DiveThru

Feeling Exposed: A Guide to Your Emotions

Feeling exposed is uncomfortable, to say the least. It’s like all of your feelings, thoughts and personal history are spread out for the world to see! Not only do you feel unsafe, but you feel afraid. The thought of someone seeing you and understanding you is anxiety-inducing and totally overwhelming. What if they see you differently? Or don’t like what they find? What if they reject or abandon you? All of these negative thoughts start to flood your mind and you just want to close yourself off immediately, or run away. Uggghhh, why are feelings so hard?!

Look, you’re not alone. So many of us struggle with opening up for all kinds of reasons. Maybe we’ve been hurt in the past or have trauma that still affects us. Or we’re scared of being judged or rejected by the people we care about the most. So we build up walls to protect ourselves to avoid ever feeling exposed again. But we’re here to tell you that even though it is really hard at times, opening up emotionally can be a great thing! Let’s dive thru feeling exposed and how to navigate this feeling.

A Deeper Look at Feeling Exposed

What does it mean to feel exposed, exactly? Dictionary.com has a few definitions of exposed: “adj. left or being without shelter or protection; laid open to view; unconcealed; susceptible to attack; vulnerable.” As far as feeling emotionally exposed, we think the key definition here would be the last of the list: vulnerable.

Okayyy, so what does THAT mean? Maybe you think of your elderly grandparent, a newborn baby or a cute lil’ puppy. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown says “vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.”

It’s actually very common to feel uncomfortable sharing openly about ourselves with other people. We spend a lot of time worrying what others think and maybe even only showing one “side” of us. Maybe you feel that you can truly only be yourself when you’re completely alone. And obviously, that can be a really lonely feeling. Even if you so badly want to be more vulnerable with other people, the voice inside your head is telling you it’s a bad idea. Other people might not like you for who you really are, so you just avoid that potential hurt altogether!

But even if we think putting up walls will protect us, in the end, it has the opposite effect. When we fear exposing our true selves, we miss out on the connections that we all want as human beings. Something we need to understand is that nobody is perfect. But people appreciate when they can share openly with others, and not just the good things. It makes us feel 1000x more connected with people when we can openly communicate and share the dark and twisty, vulnerable side of ourselves! It shows us we’re not alone and that we’re all just figuring out life as we go.

How Feeling Exposed Shows Up Mentally

It’s not easy to open up, especially when you have a ton of mental roadblocks in the way. We get it: feeling exposed or having a fear of intimacy can be challenging to work through. If you’re really struggling with feeling exposed, here are a few of the symptoms you might experience mentally:

– Low self-esteem

– Trust issues

– Angry outbursts

– Higher risk for depression

– Difficulty forming or committing to close relationships

– Inability to share feelings or express emotions

– Tendency to withdraw socially or isolate yourself from others

On the outside, people who have a hard time opening up and being vulnerable can come off as cold or detached. They might have a hard time keeping relationships because other people find it impossible to connect with them emotionally. This can make someone closed off feel even more isolated or alone, and even confirm their belief that “everyone leaves” them. If you find these feelings have started to affect all of your personal relationships and you’re struggling to cope on your own, speaking with a therapist can be super helpful!

How Feeling Exposed Shows Up Physically

Just like it negatively impacts your mental health, feeling exposed can harm your physical health, too. It heightens stress and anxiety, causing your body to go through some not-so-fun symptoms. Here are some physical signs you might experience:

– Increased heart rate

– High blood pressure

– Heightened cortisol levels

– Chest pain

– Muscle tension

Sometimes, people who have a hard time coping with feeling exposed or opening up are at risk of substance abuse problems. They might turn to alcohol or drugs and become addicted to this unhealthy coping mechanism. Since feeling exposed can also bring up a lot of anger, this emotion is only heightened by the use of alcohol or drugs. If you experience any of these signs, it’s important to seek professional help before it affects your quality of life and ruins your close relationships.

5 Ways to Cope with Feeling Exposed

Yeppp, feeling exposed is scary. And it makes you feel pretty anxious. Not to mention, stressed TF out! We’ve got your back. Let’s work through those negative emotions with some positive coping strategies! Here are a few you might find helpful:

1. Practice Deep Breathing

You might feel super anxious, overwhelmed or stressed when you feel exposed. Try it with us now: deep breaths in, followed by deep breaths out. Taking a moment to focus on your breathing has actually been proven to lower anxiety and reduce stress. Plus, deep breathing slows your heart rate and provides your brain with enough oxygen to chill for a moment. See, doesn’t that feel better already?!

2. Reach Out for Support

We know you probs just wanna run and hide right now, but you don’t have to go through this feeling alone. Try reaching out to a friend, family member or loved one when you need to have a good ol’ vent session. They can be there to listen and support you, and maybe even offer up some advice if that’s what you need. Either way, just having them be there for you can make all the difference in the world!

3. Engage in Something Soothing or Comforting

You wanna know what’s calming? Enjoying a nice bubble bath. Curling up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket and drinking a mug of hot tea. Going for a walk. Listening to a podcast or watching your favourite show. Doing a peaceful activity, like puzzles, crosswords or colouring. Try doing something positive that will improve your mood and take your mind off those hateful thoughts!

4. Comfort Yourself Like a Friend

If you don’t have anyone who can be there for you right now, that’s okay. You can be there for yourself! Think about how you would want a loved one to comfort you in this moment. Give yourself a pat on the back, or write a list of the things you like about yourself. When we feel exposed, we tend to reflect more on the times when we felt hurt more than the good times. Remind yourself of all the times you opened up and things DID work out, ‘cause there’s probably more than you originally thought!

5. Engage in Compassionate Self Talk

It’s safe to say that when you’re feeling exposed and vulnerable, you aren’t showing yourself the most compassion. Let’s flip the conversation and speak some positivity! Try telling yourself out loud: Being vulnerable does not make me weak. My thoughts and feelings matter. The people who deserve to be in my life accept me for who I am.

Feeling exposed and being open and honest about how you feel is HARD. But we’re so proud of you for trying to navigate this feeling, ‘cause that takes strength. We hope these tips help you along the way! P.S. We’re rooting for you, friend.

How to Be a True LGBTQ Ally and Supporter

Being a LGBTQ ally requires more than just having a “gay best friend” (can we let that stereotype die once and for all pls?) or being a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race. When it comes to allyship, it’s important to recognize the difference between actions that are performative and those that actuallyyy uplift the LGBTQ+ community. At DiveThru, we recognize that we can’t advocate for mental health without including marginalized groups in that conversation. That’s why we wanna talk about what it means to be a true ally to the Queer community!

