DiveThru is a mental wellbeing app that helps you take charge of your mental wellbeing. Harnessing the power of guided journaling exercises, we help you take charge of your mental wellbeing.
You go on Pinterest and your feed is overflowing with motivational quotes (or is that just us?). “Love yourself” they say. “Be you”. That’s great advice, but… how? Is there some sort of fine print with instructions that we’re missing? How do you embrace who you are?
Embracing yourself – all of yourself – is not just a switch you can turn on and off. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Although there will never be a universal set of fine print instructions for how to embrace yourself, we hope that ours will be a starting point for you in learning to love your amazing, unique, brave self.
1. Work at It
The most important thing to realize is that embracing yourself will not happen magically overnight. It won’t be automatic, and it won’t be easy. Learning to embrace yourself is going to be a work in progress and that’s ok. It’s a marathon not a sprint. Just know that every time you make a conscious choice to stay true to yourself, you’re closer to your end goal than you were one day ago.
2. Choose a Support System That Helps You Grow
Surround yourself with people who are willing to work with you, who will give you the opportunity to grow into yourself, and who will never judge you along the way. Although it is ultimately up to you to choose and accept yourself, it doesn’t hurt to have people around you who are also willing to choose and accept you. They will be there to support you as you grow and will not expect you to be the same person they met years ago. They will acknowledge that there is more than one version of you.
3. Forgive Your Earlier Mistakes
As you grow, it is so important to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes you’ve made not only with others, but with yourself as well. Be kind and practice self-compassion. In the process of growing and embracing yourself, you are inevitably going to make mistakes. That’s ok. Since we’re in the spirit of embracing things, let’s embrace those too. Learning from mistakes is the only way to grow.
4. Detach Your Value From the Values of Others
We’ve heard it a million times: it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Then why does it still feel like it does? Because it’s going to take a lot of time and a constant effort to reverse the habits we’ve lived with for years. It’s ok to hear the opinions of others, but the important thing to realize is that their negative opinions do not diminish your value.
Repeat after us: my value does not depend on what others think of me.
5. Get to Know Yourself
Part of embracing who you are is knowing who you are. If you don’t even know who you are, how are you supposed to embrace and stand up for that person? If you’re unsure of your identity right now, don’t worry. Be open to trying new things so you can figure out what makes you you. It will take work and introspection to know yourself – that’s what we’re here for.
Use our DiveThru app to dig deep into yourself and find the true you that’s hiding under all the layers of fitting in (see next point).
What makes you swell with pride?
What makes you want to scream in frustration?
And what makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside?
Once you know these things about yourself, it will be easier to embrace them and live authentically. This is a small step towards learning how to love yourself more.
6. Don’t Try to Fit In
It’s very hard when all we’ve been taught is to fit into a box, a mold, and a certain way of being. Growing up, all we wanted to do was fit in. The thing we probably didn’t realize was that, by being different, we were already similar. Our differences make us unique and interesting, but they are also what make us similar. We are all different. That’s a good thing. How boring would the world be if everyone was a carbon copy of one another?
7. Know That You’re Doing Your Best
It’s hard to be yourself in a world that’s constantly trying to tell you to be someone else. We get it. Just know that you are doing your best and that that is enough. Despite what people may tell you, you don’t have to be perfect. Your best is and will always be enough.
You don’t think you need to learn how to practice self-compassion until something like this happens. Muse along with us for a minute while we paint a picture.
You’ve finally scored THE job interview. It’s your dream role and you’ve been prepping for this interview for weeks. You’ve researched the company, you know what you’re going to wear, you’ve rehearsed what you’re going to say. No room for failure this time.
You’re in the waiting room. Your palms start to feel clammy. You’re a little nervous. You think to yourself, “Don’t mess this up”. The interviewer calls your name and you walk into the room on shaking legs. You sit down and – and you blank. You forget absolutely everything.
Now you’re really sweating and your heart is pounding and you’re so mad at yourself because UGH you practiced for this and you screwed it up and why can’t you just do one thing right???
Now imagine a friend tells you the exact same story.
You answer the phone and hear their voice…they sound so defeated. Your heart breaks for them. You know how bad they wanted this job. You tell them that it’s ok, everything will be ok. It was just one interview. They are so talented and qualified and amazing and there will be many more interviews. “It happens to everyone,” you say. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Hmm.. do you see where we’re going with this?
Experiences like this are NORMAL. They happen to everyone.
When they happen to others, we are good friends – great friends, even. We are there with support and encouragement because all we want to do is make them feel better. So why, in the exact same situation, do we feel authorized to rip ourselves apart?
Because we aren’t practicing self-compassion.
Dr. Kristin Neff has spent years studying self-compassion and describes it as giving the same care to yourself as you would a good friend:
“Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?”
Maybe this seems like a revolutionary idea. Being kind to ourselves? What? Or maybe this is a Eureka Moment – everything finally makes sense. Either way, being kind to ourselves is so so so important.
In fact, Dr. Neff has found that “self-compassion is very strongly related to mental wellbeing”. Ok, we should definitely be nice to ourselves.
The Three Elements of Self-Compassion
According to Dr. Neff, there are three elements crucial to self-compassion. As we dive thru them together, think about where you stand in relation. Are you more prone to one than the other?
Self-kindness vs. Self-judgement
Self-kindness points to being understanding to ourselves, rather than giving ourselves large doses of harsh criticism. When you reflect on your self-talk, does it sound like something you’d be okay with saying to your best friend? If the answer is no, you’re likely being way too mean to yourself. Your internal critic got hold of the reins and is wreaking havoc. Get those reins back.
Common Humanity vs. Isolation
Making mistakes is part of being human – it connects us all together. When you realize you are not alone in your feelings, you begin to feel the common humanity in our experiences. You’re not alone in your struggles.
Mindfulness vs. Over-identification
Being mindful means accepting your thoughts and feelings as they are and not necessarily trying to change them.
Simply put, self-compassion is the same as having compassion for others:
“With self-compassion we mindfully accept that the moment is painful, and embrace ourselves with kindness and care in response, remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.”
So, are you ready to be a friend to yourself?
6 Ways You Can Be Kinder to Yourself
Let’s start implementing self-compassion in your daily life. Check out these exercises from Dr. Neff herself on how to be kinder to your incredible self:
1. Learn more about what self-compassion is.
Watch Dr. Kristin Neff’s Tedx Talk about self-compassion and the impact it’s had on her life. She explains the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem and some of the science behind self-compassion.
2. See how you actually treat yourself.
Take Dr. Neff’s self-compassion test to see how you’re treating yourself now, as well as some areas of improvement for the future. Think of it like those quizzes you used to take in teen magazines. Except, instead of telling you which member of One Direction you are, this one tells you how kind you’re being to yourself. Fun and productive.
3. Write a letter to yourself from an imaginary friend.
This may sound odd but writing from another perspective will help reframe your thoughts. You’ll realize how you should be treating yourself all the time and can start allowing that compassion into your own life. The only thing left after that will be coffee dates with your imaginary BFF.
4. Change your critical self-talk.
Critical self-talk can be an ingrained habit so this will likely take time and dedication. First, try to recognize and acknowledge when you’re thinking negative thoughts. Then, try to work on shifting them to be more loving and compassionate. As Dr. Neff says, “Love is more powerful than fear.”
5. Keep a self-compassion journal.
If you’ve been around for a while, you may have noticed that we kind of dig journaling.
Ok, we really dig journaling.
You can use the free resources on our DiveThru app to track your journey to self-compassion. As you go through the events of the day, try to keep the three elements of self-compassion in mind: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Check in with yourself and as you do, celebrate the little moments of self-kindness until they become second nature.
6. Take advantage of the resources available to you.
The entirety of the world wide web is at your disposal; there are so many amazing (free!) resources just beyond the google search bar. One excellent resource is guided reflection in podcast format. Dr. Neff has created ten different self-compassion guided meditations that are free to listen to. Some of the topics include self-compassion for caregivers, noting your emotions, and self-compassion break. Take some time to explore these, along with other resources on your journey to become more self-compassionate.
