DiveThru is a mental wellbeing app that helps you take charge of your mental wellbeing. Harnessing the power of guided journaling exercises, we help you take charge of your mental wellbeing.
If you’re thinking to yourself there’s gotta be something I can do to improve communication, the answer is yes.
Picture this.
You’re having a fight with your partner. They go silent and shut down – like always. Why won’t they just talk to you and work it out??
You’re having a fight with your partner. They keep rambling on and on – like always. Why won’t they just give you some space to think??
Maybe because they don’t realize that’s what you need.
It happens all the time, whether it’s in a personal relationship, a work relationship, or any other kind of relationship. Everyone communicates differently.
The key to minimizing frustration and conflict is to understand how you, and those around you, communicate. Communication is a critical (and we mean critical) part of any healthy relationship. This includes open communication during fights, difficult tasks, and heart-to-heart conversations. But it also includes communication about communication. If you don’t talk about how you communicate to one another and what you need to feel seen, heard, and appreciated, it will only cause more problems.
That’s where journaling comes in. Journaling is a wonderful tool because it allows you to explore and clarify your thoughts. Sometimes you may not even know you’re feeling a certain way until you write it out and realize, ah, that’s what it is. Once you have a better understanding of your feelings, you’ll be able to better articulate what you want and need in any communication situation.
To help you dive into what communication means to you, we’ve created a list of 6 journaling prompts to explore.
Grab your pen + paper and let’s divethru…
1. List three people who you think have excellent communication skills. What about them do you admire?
Your list can include people in your own life or those you look up to. It can even include fictional characters if you’d like. The point is, they should be good at communicating.
What about them makes them a good communicator? Is it their open body language, their willingness to be honest, or their non-judgemental listening ear? How can you incorporate some of these characteristics into your own daily communication?
2. How do you communicate?
This may seem like a simple prompt but take a minute to really think about how you communicate. How do you react to difficult conversations or negative feedback? What type of body language do you use while talking to a co-worker or a friend? How often do you speak up at board meetings or family gatherings? Details that may seem tiny all come together to create your personal communication habits. On the flip side, what do you need from others in order to feel heard? It’s not selfish to create boundaries and let others know what you need to succeed.
3. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your communication skills? What are your strengths? What are some areas that might need a little improvement?
Knowing how you communicate is kiiiinda important (see point #2). After a little reflection, try to identify the areas of communication that you’re comfortable with and those that make you want to shrink back and hide.
Let’s say you struggle with having difficult conversations face-to-face. Same. You may not be able to avoid these conversations all together (and if you are that could be a different problem, see point #4), but you can come up with strategies to make them easier.
For example, you could think about what you want to say beforehand and bring in a list of points to help you feel more prepared. Something as simple as getting your thoughts on paper can make a world of difference in how you approach and handle difficult conversations. This will not only help you, but the person you’re speaking with as well.
So, what are you great at and what can you work on? How will you work on it?
4. How can your communication practices be inadvertently hurting others?
Do you hold back because you’re scared to hurt people’s feelings? In doing so, you may be inadvertently harming them. Do you tell it like it is, no sugar-coating? This straightforward approach may be equally as hurtful.
The important thing to know is how other people like to receive messages. These personal preferences should determine how you communicate with them. Communication is a two-way street. You have to take into account your communication style as well as your partner, co-worker, friend, or parent’s communication style.
5. How does your self-confidence impact your communication?
Does your confidence come across as cockiness?
Does your lack of confidence come across as disengagement?
Have you found a happy medium?
Does your confidence level, and therefore your communication, change depending on the situation you find yourself in?
All of these factors will influence your relationships and are important in assessing your communication skills.
6. How can you improve your active listening skills?
Communication is not just about talking. In fact, listening is one of the most important elements of communication. Active listening means “listening attentively while someone else speaks, paraphrasing and reflecting back what is said, and withholding judgment and advice”.
Try not to think of what you’re going to have for lunch, what your puppy is doing at home, or what you’re going to say next. Instead, focus your attention on the person speaking to make them feel heard and respected.
What are you doing well in terms of active listening?
How can you create a better environment for listening?
Go ahead and give an honest, non-judgemental assessment of your active listening skills. Your journal is probably the best active listener out there.
So, the next time you’re having a fight with your partner and they stay quiet, you’ll realize that they just need time to process, it’s not that they don’t care. And when they keep talking, they’re not trying to push you, that’s just their way of working it out – they think out loud.
By paying attention to the needs of yourself and others, you’ll create more effective communication and more meaningful relationships with those around you.
Well, looks like you’re ready to conquer the world now.
We kicked off 2020 with a ruthless virus and by March of that year, the whole world was in quarantine. As we’re writing to you now, it’s 2022 and the pandemic is still in full swing. Everyone is coping the best way they know how…and if you’ve been noticing your mental health take a toll, know that you’re not alone. So in order for us to watch out for ourselves and others, we’ve put together a list of symptoms of depression, especially as they may show up during our current panini reality.
Our in-house mental health professional, Natalie Asayag MSW LCSW, reminds us that “human connection is necessary to our survival.” While the introverts of the world will now take a minute to argue “is it tho??” the truth is that we do need each other! We need our family and our friends and our social rituals and all of the fun things we do to enjoy time together.
But we also need to care for each other’s health and personal safety! And as we’ve been prioritizing that over the past 2 years, we’ve naturally and validly started to feel lonely and overwhelmed.
Symptoms of depression, anxiety, and collective trauma may be showing up so we reached out to Natalie and asked a few questions on the matter. Below you’ll find her answers and her professional recommendations!
1. What are symptoms of depression that can particularly crop up when social distancing?
Symptoms of depression during social distancing can show up in a few different ways. Pay attention to things like lack of motivation, fatigue, trouble sleeping, as well as a drop in seeking support or connection (further self-isolating).
Another important symptom to look for is a loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities, and any accompanying irritability, negative thoughts, or a loud inner critic. Equally important to keep an eye out for is an uptick in restriction or binge behaviours because these may also crop up during social distancing.
Because depression is a complicated illness, there are other signs of depression to consider. If at any point you feel these warning symptoms worsen or develop more, it may be time to reach out to a mental health professional.
2. How can you recognize these symptoms in yourself and others?
To recognize symptoms showing up in loved ones, ask yourself if you’ve been noticing them reaching out less or responding less. Have they been ignoring your (hilarious) meme accounts? Are they starting to let your texts sit without a response for a long time? Skipping planned phone calls? On the other side, notice if you yourself have done the same.
Recognize if you or your friend have been engaging in escapism (like video games, or TV). Every once in a while we all find that one TV show that we just HAVE to watch in one sitting because it’s soooooo good. But escapism may be a symptom of depression if you notice you’ve been doing it more than usual. Netflix shouldn’t be taking up a large portion of your day every day.
A few more things to recognize as potential symptoms are a lack of motivation to do [school] work, not engaging in usual activities (think cleaning, making meals, showering, etc.), and finding less pleasure in previously pleasurable activities. If you feel like it takes more energy to start or follow through with a task, that may also be a warning sign. Because irritability can be a symptom of depression, lashing out or being “short” with friends and loved ones may also be a sign.
3. How can loneliness from the pandemic cause depression or depressive episodes?
Human connection is necessary to our survival. Without social connections, we begin to feel empty and lose sight of life’s purpose, as loneliness informs our inner world of feelings and thoughts.
This can quite quickly lead to feelings of depression, considering various factors, such as frequency of connection, quality of friendships, ability to connect beyond surface conversation and the length of time without quality interactions.
4. What are some ways to combat feelings of loneliness, especially if you are far from friends and family?
Ideally, connect via video so you can see the person’s facial expressions and read their non-verbals. If this isn’t your preference, certainly audio calls are the next best thing. Set a time each day or week to connect with specific people in your life.
Another option is to join one of the many free, live collective experiences offered online: meditations, yoga, workouts, lectures, FB support groups, online book clubs. Send handwritten letters or cards to friends — let’s bring back the pen pal experience. Connect with others who are willing to sit with your emotions — it’s powerful to be able to share your feelings and feel “heard” and validated.