These are a few ways you can support and uplift the LGBTQ+ community in a meaningful way.

1. Stay Informed

As a true LGBTQ ally, it’s your duty to stay informed on current issues that impact the LGBTQ+ community. It’s also important to understand how sexual orientation and gender identity are linked to social inequality, and check your own biases and privilege at the door. If you haven’t already, start reading up on Queer history and culture. Don’t forget to learn the inclusive terminology too. In the wise words of Nicki Minaj, “do your fuckin’ research!”

2. Make Space for LGBTQ+ Voices

If you’re a cisgender and/or straight ally, using your privilege to amplify LGBTQ+ voices, and make space for them, is an absolute must. This means advocating for inclusivity in panels, festivals, workplaces, classrooms…you name it. Notice when you’re taking a space that would be better suited for someone in the community, and learn to speak WITH them, not for them. There should always be space and equal opportunities for the Queer community, so recognize the barriers that stand in their way, and call them out when you do!

3. Speak Out Against Discrimination

Confrontation can be uncomfortable and scary, but it doesn’t begin to compare to the hardships and trauma the LGBTQ+ community continually faces. That’s why speaking out against discrimination is 100% necessary as an ally. Whether it takes place online or in public, true allies don’t sit back and stay silent when members of a marginalized community are attacked. Use the privilege you have to call out any homophobic and transphobic slurs, harassment, or ignorance you see. It matters!

4. Listen

This one is pretty simple. Just listen. When you’re called out for your bias and privilege, listen. When you’re told how you can do better, listen. Queer voices have been silenced and ignored for so long, but as an ally you have the responsibility to help change. Listen to LGBTQ+ voices and support them however they need. We do alllll the best learning when we stop, collaborate and listen (sorry, had to)!

5. Normalize Pronoun Sharing

You’ve probably noticed your friends adding (he/him) or (she/her) in their Twitter bios and wondered if you should do the same. Hell ya, you should! Sharing your pronouns is super important as an ally, especially if you’re cisgender. By normalizing pronoun sharing, you’re creating a safe space for trans, non-binary and gender nonconforming members of the community.

Plus, it’s easy peasy! Just add your preferred pronouns in your social media bios, your email signature or anywhere else it applies and boom! You’re good to go. Sharing pronouns in conversation and using “they” and “them” when you’re not sure how someone identifies will also prevent misgendering someone. If you do misgender someone by accident, apologize and do better not to assume next time. Always, alwaysss refer to someone as their preferred pronouns and encourage others to do the same. It’s not up for debate!

6. Support Queer Events and Businesses

Showing up to marches, signing petitions and even volunteering for LGBTQ+ events shows you’re an ally who’s all about action. But again, remember when you do show up for an event like Pride that it’s not about you. These spaces are for the community and you’re there to listen, observe and show support.

Also, support LGBTQ-owned businesses, both online and in your neighbourhood. Shop at their stores, eat at their restaurants and recommend them to your friends. Even leaving a good review or posting about their business on social media goes a loooong way!

7. Get Political

True allies also use their voice to advocate, and vote, for policies and elected officials that support the LGBTQ+ community with not only their words, but their actions. This goes along with staying informed on social issues and inequalities that directly impact marginalized groups. So pay attention to political platforms and get involved in those important discussions, no matter how awkward you might feel at first. Your voice, and your votes, can make a difference!

8. Donate

Lastly, donate to LGBTQ+ charities and nonprofits when you’re able to do so. Even better, give back to your local Queer community! Research the LGBTQ+ initiatives and find out how you can donate. You can donate funds, donate products and services, or donate your time. There are some amazing organizations out there that provide counselling, mental health services, inclusive health care, education, residency and more to marginalized youth and adults. They need your support!

We hope this list gave you a better idea of how you can be a true ally to the LGBTQ+ community. Keep in mind your words and actions can make positive changes, so do your part! Now, sashay away.

Feeling Sexy: A Guide to Your Emotions

Feeling sexy is one of the best feelings! You feel confident, powerful, wanted and un-fucking-stoppable! You should feel this way allll the time!

Unfortunately, sexiness is an emotion that not a ton of us feel very often. We can be filled with negative thoughts and self-talk that keep us from feeling this way. But we believe that sexiness should be more widely experienced and felt by everyone. Lucky you, because right now, you are loving and appreciating your body and mind for everything that they’re worth!

Somedays, you just KNOW you’re hot shit! Looking in the mirror, you love everything about yourself. You’re wearing an outfit that you love and your body looks banging. Selfies? YES PLEASE!

You might be feeling like a fancy person in their house wearing hot af underwear, pouring yourself another martini. Or maybe you feel like a badass wearing leather and walking down the street, knowing that you’re turning every single head that you pass. Whatever the case may be, you’re looking good and feeling foiiine!

A Deeper Look at Feeling Sexy

Feeling sexy often comes from feeling confident. There can be other areas in your life that influence this confidence. You might be killing it at work and you walk out feeling like you could conquer the world! This confidence transcends into all parts of your life and people around you can see that. Confidence has always been sexy and you are definitely feeling confident!

Sometimes we feel sexy because we’re really vibing with someone we’re talking to (not just in a friendly way…if you know what we mean *wink, wink*). We can get full of these lustful feeling and then think “Ooooh this is hot. I AM hot!” – adding to this feeling of sexy sexiness.

Ahem. Let’s tone it down for a second and put our professional hats back on. Dictionary.com defines sexy as “sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality… excitingly appealing; glamorous.”

And you are radiating if we may say so!

How Feeling Sexy Shows Up Mentally

Feeling sexy is a state of mind. It’s how you perceive yourself and feel about yourself. You know your own worth in moments of sexiness, and you feel fucking great about it! Galleries can stop collecting pieces of fine art because you’ve outdone any art that was and ever will be created. We know that you know how good you’re feeling, but we’re gonna tell you some of the mental ways feeling sexy af shows up:

– Increased self-confidence

– More self-worth

– Increased happiness

– Frequently practicing self care

Sexiness can embody a lot of other feelings too butttt we only put these on the list. Everyone’s definition of sexy is a little bit different, so we’re going to leave the complete interpretation up to you. Maybe you downloaded a dating app again for a late-night hookup, or maybe you did a cute selfie photo-shoot. You are the ultimate decider of sexiness!

How Feeling Sexy Shows Up Physically

Beyonce said it best when she said “Feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ myself, I’m feelin’ my…” We would like to say that the embodiment of Beyonce was a physical symptom of feeling sexy, but alas, there is only one Queen B. However, what you CAN do is channel this energy and bring it into different aspects of yourself and your life. Here are some ways that feeling sexy shows up physically:

– Walking taller

– Exercising

– Making out with people you’re attracted to

– Getting dressed in your favourite clothes

– Taking chances/risks

– Indulging in your favourite things

It could also mean dancing around your house to music that makes you feel like a badass. Is anyone coming to question your sexiness today? Hell no! You’re accompanied by the energy of all the sexy songs ever written!