At DiveThru, we believe in you and we are here for you. With just a pinch of practice, a teaspoon of forgiveness, and a cup of kindness, you’re on your way to becoming a better friend to yourself. Mix in a whole lot of love and you have the perfect recipe for self-compassion.
Or is that the recipe for chocolate chip cookies? Either way, it’s a win.
Our constantly changing world is inevitably going to create stress. Let’s face it, whether it’s a demanding boss, a busy schedule, or a difficult relationship, the Earth can be a stressful place sometimes! What makes it even more challenging is that there’s no one perfect way to deal with it. Since everyone experiences and deals with stress in their own way, here’s how to relieve stress with 8 techniques recommended by psychologists!
Maybe you’re someone who needs to exercise, someone who needs to talk it out, or someone who just needs to curl up with a book and a cup of tea. All of these options are perfectly ok for dealing with stress. Unfortunately, it can be a lot of trial and error before you find a stress relief technique that works for you. We’ve got your back. To help you get started, we’ve researched 8 psychologist-recommended techniques for surviving stress:
1. Identify Your Stress at the Source
Knowing what makes you stressed can be monumental in finding out how to cope with it. Once you realize why you’re stressed, you’ll be able to recognize those triggers and apply healthy stress management strategies to tackle them. Don’t get us wrong, this can be difficult, but it can be life-changing in how you relieve your stress in the future.
Psychologists often recommend journaling therapy as a way to connect to yourself and clarify your thoughts and feelings. We wholeheartedly agree! Our DiveThru method is rooted in journaling therapy! Our guided journaling exercises are developed with the help of mental health professionals and will help you find the source of your stress. What do you need to get started? Your favourite pen, paper + the DiveThru app! It’s free to download, friends.
2. Get Some Rest
Difficulty sleeping is one of the most common symptoms of stress which is quite unfortunate considering sleep is just what you need to combat your stress.
Typical. If you have trouble falling asleep, try different techniques like putting your phone away before going to bed, listening to instrumental music, or adjusting your sleeping position. Psychologists recommend getting at least 8 hours of sleep per night in order to fully recharge. If that sounds like a stretch, that’s ok. Work your way up. Here are a few more strategies to get a better sleep, from our in-house mental health professional Natalie Asayag LCSW.
P.S. We know what you’re thinking and the answer is no. No, you can’t make up 4 hours of sleep with a venti iced coffee. Nice try though.
3. Try At-Home Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is all about identifying, challenging, and replacing thoughts. Using strategies like journaling, role-playing, and relaxation techniques, CBT aims to replace negative thoughts with more objective thoughts. CBT allows you to create healthy thinking patterns, which can then be applied to dealing with stress – like that growing pile of paperwork on your desk. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a great option because it’s goal-oriented, but also super accessible and can be tailored just for you!
4. Slow Down
Do you ever feel like you’re playing Mario Kart and you’re going so fast and you keep slipping on banana peels and crashing into walls? ‘Cause same. The secret is to slow down. You’ll see the banana peels coming and you’ll be way more in control. When you’re stressed it often feels like you’re going 1000 miles/hour. Make a conscious effort to slow down and take things one step at a time by prioritizing your needs (and yourself). Check in with yourself by doing a self-massage, listening to relaxing music, or performing a body scan. With a more focussed approach, you’ll find yourself crossing the finish line in no time!
5. Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
When you’re stressed, your body tenses up. You may not even realize that your muscles are becoming rigid, stiff, and less flexible over time. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) can help relax your muscles by tensing up specific parts of your muscles and then releasing that tension. When you relax your body, your mind will follow suit and de-stress too. To get started, check out this guide on how to do Progressive Muscle Relaxation.
6. Visualize
Visualization is a powerful technique for managing stress. It involves guiding your mind out of a current, stressful situation and replacing it with relaxing imagery. Start by taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Then, imagine a peaceful space: your favourite travel destination or a cozy spot in your house. Visualize details such as the feeling of the sun on your skin or the smell of the rain. Stay in this space for as long as you need and remember that you can come back to it anytime you want. Ahh, we feel better already.
7. Create Boundaries and Stick to Them
Establishing boundaries is important in managing stress because it allows you to designate time and space for different areas of your life. Create boundaries for work hours, including how and when you can be reached outside of work. Make sure you consider your own needs and create boundaries that reflect those needs, whether it be at work or at home. Communicate openly with co-workers, friends, and family so they know what you need, and allow yourself to remain firm on your boundaries. After all, they’re called boundaries for a reason. We know that being assertive can be tough – you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings – but being assertive is crucial in taking care of yourself (and others).
8. Practice the ABC Technique
ABC stands for Adversity, Beliefs, and Consequences. The main goal of the ABC Technique is to overcome negative thinking that results from stressful situations. Here’s the Coles Notes version: when we find ourselves in a stressful situation we face Adversity. Our perception of the Adversity leads to our Beliefs, which then influence what we do next – the Consequences. For example, receiving negative feedback may prompt beliefs of failure, which then have negative consequences on the remainder of your workday. By acknowledging and recording this harmful pattern, you can replace negativity with healthy thought practices.
Think of these stress-busting techniques as a shield. They will be there to protect you from any stress that comes your way.
You’re basically Captain America now. Congratulations.
When we think about conflict we usually think of a heated argument. You know, the hands gesturing wildly, the raised voices, the forehead vein popping. It might be an emotionally charged argument, where we see people resorting to judgmental remarks or inappropriate comments. Naturally, there is also an opposite side to that spectrum where we might see the silent treatment and the passive-aggressive behaviour. By the end of this article, you will know how to work through a fight with at least 5 effective strategies.
Some of you are picturing work-related conflicts while others are revisiting a few harsh words exchanged with friends or family. Before we dive any further, there’s one thing we need to get straight.
Conflict is natural. It’s as natural as being attracted to Chris Evans’ gentlemanly charisma or impeccable character. Sorry not sorry, we love our Avengers here at DiveThru.
But back to conflict. It’s a product of friction (and/or tension), and that product is not always negative. In fact, it’s what challenges our current state and helps us move forward. In the great words of Bill Nye The Science Guy, without friction we wouldn’t be able to walk.
That’s as far as my knowledge of physics goes so maybe we’ll stop with the metaphors there.
The important thing to take away is that disagreement is sometimes a key ingredient in challenging our current perspectives. The better equipped we are to understand the nature of conflict, the more capable we are to come out of it in a better place.
When we talk about Interpersonal Conflict, we refer specifically to the issues arising between two or more people. When we speak about internal conflict, we call it Intrapersonal Conflict.
Today, we’re diving thru the first. Let’s get to it.
Know the Different Types of Interpersonal Conflict
Before diving thru strategies to work through interpersonal conflict, we need to identify which type we are dealing with. This will help you get a better understanding of the root of the issue and it can help shape the resolution itself. According to healthline, there are 6 types:
Pseudo Conflict
This type of conflict is usually based in misunderstanding. The issue will brim when the individuals involved are making judgments without seeing the full picture or having all the details. More often than not, pseudo conflict can be resolved with a further explanation of what the parties actually mean. However, pseudo conflict could also be a result of badgering, mocking or taunting of one party.
Fact Conflict
This one is pretty straightforward! It’s a conflict that arises from the facts that are being shared. The simplest way to solve these arguments is to check a reliable source that has the answer for you.
Your friend is adamant that tomatoes are a vegetable but you KNOW for a fact that they are a fruit.
How do you figure it out? Turn to the google machine!
Value Conflict
A little harder to figure out than the first two, this type of conflict revolves around personal values and belief systems. A difference of opinion, especially on sensitive topics, can result in disagreement and arguments.
The best thing to do in these situations is explain your point of view while respecting the other person’s perspective. Acknowledging that there is a difference in your values can be the best way to move forward, even if no agreement has been reached.
We see this type of conflict surface around religion, cultural practices, healthcare practices, and many, many, many other social issues.
