DiveThru

Working From Home Essentials: The Mental Health Edition

We keep hearing the phrase, “unprecedented times,” over and over… AND OVER AND OVER! But, it’s accurate. Who could’ve predicted that a majority of people would be working and learning remotely in 2020? And did anyone have time to grab their ‘working from home essentials’ kit? Was mental health considered for the kit?

We’re all inside our homes trying to keep as safe as we can so that we don’t have to accidentally contract COVID-19 from one of our friends or colleagues. So, our homes and apartments have now become our offices. If you have pets, I’m sure they’re probably loooooving that you’re home 24/7 (that means they get scritches 24/7), but you might not be loving it as much as they are.

We’re now 7 months into this pandemic, so you’ve probably read every article out there on working from home and how to make the whole thing easier. But we’re not here to add to the mountain of information. Let’s talk about how working from home can affect your mental health instead!

We’re Working in Isolation

For many of us, our places of work are the environments where we have the majority of our social interaction. Workplace colleagues become best friends as the lines of professionalism start to disappear. It can make work SO MUCH FUN because it just feels like you’re hanging out with your friends all day.

Working from home can take this social element away from us. Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t really have a choice if we have to work remotely (thanks COVID) and it can really impact our mental health.

If you’re an introvert, this might be your dream come true! But if you loooove being surrounded by people and collaborating, working from home can be more difficult for you to adjust to.

Without going into an office every day, you can start to feel pretty isolated and view work as a lonely experience. This can really begin to affect your mental health, so make sure that you are continuing to connect with people however you can. This can mean Zoom hangouts with friends, backyard fires (six feet apart obviously), or phone calls to catch up with your family.

Feeling connected to others used to take no effort at all! It was super easy to roll your chair over to someone’s desk and have a chat. But now, to avoid feelings of isolation, we have to put in a little extra work to keep our social side satiated (oooh that was some nice alliteration).

So, stay connected! You’ve probably been doing this already, but we’re just here to give you a little reminder that connecting with people really matters and is SO IMPORTANT to maintain your mental health while working from home.

We See Burnout Looming Around the Corner

When you work from home, it can feel like you’re expected to work ALL. THE. TIME. When you aren’t in an office, you don’t have to abide by designated lunch hours or break times because you can take them whenever you feel like.

Taking time off to have lunch in your own home can feel like you’re slacking or dropping the ball. So, lunch breaks become eating lunch at your desk, and the mandatory 15-minute breaks no longer exist.

We can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to appear productive and that we can be trusted enough to work without supervision.

This constant state of productivity can lead to excessive stress, and ultimately burnout. What’s burnout, you ask? It’s when you are emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. It’s when you reach that point where you’re so uninterested in your job that you can’t even write a simple follow-up email. You feel like a raisin that’s had all the life sucked out of it. We don’t want this to happen to you. You should be a hydrated grape!

You can avoid burnout by doing a really simple thing. TAKE YOUR DAMN BREAKS! You are not a machine that is created to be on constant alert for 8 or more hours a day. This weariness from all the tasks you try to complete will catch up with you. Take the time to care for yourself, to unwind, to unload all those busy thoughts onto a piece of paper. Go for a walk without your phone, watch that shitty Netflix show, and most importantly, try not to feel guilty about doing it.\

You’re also allowed to take a mental health day if you’re beginning to feel like you need one. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to help yourself relax.

Preserving your mental health is so important! You still need to take care of it even if you’re working at home.

You’re Stressing to “Appear” Busy

When working from home, some people can start to feel a bit guilty. Why? Because you want to prove that you’re doing your job and that you’re doing it well!

Your home is usually a place of respite and relaxation, and combining this sense of calm with work can sometimes exacerbate this feeling of guilt. Imposter syndrome might even start to creep in and make you feel like you have to work relentlessly in order to be worthy of keeping your position.

But take a breath and realize that you’re the only one putting this extra pressure on yourself. You’re doing great work regardless of where you are located. Trust us!

Our Own (Tried + Tested) Tips for You

If you’re reading this and wondering how to look after your mental health while working at home, don’t worry! We’ve got you covered. Here are some ways that you can make sure you’re looking after your mental wellbeing:

1. Keep a Consistent (Not Constant) Schedule

Have clearly defined work hours. Yes, you’re working from home, but that doesn’t mean that you need to be working from home literally all the time! Silence your phone after 5:30 pm or turn off notifications. Don’t check your emails after dinner. Your work hours should be for work, and after those hours are up, you can live your life.

