Community

It can be a really validating experience to talk to another person who has already walked the path that you’re beginning to travel. They’ve likely had some of the same thoughts and feelings as you and can tell you what helped them at the start of their journey.

Talking to other Queer people can also provide you with a safe space to be honest about your sexuality for the first time.

Maybe think about joining an online group (one that can be anonymous of course), or even talk to friends that are already in the Queer Community. Speaking about your sexual identity to other people who have found theirs can be a really powerful experience. Saying it out loud or typing it out for the first time in a safe space can feel sooo liberating!

Representation Matters

If you’re anything like some of us here at DiveThru, we realized that we weren’t totally straight after we downloaded TikTok. So many beautiful people in the Queer Community started popping up on our For You Page and it helped us realize that maybe, juuuuuust maybe, we weren’t straight after all.

Immerse yourself in the LGBTQIA2S+ Community! Educating yourself about Queer-dom, if you will, gives you the tools to understand your own sexuality better and feel more confident and safe expressing it.

Surround yourself with Queer creators, read books on Queer history, go to Queer events and Queer spaces. Seeing others thrive in a space that you feel you belong to can help you feel even more sure of your identity. Learning about it can give you more confidence to express yourself as part of the group.

Finding strong voices of public figures who have come out can also be really valuable! It can help you feel like you’re not alone and that your experiences are something to be celebrated instead of hidden away.

But if you ever need more validation, the TikTok algorithm won’t let you down!

You Don’t Need Labels

If you’re overwhelmed with trying to discover your new sexual identity, sometimes labels can be a bit scary.

Just remember that you don’t have to label yourself right away, or ever! Just go with the flow. Your sexuality is still valid whether or not you have attached a label to it. You’re not a can of soup that is required by law to list what’s inside of it. You’re a breathing human being who may or may not want to have a label define how they feel.

Explore Your Sexuality

If you’re in a position to explore your sexuality, just frickin’ go for it! Download Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, or Grindr. Download all the apps! Swipe right on whichever people you want and date whoever you want for the first time. Just make sure that you’re transparent with your prospective partner about your intentions and where you are in your life. That way, everyone is on the same page.

But sometimes, experimenting isn’t always possible. For example, you might be a woman in your mid-twenties and in a long-term relationship with a man when you realize you’re actually bisexual. If this is the case, talk to your partner. They might be open to creating an arrangement within your relationship where you can experiment and gain experience with another woman. Or, if you don’t feel comfortable with that, talking to your partner about your sexuality and opening up to them is a great first step.

Also, if you’ve never had any kind of experience with the same gender, remember that your feelings are valid! YOU ARE STILL VALID! Many of us who are just beginning to find their sexuality (including the DiveThru team member, Olivia, who wrote this article) haven’t had any experience with the same sex. Our attractions have been there for ages, but we never had the experiences we needed to back it up. It takes a lot of internal work to accept it once you start questioning your sexuality, then own it, and confidently know your own sexual identity–regardless of who you’ve been with.

Move at Your Own Pace

You might not want to come out just yet for a number of reasons. Some people don’t want to tell their friends and family about their sexuality because they might not be in a position where they feel safe opening up about it.

Or, you might just be nervous as fuck!

Just remember that there is no pressure or expectation for you to come out. We know that it can be hard keeping a part of yourself from the people you love, but if you’re not ready, don’t do it! We’ll still love you and support you all the same.

To be honest, the best kind of advice that we can give is to basically trust your gut and embrace who you are! Have a dance party while you blast “Metamorphosis” by Hillary Duff. You’ll feel a lot more sure and be questioning your sexuality a whole lot less afterwards. We promise!

10 Physical Signs of Anxiety That May Show Up for You

The body can be a weird and wonderful thing. Sometimes, it can be weird but not so wonderful. Anxiety is a complicated mental health issue that affects all parts of the body. Surprise! It’s not just all in your head! I mean, it is, but it also isn’t. You know? So yeah, you may definitely see some physical signs of anxiety too.

Shall we look at what those could be?

Physical Signs of Anxiety

Anxiety can manifest in many different ways, and sometimes that means showing up in the body as (really shitty) physical symptoms. We love manifesting, butttt maybe not this kind. Here are some common physical signs of anxiety that may appear in your body.

Sweating

Sweating is a super common symptom that people with anxiety experience. Sweating if you’re anxious is totally ok! Being a Sweaty Betty is completely normal if you have anxiety, and it can happen for a number of reasons.

It’s part of the body’s natural stress response. The body releases stress hormones and changes its response based on what information it’s receiving. If you’re having a panic attack, these stress hormones will likely cause you to sweat.

If you’re overstimulated for an extended period of time, sweating can be the way that the body involuntarily handles the stress. So, it’s normal to sweat even if you don’t know why. Anxiety can heighten your senses and there might be environmental stimuli that are affecting your level of anxiety as well. If you notice that the room you’re in has become too noisy, or if bright lights are bothering you, it’s your body’s way of hyper-focusing on your environment when you’re in a heightened state of awareness.

Thinking about how much you’re sweating can actually cause you to sweat more. Soooo, don’t think about it too much if you can. If you still think about it, no worries. Shit happens and the mind is a bananas place to be sometimes. Forgive yourself a little bit and just ride the anxiety wave as best as you can.

Chills / Hot Flash

How’s this for a fancy word: vasoconstriction.

Vasoconstriction means that the blood vessels in the body contract to move blood to other parts of the body when it’s in fight, flight, or freeze mode. It’s also what makes you feel hot when you have anxiety.

When the body starts to cool down, even a little, our senses are so heightened in an anxious state that we begin to feel chilly with the temperature change.

You might feel cold, then hot, or only hot or cold. Whatever the case is, know that your body is looking out for you and is just trying to regulate itself.

If you have any grounding or breathing techniques that you use to help calm yourself, try doing those to soothe your nervous system. This will hopefully calm your body and mind, and help stop the hot and cold flashes from continuing.

Increased Heart Rate

Thousands of years ago, humans faced a lot more physical dangers than we do now. Giant cats could eat us at any moment so our hearts would pump blood to important parts of the body that could help us run away faster and evade danger.

Now in the 21st century, our hearts still pump blood to parts of our body so that we are ready to run away from our fears and anxieties. Fortunately, we are no longer afraid of giant cats attacking us. We are afraid and anxious about a number of different things. Anxiety is different for everyone, but our bodies still respond to fear and stress like they did thousands of years ago. That means physical signs of anxiety still include an increased heart rate and as you’ll see below, a bunch of other fun symptoms.

Like with managing chills and hot flashes, grounding and breathing techniques can be a great way to help a panic attack subside. Some of us here at DiveThru also like to use distraction techniques as well! For example, we like watching our favourite TV series or scrolling on TikTok.

But seeing a mental health professional is probably the best way to help you effectively manage your anxiety and lower your heart rate.

Muscle Tension

Just like an increased heart rate, tense muscles were how humans survived danger thousands of years ago. Our muscles would contract, and we would be on high alert if we felt danger was near.

So, if your muscles feel tight after being anxious, now you know why! Unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath, and treat yourself to a massage. You deserve it!