How to Embrace Feeling Sexy

Ok, so you’re feeling sexy. We’ve established that! So, how do you learn to embrace and foster the feeling? We’ve gotchu baby!

1. Practice Deep Breathing

Tune into this emotion. Really work to feel it in every part of your being. Why? Once you start to do this, you’ll help yourself learn to access this sexiness whenever you want! See someone you wanna flirt with? SEXY! How did you do that? You practiced cultivating this emotion with deep breathing exercises. Look at you go!

2. Move Your Body

This could mean anything from going for a walk, stretching, riding a bike, to dancing around your house to that badass music we talked about! Do whatever your body is telling you to do in this moment.

3. Practice Meditation

This kind of falls within the same category as doing a breathing exercise. Why? Because it helps you feel sexy allll the time! Learn to feel this love for yourself with the help of meditation. If you’re just starting out with meditation, there are tonsss of free guided meditations on the internet that you can use!

4. Engage in Compassionate Self-Talk

Tell yourself nice things! Look in the mirror and tell yourself how sexy you are. Does your butt look great in those jeans? Of course, it does! You’re sexy as hell! Find things about yourself that you love and think are super hot. Frequently doing this will help raise your confidence and help you feel sexier by the day!

5. Journaling

Remember why you’re deserving of this feeling. If you ever doubt your sexiness, come back to that journal entry and read what you wrote down. It can help bring you back to that moment and counter any negativity that might be going on in your head. Plus, journaling helps you reinforce your sexiness!

There you have it, folks! Are you still feeling sexy? We hope so. Now, what you’re gonna do is close this article, be the sexiest version of yourself, and be a confident badass! Now, go break some hearts!

Feeling Important: A Guide to Your Emotions

When we talk about emotions, feeling “important” isn’t usually the first thing that pops up in our heads. It’s not the first emotion that comes to mind and it’s not used to describe our mood that often when someone asks how we are.

How are you feeling today?

I’m feeling important, thanks for asking!

It just doesn’t come to us as naturally as it should! Which is a real shame because who WOULDN’T want to feel important? When we feel important, we feel seen, valued, and loved! It feels amaaaziiingggg to feel like we matter to others, but most importantly to ourselves.

Now, don’t worry. Feeling important isn’t about stroking your own ego or making yourself feel like you’re above everyone else. It’s about valuing yourself and recognizing your own self worth and strengths! It’s a really positive way to feel and we wish more people felt like it. You clearly do because you’re here at this article and we are SO happy to talk to you about why feeling important is the BEST!

A Deeper Look at Feeling Important

If you’ve taken a psych class at any point in your life, you’ve probably heard about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. If you haven’t, don’t worry! We’ll break it down.

So, back in the day, there was this guy named Maslow (duh), and he created a diagram of a 5 layered pyramid that details a human’s needs. Have a look:

Let’s talk about the top tier: self-actualization. This phrase might feel intimidating and it can seem like a lofty goal, but we promise that it’s not as bad as it sounds! You don’t have to go on a whole spiritual journey and Eat, Pray, Love your way to get to this place. This top tier can simply be interpreted as recognizing this feeling of importance when you find your purpose. Now, while self-actualization might be at the top of the pyramid, people don’t have to move through allllll the five different levels in order to get to this point. We can fluctuate between the levels in different ways at different times in our lives, so don’t get down on yourself if you think you need to need to reside at one particular level at one time. It’s not supposed to be a static model of existing. You’re only human, after all!

Humans aren’t really able to feel the emotion of importance in a vacuum – all alone. We feel important because we get feedback from others around us. When we find our purpose or feel appreciated for who we are and what we’ve done, we feel fulfilled! This is because we can get that kind of positive feedback and reinforcement from others and feel like we’re making a difference for ourselves and those around us. What a warm and fuzzy feeling!

How Feeling Important Shows Up Mentally

When we feel important, there are a lot of other awesome and lovely feelings that come along with it. You feel energized and like you’re a brand new person – ready to take on the world! Your mind is in a healthy space, you feel confident and ready to make your life the one you’ve always dreamed of. Ok, that’s a bit cheesy, but you know what we mean, right?

– Gives sense of purpose

– Confidence

– Happiness

– Self-love

– Self-worth

– Lifts your mood

Isn’t it super sweet how our mind gives us little extra feel-goods? Like, how nice is that? We feel important AND feel good about ourselves! If there was ever a deal on a bundle we wanted to take part in, we want this one!

How Feeling Important Shows Up Physically

You might not think that feeling important can show up in a physical way, but think again, friend! Because feeling important comes along with so many other beautiful emotions, these other emotions can benefit you just as much. Thankfully, feeling important isn’t an emotion that travels alone so you get allll the benefits of positive vibes in one little emotional gift basket.

– Making good decisions for your body

– Improve job performance

– Improve relationships and friendships

– Increased motivation

– Improved self care

– Increased resilience

Because you feel important, your body and mind get to reap the benefits of this awesome and validating feeling. We want to feel this way all the time! We bet you do too. Thank goodness you’re feeling like this right now. We might be getting a little bit jealous. Just kidding! But not really…

5 Ways to Embrace Feeling Important

So, how do we keep the good times rolling? We’ve got some tips and tricks to help you cultivate this feeling so that you can feel it alllll the time!

1. Practice Meditation

Meditation helps us focus on the emotion and work through it so we can process it, and then access it whenever we want. If you’re not a master meditator just yet, don’t worry! There are tons of free guided meditations that you can try. Search for meditations on confidence, self-love and self-respect, and away you go!

2. Journal

Write down how this feels. What happened that made you feel important? What other emotions are you feeling right now? This’ll help you live in the moment, and learn to access this lovely feeling whenever you need to.

3. Practice Gratitude

Foster this emotion. Think of practicing gratitude as water sprinkling over the seeds of self-love! It will help this feeling grow into a wonderful garden of warm and fuzzy feelings.

4. Engage in Compassionate Self Talk

Ok, if you REALLY want to go the extra mile and help this emotion of importance grow, be kind to yourself. You should do this anyway because you deserve kind and compassionate self-talk, but practicing this will really bring awareness to the feeling.

5. Practice Deep Breathing

Sometimes taking some nice deep breaths can help us center ourselves and understand our emotions — good or bad! It’s nice to just take a few deeeeeep breaths and really tune in to our emotions.