Policy Conflict
When your approach to problem-solving differs vastly from another person’s, policy conflict can arise. This type of conflict stops us from moving forward with an action plan because we can’t all agree on what that plan should be.
Take healthcare for example. Our approach in Canada to public healthcare differs so greatly from the United States’ privatized system. The same problems exist but the two nations have chosen different approaches to solving them.
Not all Canadians are on board with public healthcare and not all Americans agree with a privatized system. We have no doubt that policy conflict has played out in both countries because of that.
[quick flashback to your last holiday dinner party and the discussions going on at the table?]
Ego Conflict
As the name suggests, our egos are at risk with this type of conflict. As an argument escalates, some people will turn to judgmental remarks and find ways to make it personal.
In other cases, people will refuse to lose an argument (even though they know they’re wrong) because the loss would mean an insult to their intelligence.
We all have that one friend in our lives who looooves to argue. We might have even learned our lesson to not start an argument with them because they always win anyways.
What we don’t think about is that our loves-to-argue pal might tie their identity close to this ability to “win” arguments. Their ego may play a bigger role in the situation than we’ve prepared for.
Meta Conflict
An argument about the way we argue. Have you ever been so fed up with how your friend approaches your conflicts that you decide to pause the argument and argue about how you argue? A quick example we can give is the use of extremes:
“You always walk away.”
“You never listen to what I have to say.”
This is called a meta conflict. Because communication plays a key role in resolving conflicts, voicing your concerns about how someone approaches arguments is healthy.
What’s not healthy is doing it in the heat of the moment and without reproach. When these emotions bubble over, communication becomes muddy and we may lose sight of the bigger goal.
Understand What Causes Interpersonal Conflict
We talked about friction and tension earlier and now we’re going to expand on that a bit.
In their book Everyday Encounters, Julia Wood and Ann Schweitzer take a closer look at interpersonal conflict. What actually causes it? Why don’t we just accept each other’s differences for what they are, without conflict?
One of the points they make is that differences don’t lead to conflict unless we feel the need to reconcile that tension (p. 266).
Can we have totally different goals, preferences or decisions? Absolutely. Will it lead to interpersonal conflict? Not unless those preferences affect us.
The best way to think about it is like this.
Say you and your friend have super different preferences when it comes to pets. She’s a dog person and you love all members of the furry species but currently have a cat. Is this bound to create conflict at the moment? Nope, it doesn’t really affect either of you.
Now say you two are thinking of moving in together. You’re stoked about it! And she’s stoked about it too until she finds out you would be keeping your cat. Your friend isn’t too keen on the idea of living with a cat so she asks you to give it up.
See how this could turn into conflict? Both of you are now affected by preferences.
There are countless reasons and causes for interpersonal conflict, both personal and professional. Here’s a list of examples but keep in mind this is not exhaustive in any way:
5 Ways to Resolve Conflict
Honestly, you may not always see a straightforward path out of the argument or conversation you’re in. That’s okay. Keep in mind that communication — the clear and open kind — is the best way to move forward through conflict.
Below are 5 categories that your resolution will most likely fall in. Take a look at these strategies and think about which one you tend to default to.
1. Withdrawal
This is also known as an avoidance strategy, where you dodge the problem and walk away from the situation. By withdrawing yourself from the argument, you sidestep the conflict itself and avoid confrontation or discussion.
Withdrawal is both useful AND problematic. There are situations where walking away is the best thing to do — think unimportant conflict, and conflict where emotions are running way too high. There are also situations where withdrawal is problematic. It can result in passive-aggressive behaviour, overly sarcastic comments, and an overuse of the silent treatment. While withdrawal can help some forms of conflict, it can also have a serious effect on relationships.
2. Accommodation
The strategy here is to put someone else’s needs above your own. You’ll hear a lot of people refer to this strategy as “being the bigger person.” Just like Withdrawal, this strategy is also dependent on the situation itself. If you concede every argument for the sake of the other person, your own needs won’t be met. A good balance is needed. Be the bigger person but don’t forget to also be your own advocate.
3. Competition
People engage in this strategy when they’re pushing their own perspective forward in an effort to persuade others. When manipulation or aggression is used, this strategy causes negative effects on relationships. However, when these tactics are not used, competition can be a respectful and positive way to resolve conflict.
4. Compromise
Compromise involves a little losing and a little winning for both parties. On the one hand, you’ve actually reached an agreement and you’re no longer in conflict. Not only that, but you also got some of what you wanted, which is better than nothing.
On the other hand, is a fraction of what you wanted enough to keep you happy? Because both parties are giving something up now, the conflict may be stirred up again in the future.
Is compromise the best way to solve conflict? It’s a good strategy but not the best. Keep reading.
5. Collaboration
A true win-win situation means everyone got the resolution they set out for. Sound a little far-fetched? It’s actually not!
The key is to look at the problem as something you need to solve together, as opposed to individually. Instead of fighting for your solution to be the best solution, you’re just fighting for the best solution. Period. That could be your idea or your partner’s idea. It could be something you came up with together. It could also be something your friend mentioned in passing.
Communication, and particularly active listening, is crucial for this strategy to work.
5 Strategies to Work Through a Fight
You’ve officially unlocked a deeper understanding of conflict! Therapists around the world are tossing their notepads and jumping for joy! Jk but I promise you they’re super proud right now.
Now let’s dive thru 5 ways you can use your newfound knowledge in a practical way.
1. Choose the right time and place for a face-to-face conversation
Make sure you have this really important conversation in person. We know how easy it is to text out a paragraph and list out your frustrations instead but trust, that’s not the best way.
Nobody wants to see those three little dots blink on while their friend types up an essay. You’ll miss out on the body language that needs to accompany these convos.
Choose somewhere less public to talk about your conflict. Emotions can surface unexpectedly and people watching you ugly cry in a busy cafe adds unnecessary stress to the conversation.
Likewise, time is important. Stay away from having these convos right before you have to go to work or complete a really important assignment. Think about the other person’s schedule as well and choose a time that’s best for both of you.
2. Attentive listening is key
If you’re hoping for this to be a productive conversation (which, duh, why wouldn’t you), then you need to acknowledge how the other person feels.
How do you do that? Through active listening. Entire research papers have been written on the matter but here are some quick notes:
Listen without judgment or interruption.
Use open body language.
Check to make sure you’re understanding the speaker correctly by repeating what you heard and paraphrasing it.
Ask open-ended questions.
Limit how much of your own experiences you share and listen to theirs instead.
3. Focus on the problem, not the other person
Try to stay focused on the issue you’re dealing with and not the person who brought it to you. It’s a lot easier said than done, we know.
When emotions bubble up during conflict, it can be difficult to process them quickly and respond appropriately. Stay away from the temptation to make things personal or point out other flaws unrelated to the conflict. If you concentrate on figuring out the problem, you’re more likely to come together in devising a solution.
4. Get to this conversation early
Resentment, anger and frustration can build over time on issues that are ignored. Instead of letting the conflict fester into a monster of frustration, address it early. Save the strain on your relationship, whether personal or professional, and discuss the issues that need to be heard.
5. Journal first, talk after
We have dedicated much time to the research behind journaling therapy and the result? A hefty list of benefits + our DiveThru method! One of those benefits is the ability to resolve interpersonal problems. Journaling helps you clarify your thoughts and feelings, which in turn can help you see a different perspective. Journal first, talk after.
Carefully and thoughtfully crafted, the DiveThru method encourages users to take charge of their mental wellbeing through guided journaling. See for yourself why journaling therapy can make a huge difference in both mental and physical wellbeing. (And feel free to take our app for a spin! You can download DiveThru for free!)
What to Avoid Doing
There are a few things that are guaranteeeeeeeed to make the situation worse. Don’t worry, we’ve all been guilty of one or two of these ourselves. According to healthline, these are the pitfalls to avoid when it comes to interpersonal conflict:
Hostility
Arguments can reach a point of hostility, despite best efforts to prevent it. Things like personal insults, criticisms of the other person’s character that are unrelated to the argument, defensiveness, aggressive behaviour like shouting or verbal abuse — they’re all going to do more harm than good. Steer clear of this behaviour. If you encounter it from the other party, make the choice to step away from the argument and revisit it another day.