Anxiety Canada has a fantastic blog post about a technique called Progressive Muscle Relaxation. They go into more detail about it than we will here, but we’ll give you the Coles Notes version! It’s basically tensing and relaxing muscle groups all over your body in a mindful way to help calm your mind.

Remember the little muscles too! If you need a guide to walk you through this process, there are many free and fantastic videos on YouTube such as this one that you can listen to while practicing this technique.

Stomach Problems / Nausea

Has your stomach ever felt like crap when you have an anxiety attack? Has it ever said, “There ain’t no time for rest and digest! I’m afraid and have no time to eat, so I’m gonna stay in knots instead.”

Yeah? Ours too.

This is one of those physical signs of anxiety that is just straight up unbearable for some people.

Cortisol is a stress hormone that can affect the stomach. So, if you ever feel nauseous or have stomach pains when you’re anxious, this might be why.

But sometimes the culprit truly is just your body and anxiety hormones. So, managing your anxiety with your favourite soothing techniques might be the best solution to your stomach pains.

Derealization / Depersonalization

Derealization and depersonalization are really common physical signs of anxiety that not many people know about.

Derealization is when the world around you doesn’t feel real. You might feel detached from the objects and people around you, as if you’re looking at things through a veil or a film.

Depersonalization is when you feel like you’re detaching from yourself, your mind, and your body. It can feel like you’re outside of your body, telling it what to do.

These symptoms are actually quite common! So, don’t worry. Because the blood is rushing to other parts of the body and away from the brain, these symptoms can occur if someone has a prolonged panic attack.

Numbness / Tingling

When the body is under stress, it takes the blood out of the extremities and moves it towards your core.

This can make parts of your body feel like they’re numb or tingling. When you have a panic attack, your senses can heighten, and you can end up hyper-focusing on these sensations.

We know that this is more easily said than done, but we believe in you. You’ve got this!

Chest Pain

Just like muscle tension is a response to stress, so is chest pain. It’s the tensing of the muscles in the chest for a prolonged period of time that causes them to hurt. That plus an increased heart rate can make your chest feel even tighter and hurt more.

First things first. If you have any concern about your chest pain being related to a heart attack, you should go to the emergency room or call your local emergency services. This is not something to play around with! But, it’s also helpful to take note if you recognize other anxiety symptoms, like those noted in this article, accompanying the chest pain.

You may even know exactly what prompted your anxiety. If so, work on taking several deep, slow breaths.

It can be scary! Anxiety is a hard barrier to overcome, but we know that you’ll get to the other side of it eventually.

Sleeplessness

Ok, so you’ve gotten ready for bed. You’re in your coziest pjs and you’ve made a tea to sip while in bed. You’ve had a hard day! But as soon as your head hits the pillow, your brain refuses to turn off, your eyes can’t stay shut, and you can’t seem to fall asleep!

Sleeplessness is a common manifestation of anxiety. Some scientists say that the relationship between sleep and anxiety is bidirectional (meaning that they both influence each other).

So, it’s totally normal if you can’t sleep when you have anxiety. It sucks, but it’s normal!

Having a podcast or music play in the background while you try to doze off can be a great way to help your brain focus on something other than your thoughts. Sometimes our minds are racing so fast that we just can’t seem to fall asleep no matter how hard we try, but having background noise can distract us just enough for our mind to take a break and our bodies to fall asleep for a much deserved rest.

Shortness Of Breath / Hyperventilating

If you’ve ever had shortness of breath while having a panic attack, we can relate. It’s not uncommon for people to hyperventilate when trying to overcome an episode of anxiety.

Breathing is an unconscious action for humans, and anxiety can disrupt a person’s normal breathing pattern. They then begin to take more shallow breaths, causing an increase in carbon dioxide in the body.

This increase of carbon dioxide can even cause some of the symptoms we’ve already talked about. For example, it can cause chest pains, numbness, tingling, and depersonalization or derealization.

Hopefully this list gave you some peace of mind and that you learned a thing or two about anxiety. Just remember that all of these are all normal and common physical symptoms of anxiety. We know how hard it can be to try and overcome them, but we also know that you’re strong as hell!

6 Ways to Be More Accepting of Adult Acne

The day has finally come. It’s your first job interview and you wake up, excited to conquer the day — only to find two new pimples on your chin. You rush to your makeup drawer and quickly begin covering the damage with concealer and foundation. Anything you can find to cover up the ‘monstrosity’ that has manifested itself on your face. As you finish getting ready and head out the door, you catch a glimpse in the mirror…and curse under your breath about the lack of “cover” the full-coverage foundation has. Did we just describe your day? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. 40-55% of adults deal with adult acne.

Acne can be extremely detrimental to one’s mental health, creating problems with depression and anxiety. For some, it can be an all consuming dread and the first thing they think of in the morning…immediately touching their face when they wake up to see if they have any new pimples. For others, the lack of dialogue about adult acne and constant airbrushing in the media can leave them feeling extremely alone.

If you’ve never dealt with acne before, it may be difficult to understand the concept of acne causing insecurity or self-consciousness. Those with an acne condition will often hear things from “Nobody will notice!” to “Why are you being so superficial? It’s just skin.” Yikes. Seriously, whoooo thought that was a helpful thing to say?

The problem is, those who have not truly experienced acne don’t understand what it means to stay at home because you don’t want people to see your face. They don’t understand the anxiety that comes from thinking no one will love you wholly because of your ‘imperfections.’ And you bet they don’t realize this negative thinking pattern can spiral to the point where you hate mannyyyy things about yourself.

But we want you to know that we get it. And no, we’re not here to share another skincare routine. You don’t need yet another organization telling you to change your diet, drink 6 gallons of water a day, or find your peace in essential oils.

Let’s get real and talk about some ways we can embrace our natural skin and build up our self-esteem.

1. Take Skin Care Advice with a Grain of Salt

We commend people who don’t comment on someone else’s skin.

***Grabs megaphone and yells “unsolicited advice is the WORSSSTTTTT.”

Because our bodies are all so different (and unique YAY!), we react differently to foods, products, hormones, you name it. For some of us, our cause might be digestive, hormonal or stress related. Shit, maybe we get acne because that’s just what’s in store for us. With this in mind, take advice from others with a grain of salt. Washing your face more often may not actually be good for your skin, even if it worked for your friend. Same with that lemon juice cleanse.

Try telling those who hit you up with unsolicited advice (politely at first, then grab the megaphone) that there are different factors that can contribute to a person’s acne and that it is almost impossible for anyone apart from a dermatologist to say what is going on with your skin. Talking to people about the individuality of acne can help change the negative discourse around it. The unsolicited advice might be coming from a good place, but the reality is that they don’t know your body as well as you do.

2. Take Off the Filter

Acne is a completely normal skin condition. The Journal of American Academy of Dermatology states that 54% of women older than 25 deal with acne. So why isn’t this talked about? Social media has perpetuated the idea that flaws should be covered. Acne should be photoshopped out, edited, angled and filtered to achieve the “perfect image.”

And, we think that’s a load of bullshit.

It’s problematic AF because it makes flawless skin the norm…when that’s not actually the norm. Taking off the filter and embracing our natural skin helps combat the narrative of perfection that the world of Instagram would have us believe.