5. What are some other ways people with depression can cope while they’re self-isolating?
It’s a good idea to schedule daily or weekly calls with friends and family and conduct reciprocal daily check-ins with each other. You can also virtually watch a movie with a friend or start an online game together! Or get outside and go on a social distancing walk with your friends (don’t forget your mask). Be brave in your vulnerability and ask for support when you need it.
Journaling is a great way to allow yourself to feel your feelings, and even get a little creative. Create a comfortable and warm space and explore the thoughts and feelings whirling around inside you. The physical and mental health benefits of journaling are countless.
As you try to replicate some normalcy, build a loose schedule for yourself and lower your expectations of yourself.
Some other creative activities you can engage in are cooking, baking, sketching, painting, photography, poetry, writing, and reading. Build a playlist for different moods, listen to podcasts, meet with a therapist. Many senior care homes are looking for pen pals right now so grab a pen and write a letter to them! Come up with a detailed escape plan of how you’re going to break them out of the senior home and take them on a rad adventure. Embrace your creativity and you’ll make their day, and your day.
Take Care of Yourself
So there you have it! A few ways to recognize symptoms of depression and a few ways to cope with them as they crop up. It’s more important now than ever to take care of each other as we try to fight this ruthless virus.
Let’s show extra love, be super mindful in our communication, and purposeful in our interactions.
When you think of the word perfect, maybe you think of a sunny afternoon on the beach, your partner’s eyes, or the smell of a new book. What you probably don’t think of is a mountain of stress, hours of procrastination, or feelings of inadequacy. How can something with the root word “perfect” be so not perfect? Welcome to perfectionism. In this article, we dive thru how to stop being a perfectionist and letting it run your life.
Perfectionism “involves a tendency to set standards that are so high they either cannot be met or are only met with great difficulty.” Basically, perfectionism is trying to make things so perfect that they become unattainable. Whether it’s spending hours on a simple task or rewriting an email for the tenth time, these high standards usually leave no room for error.
This leads to another noteworthy aspect of perfectionism: the fear of failure. Perfectionism creates the belief that making a mistake, no matter how small, will lead to criticism and rejection. The belief that, if you are not perfect you will not be liked.
As if this wasn’t enough, there is an added desire to be perfect that comes from social media. We all know what it’s like to see an immaculate Instagram feed where every image is filtered in Clarendon and everyone looks like they’ve walked right out of a movie – with the body to match.
What we never see are the makeup products, the 47 other photos, and the hours of editing that go into capturing even the most “spontaneous” and “authentic” moments. It’s easy to look at social media and believe that everyone else has the perfect body, the perfect job, the perfect life.
It’s easy to believe that you should too.
Managing Your Perfectionism
Social media and today’s society are creating a world where, despite success, people feel inadequate. The growing issue of perfectionism is negatively affecting the mental health and wellbeing of people around the world.
Perfectionism is sometimes thought of as a positive characteristic. People pride themselves on being perfectionists. But for those who struggle with perfectionism, it is the complete opposite. We know how hard it can be. And we’ve got your back. Here are 4 ways to manage your perfectionism and make peace with where you’re at.
1. Set realistic goals.
Realistic goals are a great way to address perfectionism because they work with you, at your pace. You can start wherever you are right now and keep working on them for as long as you need to. Overcoming perfectionism won’t be easy or instantaneous.
Setting SMART goals allows you to split a seemingly impossible task into smaller, more manageable pieces. Goals will give you guidelines to stick to so that perfectionism doesn’t try to creep in. Having a trusted friend or family member check them over to make sure they are realistic and achievable is also a great idea!
2. Celebrate the little things.
Just because your achievements aren’t revolutionary and earth-shattering doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be celebrated. Maybe you posted a picture without editing it, or maybe you only proofread your email twice before sending it instead of the usual ten times.
Whatever your little victory is today, celebrate it!!
Rewarding yourself for the little things can help with perfectionism, too. By acknowledging that every little thing is important, you won’t feel like everything is riding on one big thing that has to be absolutely perfect. Celebrate the little wins – they’re all a part of the big picture.
3. Share your imperfections.
This will probably be the most terrifying thing ever. But as Brene Brown has taught us, vulnerability is the key to human connection. Every one of us experiences vulnerability but it takes courage and strength to let it show. In an attempt to remain perfect, we often don’t show our whole selves.
Don’t forget that every part of you, every stage of your life, is important and worth celebrating. Being grateful for where you are right now will help you acknowledge and accept imperfections as normal and human (we’re getting to that).
So, tell people about a time you failed. Post a picture without makeup on. Normalize imperfections. These are the ways to build connections and truly understand one another. You never know who you might be helping by sharing your vulnerability.
4. Remember: NO ONE is perfect.
Think about someone in your life who is perfect. Someone who has never sent an email with a spelling mistake, never forgotten their lines during a presentation, and never had a pimple on their face. Someone who has never made a mistake. You’re going to be thinking for a while.
Because despite what it may feel like, and what you may hear, and what you may see on social media, NO ONE IS PERFECT. Not even Beyoncé. Seriously. What we are is human.
We are clumsy, forgetful, imperfect, mistake-making humans. And we are still loved, and we are still beautiful.
When perfectionism is getting the best of you, make a conscious effort to shift your thoughts from “I need to be perfect” to “I will do the best I can”. Remember that your appearance, work, or grade does not define you. You are so much more than that. And if you ever forget, come on back here and we’ll remind you.
When was the last time you expressed your gratitude? This isn’t an attack btw (lol) because you can show that you are grateful without saying it out loud. There are so many ways to do it! You could surprise a friend by sending them a thank-you lunch, show support to a family member who’s going through a tough time, or give a shout-out to a coworker for their hard work.
But we totally get it if you haven’t done it for a while. The ups and downs of life can keep you preoccupied and make it difficult to take a beat for all the awesome things that do happen.
It’s also easier to express gratitude when good things happen in your life, like getting into a university program, getting hired at a new job, getting engaged, or announcing a pregnancy. If you’re overwhelmed, anxious, or unhappy…welllllll, being grateful may not be the first thing that comes to mind. But don’t worry! There’s good news. You can learn gratitude by practicing more of it!
The Power of Positive Thinking
Now suppose you’ve had a horrible day. You rush to catch the train, your venti iced coffee spills all over your new jeans, and you’re mad because you left home early but you still wound up being late for your class. Ugh. Is Mercury in the microwave again?
When these situations happen, it can be all too tempting to succumb to your disappointment or anger and let it take over. And if that’s what’s best for you in the moment, take a break and call it a mental health day. Go home and feel all of your feels bc that can be really good for you.
However, taking a mental health day is not always accessible and you might have to just “get through” your day. The good news is that there are some coping strategies for when that’s the case! One way is to establish positive thinking strategies in your life by navigating your negative self-talk with self-compassion. We teach you how to be kind to yourself in one of our other articles.
Another way is to learn how to practice gratitude and use gratitude journaling to reframe your perspective. Practicing gratitude retrains the brain to look at the positives in addition to the negatives. And there are sooooo many benefits of gratitude including emotional, social, personality, career, and health benefits!
For example, gratitude can improve your self-esteem, relationships, decision-making, and even your sleep. That’s right, we’re offering you a scientifically proven way to improve your sleep. If we were you, we’d take it. Get those extra Zzzzz’s.
The Reality of Toxic Positivity
Before we move any further, we better chat about toxic positivity real quick. Toxic positivity basically takes the idea of reframing negative thoughts to positive thoughts and runnnnnns with it to the point where it becomes toxic.
Positive thinking in and of itself is not toxic. In fact, it can be really helpful to reframe harsh self-talk from our inner critic! But toxic positivity takes it one step too far in that it doesn’t allow for negative thoughts or difficult feelings to exist at all. It summons “good vibez only” in EVERY situation and promotes unhealthy avoidance of tough feelings.
It’s not only irritating to hear others tell you to “Just be positive!!” or “Just look at the bright side!!” but it’s also invalidating as all hell. It makes you feel like your emotions are not real (they are) and not valid (again, they are!). Covering your feelings with positivity can lead to self-doubt, worry, and self-denial. It’s perfectly OK to express yourself through your emotions and sentiments!