Even though you’re living where you work, you still need to maintain a work-life balance.

2. Establish a Workspace and Personalize It

When you went to work, you probably drove, took transit, or biked to the office. This travel time told your brain and body that you were no longer at your house and that you were headed to work.

Try to create this feeling again by having a dedicated workspace and trick your mind into thinking it’s at the office. If you set up this space and mentally prepare yourself to work, your mind will begin to adjust to “work mode” when you sit down at your desk. If you’re working in your bed, you’re definitelyyyy going to want to take a nap.

Set up a space that is for working and for working only. Make it super inviting if you can! Decorate it however you want because, after all, it’s your office and it’s in your home.

3. Make Your Self Care a Priority

It can be hard trying to make sure that you’re looking after yourself when you work from home. Rolling out of bed at 8:55 am to get online for 9:00 am can be sooo tempting. Some people might do this and end up forgetting to take care of themselves, even in small ways. It’s easy to put self care aside when you get caught up in work, forget to shower some days, and not take proper breaks throughout the day.

But you HAVE to start taking care of yourself. Even a shower in the morning can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself and about your work. Make sure that you’re still eating well, taking breaks, and being kind to yourself. Listen to your body throughout the day and see what it needs. Do you need to take a break? Do it! How about a walk around the block? Even do a little bit of yoga to stretch things out.

Transitioning to working from home can be a difficult change to get used to, but you have to remember that your wellbeing matters too! Don’t put yourself on the back burner. You can’t stop caring for yourself even if you’re in your own home.

Remember, working can be important, but your mental health matters just as much!

8 Ways Students Can Deal with Burnout Signs

Picture this… finals are approaching, the semester is almost (finally) over, and soon you’ll be on a much-needed break. Ahhhhh how heckin therapeutic is that to think about! But there’s a catch: you’re struggling and you’ve got major burnout signs and you don’t even know how you’re gonna make it through the next 2 weeks.

It’s not just you. Student burnout is a common response to constant stress over time, probably thanks to a never-ending list of deadlines, group projects, essays and exams. And on top of all of that, you might also have a job, clubs, sports and other activities that keep you super busy. Not to mention – oh yeah – a personal life. It’s a balancing act and seriously, it can be sooo hard!

The terms ‘burnout’ and ‘stress’ are usually used interchangeably, but they’re not exactly the same thing. Burnout is actually caused by stress and makes you feel unmotivated, detached and cynical. Maybe you’re also having a hard time focusing and being productive. Forgetting things that are normally NBD (wait – did I leave my wallet at home again?!) can also be a sign. You could be feeling super irritable lately and like the smallest things are getting on your nerves (roommate forgot to replenish the tp = RAGE). Sound familiar?

But there are ways to deal with burnout, even if it feels like it’s impossible. Try these tips and before you know it, you’ll be back on track! And if you need to explore our ultimate guide to mental health for college students, here it is friends.

1. Get Enough Sleep

In case you needed a reminder: sleep. Your mind and body can’t function without enough rest. Easier said than done, right? You’re probably thinking: How can I even think about sleep when there’s so much to do and so little time and oh shit that’s due tomorrow??? Pause. Those assignments aren’t going anywhere, and neither are you if you don’t chill. the fuck. out.

Take a warm bath. Light some candles. Enjoy a cup of (decaf*) tea. Throw some clean sheets on your bed straight from the dryer. Do whatever helps you unwind and drift into a restful sleep. Figure out how to sleep better at night, and you’ll thank yourself later!

2. Talk It Out

Feeling totally overwhelmed? You’re not the only one! No, seriously, reach out to any friends that are fellow college students. It fucking sucks going through this alone and if you’re noticing burnout signs, chance are they’re dealing with the same shit. Talk to people you trust about what you’re going through. Opening up about your feelings will make you feel less alone and let out all of that anxiety you’ve been keeping inside.