3. Write Your Positive Affirmations

Even after coming to terms with the fact that acne is a completely normal thing to have, you may still struggle with your self-confidence. So, how does one build themselves up, despite being in despair from their skin? Positive affirmations.

We know, it can seem ridiculous to stare at yourself in the mirror and say all the wonderful things you see, but it will help. Pinky promise. Writing out or speaking out your affirmations helps subconsciously change what your internal critic is saying. Instead of looking in the mirror and noticing your face may be red or inflamed, tell yourself how strong you are.

Here’s another thing to keep in mind — as much as we feel that our acne draws attention to our face and our blemishes, other people don’t notice our skin as much as we do. Psychotherapist Azra Alic dismantled the belief that our acne is visible and obvious to other people through a number of behavioural experiments with her own clients. Turns out, no one really sees your acne the way you see it in yourself.

4. Don’t Accept the Myth That Acne Is “Dirty”

Did you know that the face wash industry itself is worth $22 billion? And yet, despite the exorbitant amount of money spent by consumers on skin-care products, there is still “a great need for more evidence supporting the use of washing and cleansing in acne treatment.” So as a consumer, ask yourself why acne is being equated with being dirty or unclean. Is it all just a marketing effort?

To someone suffering with acne, it can be extremely overwhelming to walk into a Sephora and be ambushed by the amount of clearing, purifying or detoxifying products. It sucks. It’s impossible not to leave feeling like maybe if you bought the more expensive face wash, all your breakouts would go away. We wish we could tell you we have a solution for this but we don’t, because we don’t know what’s best for your skin. Heck, we’re still trying to figure this sh*t out ourselves. Here’s what our founder, Sophie Gray, has to say on finding the right skin care routine for you:

“I spent 8 years at war with my skin. After coming off of birth control, my face was ‘a mess’. I tried everything. And, I mean everything. I spent hundreds of dollars and so much time thinking about my blemishes. After giving up on finding a fix, I focused on building my confidence away from my physical appearance. When I arrived at a secure place, I decided to give skincare products another go. And, what I learned was this…. It. Takes. So. Much. Time. In my spare time, I would watch video after video talking about products, the science behind skincare and dermatologists recommendations. From there, I tried numerous different products and routines before landing on a select few products that actually work for my skin. It’s been a journey, but was much easier mentally after I chose to accept myself as I am, blemished and all.”

5. Unfollow Social Media Accounts That Make You Feel Bad About Your Skin

Social media, particularly Instagram, can be one of the worst platforms for misleading, altered, or even completely fabricated photos. In order for you to become comfortable in your own skin and your realness, we may need to remove the accounts on your socials that cause you to question the beauty of your authenticity.

You will no longer be looking at perfected and edited photos, but rather real people that are confident and unapologetic in their own skin.

When scrolling through the ‘gram ask yourself… Does this person make me feel good about myself? Are these photos damaging my self confidence? Would my life be better if I wasn’t following this account?

6. Follow Skin Positive Influencers

While social media can cause a wide range of problems, it has its benefits. Following acne positive accounts is a great way to make peace with your skin. Seeing people so comfortable in their flaws and unapologetic about their skin is truly inspiring. We’ve followed these accounts to build us up when we’re feeling down about our skin!

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It’s important to remember that everyone is fighting their own battles every single day. It can seem disheartening to think that our acne is something that defines us, or that it is all that people see when they look at us. So here’s our gentle little reminder: be kind with yourself, your skin, or any other adversities you face. You’re doing great, sweetie.

How to Be a Better Listener

We’re all guilty of this at some point: your friend is telling you a story about something that happened. At first, you’re listening intently like the good friend that you are. But then you get distracted. Your phone lights up with a new text. Your mind starts to wander and suddenly you’re thinking about where you should order takeout tonight. Maybe butter chicken? No, you had that a few nights ago. You know it’s rude but you can’t help it…you reach for your phone to see what it says. Maybe it’s an emergency, you tell yourself. Before you can read it, you realize you’re being an asshole. Didn’t you say you were going to learn how to be a better listener this year??

Ughh.

Meanwhile, you’ve missed 80% of your friend’s story. And now they’re looking at you – waiting for you to chime in. There’s an ahhhh shit moment. You have zero idea what they have just said, and you’re about to look like the Worst. Friend. Ever.

It happens. It’s not that you don’t care about what your friend is sharing with you. It’s just that you’ve got a lot on your mind! But here’s the thing: we all want and deserve to be heard.

So how can we become better listeners? Here are some easy tips.

1. Minimize Distractions

Look, phones are great. We love our phones. They keep us connected to what’s happening literally all over the entire world 24/7. But what about when someone is right in front of you and they’re telling you about how their job is stressing them out and they really, really need to rant about it for a minute… or 10?

Constantly checking notifications during a conversation makes it seem like you’re not interested in what the other person has to say. And being on the receiving end of that, sucks. So keep your phone on silent and face down – it can wait!

2. Take a Pause

Sometimes we get so caught up with what we want to say next in a conversation, that we don’t really hear what the other person is saying. After someone shares something with you, allow a second of pause. Instead of trying to finish their sentence or offer up advice (also, did they even ask for advice?) give the other person a chance to finish their thought.

Think about it. When you’re sharing something with another person, how frustrating can it be when they keep interrupting? Sure, it’s probably not on purpose. But it may feel like they aren’t really listening to you. Let the person speaking have the spotlight!

3. Ask More Questions

One of the best ways to show that you’re really listening to someone is by asking them questions. Obviously, we wanna be genuine here – don’t ask something completely unrelated to the conversation. Instead, ask for more details on that passive aggressive comment their sister made over Thanksgiving. Throwing in something like: “That was a shitty thing to say to you! How did you feel about it?” shows that you’re paying attention. They’ll appreciate your interest and feel like you truly care!

4. Validate Their Feelings

If someone is sharing their inner cluster-fuck of thoughts and feelings with you, validate them. By adding comments like: “I appreciate you sharing that with me, that must have been hard” or “I understand why that really upset you” you’re acknowledging that their feelings matter. All we need sometimes is a little validation!

5. Be Patient

We all have that friend or family member who can talk for daysss. But if they’re telling you something that is clearly important to them, just be patient. If you’re actually in a hurry, ask if you can continue talking about it later so they don’t feel cut off.

6. Share Your Perspective (at the Right Time)

This can be a tricky one. Offering advice or your own take on someone else’s situation can be really helpful – but only if they want it. Sometimes it makes us feel less alone when people share their similar experiences. But other times, we just want a good rant session (okay, a lot of the time).

Before you offer up your hot take, ask the other person if they want to hear it first! Try saying something like: “I have totally been there. Do you want my advice?” Or: “I think I have a suggestion – are you okay with hearing it?” It shows respect for their personal boundaries.

7. Show Interest and Do It Genuinely

Sometimes we think we already know everything about someone. It’s easy to tune out the people in our lives if we start to think: “Meh, I’ve probably heard this before” or “I already know what they’re gonna say.” Try to listen like there’s more to learn – they might surprise you!

8. Be Honest

If you keep zoning out because you have a lot on your mind, be honest! It’s okay to admit when you’re stressed and you just can’t focus. Apologize and let the other person finish their piece, or respectfully ask if you guys can chat when you’re in a better headspace. Give your full attention when you can, and they’ll return the favour when it’s your turn to vent!