Demand-withdrawal
This is a term that describes one person’s withdrawal from the conflict while the other person is trying to address it. Constantly changing the subject or ignoring the conflict altogether will lead to resentment and frustration from the individual who’s trying to make themselves heard.
Counter-blaming
When one person responds to the argument by redirecting blame to the other, it results in accusations. These usually end with frustration and anger. One thing that’s recommended in this situation is “I” statements. Instead of saying “You never wash the dishes,” you can try saying “I have a hard time when you don’t wash the dishes.” Share your perspective, but without the blame.
Cross-complaining
You know those issues that are not related to the current argument but they’ve been bugging you forever? The ones you’ve been suppressing and bottling up because you’ve just been picking your battles? Don’t let them come up now. Cross-complaining will lead you down the rabbit hole and escalate the conflict unnecessarily. Set aside a different time to talk about those other problems that have been weighing you down.
Serial Arguments
This is like your favourite Netflix series, except not. We’re talking about the arguments that never actually get resolved because we walk away from the conversation. Either it becomes too much to handle or it gets too heated, but it has now turned into a 3 volume series of stressful reality TV.
You need a new approach. Continuing down this path will wear down both parties involved because it will continue to come up again and again and again. Switch your strategy so that you can resolve it before it becomes insurmountable.
Now Get to Work
YOU GOT THIS! We sincerely believe in your ability to work through interpersonal conflicts and now you’ve got some strategies under your belt.
Don’t forget to process your own thoughts and emotions first before engaging someone else into the conversation. If you need help with that, you know where to find us! We live in the app store and we’re looking forward to saying hello.
There are so many challenges college students face. On any given day in a semester, your stress level could range from “ahh shit I forgot to print off my notes” to full-blown academic burnout where nothing even matters and you just want to sleep.
You might have arrived here because you were messin’ around and googling student mental health. There’s a good chance that you’re trying to figure out your feelings, thoughts, emotions, and mental state right now. Maybe even wondering if the thing you’re going through is normal and if there’s a name for it?
Maybe you just screamed into the void of the internet — WHY IS COLLEGE SO STRESSFUL??
Or maybe you’re only reading this because you want to support a friend or a loved one dealing with college stress and feeling overwhelmed by academic burnout. If you’re a parent, you want to understand what mental health means for your child because, well, the college experience these days is different.
You may hear us speaking directly to students but this article is really for everyone. We’ll DiveThru the most common mental health challenges that college students face, follow that up with ways to take charge of your mental wellbeing and finish off with things you can do to support your friends and family.
Let’s begin with this:
Everything you’re feeling is valid. If you think you’re alone in these feelings, we’re here to tell you that’s not the case.
Let’s take a moment here to let that really sink in…
Whatever you’re feeling is valid. And, you’re not alone in whatever you’re feeling. And while that’s the case, it unfortunately only makes it suck a little bit less. So, let’s dive in.
Most Common Mental Health Challenges College Students Face
For some students, mental health doesn’t become a concern until they step foot on campus and begin this new stage of life. For all of the wonderful experiences university offers, it also comes with many challenges… like feeling stressed and experiencing academic burnout.
Other students may be very aware of their mental health, having already faced challenges in the past and taken charge of their mental wellbeing. They’ve learned how to recognize symptoms, how to reach out for help and where to find support.
Regardless of how you got to uni, you may soon find out that mental illness doesn’t discriminate. Let’s go through the most common mental health challenges you or your friends may face and learn what to look for.
Depression in College Students
Depression wears many faces and can be difficult to diagnose because it’s a complex and unique combination of genetic, biological, psychological and environmental factors. Here’s what theCanadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) has to say about this mood disorder:
“With depression, you may feel ‘down,’ hopeless, or find that you can’t enjoy things you used to like. Many people who experience depression feel irritable or angry. And some people say that they feel ‘numb’ all the time.”
While everyone may go through these feelings at one point, it’s crucial to pay attention to how often it happens and for how long. It’s also important to think about how severe or extreme these feelings become.
What does depression look like for college students?
We could add more to the list, honestly. How about feeling angry and trapped by your student debt while the economy continues to go downhill and present you with fewer and fewer opportunities?
Or how about not having the energy to keep up with relationships or solve conflicts?
It’s true that depression shows up differently for everyone so remember this list is not exhaustive.
Anxiety in College Students
Anxiety is one of those things that makes you human. We all experience anxiety when we worry or feel nervous (or restless or scared). At a normal and expected level, anxiety impacts your life by motivating you, pushing you out of your comfort zone, or even making you aware of dangers.
But, there is a difference between this type of anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder, which can seriously impact the way you think and live. Take a look at the Canadian Mental Health Association as they go into more details of variousanxiety disorders.
Where to even begin with anxiety from school…? Because of the stigma still surrounding mental health, students who deal with anxiety disorders sometimes suffer in silence.If you feel like you could use a little extra help, Dr. Justin Puder has some great advice in his course “Thriving With Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)” in the DiveThru app.
Academic Burnout in College Students
Have you ever been stressed out about being stressed out? When stress keeps piling up, it can push people into a state of chronic stress called burnout. Unfortunately for everyone involved, academic burnout is waaaaay less fun than Burnout (the racing video games). Your stress baseline gets skewed irl, and stress becomes the rule, not the exception.
Here are just a couple of the symptoms of academic burnout:
Feeling fatigued or exhausted
Concentration issues
A lack of interest in being social
Getting lower grades than normal
Procrastinating and having trouble meeting deadlines
Feeling frustrated or irritable
Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed
Getting sick more often than usual
Burnout is tough because while it’s ultimately a symptom of stress and not the initial cause of stress… it causes its own stress… making you feel like you’re trapped in a spiral. Stress is a natural part of life, and that makes breaking out of the cycle of stress even harder. Dr. Puder’s course “Navigating Stress & Burnout in College” in the DiveThru app has some helpful advice for college students to work through their academic burnout. If you could use a little guidance, he’s your guy!
Eating Disorders in College Students
Eating disorders are about so much more than food. According to theCMHA, eating disorders “are often a way to cope with difficult problems or regain a sense of control. They are complicated illnesses that affect a person’s sense of identity, worth, and self-esteem.” The three different types are anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder.
While for some it can be an issue surrounding body image, for others it may be perfectionism, self-esteem or a combination of factors. Social standards dictate ridiculous ideas of body image and it’s hard not to react to these standards that permeate every form of media.
Postsecondary students face these challenges on top of other major life changes, like living on their own. The “freshman 15” is treated like a funny joke and gets thrown around like a rite of passage. Yet, our internalized fatphobia leaves us feeling ashamed and defeated. When in reality, weight gain of any type (including as a result of managing a full course load and adapting to a new lifestyle) is totally okay and a normal part of life.
For some students, controlling one’s body helps to counter the many changes happening elsewhere in their lives. When students start to feel this way, they spend more and more time on their body image and less on schoolwork, relationships, or extracurriculars.
Peer Comparison and Imposter Syndrome in College Students
Another form of self-doubt, imposter syndrome refers to the way people “attribute their accomplishments to luck rather than to ability, and fear that others will eventually unmask them as a fraud” (American Psychological Association).
You could ace a test and still believe that you don’t actually have what it takes. Imposter syndrome can be accompanied by guilt, anxiety, and depression, so it’s super important to address it.
Peer comparison in postsecondary can be unnerving. The bell curve inspires gnarly competition, there is only a limited number of jobs when you graduate, and everyone seems to have it all together except you. Sound familiar?
University students are in a developmental phase that creates so much uncertainty and ambiguity. You’re not quite ready to hit an industry but at the same time, you’ve also grown a lot since getting to uni. To orient yourself, you need a relative point and so you turn to your peer students to see what direction they’re going in. Before you get too far down the path of comparing yourself to others, just remember that everyone has a different learning pace and learning style. What’s right for your friend may not be right for you.