Now that we covered that, let’s take a look at how to practice gratitude.
How to Reflect with Gratitude Journaling
You live a busy life! And you’re probably not looking forward to adding something to your plate right now. We get it!
Gratitude journaling is a form of self-care. A gratitude journal is a place where you can record what you’re thankful for, what makes you happy, and anything good that is happening in your life. It can be fancy or not, long or short, doesn’t matter! As long as it exists.
You can start by saying thank you — for anything. Jot down your thoughts as you reflect on the things in your life that bring you joy and that you’re grateful for. You’ll see that things start flowing preeeetty quickly once you begin writing! That’s the power of journaling!
The next step is to develop a practice around gratitude journaling and incorporate it into your daily life. Don’t stress if you’re not sure where to begin! We have a short and simple course in the DiveThru app that is entirely free. DiveThru Therapist Simone Saunders walks you through how to seek gratitude, understanding the mental health benefits of gratitude activities, and developing and mastering gratitude techniques!
If you haven’t already, download the DiveThru app and try it out!
With a gratitude journal, you’ll have a perfectly personalized list of everything that makes you happy. So, the next time you feel sad, angry, or like the sun has gone behind a dark cloud, you can look at your list. There will be tens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of things sitting right there to remind you of everything that is good in the world.
6 Ways to Start Gratitude Journaling
Let’s do this. *Cue inspirational music and serious faces—no, smiling faces. Ah, much better.*
Think of us as your entourage. We’ve got your back as you begin your gratitude practice and we’ll be here to support you every step of the way. For our first task, we’ve gathered up 6 tips for starting (and maintaining) your gratitude journal:
1. Set Aside Time for Your Gratitude Journaling
There is no right or wrong way to journal as long as you do it. Many people like to journal right before they go to bed because it has benefits for sleep and allows you to reflect on the events of the day.
But it’s entirely up to you! It all depends on what makes you the most comfortable and what your schedule is. Devoting time to an existing habit, such as your morning tea/latte or your 10-minute bus ride, are some ahh-mazing ways to implement gratitude journaling.
2. Make It a Habit
Habits take time to establish, so don’t be disheartened if it takes some time to form and become accustomed to your new routine. According to a research study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, developing a new practice takes anywhere between 18 to 254 days. However, when you stay consistent, it will soon feel natural and easy.
3. Tailor Your Journal to You
When it comes to gratitude journaling, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, and it is a deeply personal experience. It will appear different for each person, so make it personal to you and what makes you happy.
Do you like to draw or keep a bullet journal? You are free to be as creative as you’d like! You can paint, sketch, or create a mood board! Whether it’s a lengthy ritual or a brief break to jot things down in your phone’s notes, do what feels right for you. You are a constantly changing and evolving person, so don’t be afraid to let your gratitude practice evolve as well.
4. Use the Resources Available to You
You’ve already discovered a fantastic resource in DiveThru by reading this. Mental health is our jam! In our app, you’ll find a tonnnnn of guided journaling prompts that can get you started on your gratitude journaling.
The good news? The app is completely free to download! The even better news? After you download it, you’ll always be a tap away from a gratitude hit.
From journal prompts to interactive courses to articles, we work with mental health professionals to help people lead a mentally healthier and more fulfilling life. Like the free Practicing Gratitude course we created with Simone Saunders! Head to the app to check it out.
5. Take It One Step at a Time
If you’re still unsure where to start, try writing something you’re glad for every day for a year, which will leave you with 365 things to be thankful for.
365!!
That’s incredible! That’s a lot of things to be grateful for. And if you write 3 things you’re grateful for, the number only goes up. Imagine if you did this for 5, 10, or 15 years. We’re not really in the mood for math right now, but that would be thousands of things to be thankful for.
Not bad.
6. Focus on What’s Important to You
When you initially start gratitude journaling, you’ll be writing down the first things that come to mind! But as you continue to journal, you will be able to connect with more profound and particular emotions by having a clear sense of what you are grateful for and expanding on what it means to you.
Bring in some details. If you’re thankful for the weather, what about it? A light, soft, snowfall? The warmth of the sun on your face? Or a thunderstorm that shook you to your core? Be patient and really think about what makes you grateful. When you’ve found it, you’ll know.
We know that you’re kind of busy reading this, but we’d like you to pause anyways. Right there, yup. Here we go. Take a deep breath in and exhale slowly. Now, think of one thing that you’re grateful for in this tiny little sweet moment of the day. Go.
Congratulations! You just started your gratitude practice. Go ahead and write that thought down as point #1 in a long list of things to be grateful for.
While you were thinking, we were too. What are we grateful for? We’re grateful for you.
There are a lot of things that make you you. And learning to embrace all of these things is a hefty task. Sure, it may be easy to embrace the qualities you like about yourself, but it may be more difficult to embrace and accept those qualities that you don’t like. Maybe there are things you push down because you really just don’t want to think about them. And maybe there are things that you are constantly thinking about, things that consume your mind on a daily basis. If only there were a happy medium. Is there a secret formula for how to love yourself more??
No. But there is journaling and journaling will help you sort through your emotions and come up with a plan to start accepting and embracing your whole self – every part of you. Because, after all, without any one of those parts, you wouldn’t be you! And being you is pretty cool.
As you dive thru the following prompts, let yourself explore your thoughts and try to welcome them with acceptance, not criticism. Your journal should be a judgement-free zone and should be a space where you practice self-compassion. Try to treat yourself as you would treat any friend going through the same situation – with love and understanding.
Ready? Grab your pen + paper.
Happy writing!
1. Define what it means to “love yourself.”
What does the concept mean to you? It will likely mean something different to everyone. Is it positive self-talk? Is it going out in public without a figurative mask on?
Before you can start learning how to love yourself, you have to know what that means for you. It would be like trying to learn tennis without knowing what tennis is. Automatically more difficult.
2. Name one thing that makes you feel each of these emotions: happy, frustrated, sad, inspired.
Every single person feels every single one of these emotions, has good days and bad days. The better you know yourself, the better you will be able to embrace the wave of emotions that comes with being a human being. Feel free to expand the list by adding other emotions.
3. What is your favourite thing about yourself?
It could be a physical trait, a personality trait, or anything in between. What is something you love about yourself? Something that makes you proud? Don’t be shy. Go ahead, brag!
4. Name something about yourself that you consider a flaw and turn it into a strength.
Again, it could be a physical trait, a personality trait, or a habit. Why do you consider it to be a flaw? How can you start to appreciate and embrace that aspect of yourself? Write down tangible steps or goals so that you can measure your progress.
5.Talk about a time in your life when you felt most like yourself.
What were you doing? Who were you with? What stars aligned to make you feel like the most authentic version of yourself? And finally, how can you make that happen again? Because there’s something very freeing about being yourself. No guards up, no fear of judgement, no second-guessing. Just being.
6.What would you do if you could do anything?
We all have something that we’ve always wanted to do, deep down inside – if money wasn’t an option and you knew you couldn’t fail, if there was no fear, judgement, or fear of judgement. What would you do if you could do anything in the world? (Psst… you can!) Listen to what your heart and mind are telling you. Listening to yourself is one way you can start embracing everything you are, not just everything you want to be or thought you would be.
7.What do you value most in life? How can you prioritize it?
We often know what we value but fail to make it a priority in our lives. Write down tangible steps you can take to embrace what is important to you.
8. What is an excuse you use often?
Why do you use this excuse? Part of embracing yourself is knowing yourself and knowing why you do what you do. For example, if your excuse is that you don’t have time, do you really not have time? Or do you just not make time? How can you start holding yourself accountable when you want to resort to that excuse?
We hope that these prompts will help you learn to appreciate the beauty of being you. There are over 7 billion (?!) people in the world but there is only one you.
Think about that for a second. No more of this one in a million business. You’re one in seven billion! And that is something worth celebrating. Cheers!
You go on Pinterest and your feed is overflowing with motivational quotes (or is that just us?). “Love yourself” they say. “Be you”. That’s great advice, but… how? Is there some sort of fine print with instructions that we’re missing? How do you embrace who you are?