Listening can be tough. It might take some practice, but it’s definitely a skill that’s worthwhile. Your relationships will come out stronger than ever! And chances are, your good habits will rub off on those around you.

What Is Toxic Positivity? 4 Ways to Ditch “Positive Vibes Only” in 2023

How many times have you started telling someone about some really tough shit that’s going on in your life and they respond with “Just think positively! You’ll feel better!” …like oh that’s it?? All I needed was some of your toxic positivity??

We’ve heard it a thousand times before. Think positive. Be positive. Positive vibes only. Ugh! It can become frustrating when you feel like your emotions are constantly being invalidated. It’s like people are telling you that you’re not allowed to feel anything negative at all!

Well, humans don’t work that way. We have soooo many feelings. We can’t simply shove our ‘negative’ emotions deep down inside of us and only feel happy all the time. That’s not healthy, and let’s be honest, life would get boring real quick.

People who promote the idea of constant positivity have good intentions because they’re trying to help you see the beautiful things that surround you. We believe that being grateful for the life you have is important, but we also believe that we should be allowed to experience other feelings as well.

Especially if we’re ever faced with hardship. Not every bad experience is “a chance for us to learn and grow.” Sometimes, life sucks and we just want to be sad and feel sad, dammit!

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Optimism can be a really important concept for some people, especially those who centre their belief system around it. They might want to make their lives beautiful and full of loveliness, and want to share that same feeling with everyone around them. That doesn’t sound too bad, right?? So then what is toxic positivity?

Toxic Positivity is the idea that staying positive and ONLY staying positive in any situation is The. Only. Way. To. Be. The term refers to the overgeneralization of happiness no matter what.

But if this positivity isn’t coming naturally from within yourself and is being forced onto you, it’s inauthentic. It’s repressive and it denies your other emotions. It’s toxic as hell.

When this version of extreme positivity is being forced upon you, it can become really damaging, especially if you’ve gone to someone looking for their support.

Toxic Positivity is actually a version of gaslighting. Surprise! I bet you didn’t expect to see that word in an article talking about “Good Vibes Only,” hey?

Signs Of Toxic Positivity In Practice

Here are some toxic positivity examples that you’ve probably heard or unknowingly said at one point in time…

“It could be worse.”

“Just don’t think about it. Keep positive!”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“Every cloud has a silver lining.”

“There’s always a rainbow at the end of a storm.”

“If I can do it, anyone can.”

Saying these things can hurt someone’s ability to accept what they’re being challenged with. It can cause a person to feel ashamed about how they’re processing their emotions because they don’t want to be seen as the party-pooper.

Toxic positivity puts a certain level of blame onto someone as well. It’s basically saying that the only reason someone is having such a difficult time is because they “just aren’t thinking positively enough.” It can even end up affecting your mental health in the long run. Always being positive, or being told to be positive, can cause people to go into denial, develop self-doubt, and even cause depression (ohhhh the irony!).

For example, only praising someone’s positive feelings can lead to them questioning if they have a right to their negative feelings at all. It can make someone feel like they’re “playing the victim,” when in actuality, they might just need to vent!

4 Ways to Ditch Toxic Positivity

When you accept someone and their emotions – good or bad – it can be a really comforting and validating experience for them. So, if someone comes to you in need of advice or comfort, here are some things that you can say that don’t play into the idea of toxic positivity:

1. “That sounds really difficult. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.”

Simple. Straight forward. Compassionate. Validates the struggle and the way it’s affecting the person sitting in front of you.

If you’re an eternally optimistic person reading this, how you choose to look at the world and tough situations is valid too. Just remember that everyone is unique and that we all process difficult life events differently.

2. “How can I support you?”

This one deserves no explanation! Instead of assuming what your loved one needs, ask them! They’ll tell you the best way you can show up for them. Some people love a listening ear and a gentle hug, while others might prefer that you take them to a smash room and break shit.

3. “Tell me how you feel. Don’t hold back! I’m here to listen.”

It’s totally normal to feel sadness, grief, or worry when dealing with a difficult situation. Accepting hardships and the emotions that come with different circumstances can actually help someone process everything and move forward in a healthy way. All of you have to do here is be a good listener.

4. “I love and care about you and I’m here to support you no matter what.”

How they’re experiencing their emotions is completely normal and valid. Let them be sad! Let them be mad! Support them regardless of their emotional state and let them know you’re there through the good vibes and the bad vibes and everything in between.

Sometimes, all we need is to complain a bit. Let us have our moment and maybe cry a little. Or a lot. Both work!

10 Journaling Prompts to Help You Fall in Love with Your Body

Bodies are a beautiful thing. They are fantastic, magical, and phenomenal! They come in an array of colours, shapes, and sizes. No two are the same. There are peaks, valleys, scars, and stretch marks that decorate our skin. But so many of us see these marks as something to be ashamed of. We pick apart each soft spot on our body because, for the majority of our lives, we’re taught that our bodies are not good enough as they are. Is there even a way to be in love with your body?? Asking for a friend.

In a 2011 article, Glamour Magazine conducted a survey and found that 97% of women will be cruel to themselves every day. That’s SO MANY PEOPLE! And that’s so much self-hatred.

Let’s undo the self hate and let’s begin to rediscover what loving ourselves feels like. These journaling prompts will help you get past all the hateful bullshit that’s been programmed in your brain, and help you begin a healthy and caring relationship with your body.

1. Who benefits from you feeling bad about yourself?

Think back to when you were a kid. Did you ever think that your body looked “wrong?” Most of us didn’t start feeling bad about how we looked until someone told us to feel that way.

Now, we are constantly being told that how we are isn’t good enough. There are images everywherrrreee and they’re designed to intentionally make us feel bad about ourselves. Instagram, magazines, television… We aren’t given a frickin’ break! It’s become a way to profit off of our insecurities.

So, think about it. Who benefits from you feeling badly about how you look? Do you want them to dictate how you feel about your body so that they can make a profit? Probably not! No one should be allowed to tell you how you feel about yourself because your opinion is the only one that matters!

2. What relationship do you want with your body today?

Ideally, we all want to look in the mirror and love what we see. It’s entirely possible to get to that point of limitless self love, but don’t worry if you have to start slow. Big shifts in perspective don’t happen overnight!

Write down what it would be like to look at yourself in the mirror and think, “Wow! I’m a fucking catch!”

Have this goal to come back to and remind yourself what kind of relationship you’re working towards.

3. What is stopping you from having that relationship?

Yep! We’re here to ask the hard questions. No easy-breezy journaling prompts today!

What kind of mental barriers are you facing when it comes to loving yourself? Sometimes there is a voice in the back of our minds saying that we aren’t good enough as we are, and sometimes there are other factors influencing how we feel about our bodies.

Write allllll of it down. Sometimes when you see what’s standing in your way, it’s not so scary.

4. What does it sound like when you speak to yourself?

Write down your inner monologue. Everything! Good, bad, and ugly!

This way, you can see how you’re speaking to yourself. Would you ever say these things to anyone else? How about yourself as a child?

It’s easy to be harsh with ourselves because we don’t often verbalize our thoughts. We don’t see or physically hear them, so we give ourselves permission to keep repeating them throughout our day. Having this constant criticism playing in your ming can be exhausting mentally and emotionally.