Students With ADHD
Turning to the CMHA once more, we get a good understanding of how attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder can affect someone’s ability to focus and act.
“If you live with ADHD, you might have problems paying attention, concentrating on one task or organizing things. You might make careless mistakes at work or frequently forget things. This group of symptoms is called inattention.
You might have a hard time sitting still, fidget all the time or feel very restless. This group of symptoms is called hyperactivity.
Or you might have a hard time controlling urges and take a lot of risks. You might do things without considering the results or act before you think. This group of symptoms is called impulsivity.”
It’s common for school-aged children to be diagnosed with ADHD but according to the Canadian Mental Health Association, two-thirds of them continue to experience symptoms as adults. Once you enter the postsecondary world and have to navigate more stressors, students with ADHD should set up extra support as recommended by the Centre for ADHD Awareness Canada.
Substance Use and Addictions in College Students
Although university students are in a life stage where experimentation is welcomed and revered, things like substance use can become a real problem in the future. Without delving too much into individual choices, we would just like to point out that substance use can exacerbate mental illnesses or symptoms and vice versa. The Canadian Mental Health Association dives further into ithere.
No one sets out to overindulge in substances to the point of creating an addiction. But it happens. As the Addiction Centre points out, tolerance built up over time can require larger and larger amounts of a substance and become a dangerous cycle.
For college students, it can start off as curiosity, or peer pressure, or a way to relieve stress. Financial pressure, emotional strain from unhealthy relationships, and family expectations are all stressors that students might be tempted to alleviate.
5 Actionable Tips for College Students To Self-Support
Okay, we hope we haven’t lost you. We’ve painted a picture with real-world examples of what mental health challenges look like for students. And, if it seems bleak, that’s because it can be.
But, we can change that!
There are things within your reach that may help you through this tough time.
Keep in mind that speaking to a mental health professional directly is the best course of action. A doctor will be able to guide you to your best treatment, whether that is therapy, counselling, medication or a combination of all.
Now let’s dive thru five self-help practices that can make a difference.
1. Embrace Your Vulnerability
If you don’t know Brené Brown, you should. Here at DiveThru, we’re the biggest fan of her work, TED Talk and Netflix special. Seriously, chills. After this article, we 10/10 recommend hitting up the Google Machine to learn all about her and her work on vulnerability.
In an interview with Forbes, she reaallllly hits home:
“Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think. When we are fuelled by the fear of what other people think or that gremlin that’s constantly whispering ‘You’re not good enough’ in our ear, it’s tough to show up. We end up hustling for our worthiness rather than standing in it.”
Embracing your vulnerability starts here: be okay with not being okay. You may be facing challenges with your mental health. And that’s okay.
A 2016 Canadian National College Health Assessment reported that 44.5% of students felt so depressed it was difficult to function, 64.5% felt overwhelming anxiety and 13% seriously considered suicide. You are not alone in the challenges you face.
2. Self-Dialogue in Your Day-to-Day Life
Is your inner voice lifting you up or tearing you down? If it’s tearing you down, we get ittttttt. It… uh, well straight up sucks!
Yet, you have the power to actively change how you speak to yourself and turn that inner dialogue into your greatest champion and companion.
Where to start? Ask yourself how you’re doing and what you need.
Simple? Yes. Powerful? Absolutely.
From there, start to listen to what your body is telling you. You are the only person who knows your body best. When something doesn’t feel right, speak up because you are your own best advocate.
DiveThru has a whole variety of journaling prompts that can get you started on this self-dialogue. Guess what? The app is free to download!
3. Cover the Basics
As a college student, you have a whole lot on your plate. And listen, your grades are important. But, they’re not nearly as important as YOU and your wellbeing.
Your mental health is no doubt affected by your overall wellness so it’s important to provide your body with enough sleep, nutrition and exercise. These can be some of the first things to go when symptoms of a mental health disorder show up. A healthy diet, 7-8 hours of sleep every night, and at least 30 min of moving your body each day will keep your body more prepared to handle whatever comes your way. It’s a good way to try and avoid getting to that lowest and most terrible point in the journey.
If you’re in the thick of your mental health experience, please know there’s no shame when these areas of life go out the window. If you are interested in making progress to getting back to these things in life, start with small changes. Start by brushing your teeth twice a day. From there, showering, or simply drinking a glass of water. Brush your hair. Whatever it is that will bring some bit of routine back into your life can make a huge difference.
4. Reach Out to Your Support Group
The people in your life who care about you will want to support you in any way they can. Text them. Call them. FaceTime them. DM them a funny (maybe dark) meme.
If you don’t feel ready or comfortable reaching out to your close ones yet, keep in mind there are many other support groups available. On-campus counselling and their student mental health programs can be a great place to start and find out what your options are.
5. Guided Journaling
Our entire goal and purpose for existence is to help you DiveThru what you’re going thru. SERIOUSLY.
We’ve teamed up with mental health professionals and developed guided journaling exercises, with an entire section dedicated to Student Life. You can find them all in the DiveThru app, which is totally free to download. We help you DiveThru things like feeling overwhelmed, balancing it all out, and organizing your mind.
You’ll find way more resources besides journaling prompts when you get to the app, from audio exercises and feeling tracking to mental health courses created with DiveThru Therapists! Go take a gander and see what’s available for you.
Where Can You Find Mental Health Support?
We know it’s tough to ask for help. There is a stigma surrounding mental illnesses that we’re trying to change *promise* and we know it takes bravery to speak out. On top of that, there may be other factors in everyone’s lives that keep them from opening up the door to a conversation about mental health.
Have you ever felt absolutely drained, mentally and emotionally, and then told yourself to keep going? “Just get it done?” Yeah. We’re familiar with that thought too.
Regardless of where you are in your mental health journey, speaking to someone early on will prevent a worsening scenario. It’s never too early (and never too late!) to take charge of your mental wellbeing.
Online Resources
Because the internet is often the first thing we turn to, let’s start with the resources there. Here is a curated list of national mental health associations that are tirelessly working to build awareness:
Need mental health statistics? They’ve got ‘em. Need to find an association near you? They’ll help you with that too.
On Campus
Most universities have counselling centres and they will offer free mental health assessments that can help you navigate your thoughts and emotions. This is a good place to start!
Sometimes they will refer you to physicians and mental health professionals in the community and help you find the help you need. Don’t worry, there are cost-friendly options that will fit a student budget!
ACCESS Open Minds is funded by the Canadian Institutes for Health Research (CIHR) and Graham Boeckh Foundation (GBF). Their focus is on providing mental health services to students and young adults, with sites in several provinces across Canada.
Reading this article from the U.S.? Check out Active Minds, a student organization that focuses on changing culture on campuses to encourage more conversations about mental health and better access to support.
Doctors and Mental Health Professionals (MHPs)
When you begin your search for professional mental health services, start with your family doctor. If you don’t have one, not a problem! Any general practitioner can help you so set up an appointment at your local health clinic. Psychiatrists and psychologists can also give you an official diagnosis.
They will start with an assessment to identify what factors may be affecting your mental health and then guide you to the best treatment for your needs. This could mean therapy and counselling, medication, or a combination of the two.
Just something to note — nurses and social workers can also assess your situation and provide meaningful counselling directly, but they cannot make an official diagnosis.
In Your Community
University students are establishing mental health clubs to combat the stigma and shame still associated with mental illness and we cannot commend this enough.
HUGE round of applause!!!
We ALL face mental health challenges and we believe by opening up the conversation, we’re one step closer to recovery. Together.
Your university counselling centre and/or the student governing body will have a list of these clubs available — don’t forget to check there first!