Alright! There you have it! We hope that this brought all the good vibes your way and intensified the ones you already had. You ARE important and you are so loved and appreciated by many people. But you obviously already knew that. We just wanted to tell you again!

Unwanted Urges: How to Stop Intrusive Thoughts

Have you ever been driving and randomly thought about yeeting your car off the road? Maybe you’ve thought about squeezing your pet just a little too hard? Or you had a weird urge to strip naked and run through a busy mall? If you’re internally screaming YES, just know that you’re not alone. These are called intrusive thoughts, and they’re pretty common. We’re going to dive into how they work, what they mean, and how to stop intrusive thoughts!

What Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts can be SUPER uncomfortable and disturbing at times, but it’s important to remember that they don’t define who you are. These thoughts are entirely harmless and you shouldn’t feel bad about having them.

Intrusive thoughts are intense, can’t be challenged with logic and often come out of nowhere. They can actually be sooo wildly disproportionate from who you are as a person that you get scared (because you don’t want to act on what’s playing out in your head). The thoughts tend to stick in your brain and the more you try to push them away, the more they will come back over and over and over again! WTF, right?!

“Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that come into our consciousness that are distressing, scary, and/or shameful,” says psychotherapist Nadia Adessi in a recent episode of the Anxious Like You podcast. “We try really hard to push them away, but they seem to stick around and intrude, and can cause us to feel shame and fear. We never want them, and we never like them.”

To add to it all, these shameful thoughts come with loads of anxiety! They can completely shove logic aside and make you afraid that others are able to read your mind. THEY CAN’T. But, you still feel like you need to hide what’s going on inside your head when, really, it’s a fairly common experience. Now, let’s get to the root of these thoughts!

What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?

Some intrusive thoughts can be situational. For example, if you’re holding a knife you might picture cutting someone with it. Scary, right? But still, totally normal. These situational thoughts tend to be more common in people who have experienced trauma. So someone with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), an eating disorder, or several other conditions is more likely to develop these thoughts when they’re in a state of hyperarousal — whether they’re anxious, depressed, or in fight-flight-freeze mode.

“A lot of [intrusive thoughts] are coming from us being in an environment and coming up with things subconsciously in our mind that can be harmful or scary to us,” adds Nadia. “Sometimes, it’s just our mind’s way of trying to protect ourselves in those situations because we are scanning for things that we would deem as dangerous or immoral or uncomfortable.”

You could be in a situation where you have too much control or you could be in one where you have too little control, and these thoughts will serve as your body’s very inconvenient defense mechanism. Everyone will struggle with fleeting intrusive thoughts at one point or another, but some others will experience them much more frequently (it just depends on the person).

What Can Intrusive Thoughts Look Like?

Here are some common examples of how these unwanted urges present themselves:

– Harm: You might think about driving your car off a bridge or throwing a pet out the window. It can be like playing out a Final Destination scene in your head (for just a split second).

– Embarrassment: Like wanting to stand in the middle of a busy mall and scream obscenities.

– Relationships: Thinking that you don’t actually love your partner.

– Sexual: Thinking about an inappropriate person, like a family member or a child.

Intrusive thoughts can also take on many other forms and patterns.

Those with OCD may notice their intrusive thoughts become more repetitive, or cause them to feel like something bad will happen if they don’t pursue said thought. People who struggle with eating disorders may experience body-focused thoughts, like they are being judged for something they are eating. Women experiencing postpartum depression may also have intrusive thoughts, specifically related to harming their baby.

What Do Intrusive Thoughts Mean?

No matter which way they manifest themselves, intrusive thoughts mean absolutely nothing — because they are ultimately just thoughts. That doesn’t mean they can’t feel completely debilitating when they happen, but it does mean you don’t need to worry about going to jail just because the thought of hurting someone crossed your mind.

There are two big misconceptions surrounding intrusive thoughts:

1. People want to act on these thoughts.

2. All thoughts are worth examining.

No, people do not want to act on all of their thoughts. And no, thoughts do not always carry significant meaning. The key thing to remember is that an intrusive thought is something that happens to you, not something that defines you!

You Are Not Alone

You might feel ashamed of the intrusive thoughts you are having, and like you should keep them a secret, but know that there are sooooo many people in the same boat! In fact, the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) reports that approximately 6 million Americans regularly experience intrusive thoughts. 6 MILLION!!! (And that’s only including people who have shared their concerns with a doctor.)

“Every single person gets intrusive thoughts and they do not say anything about your character. They do not mean that anything is wrong with you, that you should feel shame, that you should feel like you’re a bad person…” explains Nadia. “They are normal. They are happening to everybody.”

And the AMAZING news? These thoughts won’t rattle around in your head forever because there are steps you can take to (hopefully) send them on their merry way! Let’s go over how to stop intrusive thoughts in their tracks.

How to Stop Intrusive Thoughts

As normal and harmless as intrusive thoughts are, they’re still suuuper uncomfortable and can cause a real upheaval in your brain. So, if you are looking for some ways to calm your thoughts, you have a few options!

In the moment, your best bet is to self-soothe and avoid trains of thought that can make the situation worse. There are a few things you can tell yourself to remind your brain it doesn’t need to be anxious. But, if intrusive thoughts start to impact how you go about your days, a mental health specialist can help in recommending treatment or medication.

1. Remind Yourself Who Is in Control

The first thing you should do is remember that thoughts are automatic and that you do not control them — nor do they control you. But you CAN control your actions. You’re bigger than what is going on in your head. You own the thought. You call the shots.

“Those thoughts cannot do anything to you,” explains psychotherapist Micheline Maalouf. “You, at the end of the day, decide. And if it’s not who you are, then you’re not going to do them. So, don’t let them scare you because they cannot hurt you.”

2. Ground Yourself

Start grounding yourself by bringing your attention back to your surroundings. Actively label the thought as “intrusive.” Don’t let it consume your mind and instead allow yourself to sit in the anxiety as you slowly bring your attention away from the thought. Then, try your best to return to the activity you were doing before the intrusive thought popped into your head.

3. Out of Sight, Out of Mind

A tactic that Nadia and Micheline suggest is putting the unwanted thought in an imaginary cloud and envisioning that cloud passing by you. It will disappear as quickly as it appeared. While the thought is ‘out of sight and out of mind,’ you’ve still acknowledged that you had it and didn’t allow yourself to act on it.

4. Use Affirmations

Think of your intrusive thoughts as Thing 1 and Thing 2: the chaos and craziness locked up in the big red box that is your brain. But the more you try to control Thing 1 and Thing 2, the more out of control they get.

So, here are some affirmations you can use to calm your intrusive thoughts. Say these with us:

Acknowledging a thought is not accepting a thought.