3. Learn to Say No

The idea of letting people down sucks, but remember that it’s okay to say no to any additional tasks or responsibilities. If something is gonna overflow your schedule and make you more stressed, it’s just not worth it! When your boss asks you to take an extra shift but you have an exam the next morning, it’s okay to say no. Especially if they pull out the whole “K I guess we’ll have to survive without an extra person on the floor.” Or when your school club asks you to plan the next meeting but you’re drowning in assignments, again – it’s okay to say no! (and if you need to learn how to say no without feeling guilty, we’ve got the perfect read for you)

4. Ask for Extensions (Ahead of Time)

As a student, time management is super important. But if you see a conflict in your schedule (aka 3 midterms in one day and a paper due the next), talk to your profs. See if any accommodations can be made! And if you communicate with your professors ahead of time, your chances will literally double. They’re people too (which students often forget) and the last thing they want is to look at your handsome mug and see burnout signs. If you notice tons of overlap in your academic calendar, see if you can work it out with your instructors. Just do it sooner than later!!

5. Make Time for Yourself

It’s easy to get so caught up in the #studentlife that you forget you still have other interests. Make time for study breaks to watch your favourite show or go for a run – whatever you enjoy doing in your downtime! That 3000-word essay will come along much easier once you’ve cleared your head.

6. Cancel Your Plans, It’s Okay

If you don’t have enough time to do everything, it means there’s waaay too much on your plate. Having a social life and seeing your friends is important, but so is your wellbeing. And if going to that meet-up is gonna set you back and stress you out even more, it’s not worth it. Your friends have probably been there and will totally understand. Make plans to get together once you’ve handed in that big assignment or aced that exam – you deserve to celebrate!

7. Set Realistic Goals

By now, you probably already know how to set goals so we’ll leave you with this piece of advice instead. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. Don’t try to cram in everything at once – it’ll only set you up to fail and you’ll feel even worse! Be realistic when it comes to setting goals for yourself. And it doesn’t hurt to plan ahead! If you know what your limits are and what you can manage, you’ll be on the right track.

8. Remember Why You’re Here

When you’re in overdrive, it’s easy to lose sight of why you’re here in the first place. You have goals. Dreams. Ambitions. And maybe most importantly: passion. Remember that word? The thing that made you choose to pursue an education so that you can do what you love for a living/become an expert in your field/just because you wanted to learn more??? It’s still there. Right now, it’s just buried under 8 cups of coffee and -2 hours of sleep.

Take a moment to look at the bigger picture. Why is it that you’re working so hard to finish that one essay? What is it that pushes you to study for every single little quiz? What do you aspire to think and do and feel when you’ve completed your degree? Hold on to that feeling.

Igniting that fire again will remind you that all of your hard work is not for nothing. We don’t want you to ignore your burnout signs and just push through anything and everything…that’s notttt healthy. We’re not here to support the grind culture. But we are hoping that these 8 suggestions will help you manage your list of 8,968 things to do before you get to that burnout stage!

How to Set Boundaries with Friends

Setting boundaries can sound like a scary concept, especially when it comes to your family, friends and partners. Do you just tell them no? Do you write out a paragraph-long text?? Yell out your boundaries on Facebook in ALL CAPSSS?? We’ll get to that, but first, let’s start with a definition. Natalie Asayag (our in-house mental health professional here at DiveThru) says “a boundary is a clear line or limit you draw with those in your life to maintain healthy relationships with the intent that you don’t feel overextended or taken advantage of.” It’s a valuable practice to protect your peace and respect yourself. Let’s get to it and teach you how to set boundaries with friends!

While it can be challenging to set healthy boundaries, it does get easier to recognize them once you get the hang of it. Think of a situation you’ve been in with a friend that really bothered you. Maybe they keep coming to you for relationship advice that they never actually take. They might borrow your stuff and give it back in less-than-ideal condition (ummm, that stain wasn’t there before…). Or maybe they’re guilty of constantly flaking on your plans last-minute. Sound familiar?

No matter what type of boundary-crossing you’re dealing with, it’s never too late to set boundaries with friends. Just because you haven’t put them in place yet, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be heard and R-E-S-P-E-C-T-ed!

Types of Boundaries

One of the ways you can build healthy, strong friendships that last is through setting boundaries! Without them in place, we can feel disrespected, uncomfortable or violated by our friends. If these feelings are pushed aside, eventually they’ll build up resentment and lead to blow-ups, fights, or even the end of the friendship altogether. Hmm, not ideal.