Embracing yourself – all of yourself – is not just a switch you can turn on and off. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Although there will never be a universal set of fine print instructions for how to embrace yourself, we hope that ours will be a starting point for you in learning to love your amazing, unique, brave self.
1. Work at It
The most important thing to realize is that embracing yourself will not happen magically overnight. It won’t be automatic, and it won’t be easy. Learning to embrace yourself is going to be a work in progress and that’s ok. It’s a marathon not a sprint. Just know that every time you make a conscious choice to stay true to yourself, you’re closer to your end goal than you were one day ago.
2. Choose a Support System That Helps You Grow
Surround yourself with people who are willing to work with you, who will give you the opportunity to grow into yourself, and who will never judge you along the way. Although it is ultimately up to you to choose and accept yourself, it doesn’t hurt to have people around you who are also willing to choose and accept you. They will be there to support you as you grow and will not expect you to be the same person they met years ago. They will acknowledge that there is more than one version of you.
3. Forgive Your Earlier Mistakes
As you grow, it is so important to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes you’ve made not only with others, but with yourself as well. Be kind and practice self-compassion. In the process of growing and embracing yourself, you are inevitably going to make mistakes. That’s ok. Since we’re in the spirit of embracing things, let’s embrace those too. Learning from mistakes is the only way to grow.
4. Detach Your Value From the Values of Others
We’ve heard it a million times: it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Then why does it still feel like it does? Because it’s going to take a lot of time and a constant effort to reverse the habits we’ve lived with for years. It’s ok to hear the opinions of others, but the important thing to realize is that their negative opinions do not diminish your value.
Repeat after us: my value does not depend on what others think of me.
5. Get to Know Yourself
Part of embracing who you are is knowing who you are. If you don’t even know who you are, how are you supposed to embrace and stand up for that person? If you’re unsure of your identity right now, don’t worry. Be open to trying new things so you can figure out what makes you you. It will take work and introspection to know yourself – that’s what we’re here for.
Use our DiveThru app to dig deep into yourself and find the true you that’s hiding under all the layers of fitting in (see next point).
What makes you swell with pride?
What makes you want to scream in frustration?
And what makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside?
Once you know these things about yourself, it will be easier to embrace them and live authentically. This is a small step towards learning how to love yourself more.
6. Don’t Try to Fit In
It’s very hard when all we’ve been taught is to fit into a box, a mold, and a certain way of being. Growing up, all we wanted to do was fit in. The thing we probably didn’t realize was that, by being different, we were already similar. Our differences make us unique and interesting, but they are also what make us similar. We are all different. That’s a good thing. How boring would the world be if everyone was a carbon copy of one another?
7. Know That You’re Doing Your Best
It’s hard to be yourself in a world that’s constantly trying to tell you to be someone else. We get it. Just know that you are doing your best and that that is enough. Despite what people may tell you, you don’t have to be perfect. Your best is and will always be enough.
You don’t think you need to learn how to practice self-compassion until something like this happens. Muse along with us for a minute while we paint a picture.
You’ve finally scored THE job interview. It’s your dream role and you’ve been prepping for this interview for weeks. You’ve researched the company, you know what you’re going to wear, you’ve rehearsed what you’re going to say. No room for failure this time.
You’re in the waiting room. Your palms start to feel clammy. You’re a little nervous. You think to yourself, “Don’t mess this up”. The interviewer calls your name and you walk into the room on shaking legs. You sit down and – and you blank. You forget absolutely everything.
Now you’re really sweating and your heart is pounding and you’re so mad at yourself because UGH you practiced for this and you screwed it up and why can’t you just do one thing right???
Now imagine a friend tells you the exact same story.
You answer the phone and hear their voice…they sound so defeated. Your heart breaks for them. You know how bad they wanted this job. You tell them that it’s ok, everything will be ok. It was just one interview. They are so talented and qualified and amazing and there will be many more interviews. “It happens to everyone,” you say. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Hmm.. do you see where we’re going with this?
Experiences like this are NORMAL. They happen to everyone.
When they happen to others, we are good friends – great friends, even. We are there with support and encouragement because all we want to do is make them feel better. So why, in the exact same situation, do we feel authorized to rip ourselves apart?
Because we aren’t practicing self-compassion.
Dr. Kristin Neff has spent years studying self-compassion and describes it as giving the same care to yourself as you would a good friend:
“Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?”
Maybe this seems like a revolutionary idea. Being kind to ourselves? What? Or maybe this is a Eureka Moment – everything finally makes sense. Either way, being kind to ourselves is so so so important.
In fact, Dr. Neff has found that “self-compassion is very strongly related to mental wellbeing”. Ok, we should definitely be nice to ourselves.
The Three Elements of Self-Compassion
According to Dr. Neff, there are three elements crucial to self-compassion. As we dive thru them together, think about where you stand in relation. Are you more prone to one than the other?
Self-kindness vs. Self-judgement
Self-kindness points to being understanding to ourselves, rather than giving ourselves large doses of harsh criticism. When you reflect on your self-talk, does it sound like something you’d be okay with saying to your best friend? If the answer is no, you’re likely being way too mean to yourself. Your internal critic got hold of the reins and is wreaking havoc. Get those reins back.
Common Humanity vs. Isolation
Making mistakes is part of being human – it connects us all together. When you realize you are not alone in your feelings, you begin to feel the common humanity in our experiences. You’re not alone in your struggles.
Mindfulness vs. Over-identification
Being mindful means accepting your thoughts and feelings as they are and not necessarily trying to change them.
Simply put, self-compassion is the same as having compassion for others:
“With self-compassion we mindfully accept that the moment is painful, and embrace ourselves with kindness and care in response, remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.”
So, are you ready to be a friend to yourself?
6 Ways You Can Be Kinder to Yourself
Let’s start implementing self-compassion in your daily life. Check out these exercises from Dr. Neff herself on how to be kinder to your incredible self:
1. Learn more about what self-compassion is.
Watch Dr. Kristin Neff’s Tedx Talk about self-compassion and the impact it’s had on her life. She explains the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem and some of the science behind self-compassion.
2. See how you actually treat yourself.
Take Dr. Neff’s self-compassion test to see how you’re treating yourself now, as well as some areas of improvement for the future. Think of it like those quizzes you used to take in teen magazines. Except, instead of telling you which member of One Direction you are, this one tells you how kind you’re being to yourself. Fun and productive.
3. Write a letter to yourself from an imaginary friend.
This may sound odd but writing from another perspective will help reframe your thoughts. You’ll realize how you should be treating yourself all the time and can start allowing that compassion into your own life. The only thing left after that will be coffee dates with your imaginary BFF.
4. Change your critical self-talk.
Critical self-talk can be an ingrained habit so this will likely take time and dedication. First, try to recognize and acknowledge when you’re thinking negative thoughts. Then, try to work on shifting them to be more loving and compassionate. As Dr. Neff says, “Love is more powerful than fear.”
5. Keep a self-compassion journal.
If you’ve been around for a while, you may have noticed that we kind of dig journaling.
Ok, we really dig journaling.
You can use the free resources on our DiveThru app to track your journey to self-compassion. As you go through the events of the day, try to keep the three elements of self-compassion in mind: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Check in with yourself and as you do, celebrate the little moments of self-kindness until they become second nature.
6. Take advantage of the resources available to you.
The entirety of the world wide web is at your disposal; there are so many amazing (free!) resources just beyond the google search bar. One excellent resource is guided reflection in podcast format. Dr. Neff has created ten different self-compassion guided meditations that are free to listen to. Some of the topics include self-compassion for caregivers, noting your emotions, and self-compassion break. Take some time to explore these, along with other resources on your journey to become more self-compassionate.
At DiveThru, we believe in you and we are here for you. With just a pinch of practice, a teaspoon of forgiveness, and a cup of kindness, you’re on your way to becoming a better friend to yourself. Mix in a whole lot of love and you have the perfect recipe for self-compassion.
Or is that the recipe for chocolate chip cookies? Either way, it’s a win.
Our constantly changing world is inevitably going to create stress. Let’s face it, whether it’s a demanding boss, a busy schedule, or a difficult relationship, the Earth can be a stressful place sometimes! What makes it even more challenging is that there’s no one perfect way to deal with it. Since everyone experiences and deals with stress in their own way, here’s how to relieve stress with 8 techniques recommended by psychologists!