At this moment, I choose to let this thought pass.

Just because it is my thought, does not mean it’s true.

My thoughts have power over me only if I give them power.

I can observe my thoughts without attaching meaning to them.

Struggling is a human experience. It is okay to feel what I’m feeling.

I am proud of my efforts to deal with my thoughts.

5. Don’t Entertain It

Intrusive thoughts (a.k.a. Thing 1 and Thing 2) are NOT guests you want to invite over for a cup of tea. Don’t make them feel welcome and def don’t let them spend the night.

That said, here are some things to avoid when having an intrusive thought:

– Engaging with the thought.

– Trying to figure out what the thought “means.”

– Suppressing the thought.

– Allowing the thought to make you doubt your character.

In the thick of an intrusive thought, these approaches can be difficult to apply. But if practiced regularly they can be very effective. If your intrusive thoughts become severe and unbearable, we recommend speaking to a mental health specialist.

To find out more about how to stop intrusive thoughts, tune in to the “Talking Intrusive Thoughts” episode of our Anxious Like You podcast!

How to Find a LGBTQ Therapist That Will Support You Best

Existing in the world as a member of the LGBTQIA2S+ Community can be scary. It can be hard to identify someone who is biggoted, judgemental, or phobic — and then deal with all their bull. That’s a fucking heavy load to carry around and it’ll start to take a toll on your mental health.

Speaking to a therapist who understands you, and your life, is a great way to look after your mental health. But finding a LGBTQ therapist (Queer-friendly and familiar with the Queer Community), can be another challenge to add to the list. And you shouldn’t have to settle, because the therapist that is the right fit for you will be supportive of your sexual orientation or gender identity. You DESERVE an accepting space to unload and decompress. To help you find support, we’ve compiled a list of Canadian and American resources so you can find a LGBTQ therapist. Let’s go!

Why Finding a Queer Therapist Matters

If you’re part of the Queer community, what you might need is called LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapy. This is a specific kind of therapy that embraces Queer people, their lives and their identities with total acceptance.

Finding a Queer therapist is important because you need someone who knows what you’re going through — unfortunately, there are just some experiences that only another Queer person will totally understand. It also helps to establish common ground right out of the gate, and contributes to the creation of this new safe space. Plus, you won’t have to spend your session time educating them on your orientation and/or identity. This time is YOURS.

Members of the Queer community experience mental health issues at about 3 times the rate of the heteronormative population. Which TOTALLY MAKES SENSE because marginalized communities face a lot more hardships as a result of their ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or gender identity. It’s a lot to carry!

So how exactly do you find a therapist who can help you?

LGBTQIA2S+ Mental Health Resources

First thing’s first. Hit up the ole internet and give LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapist in my city a Goog. We gave it a try and a ton of options came up! You might be lucky enough to find a directory of Queer-friendly businesses, including psychological services.

If you live in a rural area and don’t have access to in-person counselling, consider finding a LGBTQ therapist who is willing to do a video call with you. There are now tons of therapists who are happy to provide sessions by phone or online!

There are also Queer-tailored helplines you can reach out to if you feel like you’re in a crisis. How awesome is that?!

Canadian Resources

Many provinces and territories have their own help and crisis lines that you can call to access help. The below list includes queer-specific, and non-specific, help lines. If you’re currently experiencing an emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

1. Trans LifeLine

– Call 1-877-330-6366

They also have a ton of resources (including: finding legal support and health care supports, resources for sex workers, child and youth camp listings, and resources for trans people with disabilities…to name a few).

2. Kids Help Phone (20 yrs and younger)

– Call 1-800-668-6868 (open 24/7)

– Text CONNECT to 686868 (live chat), or TALK to 686868 (English), or TEXTO to 686868 (Français)

– Chat on Facebook Messenger (open 24/7)

They also have a directory of youth programs.

3. Hope for Wellness

– Call 1-855-242-3310 (open 24/7 in English & Français — Cree, Ojibway and Inuktitut available upon request)

– Chat online

4. National Indian Residential School Crisis Line

– Call 1-866-925-4419

5. The Lifeline Canada

Take a look at this phenomenal list of crisis lines sorted by province. It’s a great resource for finding lines that are tailored to different communities, languages, and circumstances.

American Resources

There are a number of national organizations with crisis lines that you can call to access help. The below list includes queer-specific, and non-specific, help lines. If you’re currently experiencing an emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

1. The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ youth under 25)

– Call 1-866-488-7386

– Text START to 678678

– Chat online 24/7

2. The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender National Help Center

– Call 1-888-843-4564 (youth & adults), or 1-800-246-7743 (25 and younger), or 1-888-234-7243 (50 and older)

– Chat online (peer support), or chat here (LGBT 19 and younger, moderated), or chat here (trans 19 and younger, moderated)

They also have an extensive list of LGBTQ-friendly organizations and businesses.

3. The Trans Lifeline

– Call 877-565-8860

4. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

– Call 1-800-273-8255 (English)

– Call 1-800-628-9454 (Español)

– Chat online 24/7

– Chat online 24/7 (veterans)

– Text 838255 (veterans)

– TTY dial 711, then 1-800-273-8255

5. The Lifeline Canada

It’s a Canadian page but it has a fantastic list of crisis centres in the United States.

Queer-Friendly TikTok Creators to Follow

While you work on your mental health with a therapist, you can also indulge in some queer-friendly, mental health related TikTok scrolling. These are our current faves!

@hannahbreadtok Hannah isn’t necessarilyyyyy a mental health professional, but these videos are soooo relaxing to watch! If you’re in the midst of an anxious episode, mosey on over to TikTok and spend a few hours watching Hannah bake bread (it’s kinda sexy).

@the.truth.doctor Dr. Courtney Tracy is Queer-friendly, pro BLM and a general badass. She demonstrates some amazing coping mechanisms, gives great info on mental health and is NOT here for the trolls in her comment section! We love her content and think she’s 10/10 someone you should follow.

@beccstatic B is ALL THE THINGS. B is a therapist, PhD Student, witch (AMAZING!), and gay. B is super chill and already treats clients from the Queer Community. We’re so here for the awesome Queer + mental health content!

@dreadbehemoth Dr. Brendon takes such a cool approach to therapy that we’ve never really seen before! He combines his love of cosplay with therapy in order to help his patients overcome their struggles. He’s also fully ready to dismantle toxic masculinity and the patriarchy! Wholesome. Sweet. Helpful. Educational! It doesn’t get better than that!