So, BE NICE TO YOURSELF! You deserve the same kindness that you give to others.

5. How could you be kinder to yourself?

What can you do to show yourself that you are worthy of love and kindness too?

Sometimes this means showing yourself a bit of forgiveness if you didn’t accomplish everything that you wanted to in a day. Other times it’s telling yourself what you really want to hear:

“I love you.”

“Thank you for keeping me alive and healthy today.”

“You don’t need to change for anyone.”

Listen to what your body needs, what your mental health needs, and what you need! Showing yourself a bit of extra love doesn’t have to be a huge or grand gesture. It could just be giving yourself a little hug, or leaving a sticky note on your mirror reminding you what a badass you are.

Whatever kindness you need, give it to yourself.

6. What has your body done to help you today?

Think of everything that your body has done to love you. It has breathed in the air, it has digested your food, it has moved you to and from places.

Write down all the wonderful gifts your body has given you today. No matter how small! It might seem silly at first, but you’ll begin to see and appreciate how hard it’s working for you.

7. How can you thank your body?

This is the perfect opportunity for you to spoil yourself!

You can thank your body with a sudsy bath and a candle if you want, or you can relax and watch your favourite TV show. It’s totally up to you! YOU get to decide how to show yourself appreciation.

Write down ways that you can show gratitude to your body and keep this list close by. If you’re ever feeling like you could give yourself a little extra love, come back to this list and do some of the activities you’ve written.

8. How can your body bring you joy today?

Did you eat a delicious meal? How about dance around the kitchen like no one was looking?

Our bodies are not meant to be shameful things. They are meant to bring us happiness and allow us to experience the world around us in ways that make us happy. So, be happy! Write down what your body helped you do that made you feel this way! Don’t let anything stand in your way of unabashed joy!

9. What makes you uniquely beautiful?

It sounds cliché, but it’s true when we say that there is no one else like you in the world! So, celebrate that!

What makes you unique and wonderful? List your favourite things about yourself and really take the time to appreciate them. Absorb the love that you feel for these parts of your body and appreciate their beauty.

The next time that you’re feeling badly about your body, remember what you love about yourself by looking at this list. Having a tangible list can help you remember why you’re so frickin’ amazing!

10. How are you going to love yourself today?

Make a commitment to yourself as you write this. Don’t slack on it! You need to be able to show up for yourself when you really need it.

It doesn’t matter how big or small the feeling of love is. All that matters is that you showed yourself the kind of affection and care that you need. It’s so important that you stick to this commitment of love each and every day. You’re going to be with yourself for the rest of your life, so now is the perfect time to begin this new caring relationship with your body.

If you find that you need more journaling prompts or want more ways to work through your relationship with yourself, download our DiveThru app! It’s full of fantastic resources to help you rediscover what it means to be in love with your body.

How to Support Someone with Depression

Oof! Depression. It’s more than just feeling sad. It can actually be incredibly debilitating for those who battle it. One day they can seem fine, the next, getting out of bed can feel like climbing a frickin’ mountain! Their room might become messy, they might forget to shower for a few days, and their meals might become strange, simple, or non-existent. Soooo yeah, we think it’s incredibly important to learn how to support someone with depression!

People who have depression need a lot of love and support. It’s nuanced and complicated, so you need to be well prepared to ride the depression wave while supporting your friend or loved one. There’s a lot of information out there on how to support someone with depression and it’s hard to know where to start. Andddd, that’s why we’re here! Consider us your emotional Gandalf, here to help guide you through the beginning of your supportive journey.

Make Sure You’re in a Good Space

First thing’s first! Make sure that YOU are in a good emotional and mental space before offering support to your friend. Having patience and kindness for someone with depression is important. But, you need to be in a healthy place so that you’re able to offer your friend the kind of unconditional love that they need.

Check-in with yourself and be honest. Do you have the emotional capacity to help your friend today? Are you mentally ready to help them carry the weight of their feelings? If not, that’s ok! Make sure that you’re ready for anything before you help your friend.

Learn About Depression

Become as informed as you possibly can be about depression. It’s different for everyone, so taking the time to learn about the ins and outs of depression is a great start to helping your loved one. Learn about how it affects people, what the symptoms of depression are, and even treatment options.

Learning about depression can also give you more empathy and a better understanding of what your friend is going through. You don’t need to become an expert on it, but having helpful information in your back pocket that you can rely on will be soooo beneficial. The more you know, the more you’ll be prepared to provide support for someone with depression!

Ask How You Can Support Them

Everyone likes to be supported in certain ways, and that goes for people with depression too. Some might say that they want you to help them find treatment options, help them get groceries, cleaning up their home, or simply sit on the couch and watch a really cheesy movie with them (Netflix Christmas rom-coms, anyone?). Asking someone how you can help them when they’re depressed is the best way to know how to effectively support them.

What they need might also change, so check in with them regularly and make sure that the help you’re giving is the kind that they want. Also, let your friend know that it’s ok if and when their needs change. Tell them to communicate openly and honestly with you so that you’re able to cheer them on!

Listen to Their Feelings

Sometimes a good cry and vent session can mean everyyythingggg to someone with depression (OMG that rhymes!). They can feel so alone and isolated and like they’ll be a burden if they talk about their feelings.

Give them a shoulder to cry on and an ear that’s open to listening to what they have to say. And be sure that you TRULY listen. People with depression sometimes think that their problems don’t matter, so someone who is there to validate their feelings and hear what they have to say can be a game-changer for them.

They might not always need advice, so ask if they want to hear your thoughts or if they just need to unload their brain onto someone else.

Being a safe and judgement-free person that they can turn to in their darkest times can help out someone with depression more than you know.

Help Them with Self Care

When someone is depressed, self care doesn’t always come in the form of bubble baths, candles, and a glass of wine. Sometimes it is, but other times it’s cleaning up a messy room, making appointments, paying bills, and taking a shower for the first time in a few days. Our TikTok Queen, Brittany Broski, illustrated this perfectly with her depression meal check.

Being there to help someone with the tasks that are too overwhelming for them can help get the self care ball rolling, no matter how slowly, but rolling nonetheless.

Encourage Treatment

Here at DiveThru, we loooove therapy. It’s a fantastic tool to help you get your mind back on track and have a professional walk you through some really tough shit. Seeking help from a mental health professional is sometimes seen as a sign of weakness when it’s actually the opposite.

It takes a lot of strength to admit that you can’t go on your mental health journey all alone. If your friend doesn’t know where to start looking when it comes to treatment options, offer to sit down and look with them. Figure out together how to choose a therapist.

Do some research on therapy, medication, mindfulness, the whole 9 yards! Encourage them to seek treatment, and even offer to take them to their first few sessions. Having you there will be comforting to your friend who will likely be nervous as fuck if it’s their first time in therapy!

Therapy can also be hella expensive. We won’t sugar coat it! However, there are some clinics that are able to accommodate a lower budget. Looking up affordable therapy options can be a helpful step in the right direction.

Don’t Take It Personally

Your friend or loved one might try to push you away when you offer your help. You might be met with resistance, and they might even completely reject the help that you’re offering. Be prepared for your friend to potentially try and isolate themselves from you, and possibly say some hurtful things as well.