Maybe you’re someone who needs to exercise, someone who needs to talk it out, or someone who just needs to curl up with a book and a cup of tea. All of these options are perfectly ok for dealing with stress. Unfortunately, it can be a lot of trial and error before you find a stress relief technique that works for you. We’ve got your back. To help you get started, we’ve researched 8 psychologist-recommended techniques for surviving stress:
1. Identify Your Stress at the Source
Knowing what makes you stressed can be monumental in finding out how to cope with it. Once you realize why you’re stressed, you’ll be able to recognize those triggers and apply healthy stress management strategies to tackle them. Don’t get us wrong, this can be difficult, but it can be life-changing in how you relieve your stress in the future.
Psychologists often recommend journaling therapy as a way to connect to yourself and clarify your thoughts and feelings. We wholeheartedly agree! Our DiveThru method is rooted in journaling therapy! Our guided journaling exercises are developed with the help of mental health professionals and will help you find the source of your stress. What do you need to get started? Your favourite pen, paper + the DiveThru app! It’s free to download, friends.
2. Get Some Rest
Difficulty sleeping is one of the most common symptoms of stress which is quite unfortunate considering sleep is just what you need to combat your stress.
Typical. If you have trouble falling asleep, try different techniques like putting your phone away before going to bed, listening to instrumental music, or adjusting your sleeping position. Psychologists recommend getting at least 8 hours of sleep per night in order to fully recharge. If that sounds like a stretch, that’s ok. Work your way up. Here are a few more strategies to get a better sleep, from our in-house mental health professional Natalie Asayag LCSW.
P.S. We know what you’re thinking and the answer is no. No, you can’t make up 4 hours of sleep with a venti iced coffee. Nice try though.
3. Try At-Home Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is all about identifying, challenging, and replacing thoughts. Using strategies like journaling, role-playing, and relaxation techniques, CBT aims to replace negative thoughts with more objective thoughts. CBT allows you to create healthy thinking patterns, which can then be applied to dealing with stress – like that growing pile of paperwork on your desk. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a great option because it’s goal-oriented, but also super accessible and can be tailored just for you!
4. Slow Down
Do you ever feel like you’re playing Mario Kart and you’re going so fast and you keep slipping on banana peels and crashing into walls? ‘Cause same. The secret is to slow down. You’ll see the banana peels coming and you’ll be way more in control. When you’re stressed it often feels like you’re going 1000 miles/hour. Make a conscious effort to slow down and take things one step at a time by prioritizing your needs (and yourself). Check in with yourself by doing a self-massage, listening to relaxing music, or performing a body scan. With a more focussed approach, you’ll find yourself crossing the finish line in no time!
5. Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
When you’re stressed, your body tenses up. You may not even realize that your muscles are becoming rigid, stiff, and less flexible over time. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) can help relax your muscles by tensing up specific parts of your muscles and then releasing that tension. When you relax your body, your mind will follow suit and de-stress too. To get started, check out this guide on how to do Progressive Muscle Relaxation.
6. Visualize
Visualization is a powerful technique for managing stress. It involves guiding your mind out of a current, stressful situation and replacing it with relaxing imagery. Start by taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Then, imagine a peaceful space: your favourite travel destination or a cozy spot in your house. Visualize details such as the feeling of the sun on your skin or the smell of the rain. Stay in this space for as long as you need and remember that you can come back to it anytime you want. Ahh, we feel better already.
7. Create Boundaries and Stick to Them
Establishing boundaries is important in managing stress because it allows you to designate time and space for different areas of your life. Create boundaries for work hours, including how and when you can be reached outside of work. Make sure you consider your own needs and create boundaries that reflect those needs, whether it be at work or at home. Communicate openly with co-workers, friends, and family so they know what you need, and allow yourself to remain firm on your boundaries. After all, they’re called boundaries for a reason. We know that being assertive can be tough – you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings – but being assertive is crucial in taking care of yourself (and others).
8. Practice the ABC Technique
ABC stands for Adversity, Beliefs, and Consequences. The main goal of the ABC Technique is to overcome negative thinking that results from stressful situations. Here’s the Coles Notes version: when we find ourselves in a stressful situation we face Adversity. Our perception of the Adversity leads to our Beliefs, which then influence what we do next – the Consequences. For example, receiving negative feedback may prompt beliefs of failure, which then have negative consequences on the remainder of your workday. By acknowledging and recording this harmful pattern, you can replace negativity with healthy thought practices.
Think of these stress-busting techniques as a shield. They will be there to protect you from any stress that comes your way.
You’re basically Captain America now. Congratulations.
When we think about conflict we usually think of a heated argument. You know, the hands gesturing wildly, the raised voices, the forehead vein popping. It might be an emotionally charged argument, where we see people resorting to judgmental remarks or inappropriate comments. Naturally, there is also an opposite side to that spectrum where we might see the silent treatment and the passive-aggressive behaviour. By the end of this article, you will know how to work through a fight with at least 5 effective strategies.
Some of you are picturing work-related conflicts while others are revisiting a few harsh words exchanged with friends or family. Before we dive any further, there’s one thing we need to get straight.
Conflict is natural. It’s as natural as being attracted to Chris Evans’ gentlemanly charisma or impeccable character. Sorry not sorry, we love our Avengers here at DiveThru.
But back to conflict. It’s a product of friction (and/or tension), and that product is not always negative. In fact, it’s what challenges our current state and helps us move forward. In the great words of Bill Nye The Science Guy, without friction we wouldn’t be able to walk.
That’s as far as my knowledge of physics goes so maybe we’ll stop with the metaphors there.
The important thing to take away is that disagreement is sometimes a key ingredient in challenging our current perspectives. The better equipped we are to understand the nature of conflict, the more capable we are to come out of it in a better place.
When we talk about Interpersonal Conflict, we refer specifically to the issues arising between two or more people. When we speak about internal conflict, we call it Intrapersonal Conflict.
Today, we’re diving thru the first. Let’s get to it.
Know the Different Types of Interpersonal Conflict
Before diving thru strategies to work through interpersonal conflict, we need to identify which type we are dealing with. This will help you get a better understanding of the root of the issue and it can help shape the resolution itself. According to healthline, there are 6 types:
Pseudo Conflict
This type of conflict is usually based in misunderstanding. The issue will brim when the individuals involved are making judgments without seeing the full picture or having all the details. More often than not, pseudo conflict can be resolved with a further explanation of what the parties actually mean. However, pseudo conflict could also be a result of badgering, mocking or taunting of one party.
Fact Conflict
This one is pretty straightforward! It’s a conflict that arises from the facts that are being shared. The simplest way to solve these arguments is to check a reliable source that has the answer for you.
Your friend is adamant that tomatoes are a vegetable but you KNOW for a fact that they are a fruit.
How do you figure it out? Turn to the google machine!
Value Conflict
A little harder to figure out than the first two, this type of conflict revolves around personal values and belief systems. A difference of opinion, especially on sensitive topics, can result in disagreement and arguments.
The best thing to do in these situations is explain your point of view while respecting the other person’s perspective. Acknowledging that there is a difference in your values can be the best way to move forward, even if no agreement has been reached.
We see this type of conflict surface around religion, cultural practices, healthcare practices, and many, many, many other social issues.
Policy Conflict
When your approach to problem-solving differs vastly from another person’s, policy conflict can arise. This type of conflict stops us from moving forward with an action plan because we can’t all agree on what that plan should be.
Take healthcare for example. Our approach in Canada to public healthcare differs so greatly from the United States’ privatized system. The same problems exist but the two nations have chosen different approaches to solving them.
Not all Canadians are on board with public healthcare and not all Americans agree with a privatized system. We have no doubt that policy conflict has played out in both countries because of that.
[quick flashback to your last holiday dinner party and the discussions going on at the table?]
Ego Conflict
As the name suggests, our egos are at risk with this type of conflict. As an argument escalates, some people will turn to judgmental remarks and find ways to make it personal.
In other cases, people will refuse to lose an argument (even though they know they’re wrong) because the loss would mean an insult to their intelligence.