You are PERFECT, deserve every ounce of happiness, and deserve to find a LGBTQ therapist that automatically respects and accepts you as you are. We know that finding one to give you the kind of affirming therapy you need can be hard, so we hope that we made the search a little bit easier. And in the meantime, make sure you keep looking after your mental health so you can keep being your beautiful self!

Feeling Nurturing: A Guide to Your Emotions

What image comes to mind when someone tells you they’re feeling nurturing? You might picture them caring for their house plants…potting the little green babies, watering them, and making sure they get enough sunlight so that they can thrive and grow. We also tend to think of mothers as nurturing, since they bring us into the world and care for us before we can fully take care of ourselves. And when we get hurt, we nurture our wounds by putting a bandage on a cut, or getting a cast for a broken bone. We also nurture our body by giving it food, water and whatever else it needs to function. These are all great examples, and since you’re already feeling nurturing, let’s put that focus on your mental wellbeing! Yep, we said it. Your mental health needs nurturing too!

You’ve come to the right place. Let’s dive thru this emotion you’re feeling — wishing to nurture something — and see how you can channel it into your mental health!

A Deeper Look at Feeling Nurturing

Okay, so what does it really mean to feel nurturing? That’s a great question. Dictionary.com has a few definitions of nurture, but this one best reflects the feeling we wanna talk about: “verb. to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster.” Cool cool cool. But what does this have to do with our mental health exactly? Let’s unpack that.

Sometimes, it’s easier to nurture other areas or other people in our lives first. We might focus all of our attention on nurturing our relationships to make sure that they stay strong. This can include our relationships with friends, family, coworkers and romantic relationships. When the people in our lives need our time and attention, we give it to them because we care. That’s not a bad thing, at all! Showing care and affection is important. It makes us feel bonded and connected to other people, but at times it can also be draining if we’re not looking after ourselves, too.

How Feeling Nurturing Shows Up Mentally

When you take that nurturing feeling and channel it towards yourself, it’s obviously going to improve your wellbeing quite a bit. For one, it just makes you feel cared for, like you’re your own priority. You can take on daily challenges, stress and anxiety with more ease because you’ve taken the time to look after yourself. This means less risk of burning out, dealing with chronic stress or neglecting our health. Here are some more great benefits to nurturing your mental wellbeing:

– Lifts your mood

– Reduces stress and anxiety

– Increases attentiveness and focus

– Boosts productivity

– Sparks creativity

– Promotes positivity

– Increases motivation

Sooo the message is pretty clear: nurture yourself, people! Think of yourself as one of your plants, if that helps! Your mental wellbeing can’t thrive without being nurtured. It’s time to look after YOU.

How Feeling Nurturing Shows Up Physically

Caring for our mental health also improves our physical health. What’s that saying about the birds and a rock or something? Whatever, you get the idea. The two are linked, so let’s look at allll the ways our body benefits when we nurture our mental health:

– Reduces cortisol levels

– Lowers blood pressure

– Strengthens immune system

– Provides better sleep

– Improves digestion

– Reduces pain

– Lengthens lifespan

When our mental wellbeing is thriving, we typically take better care of our physical health. We make sure to drink lots of water and nourish ourselves with food. We’re better at going out walks or finding other ways to move our bodies. We get fresh air and enjoy the sunshine. Basically, this is your sign to nurture your mental health! ‘Cause clearly the benefits are endless.

5 Ways to Embrace Feeling Nurturing

Feeling nurturing is a great emotion to experience, so if you’re looking for ways to embrace this feeling: look no further! That’s why we’re here. We’ve got some super helpful practices for you to try out. They’ll help you really get into your feels, ‘cause that’s what we’re all about here at DiveThru. The #feels.

1. Practice Meditation

If you wanna nurture your mind, this should do it. This practice allows us to slowww down and shift our mindset which is really important when dealing with stress and anxiety. If you’re not sure how to meditate, follow a guided practice to get you started. Trust us, it’s a game changer!

2. Journal

You wanna know the great thing about journaling? This practice allows you to explore your feelings and reframe any negative thoughts you might be experiencing. You get to put pen to paper and let the words just flow! Does it get any better than that?! We think not.

3. Engage in Something Creative

Getting creative can be suuuper relaxing. And the best thing about it is that there’s endless ways to be creative! There’s sketching, colouring, sculpting and painting. Playing an instrument, singing and dancing. Writing poetry, stories or blog posts. Knit yourself a sweater, if that’s what you’re into! Getting creative can be such a nurturing experience to help improve your wellbeing.

4. Engage in Compassionate Self Talk

When we nurture other people, how do we usually speak to them? Think about it. We say things like: You’re doing your best. You are not a failure. You will get through this. I’m always here for you. Take care of yourself. Perfect, you also have the right idea for engaging in compassionate self talk! Whenever you’re feeling down and could use some positive words, try speaking to yourself compassionately.

5. Practice Gratitude

Practicing gratitude allows us to show appreciation for all of the good things in life. That might include writing a list of things that bring you joy, volunteering in your community, or showing acts of kindness to the people who make your life better. It honestly feels great for everyone involved, so why not try it out for yourself!

Okay, that’s all from us for now. We hope this helped nurture you in some way, and that you try some of the nurturing practices! Take care of yourself, friend.

Feeling Weak: A Guide to Your Emotions

Weakness is most often thought of as a sensation felt within the body. It’s true! Muscles and bones can hurt so much that one can barely move. You can become so tired and physically exhausted that the thought of even taking a shower makes you feel like you’re about to faint. Feeling weak is the opposite of a party!

People have manyyy different reasons why they might feel physically weak: chronic illness, medication, your job, whatever really. But weakness can appear as an emotion as well.

But this emotion doesn’t travel alone. Unfortunately, it likes to show up with it’s nastyyy pack of little friends that follow it. They’re all super rude and we aren’t fans of them! So, on top of weakness, you might be feeling discouraged, overwhelmed, and don’t know what to do next. We’ve all been there. It’s a terrifying headspace to be in! Just know that what you’re feeling is valid and your emotions matter. You are NOT weak emotionally or physically for being here today. In fact, we’re super proud of you!

Let’s talk about this feeling and break it down a bit, shall we?

A Deeper Look at Feeling Weak

A lot of people who struggle with the emotion of weakness often do because they have to be “on.” All. The. Time. This is especially true if you struggle with your mental health. You don’t want to burden others with your problems, so you keep them inside and pretend that you’re doing ok. It seems to take allllll your energy just to appear fine and put on a fake smile as you walk out into the world every day. Someone better give you a fucking Oscar because you’ve been acting like everything is ok soooo well that people have no clue what you’re going through!