It might be hard, but try not to take this personally. They’re going through a lot that you might not know about or completely understand. So, forgive them, love them, and stick by their side no matter what!

Love, Love, Love Them

Your friend is going to need some loving. A lot of it. Unconditionally.

You know how your pet loves you no matter what? You need to be that for your friend. Not a pet (obviously), but a source of unconditional love. When someone has depression, they can sometimes feel unlovable or not worthy of receiving love from others. You need to show them that you do love and care about them regardless of what their depression might be telling them.

Sit with them in their most painful and uncomfortable times. Emotions are hard and they’re often difficult to address, especially on your own. Showing your friend love and kindness might help them seek out treatment, and even help them start to show a little bit of love to themselves.

But remember that you need to take care of yourself too! Your mental health and wellbeing need to be looked after just as much as your friend’s. It might be hard to set boundaries and take time for yourself, but showing up for yourself means that you’ll be able to better show up for your friend.

There you have it! You’re not an expert but now you know a few ways to provide help for someone with depression. Remember, depression can feel like a never-ending battle for everyone involved so keep your head up, keep fighting the good fight and encourage your friend to go to therapy. We promise, it’s really fucking awesome.

10 Things NOT to Say About an Eating Disorder

Eating disorders are complicated! Trust us. We know first-hand how complex they can be. There are also many eating disorder types and they all present differently. Some cause a person to restrict their food and others cause them to binge. There are also eating disorders that manifest as counting calories, only eating organic and vegan foods, and even completely avoiding certain foods like carbs. Talking to someone who is struggling with or recovering from an eating disorder can be difficult if you aren’t sure what to say.

You might be afraid that something you say could offend or trigger them, and to be honest, that’s a valid concern. There are certain topics and statements you should avoid in order to have a healthy and helpful conversation with your loved one who is struggling.

But don’t worry! We’re here to help you avoid potential triggers so that you can support your loved one in a caring and judgement-free way. We also have an article with 10 ways to support someone with an eating disorder to help you out even more.

1. “You’re really thin” or “You’ve gained some weight”

Repeat after me… “I will not comment on someone’s weight, like ever.” While you should never comment on someone’s weight, it’s extra important to avoid the topic when someone’s struggling with an eating disorder. Those who restrict their food can gain some satisfaction from hearing others notice their weight loss.

People with binge-eating disorders will often gain weight and can feel a lot of shame associated with their new body. Hearing others notice these changes can be really hurtful and triggering for them.

So, be mindful when you talk to someone about how their body looks. Even though you might not understand their complicated relationship with food, comments like this can hurt that relationship even more.

2. “You don’t look fat to me. I think you look healthy!”

People with restrictive eating disorders often don’t see the word “healthy” as a positive thing. “Healthy,” in the ears of someone who restricts their food is a negative word and can scare them into restricting more because it’s often associated with weight gain.

Telling someone who restricts their food that you don’t think they look fat doesn’t mean anything to them. Most of the time, the only thing that matters to them is how they see themselves. They also might not be restricting just to lose weight. There might be other factors influencing their eating disorder that you might not be aware of. If you can avoid it, don’t comment on their weight at all.

3. “What you’re doing is hurting me.”

Your loved one is going through an emotionally painful time and their intent is likely not to hurt you. Centering the conversation around yourself and your emotions isn’t as effective as listening to what your loved one feels and needs.

Instead, make the conversation about them, how they feel, and what they’re going through. Because they’re going through A LOT! Mention how much you love and care for this person because, at the end of the day, that’s really the point you want to get across.

4. “Why don’t you just eat something?”

If only it were that simple! People with eating disorders WISH that they could just eat a banana or just eat a burger. They really do! But when a person has a restrictive eating disorder, food becomes the enemy. Mental blocks and barriers are created around food and they are extremely difficult to overcome.

While eating large and delicious meals might be something you look forward to, someone with an eating disorder will dread it. They can feel overwhelmed with the pressure of eating and even struggle to eat in front of others.

There is a lot of pain and emotions in the mind of a person with an eating disorder. Sadly, it’s never as simple as “just eating something.”

5. “Why can’t you just stop eating?”

Just like restrictive eating disorders, telling someone with a binge-eating disorder to stop eating isn’t as simple as it sounds. People with binge-eating disorders often feel a lack of control when it comes to food. There isn’t a simple way to stop. They often feel trapped and are going through intense emotional struggles. If they felt like they had the power to stop having an eating disorder, they would. Unfortunately, it is a complex mental health condition that takes a lot of time and effort to recover from.

6. “You either eat (/stop eating) OR…”

Ultimatums might seem like a good negotiation tactic, but unfortunately, they can do more harm than good.

A person with an eating disorder is already under enough pressure from themselves and they don’t need any extra stressors in their life. Sometimes people with eating disorders are triggered by stress or intense emotions, so avoid putting them into taxing situations that can cause them to further isolate themselves and be afraid to come forward when they are struggling.

7. “Wow, you look amazing! I wish I had your will power.”

Remember what we said at the beginning of this article? Don’t. Comment. On. Someone’s. Weight. Yes, even when it comes to “compliments.”

This can give them the validation that their restriction and dieting techniques are working, and statements like this encourage their eating disorder–and that’s the opposite of what we want to do.

8. “Isn’t that too many calories?”

People who have binge-eating disorders are often very aware of the amount of food they’re eating. There can be a lot of shame around eating, especially eating in front of people, so make sure that you keep comments like this to yourself because it takes a lot of courage to eat in front of others when you’re struggling with an eating disorder.

9. “You’re too fat to have an eating disorder.”

Anyone at any size can have an eating disorder. Medical professionals can sometimes dismiss a patient because they don’t think that the patient is thin enough to have one. But if someone is restricting their food, it doesn’t matter what size they are. They aren’t receiving the nutrients they need. Remember, weight is not an indication of a healthy relationship to food. Anyone can have an eating disorder.

10. “Should you be eating that?”

If a person with restrictive eating disorders is eating anything, and I mean ANYTHING, don’t comment on it. It takes a lot of courage and strength (think Hercules) to eat something, especially eating something in front of others. They also likely already have a list of “safe” and “fear” foods in their mind, and they might be branching out from that list and facing their fear foods.

Comments like this can trigger your loved one and their perfectionism. They can begin comparing themselves to others, go back to their old ways, and keep restricting if they aren’t given the kind of loving support that they need.

If they’re eating a type of food that you think is unhealthy, who cares? They’re eating something and that’s all that matters. And you know what? *climbs atop our digital soapbox* What someone eats, whether they have a history with an eating disorder or not, does not impact their value as a human being. Someone’s size and weight doesn’t mean that they are any less deserving of love and respect. Also, what someone eats has zero impact on you, your life, and your decisions. Let them eat whatever makes them happy and you can do the same.

If someone has a binge-eating disorder, they likely have shame and negative emotions when it comes to food. Hearing comments about the food they’re eating can bring them down even more and hurt like hell. So, instead of shaming them, show them empathy and kindness because they’re likely really struggling and could use a little (or a lot) of love.