However, there are also community support groups you can reach out to:
1. Mental health agencies (national and local)
2. Self-help groups (like our wonderful Facebook DiveThru community)
3. Survivor initiatives
4. Community centres
5. Distress lines (if you’ve ever been curious about what actually happens when you use these lines, check out this article)
Psychology Today has a great database of both therapy services and support groups that you can browse. Best part? It’s international! You can find support anywhere you are!
How To Help Your Friends
If you’re here for a friend, let’s start with this… Wow. It’s a beautiful thing to want to support your friends in their time of need. It’s also really hard to watch someone you love go through a difficult time and feel totally helpless in the situation. More often than not, all that’s needed is just your presence, your kindness, and a listening ear.
Here are some other suggestions so that you can support your friends and loved ones:
2. Know that your questions or helpful suggestions can feel like judgment and pressure, even if you don’t mean it that way.
3. Avoid giving too much “space.”
4. Be friends first — share and listen.
5. Gentle distraction and humour are helpful.
6. Remember that your friend may not know what they need.
7. Recognize you may be anxious too.
Your help could be as simple as starting the conversation.
Seize The Awkward is a great campaign dedicated to normalizing conversations about mental health. Because symptoms show up differently for everyone, the campaign put together a whole roster of possibilities. It’s also a great resource if you need help coming up with questions to ask.
Last but not least, More Feet on the Ground is another great resource to use when approaching a loved one or a friend about their mental health. After a quick 25 minute course, you’ll be able to Recognize, Respond, and Refer students who may be distressed.
If there are any other student mental health resources you’ve come across that stood out for you or were extremely helpful, send us a message at hello@divethru.com.
We’ll dive thru them all and add them to the list!
Well, well. Who would have ever thought that you’d be googling ‘how to deal with the news’ so many times this year…
It’s 2020 and a year none of us could have predicted. December had us making dad jokes like “I don’t know what next year holds, I don’t have 20/20 vision.”
Now that’s just accurately scary. We were not prepared for shit to hit the fan. Anyone else feel like they’re scrambling to keep it together??
A global pandemic has ripped through countless communities. Economies around the world have been negatively impacted. Racism, white supremacy and police brutality continued to run rampant. And we don’t know yet for sure that we’ll survive the murder hornets.
BUT. We have also found ways to move forward.
We figured out how to adjust our social behaviour and respect boundaries that will keep us from spreading an infectious virus.
And we are working on tearing down systems built on racist pillars and recreating our reality to be accepting, loving, and united. The work of countless activists and the Black Lives Matter movement have instigated real change y’all and we’re here to do the work.
We saw LGBTQ+ rights win a huge civil rights victory in June 2020. The United States Supreme Court declared gender identity and sexual orientation protected from discrimination in employment.
WILD. This is what we’re capable of when amazing humans get together and drive change.
All of this, however, means your newsfeed has been on fire and we’re willing to bet it has taken an emotional toll.
Speaking to our in-house mental health professional, Natalie Asayag LCSW, we came up with a few strategies to help you navigate your feelings — and your newsfeed.
1. Limit the Amount of Time You Spend Reading the News
Be alert to injustice in society and stay aware of your part in it. Continue to strive for a deeper understanding of social issues. Yes to tough conversations, yes to factual and relevant news intake, yes to uncomfortable growth.
However, you also need to take a step back and let your head absorb everything it just consumed. This is especially true if you find yourself turning to news briefings or news apps automatically when you open your phone. Sometimes we do this habitually without realizing it.
Every 15 minutes that you spend lost in mindless scrolling adds up throughout the day and tires you down needlessly. Limit how much of your time you spend on news.
2. Set Boundaries for Yourself — Not First Thing in Morning & Not First Thing at Night
If you’re the person who loves to read the news in the morning, that’s great! Just don’t do it right after you turn off your alarm. Give your body time to wake up. Take those few minutes of your morning routine to shake off the slumber before you set the tone with the news.
Also consider turning off news notifications to help you regulate when information is thrown your way. This way the power is in your hands!
3. Set Boundaries with Friends and Family Around Conversations
Kindly check in with your friend(s) before a call to see if you can agree on boundaries around the news. Why? Because we all process information differently. They may want to vocalize what they’ve been reading but you may prefer to process internally.
Here’s what you could say:
“Would it be okay if we limit how much we talk about COVID? I’m getting a little overwhelmed by everything I’m hearing.”
“Can I ask that we don’t spend too much time talking about _____ on the phone today? I’d love to catch up on all the other wonderful areas of our lives.”
“I think I may have overwhelmed myself with how much information I’ve taken in about ______. Can we give our brains a break from it and catch up on other things?”
4. Avoid Social Commentary
You hear this all the time because it’s crucial: go to credible news sources. With so many people sharing posts, stories, and articles, find the original if possible and make sure it comes from a reputable source.
Don’t get sucked into what people are saying about it. Many opinions are posted on social media because it’s a great vehicle to make your voice heard. But listen to more than one voice. Follow individuals who give you more than one perspective. Learn to break down an instagram story or a facebook post into the opinion that is shared and the facts that accompany it.
Balance your newsfeed so that you’re getting a mix of negative and positive stories. So often we forget to highlight the good news that we end up constantly battered by the bad. Feel-good stories will keep you from burning out. Our favourites are NPR (National Public Radio) in the US, as well as John Krasinki’s “Some Good News” channel on YouTube.
5. Give Yourself the Space to Think About How You Feel About It
As in, how did the news you just read make you feel?
What emotions are popping up for you?
What do you need in this moment to cope with these emotions?
Journaling is a great tool to explore these questions and learn how your body and your mind are responding to the news. And that’s ultimately our mission — to help you DiveThru what you’re going thru.
We’ve gone ahead and done the research for you. The benefits of guided journaling are countless and that’s why this practice is recommended by many psychologists and neuroscientists. Whether you have a huge life moment you need to process or just everyday stresses, we’ve got a Dive for you!
To help you navigate your feelings during this insane time we’re going through, check out our Processing The News journaling prompt within the app (it’s free to download!).
We think about work A LOT. How often do we check our emails? Work on the weekends? Lie awake at night thinking about our ever-growing to-do list?
The answer to all of these questions is probably too often.
When we actually stop working for a minute and think about how our job affects every aspect of our lives, it makes sense that workplace stress is on the rise. A2019 survey found that more than one-third of Canadian employees are more stressed now than they were five years ago.
On top of that, a recentinternational study found that 30% of workers often or always feel stressed or anxious at work. That’s a lot of stress.
The Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety (CCOHS) definesworkplace stress as “harmful physical and emotional responses”. According to the CCOHS, these responses can happen if there is a conflict between demands and “the amount of control an employee has over meeting these demands”.
In other words, workplace stress is when we can’t keep up with the demands of our job.
There isn’t one single cause of workplace stress because, after all, we all respond differently. Our jobs are also super complex and interconnect with our lives in so many different ways. We’ve got a lot going on.
This workplace stress can build up over time and eventually lead to burnout.Burnout can be defined as “a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress”.
Although they are connected, there is an important distinction between stress and burnout. Stress usually means too much – too much work, too much exhaustion, etc. Burnout usually means not enough – not enough motivation, not enough hope, etc.
All this talk about stress stressing you out? Us too.
In order to properlymanage your stress, it’s important to find the root cause of it. Take some time to reflect on your work life and note any areas that could use improvement. Is your stress being caused by your commute to work, your procrastination, or your increased workload? Each cause will have a different solution. Keep in mind, reflection can be a complex process. Be kind to yourself. (Pssst, if you need a hand, may we suggest the DiveThru app? It’s free to download!)
How to Manage Stress in 7 Steps
Once you’ve figured out the cause of your stress, you can start accessing resources to combat that stress. You may be thinking, “there’s so much information out there, where do I even start?” Don’t worry. At DiveThru, we put our hard hats on and did the heavy lifting for you. Behold, the best suggestions for managing stress in one ultimate stress-management list:
1. Find a Happy Medium
Ultimately, life all comes down to balance. Work is a necessary part of life, but it isn’t the only part of life. We need to find a happy medium in order to succeed in all aspects of life. Everybody is different so don’t be afraid to find what balance works for you: it will likely not be 50/50 and it may change over time. If you can find a way to balance your work and personal life, you will be less burnt out and better equipped to handle any stress that may come your way.