We all have that one friend in our lives who looooves to argue. We might have even learned our lesson to not start an argument with them because they always win anyways.
What we don’t think about is that our loves-to-argue pal might tie their identity close to this ability to “win” arguments. Their ego may play a bigger role in the situation than we’ve prepared for.
Meta Conflict
An argument about the way we argue. Have you ever been so fed up with how your friend approaches your conflicts that you decide to pause the argument and argue about how you argue? A quick example we can give is the use of extremes:
“You always walk away.”
“You never listen to what I have to say.”
This is called a meta conflict. Because communication plays a key role in resolving conflicts, voicing your concerns about how someone approaches arguments is healthy.
What’s not healthy is doing it in the heat of the moment and without reproach. When these emotions bubble over, communication becomes muddy and we may lose sight of the bigger goal.
Understand What Causes Interpersonal Conflict
We talked about friction and tension earlier and now we’re going to expand on that a bit.
In their book Everyday Encounters, Julia Wood and Ann Schweitzer take a closer look at interpersonal conflict. What actually causes it? Why don’t we just accept each other’s differences for what they are, without conflict?
One of the points they make is that differences don’t lead to conflict unless we feel the need to reconcile that tension (p. 266).
Can we have totally different goals, preferences or decisions? Absolutely. Will it lead to interpersonal conflict? Not unless those preferences affect us.
The best way to think about it is like this.
Say you and your friend have super different preferences when it comes to pets. She’s a dog person and you love all members of the furry species but currently have a cat. Is this bound to create conflict at the moment? Nope, it doesn’t really affect either of you.
Now say you two are thinking of moving in together. You’re stoked about it! And she’s stoked about it too until she finds out you would be keeping your cat. Your friend isn’t too keen on the idea of living with a cat so she asks you to give it up.
See how this could turn into conflict? Both of you are now affected by preferences.
There are countless reasons and causes for interpersonal conflict, both personal and professional. Here’s a list of examples but keep in mind this is not exhaustive in any way:
5 Ways to Resolve Conflict
Honestly, you may not always see a straightforward path out of the argument or conversation you’re in. That’s okay. Keep in mind that communication — the clear and open kind — is the best way to move forward through conflict.
Below are 5 categories that your resolution will most likely fall in. Take a look at these strategies and think about which one you tend to default to.
1. Withdrawal
This is also known as an avoidance strategy, where you dodge the problem and walk away from the situation. By withdrawing yourself from the argument, you sidestep the conflict itself and avoid confrontation or discussion.
Withdrawal is both useful AND problematic. There are situations where walking away is the best thing to do — think unimportant conflict, and conflict where emotions are running way too high. There are also situations where withdrawal is problematic. It can result in passive-aggressive behaviour, overly sarcastic comments, and an overuse of the silent treatment. While withdrawal can help some forms of conflict, it can also have a serious effect on relationships.
2. Accommodation
The strategy here is to put someone else’s needs above your own. You’ll hear a lot of people refer to this strategy as “being the bigger person.” Just like Withdrawal, this strategy is also dependent on the situation itself. If you concede every argument for the sake of the other person, your own needs won’t be met. A good balance is needed. Be the bigger person but don’t forget to also be your own advocate.
3. Competition
People engage in this strategy when they’re pushing their own perspective forward in an effort to persuade others. When manipulation or aggression is used, this strategy causes negative effects on relationships. However, when these tactics are not used, competition can be a respectful and positive way to resolve conflict.
4. Compromise
Compromise involves a little losing and a little winning for both parties. On the one hand, you’ve actually reached an agreement and you’re no longer in conflict. Not only that, but you also got some of what you wanted, which is better than nothing.
On the other hand, is a fraction of what you wanted enough to keep you happy? Because both parties are giving something up now, the conflict may be stirred up again in the future.
Is compromise the best way to solve conflict? It’s a good strategy but not the best. Keep reading.
5. Collaboration
A true win-win situation means everyone got the resolution they set out for. Sound a little far-fetched? It’s actually not!
The key is to look at the problem as something you need to solve together, as opposed to individually. Instead of fighting for your solution to be the best solution, you’re just fighting for the best solution. Period. That could be your idea or your partner’s idea. It could be something you came up with together. It could also be something your friend mentioned in passing.
Communication, and particularly active listening, is crucial for this strategy to work.
5 Strategies to Work Through a Fight
You’ve officially unlocked a deeper understanding of conflict! Therapists around the world are tossing their notepads and jumping for joy! Jk but I promise you they’re super proud right now.
Now let’s dive thru 5 ways you can use your newfound knowledge in a practical way.
1. Choose the right time and place for a face-to-face conversation
Make sure you have this really important conversation in person. We know how easy it is to text out a paragraph and list out your frustrations instead but trust, that’s not the best way.
Nobody wants to see those three little dots blink on while their friend types up an essay. You’ll miss out on the body language that needs to accompany these convos.
Choose somewhere less public to talk about your conflict. Emotions can surface unexpectedly and people watching you ugly cry in a busy cafe adds unnecessary stress to the conversation.
Likewise, time is important. Stay away from having these convos right before you have to go to work or complete a really important assignment. Think about the other person’s schedule as well and choose a time that’s best for both of you.
2. Attentive listening is key
If you’re hoping for this to be a productive conversation (which, duh, why wouldn’t you), then you need to acknowledge how the other person feels.
How do you do that? Through active listening. Entire research papers have been written on the matter but here are some quick notes:
Listen without judgment or interruption.
Use open body language.
Check to make sure you’re understanding the speaker correctly by repeating what you heard and paraphrasing it.
Ask open-ended questions.
Limit how much of your own experiences you share and listen to theirs instead.
3. Focus on the problem, not the other person
Try to stay focused on the issue you’re dealing with and not the person who brought it to you. It’s a lot easier said than done, we know.
When emotions bubble up during conflict, it can be difficult to process them quickly and respond appropriately. Stay away from the temptation to make things personal or point out other flaws unrelated to the conflict. If you concentrate on figuring out the problem, you’re more likely to come together in devising a solution.
4. Get to this conversation early
Resentment, anger and frustration can build over time on issues that are ignored. Instead of letting the conflict fester into a monster of frustration, address it early. Save the strain on your relationship, whether personal or professional, and discuss the issues that need to be heard.
5. Journal first, talk after
We have dedicated much time to the research behind journaling therapy and the result? A hefty list of benefits + our DiveThru method! One of those benefits is the ability to resolve interpersonal problems. Journaling helps you clarify your thoughts and feelings, which in turn can help you see a different perspective. Journal first, talk after.
Carefully and thoughtfully crafted, the DiveThru method encourages users to take charge of their mental wellbeing through guided journaling. See for yourself why journaling therapy can make a huge difference in both mental and physical wellbeing. (And feel free to take our app for a spin! You can download DiveThru for free!)
What to Avoid Doing
There are a few things that are guaranteeeeeeeed to make the situation worse. Don’t worry, we’ve all been guilty of one or two of these ourselves. According to healthline, these are the pitfalls to avoid when it comes to interpersonal conflict:
Hostility
Arguments can reach a point of hostility, despite best efforts to prevent it. Things like personal insults, criticisms of the other person’s character that are unrelated to the argument, defensiveness, aggressive behaviour like shouting or verbal abuse — they’re all going to do more harm than good. Steer clear of this behaviour. If you encounter it from the other party, make the choice to step away from the argument and revisit it another day.
Demand-withdrawal
This is a term that describes one person’s withdrawal from the conflict while the other person is trying to address it. Constantly changing the subject or ignoring the conflict altogether will lead to resentment and frustration from the individual who’s trying to make themselves heard.
Counter-blaming
When one person responds to the argument by redirecting blame to the other, it results in accusations. These usually end with frustration and anger. One thing that’s recommended in this situation is “I” statements. Instead of saying “You never wash the dishes,” you can try saying “I have a hard time when you don’t wash the dishes.” Share your perspective, but without the blame.
Cross-complaining
You know those issues that are not related to the current argument but they’ve been bugging you forever? The ones you’ve been suppressing and bottling up because you’ve just been picking your battles? Don’t let them come up now. Cross-complaining will lead you down the rabbit hole and escalate the conflict unnecessarily. Set aside a different time to talk about those other problems that have been weighing you down.
