Written By: DiveThru Team
Reviewed By: Natalie Asayag MSW, LCSW
Written By: DiveThru Team
Reviewed By: Natalie Asayag MSW, LCSW
We’re gonna put happy and alone in the same sentence, because guess what? Your happiness and fulfillment do not depend on having a partner. Read that again, friends. Let it really sink in because we’re about to dive thru the billion things to do when you’re single that’ll help you live your best single life.
Alone does not mean lonely – although that is something society is trapping you into thinking is correlated (AHEM, those darn rom coms).
Don’t get us wrong, we love romantic comedies. The Notebook will forever draw tears. Don’t even get us started on 10 Things I Hate About You. (Heath Ledger, we will forever adore you).
We LOVE love. But the notion of “completing” one another is toxic. We are whole humans. Period. We have emotions and feelings and needs and desires. Who we choose to share those with is just that – a choice. A way to cherish another human.
Anyways, we know being single is hard. We know you sometimes feel like you’re missing out. And we wish we could say we had a list of “How To Be Single & Love It In 7 Easy Steps”, but in all honesty, they’re never as easy as we hope they’ll be.
So how about this instead: “7 Potentially-Challenging-But-Fulfilling-And-Worth-It Things To Do When You’re Single?”
Ok ok, now that’s something we can get behind.
If you just recently went through a breakup, these steps might be extra hard (yay). Whatever place you’re starting from, just know that it’s okay.
You just got home from your Bumble date and you’re still smiling from ear to ear. How the HECK can someone be so handsome and so nice?? This literally couldn’t have gone better.
He was genuinely interested in what you were saying all night. He opened every single door for you AND he laughed at your jokes.
Your heart is now pounding and you’re realizing that holy shit you could see yourself getting attached to this guy.
As the week goes on, you guys keep texting. He does seem to be really busy and only answers occasionally. But you’re obviously not gonna be ‘the crazy one’ and read too much into it.
The weekend is coming up so you guys plan another date for Friday night! Absolutely stoked for it, you take 3 hours to get ready (and in a small panic, shave everything just in case).
Then you get the text, an hour before you’re supposed to meet.
“I’m so sorry, caught up with work. Can we reschedule?”
Well fuck. Yeah sure thing, not a problem. No worries, all good. Of course, I totally understand. Which lie do you respond with?
Our single friends all know this dilemma. It sucks. Really fucking sucks because you spent time and effort getting ready.
Here’s where we come in.
It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be irritated. Or relieved! Or really truly happy. It’s also ok to change your mind about those feelings. Angry is fine too. And comfortable is just as ok!!
There are ups and downs to dating and the best thing you can do is roll with those feelings. Disappointed? Call your best friend and rant for a minute. Sad? Have a quick ugly cry.
Avoiding those feelings so that you can come across as “chill” and “strong” will not do you any favours. The only way to get past these feelings is to go through them.
So what happens now that your date is cancelled and you’re looking like a total smokeshow on a Friday night??
You take care of yourself. Once you’ve checked in with your feelings, it’s time to decide how you’ll dedicate this perfect night to yourself.
If you don’t want that $68 foundation to go to waste, take yourself on a date! We know it’s scary going to a restaurant and sitting down by yourself but why not have a seat at the bar? The bartender will break the ice and take the pressure off so that you don’t feel awkward. Brownie points to them if they introduce you to some people.
If that’s not what you need, then take that makeup off and run a nice hot bath. Grab a book, grab a bottle of wine, grab some candles. How delightful does that sound?
And you don’t have to wait for a cancelled date to take care of yourself either. You gorgeous, amazing soul, you.
Try your best to keep self-care in your daily routine. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive; the best self-care practices are often free. Taking care of yourself – your whole self – is an important part of being fulfilled (whether you’re single or not).
Journaling really is the gift that keeps on giving. According to a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, journaling about your romantic life can actually speed up an emotional recovery process. Ok, we’re listening…
Sometimes there is so much going on in your head that it’s hard to pin down exactly what you’re feeling, and why you’re feeling that way. A journal is a safe space for you to unload your thoughts and sort through everything you’re feeling.
It won’t judge you if you’re writing about your baddie sex adventures. It won’t judge you if your eyes are swollen shut from crying. And you bet it won’t turn away when you over analyze the moment you got ghosted. It’s the perfect listening ear.
If you’ve never journalled before, now is as good a time as any to start. All you need is a pen and a piece of paper. Write as much or as little as you want about whatever you’re feeling in that moment. If you need a little journaling inspiration to get started, check out our DiveThru app, which features over 1000 free journaling exercises.
If this sounds like the best thing you’ve heard all week, go ahead and download the DiveThru app for free right now.
Your mindset can make all the difference in the world. Life Coach Shula Melamed suggests “thinking of being single as an opportunity, not a punishment.” We totally agree. This is an opportunity to learn, grow, build confidence, and find yourself. Run wild. Focus on the present moments as they find you and make the best of them.
In addition to taking time for yourself, Melamed adds that this can be a great time to focus on your career and your friends. Always, always, always look for the silver lining and find gratitude in the treasures you have.
We mean this in the best possible way.
Take this example. Your partner never liked going to the movie theatre. They said it was too busy, too expensive, and too much of a hassle. So you always streamed the movies at home on your shabby (minus the chic) couch. On the other hand, you love the theatre. You love nothing more than the smell of fresh buttery popcorn and the anticipation of the big screen.
Well, guess what? You’re about to rack up some serious Scene points because now you can go to as many movies as you want. And there won’t be a single complaint. Music to your ears.
We tend to compromise parts of ourselves in relationships, but now is the time for you to finally do what you want to do. Focus on things that make you happy and things you may have neglected in the past. In this context, being selfish is ok. 13/10 recommended by experts.
It can be scary to venture out alone when you’re so used to having someone by your side. Whether you’re getting groceries, going to a Christmas party, or walking to class, it just feels weird not having them there. Like something is off. Like you’re missing something.
Au contraire mon ami, everything you need is inside of you. Cheesy, but true.
Little by little, try to step out of your comfort zone and do things on your own. You’ll rediscover the power and freedom that comes from not relying on anyone but yourself. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, and you don’t have to take anyone else’s wishes into consideration. Except obviously, your friends’ and family’s, but you get the point we’re trying to make. Just imagine the freedom!!
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it will feel weird and uncomfortable and different being alone. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. There’s such a negative connotation around being single but it’s definitely not warranted. Being single is liberating, reassuring, and, frankly, really fun.
Instead of going on dates with a new partner, we recommend (once again) going on dates with yourself. Treat yourself to a fancy dessert, go to a concert solo, or book a weekend getaway to the beach. You deserve to be loved by yourself above all others.
We weren’t lying when we said these steps would be worth it in the end.
So next time you feel like you’re missing out on stuff because you’re single, invest in yourself. By taking time to do that, you’ll realize that you are (and have always been) resilient, loving, and all around phenomenal. These steps will help you see the silver lining in the word ‘single’ and will remind you how great it is to be in the company of yourself.
Read More: 7 Ways Empaths Can Take Care of Their Mental Health, 7 Helpful Ways to Take a Social Media Break,