Be Their Friend the Way They Need You to Be

It might feel like you’re walking on eggshells at first, but trust us, it gets easier! Just make sure that you ask your loved one how you can support them. Listen to what they have to say because it can be a really raw experience opening up to someone about something so painful. There’s a battle going on inside their mind and they’re on the side of both the villain and the hero! But always remind them that you love them, you’re going to be there for them, and that you’re so proud of them for tackling the eating disorder beast!

How to Choose a Therapist

Do you remember the exact moment you decided to go to therapy? It was probably around the time that you started opening up to your friends about your feelings and letting them in on the emotional struggle. It was also likely around the time you realized you’re not the only one who feels emotionally drained or irritated by little things or too tired to get out of bed. We’re guessing this is also around the time you realized that there’s actually nothing wrong with you…that these feelings affect many other people, including your friends. Regardless of how you arrived at the Google machine, plugging in how to choose a therapist, you’re here now and we’re so proud of you.

Life is tough. Some days you might feel invincible, and other days you may feel paralyzed by all of the challenges being thrown at you. Learning how to maintain your mental wellbeing throughout these hills and valleys is tough, and you are strong for searching for help.

Are you excited to talk therapy with us? Let’s dive thru…

What Are the Different Types of Therapists?

You must have a million questions about therapy and this one is likely at the top of the list! We agree it’s a great starting point — with a dozen different titles that sometimes get used interchangeably, it can get pretty confusing. Don’t worry, we’re swooping in to help.

Psychologists

According to the Canadian Psychological Association, psychologists study how people think, feel and behave and then apply their knowledge to help people understand and/or change their behaviour.

While some psychologists focus primarily on research and work with universities or government organizations, others work as practitioners in hospitals, schools, clinics, or other facilities. It’s not weird if you find a psychologist involved in both research and practice as most of them do both.

In Canada, to become a psychologist you must complete a master’s and/or doctoral degree in psychology (PhD or PsyD). This ranges between 6 and 10 years of university, a time during which you’ll pick an area to focus on and specialize your training in. A doctoral degree basically means extra training and research, which also comes with a “Dr.” title.

So that’s cool…but how can they actually help you with your mental health? Psychologists who work as practitioners are trained to “assess and diagnose problems in thinking, feeling and behaviour.” They’re experts in a variety of mental health problems, with a great understanding of aspects that determine your behaviour. They can diagnose the role of psychological factors in your life and help you understand them too so that you can solve problems with clarity.

They’re basically superheroes who come into your life to help you identify what the problem is and then help you overcome it. Wait, no, you’re the superhero — they’re your Yoda, your Splinter, your Jarvis, your Gandalf, your Woody, your Dumbledore!

But they’re not the only ones who can help…keep reading.

Psychiatrists

According to the Canadian Psychiatric Association, psychiatrists are medical doctors who have extensive training in mental health and mental disorders — that includes the causes, the diagnosis, the treatment and the ongoing care of mental disorders.

These folks have training that allows them to prescribe medication, provide psychotherapeutic treatments, and work with patients directly. Sometimes you’ll see psychiatrists and psychologists work hand-in-hand as they try to find the best treatment and care for their patients.

The difference between the two is that psychiatrists prescribe medication to help their clients manage their mental disorders, and typically don’t provide counselling or psychotherapy. In some cases, medication is very necessary and that’s where psychiatrists will step in. The best way to get a recommendation to see a psychiatrist is to visit your family doctor first and speak with them about your concerns.

Psychotherapists

Psychotherapists are health-care professionals that work mostly with talk-based therapy to help people on their mental health journey. Under this term, we can include social workers and counsellors. In Canada, not every province has the same counselling/psychotherapy regulations but one certification you can look for is CCC (Canadian Certified Counsellor). This designation is recognized by the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA), which is a national professional body in Canada.

Similar to psychologists and psychiatrists, psychotherapists need to complete certain education requirements before they can receive a CCC designation. A PhD is not required, so psychotherapists will usually hold a master’s in counselling. The thing to remember about this title is that it’s an umbrella term that could cover a range of roles. Always dig for more specific details, like their schooling background and their particular area of practice.

Counsellors & Social Workers

Another umbrella term, “social worker” could mean several things. The Canadian Association of Social Workers (CASW) defines social work as “concerned with individual and personal problems but also broader social issues such as poverty, unemployment, and domestic violence.” Depending on the facility or setting where social workers work, their focus and area of therapy expertise will vary.

In the United States, you’ll see titles like LCSW (licensed clinical social worker, fully licensed and credentialed) or LSW (licensed social worker, provisionally licensed). Because regulations vary from province to province, and state to state, it’s up to you to check the educational background and certification of the social worker you are thinking of working with. In Canada, CASW monitors and sets standards of practice for social workers.

Things to Consider Before Going In

The process of choosing a therapist becomes even more intimidating when you learn there are more than 60 different types of therapy…is there a way to know what type of therapy and which therapist are best for you??

Yup. Here’s your checklist! Before you book your first session, have a phone consultation with your potential therapist and go through these items. Ask any and all questions that come up for you and don’t be scared to probe for more details.

1. Approach to Treatment

While this is a super simplified overview version of theoretical approaches, it will give you an idea of what to look for. Ask the therapist you’re hoping to work with what their theoretical orientation is. What that tells you is their philosophy as it applies to understanding you, and identifying and solving problems. Their theoretical orientation will inform the overall focus of your sessions and guide the session goals.

The American Psychological Association lists the following approaches of psychotherapy:

It’s worth noting that different modalities are best for treating specific challenges. For example, someone who has a borderline diagnosis will likely do well with DBT therapy, rather than psychoanalytic.

Another resource we’ll recommend checking out is the Canadian Psychological Association’s fact sheets that dive thru mental health issues in detail. These fact sheets break down complex issues in a way that is easy to understand. If you’re looking for information you can trust, this is a great guide.

2. Credentials & Education

We’ve already mentioned this but we’re going to say it one more time. It’s important to check the credentials of any therapist you’re hoping to work with. The words “therapist” and “counsellor” are unregulated terms so don’t rely on those words as your guarantee.

Mental health professionals dedicate so much time and effort to their education because they know that’s what it takes to help someone when it comes to their mental health. To check their credentials, simply ask them to detail their qualifications and explain what that means in terms of schooling. You can also contact the professional body they’re a member of and verify the information that way.

3. Good Fit

Depending on what you’re hoping to dive thru with your therapist, you should consider if they are the right “fit” for you. Are you at a place right now where you need someone who is more supportive? Are you needing someone more direct who will ask the tough questions?

Another aspect to consider is gender. You should be comfortable with your therapist and feel like you can trust them with your personal thoughts and feelings. If you do feel a strong aversion to working with one gender, don’t be ashamed to choose another. We all have past experiences that may in some way be related to gender and that’s not something to be guilty about. Choose what’s best for you.

The same goes for age and sexual identity. These two factors might also be considered when choosing your therapist if it makes you feel more comfortable.

Here are some other questions to ask when choosing a therapist:

What is your area of expertise or your specialty? What’s your approach to treatment?
Have you worked with people that have gone through similar issues to mine?
What are the most common concerns you usually work with?
How would you evaluate our progress in therapy?
Are you now or have you ever been in therapy?
How long are sessions and what is the typical charge for one session?
Do you have different payment structures available? (sliding scale/fixed cost/subsidized by gov’t)
Are there any resources that would help me with the cost?
Do you offer support in between sessions?
Do you assign homework or exercises in between sessions?