Serial Arguments
This is like your favourite Netflix series, except not. We’re talking about the arguments that never actually get resolved because we walk away from the conversation. Either it becomes too much to handle or it gets too heated, but it has now turned into a 3 volume series of stressful reality TV.
You need a new approach. Continuing down this path will wear down both parties involved because it will continue to come up again and again and again. Switch your strategy so that you can resolve it before it becomes insurmountable.
Now Get to Work
YOU GOT THIS! We sincerely believe in your ability to work through interpersonal conflicts and now you’ve got some strategies under your belt.
Don’t forget to process your own thoughts and emotions first before engaging someone else into the conversation. If you need help with that, you know where to find us! We live in the app store and we’re looking forward to saying hello.
There are so many challenges college students face. On any given day in a semester, your stress level could range from “ahh shit I forgot to print off my notes” to full-blown academic burnout where nothing even matters and you just want to sleep.
You might have arrived here because you were messin’ around and googling student mental health. There’s a good chance that you’re trying to figure out your feelings, thoughts, emotions, and mental state right now. Maybe even wondering if the thing you’re going through is normal and if there’s a name for it?
Maybe you just screamed into the void of the internet — WHY IS COLLEGE SO STRESSFUL??
Or maybe you’re only reading this because you want to support a friend or a loved one dealing with college stress and feeling overwhelmed by academic burnout. If you’re a parent, you want to understand what mental health means for your child because, well, the college experience these days is different.
You may hear us speaking directly to students but this article is really for everyone. We’ll DiveThru the most common mental health challenges that college students face, follow that up with ways to take charge of your mental wellbeing and finish off with things you can do to support your friends and family.
Let’s begin with this:
Everything you’re feeling is valid. If you think you’re alone in these feelings, we’re here to tell you that’s not the case.
Let’s take a moment here to let that really sink in…
Whatever you’re feeling is valid. And, you’re not alone in whatever you’re feeling. And while that’s the case, it unfortunately only makes it suck a little bit less. So, let’s dive in.
Most Common Mental Health Challenges College Students Face
For some students, mental health doesn’t become a concern until they step foot on campus and begin this new stage of life. For all of the wonderful experiences university offers, it also comes with many challenges… like feeling stressed and experiencing academic burnout.
Other students may be very aware of their mental health, having already faced challenges in the past and taken charge of their mental wellbeing. They’ve learned how to recognize symptoms, how to reach out for help and where to find support.
Regardless of how you got to uni, you may soon find out that mental illness doesn’t discriminate. Let’s go through the most common mental health challenges you or your friends may face and learn what to look for.
Depression in College Students
Depression wears many faces and can be difficult to diagnose because it’s a complex and unique combination of genetic, biological, psychological and environmental factors. Here’s what theCanadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) has to say about this mood disorder:
“With depression, you may feel ‘down,’ hopeless, or find that you can’t enjoy things you used to like. Many people who experience depression feel irritable or angry. And some people say that they feel ‘numb’ all the time.”
While everyone may go through these feelings at one point, it’s crucial to pay attention to how often it happens and for how long. It’s also important to think about how severe or extreme these feelings become.
What does depression look like for college students?
We could add more to the list, honestly. How about feeling angry and trapped by your student debt while the economy continues to go downhill and present you with fewer and fewer opportunities?
Or how about not having the energy to keep up with relationships or solve conflicts?
It’s true that depression shows up differently for everyone so remember this list is not exhaustive.
Anxiety in College Students
Anxiety is one of those things that makes you human. We all experience anxiety when we worry or feel nervous (or restless or scared). At a normal and expected level, anxiety impacts your life by motivating you, pushing you out of your comfort zone, or even making you aware of dangers.
But, there is a difference between this type of anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder, which can seriously impact the way you think and live. Take a look at the Canadian Mental Health Association as they go into more details of variousanxiety disorders.
Where to even begin with anxiety from school…? Because of the stigma still surrounding mental health, students who deal with anxiety disorders sometimes suffer in silence.If you feel like you could use a little extra help, Dr. Justin Puder has some great advice in his course “Thriving With Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)” in the DiveThru app.
Academic Burnout in College Students
Have you ever been stressed out about being stressed out? When stress keeps piling up, it can push people into a state of chronic stress called burnout. Unfortunately for everyone involved, academic burnout is waaaaay less fun than Burnout (the racing video games). Your stress baseline gets skewed irl, and stress becomes the rule, not the exception.
Here are just a couple of the symptoms of academic burnout:
Feeling fatigued or exhausted
Concentration issues
A lack of interest in being social
Getting lower grades than normal
Procrastinating and having trouble meeting deadlines
Feeling frustrated or irritable
Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed
Getting sick more often than usual
Burnout is tough because while it’s ultimately a symptom of stress and not the initial cause of stress… it causes its own stress… making you feel like you’re trapped in a spiral. Stress is a natural part of life, and that makes breaking out of the cycle of stress even harder. Dr. Puder’s course “Navigating Stress & Burnout in College” in the DiveThru app has some helpful advice for college students to work through their academic burnout. If you could use a little guidance, he’s your guy!
Eating Disorders in College Students
Eating disorders are about so much more than food. According to theCMHA, eating disorders “are often a way to cope with difficult problems or regain a sense of control. They are complicated illnesses that affect a person’s sense of identity, worth, and self-esteem.” The three different types are anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder.
While for some it can be an issue surrounding body image, for others it may be perfectionism, self-esteem or a combination of factors. Social standards dictate ridiculous ideas of body image and it’s hard not to react to these standards that permeate every form of media.
Postsecondary students face these challenges on top of other major life changes, like living on their own. The “freshman 15” is treated like a funny joke and gets thrown around like a rite of passage. Yet, our internalized fatphobia leaves us feeling ashamed and defeated. When in reality, weight gain of any type (including as a result of managing a full course load and adapting to a new lifestyle) is totally okay and a normal part of life.
For some students, controlling one’s body helps to counter the many changes happening elsewhere in their lives. When students start to feel this way, they spend more and more time on their body image and less on schoolwork, relationships, or extracurriculars.
Peer Comparison and Imposter Syndrome in College Students
Another form of self-doubt, imposter syndrome refers to the way people “attribute their accomplishments to luck rather than to ability, and fear that others will eventually unmask them as a fraud” (American Psychological Association).
You could ace a test and still believe that you don’t actually have what it takes. Imposter syndrome can be accompanied by guilt, anxiety, and depression, so it’s super important to address it.
Peer comparison in postsecondary can be unnerving. The bell curve inspires gnarly competition, there is only a limited number of jobs when you graduate, and everyone seems to have it all together except you. Sound familiar?
University students are in a developmental phase that creates so much uncertainty and ambiguity. You’re not quite ready to hit an industry but at the same time, you’ve also grown a lot since getting to uni. To orient yourself, you need a relative point and so you turn to your peer students to see what direction they’re going in. Before you get too far down the path of comparing yourself to others, just remember that everyone has a different learning pace and learning style. What’s right for your friend may not be right for you.
Students With ADHD
Turning to the CMHA once more, we get a good understanding of how attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder can affect someone’s ability to focus and act.
“If you live with ADHD, you might have problems paying attention, concentrating on one task or organizing things. You might make careless mistakes at work or frequently forget things. This group of symptoms is called inattention.
You might have a hard time sitting still, fidget all the time or feel very restless. This group of symptoms is called hyperactivity.
Or you might have a hard time controlling urges and take a lot of risks. You might do things without considering the results or act before you think. This group of symptoms is called impulsivity.”
It’s common for school-aged children to be diagnosed with ADHD but according to the Canadian Mental Health Association, two-thirds of them continue to experience symptoms as adults. Once you enter the postsecondary world and have to navigate more stressors, students with ADHD should set up extra support as recommended by the Centre for ADHD Awareness Canada.
Substance Use and Addictions in College Students
Although university students are in a life stage where experimentation is welcomed and revered, things like substance use can become a real problem in the future. Without delving too much into individual choices, we would just like to point out that substance use can exacerbate mental illnesses or symptoms and vice versa. The Canadian Mental Health Association dives further into ithere.