2. Take Breaks
When was the last time you took a break? It’s a proven super scientific fact thatbreaks improve motivation and productivity. We better capitalize on this, folks. When you take a break, try to change up your environment and task completely. A lot of times we simply switch our computer screen with a phone screen, but that doesn’t really count. Get up and go for a walk, stretch, or have a dance party in the bathroom. When you come back, you’ll be ready to focus again.
Tip: use thePomodoro Technique to schedule 25 minutes of work followed by 5 minutes of break time. After 4 rounds, you get to take a longer break as a reward.
3. Talk It Out
Have you tried talking it out? This means leaning on your support system and asking for help when you need it. It also means having open, honest conversations with the people you work with. If you don’t let your co-workers know what’s causing you stress, they may never know. Unless they can read your mind. But we might have a different problem if that’s the case.
4. Rediscover Your Passion
Fun fact: when you’re doing something you’re passionate about, you actually create apositive feedback loop that increases your productivity. If you’re feeling unmotivated or disconnected from work, take the opportunity to look inward. Why did you choose this job in the first place? What makes you excited about working? Rediscovering your passion will make work more enjoyable and make everyday tasks less stressful.
5. Schedule Time for YOU
A lot of times we say we’ll do something for ourselves, but we never get around to actually doing it. Schedule it in your planner and place just as much importance on it as you do your work. Because it is just as important. Without that balance, we can become overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out (see point #1). Paint your nails, read a (non-work) book, spend time with your family.
6. Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle
A healthy lifestyle includes regular exercise, a nutritious diet, and adequate sleep. You will perform your best at work when you feel your best. We recommend finding physical activities that are fun so that exercising isn’t such a chore. Try to eat regular meals and think about what foods will fuel your body. Don’t get us wrong, we love a good cheesecake, but everything in moderation (at least that’s what my mother says). Finally, make sure you’re getting enough sleep so that you can wake up feeling rested.
7. Explore the Tools and Resources at Your Fingertips.
Put pen to paper to help sort through any stress that comes your way. Plus, journaling with DiveThru combines writing and introspection to allow you to really dig into what you’re feeling. Think of DiveThru as your BFF. We’re here to help you take charge of your mental wellbeing.
Take these handy quizzes from the Canadian Mental Health Association to help determine yourstress index andwork/life balance.
Check out this playlist ofTED talks for even more ideas on how to manage stress.
Our jobs play such a crucial role in our lives and it’s important to recognize the weight that they may carry. Imagine if, instead of thinking and stressing about work, we devoted even half of that time to managing our stress and taking care of our mental health! Wouldn’t that be a win-win?!
You’re jolted awake to the sound of your alarm. After a night of racing thoughts, you feel anything but rested. You drag yourself out of bed, thinking how you should have gotten up earlier so you could have gotten a workout in. What a disappointment. Oh, there’s that nasty voice again, your inner critic.
You make it to the bathroom, and see your ‘I woke up like this’ face staring you back in the mirror. Ugh, your eyebrows. And, a new pimple? Gross…You wonder if it’s the new moisturizer you bought but it can’t be, you spent $68 on it.
The shower feels good, like the warm water can almost wash away the ‘tired’ from your body.
Feeling restored, you saunter to your closet and reach for your favourite jeans. You shuffle into them and your eyes fall to that area of your waist spilling over. If only you had gotten that workout in.
The day gets longer and the negative self-talk keeps coming.
“I’m not good enough to get this promotion.”
“I’m always the one to ruin things.”
“I’m not a great parent/daughter/friend/…”
The little voice that has been filling your head with these messages is your inner critic. Believe it or not, it doesn’t appear overnight. It’s a product of allll the different pressures we experienced growing up and the way we internalized those messages.
Let’s DiveThru what the experts say about it.
In a conversation with Psych Central, MFT Ali Miller said this type of harshself-criticism “often leads to stress, burnout, depression, anxiety, and a perpetual feeling of never being ‘good enough,’ which wreaks havoc on our self-esteem and enjoyment of life.”
In this TEDx Talk onHardwiring Happiness, Dr. Rick Hanson talks about negativity bias. In his words, “our brain is very good at learning from bad experiences but bad at learning from good ones.” This was crucial for our survival as humans at one point! And because of it, our brains are still hardwired this way.
5 Ways to Quiet Your Internal Critic
As many of us have experienced firsthand, amplifying our negative voice is destructive. Which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, doesn’t it?
You tell yourself you’re not good enough and in questioning your ability, you hesitate.
You take a half leap instead of a full leap. Or maybe you don’t leap at all.
Taming that negative voice inside your head will take some practice but these are some ways you can start. Do them all, or pick one! Whatever sits well with you at this moment in time.
1. Bring Awareness to Your Thoughts
Observe the conversation going on in your head and ask yourself these questions.
What strengths are you dismissing?
What achievements are you downplaying?
Is it possible that fear or anger may be driving your current thoughts?
The best way we know (literally tried and tested) how to explore these feelings is through journaling. Our founder, Sophie Gray, created DiveThru because of her own experience with mental health challenges — if you have a minute, you can read about her journey here to see that she really seriously actually gets it.
We’re big fans of journaling therapy. It can help you express emotions and unfurl their intensity, explore your thoughts and make decisions, and work through interpersonal conflicts that naturally crop up in life. Download the DiveThru App if you’re looking for a good place to get started! You’ll find tons of free journaling and mindfulness exercises that can help you dive thru what you’re going thru.
2. Try Not to Hit Re-Play
Throughout our day, we will usually encounter a handful of good moments, a few neutral moments and maybe one bad moment.
Which one were you replaying in your head as you got ready for bed last night?
Although it’s important to use bad moments for learning, dwelling on them for too long will make that internal critic stronger. It will feed it all the negative energy it needs to keep trolling you with “why aren’t you good enough?”
3. Pause and Register the Good Things People See in You
This is evidence. Like actual proof that the harsh voice inside your head is being too harsh.
When others notice the kindness in you, the capability you have, or the effort you put into things, allow yourself to accept it. Remember that feeling and internalize it because my sweet, sweet human, you deserve it.
4. Pick Out the Exaggerations by Writing Them Down
Write down what your inner critic is saying in one column. Now write down 3 accurate rebuttals in the other column.
Like this.
Now reflect on how extreme that “always” is in “like I always do.” We just proved that exaggeration wrong with 3 very true statements.
Give it a try yourself. Pick one negative thought your internal critic is currently bellowing at you and really personalize those answers like you mean it.
5. Would You Dare Say That to Your Friend?
Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that we are so much meaner to ourselves than we are to our friends. Really let that sink in.
We judge ourselves so harshly and it’s partly because it’s quietly done behind the closed doors of our own headspace.
But would you dare say that out loud and aim it at your best friend? Can you imagine telling them they’re not good enough?? Or telling them they’re not strong enough??
The answer is no, because we want them to feel loved and supported and empowered to tackle whatever comes their way. Give yourself the same positive space of healing and watch your internal critic run out of things to say.
These 5 strategies will redirect your inner dialogue in a way that weaves positive experiences into the fabric of your brain.
When you’re ready, grab a pen + paper and head to the app store to download DiveThru. We’ll help you dive thru what you’re going thru.
You finish off that last episode of New Girl and tell yourself no more Nick Miller for the night. Shuffling to the bathroom, you brush your teeth and scrub your face and think about the angel sleep you’re about to have. You throw the covers off, slide into the soft sheets and your head hits the pillow. If the next thing that happens isn’t a peaceful slumber, you haven’t released the stress and tension of the day.
The effects of stress on sleep (and vice versa) have been studied in depth over the last few decades. Guess what the findings say? According to research compiled by healthline, poor sleep negatively affects your hormones, your performance in physical activities, and your brain function.
But wait, there’s more.