Your body and mind feel like they’re being crushed by this weight that you have to silently carry around with you all day, and by the time you get home from work, you barely have any energy left for yourself. The constant battle with your thoughts takes up all the strength that you have and you’re just so exhausted because these battles, even though they’re in your mind, feel physical. We get it. We’ve been there too! When we feel like this, even the small things like making our bed in the morning feel like climbing a mountain.

You’re exhausted from the emotional toll of having to just get through the day. Our brains never turn off and it leaves us feeling exhausted on a level so deep that we feel tired in our bones. And, our bodies are on constant alert because our minds can’t stop racing and looking for ways to protect ourselves. The worst part is that when we want to sleep, we can’t! Why? Because our minds neverrr slow down. What a catch 22!

How Feeling Weak Shows Up Mentally

Oftentimes, the emotion of weakness is caused by environmental factors that can bring about this feeling. Sometimes, things feel like they are completely out of our control and we’re left to try and cope with our emotions however we can manage. It can become overwhelming and leave us feeling like we don’t have the strength to push our way through the day.

– Constantly thinking

– Emotional overload

– Feelings of hopelessness

– Sense of loneliness or isolation

– Mood swings

– Irritability

– Apathy

But at the end of it all, we make it through to the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that; fighting to care for ourselves in small ways. Don’t beat yourself up for having these emotions. You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got!

How Feeling Weak Shows Up Physically

Feeling weak often is associated with the physical sensation of weakness. You might feel like you have an entire boulder sitting on your back and an anvil hanging from your stomach. Bearing this mental weight manifests in our bodies in physical ways and leaves us feeling mentally and physically weak.

– Fatigue

– Sleeplessness

– Oversleeping

– Sensory overload

It’s only natural for you to feel this way! Give yourself a little bit of grace and a lot of kindness. Try your best to take care of yourself however you can — even if it’s in small ways! Those small things will add up over time, we promise!

How to Cope With Feeling Weak

Sometimes advice like “exercise,” and “eat well,” just aren’t possible when you’re feeling mentally and physically weak. Coping with this emotion is so much harder than some people could ever understand. But don’t worry! We’re gonna give you some real advice that we know you’re gonna crush.

1. Visualize your happy place

Sometimes our reality just gets to be a bit too much for us and we need to escape. If you can’t afford a vacation, just close your eyes. It’s a lot cheaper AND you can customize your space. So, it’s kind of the better option in our opinion!

2. Comfort yourself like you would a friend

You deserve a hug! Be kind to yourself because you’re going through some hard shit right now. Look at yourself in the mirror and say some nice things to yourself. Give yourself a little pep talk! You might tell yourself exactly what you need to hear.

3. Move your body

You don’t have to go crush an intense workout at the gym or anything, but we just want you to move enough to get your body working in the opposite way you might be mentally feeling. If you’re stuck in bed, we want you to try and do a 180 and go for a teeny walk, stretch, or ride a bike – whatever you feel like you can manage! Baby steps.

4. Engage in something soothing and comforting

Spend some time with a pet, hug a stuffed animal, wrap yourself up in a cozy blanket, have a warm drink, and just get comfortable. Sometimes we need to just have a soft moment with ourselves and give ourselves a MUCH needed break from everything.

5. Practice meditation

Meditating allows us to take a moment and just sloooowwww down for a second. It gives us a chance to try and shift our mindset and cope with our challenges in a healthy and calm manner. It might help you out if you find a guided meditation to walk you through emotions. After a while, you won’t need a guide anymore and you’ll be meditating all on your own like a boss!

Give yourself a hug. Sometimes a little self-love will help you gain a little bit of strength to tackle the day that you have ahead of you and will help you end it on a loving note. We believe in you and we know that you have an immense amount of strength within yourself that you might not even know you have!

Feeling Proud: A Guide to Your Emotions

The smile on your face is reaching from ear to ear. Your chest is puffed out. You feel confident and accomplished. And to top it all off, even your hair is perfectly coiffed today too! What’s got you in such a good mood? Well, you’re feeling proud as fuck right now! You’re proud of who you are and what you’ve done, and you’re celebrating it. Way to go! Can we celebrate together for a second? Ok. Ready? Go!

Tiny little online dance party.

That was fun! Now, let’s talk about why you’re feeling this way. Even though you’re feeling on top of the fucking world, it’s still nice to break down this feeling of pride when you’re experiencing it. Why? So that you can learn to feel proud of yourself more often! We want you to be the happiest version of yourself always, so let’s learn about being proud together.

A Deeper Look at Feeling Proud

Feeling proud is the best. What you’ve done is totally awesome and you know it. You’ve worked really hard to achieve it, and what you’ve done for yourself — or others — deserves to be celebrated.

It might’ve been something as simple as taking a shower and making sure that you’ve had enough water to drink today. AMAZING! That can be some really hard shit to do when we’re feeling low, so we’re proud of you. You could’ve also discovered a new planet, flew a spaceship, landed on it, and are about to study it for the rest of your life. ALSO AMAZING! Accomplishments, both major and minor, should be celebrated (and we’re here to do that with you!).

Let’s break down the word “proud.” According to Dictionary.com, “feeling pleasure and satisfaction because you or people connected with you have done or got something good.” Take your pet, for example. You could be proud of them for not bunny-kicking you awake to feed them at 5am. But let’s focus on you right now!

You can be proud of yourself for a number of reasons. You can be proud of who you are! You’re a good person and you should be proud of how you treat others as you walk through this world. So, be proud of yourself when you look at people with kindness and care.

Feeling proud of yourself is even something to be proud of. In a world where we’re constantly told that we have to hustle and grind and work until we break, being proud of who you are and what you’ve done is an amazing achievement itself.

Be proud of how hard you’re trying. You’re going against the grain and you’re doing it AMAZINGLY! You’ve also come a loooooong way. We don’t know your life story (obvs), but we bet you’re in a totally different place in your life than you were even just a year ago!

How Feeling Proud Shows Up Mentally

Pride doesn’t always have to be related to being stubborn, self-indulgent, and egotistical like it’s usually made out to be. It can be about celebrating all that you’ve achieved! YOU DESERVE A LITTLE SELF LOVE PRIDE PARTY! This little internal love parade brings along with it a whooooole basket of positive emotions and we’re gonna tell you what they are:

– Self-love

– Self-respect

– Happiness

– Feelings of accomplishment

– Confidence

– Self-assurance

Your mental health and fortitude are going to skyrocket! Why? Because you deserve it, baby! And honestly, we love that for you. Pride in yourself should be celebrated and cherished.

How Feeling Proud Shows Up Physically

When your mind and soul feel good, your body feels good. You might have a little extra pep in your step and feel like the world is a little bit brighter today. You’re probably feeling super good mentally, so let’s talk about how this amazing feeling of pride shows up physically.