Where Do You Find Therapists in Your Region?

YAY for the advent of the internet and the way it has helped us reach things faster and easier. We’ll be giving you a few resources that will make choosing a therapist a breeze.

First up, if you’re in Canada you can use the CCPA database to find a certified counsellor. The search box gives you a ton of options to filter and narrow your search to exactly what you need. If you’re in Edmonton or within Alberta, you can also go through the DiveThru questionnaire to find the right fit for you.

If you’re not reading this from Canada, we’ve still got your back. Take a look at Psychology Today’s database of verified therapists available around the world. It’s super easy to filter down based on types of therapy, types of issues, and even price.

Psych Central also has their own database that can help you find the right therapist for you.

7 Tips From a Therapist, About Finding a Therapist

**gets off soapbox and hands the mic over**

It’s time to hear from one of our superheroes. Our in-house mental health professional, LCSW Natalie Asayag, wants to give you some tips on how to pick a therapist:

1. “Don’t be afraid to ask questions and communicate your reservations or worries about therapy. If the therapists you are vetting are unwilling to answer your questions or seem impatient, this is not a good sign.”

2. “Each therapist is so different. Ask the therapist what sessions are like — are they strictly structured, does the patient guide the session, etc.”

3. “Inquire about the type of therapy practiced by the therapist. If needed, tell them to break it down in layman’s terms.”

4. “It usually takes about three sessions to start building a rapport with your therapist. It can be really uncomfortable to be open and vulnerable and it’s so admirable that you are putting yourself out there!”

5. “If it feels safe to do so, talk to your friends and family. Word of mouth can be one of the best ways to find a quality therapist. “

6. “If someone doesn’t seem quite like the right fit or they don’t have any openings, inquire if they can offer you referrals.”

7. “Communicate what you would like from your work together. Would you like an open space to vent and cope with daily life? Would you like to get to the root of an issue? Or would you like to change a specific behaviour? It’s helpful for a therapist to have some insight regarding your goals. If you don’t quite know, that’s okay. You can say that and then you can both work together to determine what works best for you.”

You’ve Had Your First Session, Now What?

Well, the first question we’re going to ask you is how did it make you feel?

What thoughts and feelings and sensations came up during the session? Did you feel heard? Did you feel like your boundaries were respected? At any point in time, did you start to feel uncomfortable or awkward or uncertain? Did any red flags or potential ethical issues come up?

Grab a notebook and take the time to reflect on the experience! You’re about to make an important decision that will shape out the course of your therapy. Make sure you have answers to all these questions above before you decide to continue with your current therapist or consult someone else.

Also — congratulations on the decision to seek out therapy. We think that’s pretty f*cking badass.

10 Sober Celebrities Open Up About Their Recovery

Addiction is a gruelling and complicated issue. Regardless of what instigates the first use, addiction is influenced by factors like genetics, psychological history, trauma, life experiences, and coping skills to name a few. The list doesn’t end there…mental health disorders, high stress, and a lack of support systems are also known to impact the onset of addiction. It can be an isolating journey for some and that can make recovery a much harder battle. For others, like sober celebrities in recovery, the journey is publicized and exposed…which, you guessed it, is also hard AF.

We’re writing this article with only one purpose. For those of you currently in recovery, we want you to know you’re not alone. We want you to know that even though your sobriety journey seems impossible, you have what it takes to make it.

But you don’t have to take our word for it…let’s hear from the people who have been in your shoes and fought your fight. These 10 public figures and celebrities in recovery have a few words to pass along.

Bradley Cooper

“Anytime you’re trying to tell the truth you need to go to places and use things that have happened to you, or you’ve read about or experienced. And that’s all part of the beauty of turning whatever things you’ve gone through into a story. I find that to be very cathartic. All the insecurities, all the dark stuff — you get to use that and that’s really the truth.”

Zac Efron

“It’s a never-ending struggle. I was drinking a lot, way too much. And it’s never one specific thing — I mean, you’re in your 20s, single, going through life in Hollywood, you know? Everything is thrown at you. I wouldn’t take anything back; I needed to learn everything I did. But it was an interesting journey, to say the least.”

Oprah

“I relate to your story so much. I have done this drug. So I know exactly what you’re talking about. And that is my life’s great big secret that has always been held over my head. I had a perfect, round, little Afro, I went to church every Sunday and I went to Wednesday prayer meeting when I could … and I did drugs.”

Russell Brand

“It is 10 years since I used drugs or drank alcohol and my life has improved immeasurably. The price of this is constant vigilance because the disease of addiction is not rational. […] Don’t pick up a drink or drug, one day at a time. It sounds simple. It actually is simple but it isn’t easy: it requires incredible support and fastidious structuring. Not to mention that the whole infrastructure of abstinence-based recovery is shrouded in necessary secrecy.”

Robert Downey Jr

“You’re confronted with histories and predispositions and influences and feelings and unspoken traumas or needs that weren’t met, and all of a sudden you’re three miles into the woods. Can you help someone get out of those woods? Yes, you can. By not getting lost looking for them.”

Jamie Lee Curtis

“The beautiful part of being able to acknowledge your own illness, to call yourself an alcoholic or a drug addict, is a badge of honour, because the shameful secret is the reason why it’s such a pervasive illness. It’s the secret shame that keeps people locked up in their disease.”

Lady Gaga

“It was like the drug was my friend. I never did it with other people. It’s such a terrible way to fill that void, because it just adds to that void, because it’s not real.”

Dax Sheppard

“To truly be powerless over something is fucking demoralizing, it’s so rough. And there are a couple of common fallacies about sobriety. One of them is that people hit a bottom and that’s that. Most addicts have many bottoms. The moment for me was realizing […] I’m doing everything I had dreamt of doing for 30 years, it all came true and I am the closest to not wanting to be alive as I’ve ever been. I was able to say something much more profound was broken.”

Chrissy Teigen

“I got used to being in hair and makeup and having a glass of wine. Then that glass of wine would carry over into me having one before the awards show. And then a bunch at the awards show. Then I felt bad for making kind of an ass of myself to people that I really respected. And that feeling, there’s just nothing like that. You feel horrible.”

Amber Valletta

“I suffer from a disease called addiction. I found drugs, I found alcohol…couldn’t manage my feelings so I had to take something. And I put everything on the line for my addiction. I didn’t care. Addiction takes you to the worst places. It’s demoralizing, it’s dark and it thrives on all of those things. I got sober at 25 not because I had the willpower but because I didn’t wana die. How I stay sober today, 15 years later, is that I continually turn inward and look at my disease because my disease shapeshifts.”

Just another reminder to be kind to yourself on this journey, which is unfathomably difficult. Self-compassion may seem out of reach right now but keep working towards it every day. The best way we know how to do that is through journaling, which you can learn all about on our DiveThru blog. Decades of research have proven the benefits of freewriting to identify and express your emotions and we want you to take advantage of that.

And we probably should have led with this, but DiveThru is free to download! You’ve got 1000+ journaling prompts at your fingertips to dive thru what you’re going thru. All you need is a pen and paper.