Researchers have confirmed that we are getting less sleep AND the quality of that sleep has decreased. And we’re not just talking about adults. CDC reports that 58% of middle school students and 73% of high school students are getting insufficient sleep on a school night.
So at least you’re not alone? A shitty night’s sleep for everyone! JK we want the opposite of that.
Shall we even mention the sleep schedule of a college student? 48 hour all-nighters are a rite of passage. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine goes on to highlight the crucial element of sleep in the successful performance of a college student.
If you are having trouble sleeping, you are not alone. The stress and anxiety surrounding work, personal life or even current events has led many to really restless nights.
We spoke with our in-house mental health professional, Natalie Asayag LCSW, and she has a few strategies to help you get a better sleep. These actionable tips will help you release the tension that naturally builds up throughout the day, the week, the month.
Let’s DiveThru Natalie’s suggestions.
1. Create a Bedtime Routine
Personalize the heck out of this one. Maybe this includes a shower, dry skin brushing and reading, or something entirely different. Whatever you choose, ensure it feels natural for you. Bonus points for you if you make it easy and not time consuming so you can stick to doing it every night!
2.Write Down Any of Your Intrusive Thoughts
Prior to falling asleep, write down your worries, fears or concerns and lay them to rest. This will help “unload” the thoughts from your mind and onto the page. Literally. They plop down onto the pages of your journal and they’re never heard from again. Well, at least for one night!
If you’ve been following our blog for some time, you know that we’re all about doing the things that calm your mind. We wouldn’t be if we didn’t know with certainty that it works so well! Download the DiveThru App(for freeee) and browse through the mindfulness exercises we created to cultivate calm and ease the feeling of overwhelm.
3. Focus Your Breathing
Try a sleep meditation, and/or a white noise sound to help ease you to sleep. This recommendation comes from our in-house mental health professional who knows it will help calm your nervous system, which triggers or eases levels of anxiety within the body. Listen to Natalie, fam. She knows her stuff.
Focus on breathing deeply. Even if all you take is a few counts, make sure you breathe into your belly. As you exhale, let your worries fall off one by one.
4. Remember Worries and Fears Feel Bigger at Night
Have you noticed that your worries and fears get a little bigger at night? A little more intense and a little heavier than usual? You’re not alone in that feeling. Allow yourself to “table” your worries and reconsider them in the morning. If you take a few moments to check in with yourself upon waking, you will likely find the same thoughts you were concerned with in the evening do not feel quite as “loud” as they do at nighttime.
5. Limit Your News Intake
Work to limit your news intake after a certain point in the day. If you enjoy watching TV, consider watching lighthearted, silly shows. Jake Peralta is bound to get some laughs out of you, just like Schmidt and Winston can. 13/10 recommended.
It’s not just the TV intake that Natalie suggests limiting. We also come across news on our social media so be sure to take some time away from your phone too.
6. Think of 3 Things You’re Grateful For
Practicing gratitude can be especially challenging during stressful times, but this is really when it is most needed. Do your best to allow yourself to shift into gratitude prior to bed, whether that means writing it down or simply thinking through these thoughts. This allows you to drift into sleep with a more calming focus.
7. Focus on What You Can Control
If you are noticing anxiety or stress feeling more elevated prior to bed, allow yourself to focus on what you can control. In times of uncertainty we can easily get caught up in fearful thoughts. Shifting your attention to what you are able to control, even if this simply means your breath, is a very helpful practice.
8. Be Mindful of Your Caffeine Intake
The obvious answer to quality sleep, but one that can be hard to follow: be mindful of your caffeine intake. Caffeine can heighten anxiety and limit quality sleep. Consider cutting off caffeine intake at a certain point in the day and remember that many drinks have caffeine — even tea, soda and decaf coffee!
9. Create Boundaries
Do your best not to do work in your bed, especially when it is close to bedtime. If you create a boundary around work, your mind will more easily shift into sleep mode when you slip under the sheets, rather than working to separate work time from bedtime.
10. Listen to Your Body When You’re Getting Sleepy
Note when you are beginning to feel sleepy. Often we ignore these cues, instead choosing to watch another episode or scroll a bit more to distract from reality. Do your best to be honest with yourself regarding your level of tiredness. Think through the consequence of watching an extra show versus allowing yourself to drift off to sleep as your body is signalling you to do so.
Whether you try them all, or just a handful, we hope these strategies help you get the rest you need.
Because journaling is so so so good for you, we recommend starting your journey there. The benefits of establishing a mindfulness practice or starting journaling therapy are endlessssss. Most notably among them? A quieter and more rested mind. If you don’t know where to start, download our DiveThru App and browse through the hundreds of free resources.
Time to put your mind at ease and go after those zzz’s. (too cheesy? ya we love it!)
At this point, “stressed” feels like a default setting. Whether it’s the world, work, school, finances, relationships, or just life in general, stress can be overwhelming—and, honestly, exhausting. But, having a strong support system can make a big difference.
Being there for someone is the first step. The next is knowing what to say, which can be tricky since stress looks different for everyone. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but offering support in the right way can help lighten the load.
To help you get started, we’ve compiled a list of 8 things to say to someone when they’re stressed.
1. “You’re not alone.”
Stress can feel isolating, but reminding someone they’re not alone can be powerful. Let them know you’re there to listen, to sit with them, or just to exist alongside them. Sometimes, that’s all they need—to feel seen, heard, and supported.
2. “I’m your #1 fan!”
Encouragement can go a long way, especially when stress makes everything feel overwhelming. In times of need, words of encouragement can motivate those we love to keep going when times get tough. Let them know you’re in their corner, cheering them on. A simple text, a sticky note on their desk, or a quick voice memo can remind them that they have someone who believes in them—even on the hard days.
3. “It’s ok to take a break.”
Stress can make people feel like they have to keep pushing, even when they’re running on empty. If you notice someone heading toward burnout, gently remind them that rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity (and really healthy for you). Taking a break doesn’t mean they’re falling behind; it means they’re taking care of themselves so they can keep going.
(And if someone asks why you’re taking a pause on that big project, just tell them: “I WAS ON A BREAK!”—cue Ross Geller’s voice.)
4. “How can I help?”
You: Can I help you with anything?
Them: No, I’m ok. Thanks.
You: Alright, let me know.
This is an exchange we’ve likely all had. Instead of asking, “Do you need help?”—which often leads to a polite but automatic “I’m fine”—try asking, “How can I help?”
This small shift makes it easier for them to accept support. Maybe they need someone to pick up groceries, proofread an email, or just sit with them for a bit. Whatever it is, let them know you’re ready to step i
5. “Your feelings are valid.”
When someone is stressed, the last thing they need is for their feelings to be dismissed or minimized. Even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through, show them you respect their experience. Let them know it’s okay to feel how they feel—without judgment, without fixing, just holding space for them.
6. “You’ve done it before! You can do it again.”
When stress clouds everything, it’s easy to forget how capable we are. Remind them of the times they’ve faced challenges and come out the other side. They’ve navigated tough situations before, and they have the strength to do it again. Sometimes, all it takes is a shift in perspective, like how they view failure and success.
7. “Focus on one thing at a time.”
Work, appointments, groceries, bills — when stress piles up, even the smallest tasks can feel impossible. Help them break things down—one task, one hour, one step at a time. Suddenly, the to-do list feels a little less daunting, and they can tackle things with a clearer head. If “one thing at a time” still feels like too much, scale it back: one minute, one deep breath, one small win.
8. “I’m here if you want to talk.”
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply create space for someone to share—without interruption, without problem-solving, without judgment. Just listening can be incredibly healing (and we have tips on how to become a better listener, too!). If they need to vent, let them. If they need silence, sit with them. Being there, in whatever way they need, can make all the difference.
We all experience stress—it’s part of being human. But knowing how to support each other can make the tough moments feel a little less heavy. Whether it’s a few words of encouragement, a reminder to rest, or simply showing up, your support can mean more than you realize. And don’t forget: the same kindness you show others? You deserve that too.