– Increased energy

– Better sleep

– Increased self-esteem

– Boosted productivity

– Increased resilience

You also might be walking a little taller than usual too, but honestly that’s just a cute little bonus, don’t you think? You could grow an extra inch just from being proud! That would be pretty great in our opinion. And we also think that you deserve that extra inch! Stand tall and proud, friend!

5 Ways to Embrace Feeling Proud

Embrace this feeling! Get excited about it! Feeling proud of yourself is an amazing and wonderful way to feel and for some of us, it doesn’t come around as often as it should. So how can you keep feeling proud? We’ve got you covered:

1. Engage in something creative

Crochet, paint, draw, knit, and create whatever you want to! You can sit with this awesome emotion of pride while doing something that you truly enjoy. Flexing your creative side is an awesome way to enjoy your time while feeling awesome and proud!

2. Journal

Write down why you’re feeling so proud. This will help you foster this pride and remind yourself why you deserve to feel proud of yourself! You can always look back on what you’ve written and remember your amazing accomplishments.

3. Connect with a friend

Call up your bestie and brag about yourself! Your best friend is there to help hype you up so invite them into your little party and get excited together. You’re allowed to get excited and feel this pride, and having someone else there to celebrate with you makes it just that much sweeter!

4. Practice gratitude

Remembering what you’re grateful for can help you realize all the incredible things that you’ve achieved. You have a roof over your head. INCREDIBLE! Water? AMAZING! A bed to sleep in? PHENOMENAL! Everything that you’re grateful for should be celebrated and you should feel proud of yourself for making it happen.

5. Meditate

Sitting in a meditative state with this feeling of pride can help you learn more about this emotion and help you foster it. That way, you can bring it up within yourself more often. Who wouldn’t want to feel this amazing sensation of pride whenever you want? We think that sounds pretty fricking great.

We are so proud of you for feeling proud of yourself! Like we said, people aren’t nearly as proud of themselves as often as they should be and YOU’VE MANAGED TO DO IT! What an achievement! Now, keep feeling proud today, tomorrow, and every day. You deserve it!

Blended Families: The Ultimate Guide to Being a Step-Parent

Every family is totally unique and maybe even a lil’ weird in their own way. That especially goes for blended families! But we like weird. Weird is cool! And when it comes to blended families, the Dunphys are the first to come to mind! They are the epitome of complicated (but hilarious) blended family shenanigans. Sure, there are plenty of heartwarming, mushy moments that make you go awww. But there are just as many rough patches on a regular basis too.

As a step-parent, you probably know this simple truth first-hand — joining multiple families under one roof is NOT easy! With sooo many feelings coming from all sides, how the hell is everyone supposed to get along?!

The truth is, there’s no right way to navigate a blended family. What works great for some households might start a full-on civil war in others. But hey, that’s totally ok! We can’t expect families to be perfect, or act like everything is sunshine and rainbows all of the time.

Families can be messy. They disagree. They fight. And sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) they don’t know how to properly communicate. But nothing is impossible when you work through it together with love, just like the Dunphys!

5 Ways to Make Blended Families Work

You’re probably wondering how you and your partner can merge your families together as smooooothly as possible (and how you can avoid the wicked step-parent stereotype). Warning — there WILL be some bumps along the way! It’s gonna take a lot of work, plus some tweaking here and there to your family’s personal situation, but it’s 100 percent worth it. Here are some ways you can bring your blended family closer together as a step-parent.

1. Acknowledge Feelings

If it seems like your step-kids aren’t adjusting to the new family dynamic, it can be hard not to take it personally. Instead of getting defensive — or pushing too hard for them to accept “this is the way things are now, get used to it!” — try understanding their perspective. Your step-kids could be having a tough time because they’ve had to move into a new house, away from the life they were used to before. Maybe they’re still emotionally dealing with their parents’ separation, or they aren’t used to having other siblings around. Again, every family has a unique situation.

It’s important to acknowledge everyone’s feelings…even the ones that aren’t being communicated. You don’t want a kid war like the one that started in Yours, Mine & Ours when the parents just pushed everyone into the converted lighthouse. SO not a good idea.

2. Allow Space for Open Communication

One of the best things a family can do is to communicate openly with each other. It’s easier said than done but makes a huge difference in the long run. It’s also super important to make sure that everyone has fair opportunity to openly communicate how they feel! Make sure everyone in your blended family understands they can come to you whenever there’s a problem or they want to share something. This also means that when they DO communicate, you’re responsive and show you’re actually listening. Everyone deserves to feel respected and heard!

If your family needs some extra help with communication, going to therapy together is a great idea. We recommend finding a therapist that specializes in working with families — and even better, blended families — as they will better understand the dynamics of your household.

3. Set Realistic Expectations

When you and your partner have formed a strong relationship and are ready to join your lives together, your kids might still need some time to catch up. This will be a huge adjustment for them and they probably have a load of feelings to sort through. Give them some time and space to come around! They might be on the fence right now, but with your patience and understanding they’ll start to feel more comfortable.

Try not to set unrealistic expectations. Everything won’t just fall into place all at once and you can’t expect everyone to bond right away. That closeness will come if you work towards it, but it won’t happen overnight! Meredith didn’t just automatically love her new-found sisters immediately. It took a WHILE to warm up to Lexie and Maggie.

4. Make Bonding a Priority

To bring your blended family closer together, bonding is a must! The sooner you make time to connect and get to know each other on a deeper level, the better. Try setting designated family time that everyone can participate in — family game night, movie night, road trips…you name it! Even having dinner together as a family is super underrated these days given how busy our schedules are.

Your step-kids will notice the effort you’re making to get to know them and, even if they’re a lil’ bit reserved at first, they’ll appreciate how much you care. Quality time is everything!

5. Set Healthy Boundaries

Don’t underestimate the wonders that setting boundaries will do for a blended family! It’s important for every family member to have clear boundaries that are heard and respected. For the kids, it might include something as simple as knocking before entering their room.

Another healthy boundary — keep any discussion about your children’s other parents off-limits when the kids are around. If you’re not sure what your family’s boundaries are yet, now’s the time to talk about it together! Use that open communication to understand each other’s limits. Again, if you could use the guidance, a family therapist can help your home feel like a safer space for everyone.

Like we said, having a blended family is hard work. You won’t get it right all of the time, but hey. No family does. The most important thing is that you are always willing to try. And LOVE! Don’t forget that love is the reason you’re all together! We’re rooting for you and the famjam.

It’s just like Phil Dunphy said: “Never be afraid to reach for the stars because even if you fall, you’ll always be wearing a Parent-chute.” Words to live by.