No one sets out to overindulge in substances to the point of creating an addiction. But it happens. As the Addiction Centre points out, tolerance built up over time can require larger and larger amounts of a substance and become a dangerous cycle.
For college students, it can start off as curiosity, or peer pressure, or a way to relieve stress. Financial pressure, emotional strain from unhealthy relationships, and family expectations are all stressors that students might be tempted to alleviate.
5 Actionable Tips for College Students To Self-Support
Okay, we hope we haven’t lost you. We’ve painted a picture with real-world examples of what mental health challenges look like for students. And, if it seems bleak, that’s because it can be.
But, we can change that!
There are things within your reach that may help you through this tough time.
Keep in mind that speaking to a mental health professional directly is the best course of action. A doctor will be able to guide you to your best treatment, whether that is therapy, counselling, medication or a combination of all.
Now let’s dive thru five self-help practices that can make a difference.
1. Embrace Your Vulnerability
If you don’t know Brené Brown, you should. Here at DiveThru, we’re the biggest fan of her work, TED Talk and Netflix special. Seriously, chills. After this article, we 10/10 recommend hitting up the Google Machine to learn all about her and her work on vulnerability.
In an interview with Forbes, she reaallllly hits home:
“Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think. When we are fuelled by the fear of what other people think or that gremlin that’s constantly whispering ‘You’re not good enough’ in our ear, it’s tough to show up. We end up hustling for our worthiness rather than standing in it.”
Embracing your vulnerability starts here: be okay with not being okay. You may be facing challenges with your mental health. And that’s okay.
A 2016 Canadian National College Health Assessment reported that 44.5% of students felt so depressed it was difficult to function, 64.5% felt overwhelming anxiety and 13% seriously considered suicide. You are not alone in the challenges you face.
2. Self-Dialogue in Your Day-to-Day Life
Is your inner voice lifting you up or tearing you down? If it’s tearing you down, we get ittttttt. It… uh, well straight up sucks!
Yet, you have the power to actively change how you speak to yourself and turn that inner dialogue into your greatest champion and companion.
Where to start? Ask yourself how you’re doing and what you need.
Simple? Yes. Powerful? Absolutely.
From there, start to listen to what your body is telling you. You are the only person who knows your body best. When something doesn’t feel right, speak up because you are your own best advocate.
DiveThru has a whole variety of journaling prompts that can get you started on this self-dialogue. Guess what? The app is free to download!
3. Cover the Basics
As a college student, you have a whole lot on your plate. And listen, your grades are important. But, they’re not nearly as important as YOU and your wellbeing.
Your mental health is no doubt affected by your overall wellness so it’s important to provide your body with enough sleep, nutrition and exercise. These can be some of the first things to go when symptoms of a mental health disorder show up. A healthy diet, 7-8 hours of sleep every night, and at least 30 min of moving your body each day will keep your body more prepared to handle whatever comes your way. It’s a good way to try and avoid getting to that lowest and most terrible point in the journey.
If you’re in the thick of your mental health experience, please know there’s no shame when these areas of life go out the window. If you are interested in making progress to getting back to these things in life, start with small changes. Start by brushing your teeth twice a day. From there, showering, or simply drinking a glass of water. Brush your hair. Whatever it is that will bring some bit of routine back into your life can make a huge difference.
4. Reach Out to Your Support Group
The people in your life who care about you will want to support you in any way they can. Text them. Call them. FaceTime them. DM them a funny (maybe dark) meme.
If you don’t feel ready or comfortable reaching out to your close ones yet, keep in mind there are many other support groups available. On-campus counselling and their student mental health programs can be a great place to start and find out what your options are.
5. Guided Journaling
Our entire goal and purpose for existence is to help you DiveThru what you’re going thru. SERIOUSLY.
We’ve teamed up with mental health professionals and developed guided journaling exercises, with an entire section dedicated to Student Life. You can find them all in the DiveThru app, which is totally free to download. We help you DiveThru things like feeling overwhelmed, balancing it all out, and organizing your mind.
You’ll find way more resources besides journaling prompts when you get to the app, from audio exercises and feeling tracking to mental health courses created with DiveThru Therapists! Go take a gander and see what’s available for you.
Where Can You Find Mental Health Support?
We know it’s tough to ask for help. There is a stigma surrounding mental illnesses that we’re trying to change *promise* and we know it takes bravery to speak out. On top of that, there may be other factors in everyone’s lives that keep them from opening up the door to a conversation about mental health.
Have you ever felt absolutely drained, mentally and emotionally, and then told yourself to keep going? “Just get it done?” Yeah. We’re familiar with that thought too.
Regardless of where you are in your mental health journey, speaking to someone early on will prevent a worsening scenario. It’s never too early (and never too late!) to take charge of your mental wellbeing.
Online Resources
Because the internet is often the first thing we turn to, let’s start with the resources there. Here is a curated list of national mental health associations that are tirelessly working to build awareness:
Need mental health statistics? They’ve got ‘em. Need to find an association near you? They’ll help you with that too.
On Campus
Most universities have counselling centres and they will offer free mental health assessments that can help you navigate your thoughts and emotions. This is a good place to start!
Sometimes they will refer you to physicians and mental health professionals in the community and help you find the help you need. Don’t worry, there are cost-friendly options that will fit a student budget!
ACCESS Open Minds is funded by the Canadian Institutes for Health Research (CIHR) and Graham Boeckh Foundation (GBF). Their focus is on providing mental health services to students and young adults, with sites in several provinces across Canada.
Reading this article from the U.S.? Check out Active Minds, a student organization that focuses on changing culture on campuses to encourage more conversations about mental health and better access to support.
Doctors and Mental Health Professionals (MHPs)
When you begin your search for professional mental health services, start with your family doctor. If you don’t have one, not a problem! Any general practitioner can help you so set up an appointment at your local health clinic. Psychiatrists and psychologists can also give you an official diagnosis.
They will start with an assessment to identify what factors may be affecting your mental health and then guide you to the best treatment for your needs. This could mean therapy and counselling, medication, or a combination of the two.
Just something to note — nurses and social workers can also assess your situation and provide meaningful counselling directly, but they cannot make an official diagnosis.
In Your Community
University students are establishing mental health clubs to combat the stigma and shame still associated with mental illness and we cannot commend this enough.
HUGE round of applause!!!
We ALL face mental health challenges and we believe by opening up the conversation, we’re one step closer to recovery. Together.
Your university counselling centre and/or the student governing body will have a list of these clubs available — don’t forget to check there first!
However, there are also community support groups you can reach out to:
1. Mental health agencies (national and local)
2. Self-help groups (like our wonderful Facebook DiveThru community)
3. Survivor initiatives
4. Community centres
5. Distress lines (if you’ve ever been curious about what actually happens when you use these lines, check out this article)
Psychology Today has a great database of both therapy services and support groups that you can browse. Best part? It’s international! You can find support anywhere you are!
How To Help Your Friends
If you’re here for a friend, let’s start with this… Wow. It’s a beautiful thing to want to support your friends in their time of need. It’s also really hard to watch someone you love go through a difficult time and feel totally helpless in the situation. More often than not, all that’s needed is just your presence, your kindness, and a listening ear.
Here are some other suggestions so that you can support your friends and loved ones:
2. Know that your questions or helpful suggestions can feel like judgment and pressure, even if you don’t mean it that way.
3. Avoid giving too much “space.”
4. Be friends first — share and listen.
5. Gentle distraction and humour are helpful.
6. Remember that your friend may not know what they need.
7. Recognize you may be anxious too.
Your help could be as simple as starting the conversation.
Seize The Awkward is a great campaign dedicated to normalizing conversations about mental health. Because symptoms show up differently for everyone, the campaign put together a whole roster of possibilities. It’s also a great resource if you need help coming up with questions to ask.
Last but not least, More Feet on the Ground is another great resource to use when approaching a loved one or a friend about their mental health. After a quick 25 minute course, you’ll be able to Recognize, Respond, and Refer students who may be distressed.
If there are any other student mental health resources you’ve come across that stood out for you or were extremely helpful, send us a message at hello@divethru.com.
We’ll dive thru them all and add them to the list!