According to PsychCentral, 5 different types exist! Will you get tested on these? No. Will we ask your mom if you’ve been practicing these on your own time? Also no.

But knowing the different types of boundaries is super important. It will help you navigate your feelings in different scenarios and how you can address things that make you go yikes please don’t ever do that again. Let’s get into it!

1. Physical Boundaries

These boundaries are your comfort level with touch and personal space. When physical boundaries aren’t respected, you might feel uncomfortable or violated. Like when you’re picking up red peppers at the grocery store and someone reaches right beside your head to grab the zucchini they needed…no, sir.

Always speak up about your physical boundaries, even if it’s a teensy bit awk. Never feel like you have to set them aside to avoid potentially hurting someone’s feelings. If it’s a friend who gets too close or boldly breaks your personal bubble, you’ve gotta have a convo with them. Physical needs like sleeping, eating, and drinking water (super important, obvs) are also part of physical boundaries.

We went ahead and brainstormed some examples to help you better visualize physical boundaries. Feel free to use these! We won’t get mad.

“I appreciate the sentiment but I’m really not a hugger.”

“Thanks for the invite, but I’m actually pretty tired. I’ll come out with you guys next time.”

“My room is my private space. Please don’t come in without asking.”

“I’m super hungry. I’m gonna grab a bite to eat before we hang out.”

“Could you not touch my arm like that? I don’t like it.”

2. Emotional Boundaries

Setting emotional boundaries with friends can be tough. Part of being a friend means being there for each other, right? Trueee. But it’s also okay to admit when you’re not in the right headspace to be there for someone else. You’re not helping anyone if you’ve got nothing in your tank. Emotional boundaries are also about recognizing emotional needs and validating feelings. Not only that, but emotional boundaries are also about communication. If your feelings are being put down or ignored altogether — not cool.

Here we go again, with some examples to help our bbfs out. That’s you, you’re the bff.

“My date was the worst! Are you okay with hearing about it right now?”

“This isn’t a great time for me to talk.”

“It really sucks when I share things with you and my feelings are criticized or judged.”

“I’m sorry you’re going through this. Honestly, I’m not in a good place to be there for you right now. Could we talk about it later?”

“I don’t really feel comfortable talking about this topic. Can we change the subject?”

3. Material Boundaries

This one is probably a little more obvious. Material boundaries include the possessions you have, how you share them and how you want them to be treated. They can be violated if someone loses or wrecks your stuff. If you’ve got friends who just expect that you’ll say yes when they ask to borrow your things, we feel for you. It feels almost like you’re being taken advantage of, which you are. Lending money is another situation that can turn suuuuper awk if a friend doesn’t respect the boundaries you’ve put in place, like when you expect to be paid back. We tend to easily dismiss these boundaries, especially if your personality is non-confrontational. Be firm in the material boundaries you ask of your friends.

Here are 5 ways to do that!

“Sure, you can borrow my boots! But I need them back by Friday.”

“I can’t lend you any money. But is there another way I can help you out?”

“Actually, I don’t let people drive my car. It’s just a rule I have.”

“I know you want to try a sip, but I don’t share my drinks.”

“If you wear my jumpsuit to that wedding, please wash it before you give it back.”

4. Intellectual Boundaries

Don’t worry, it’s not as deep as it sounds. Intellectual boundaries means respecting your thoughts and ideas without them being dismissed or shut down. It’s okay to disagree with friends or have different opinions! But if a conversation is taking a turn for the worst and could potentially hurt feelings, it’s okay to shut it down. You get to choose where to draw a line.

If your intellectual boundaries get crossed, you can always whip out one of these statements.

“I get what you’re saying. I think we just have different opinions on this.”

“We can talk about this more later, if you want? I don’t think a friend’s birthday party is the best time or place for this conversation.”

“We don’t seem to be agreeing on this, maybe it’s best for us to just drop it.”

“It’s okay for you to disagree with me, but it’s not okay to put me down.”

“This type of discussion never seems to work between us. Let’s avoid this topic and move on.”

5. Time Boundaries

Time boundaries can really put strain on a friendship if both sides aren’t on the same page. Violating your time boundaries might include your friend constantly showing up late to your plans. Do they tend to cancel literally an hour before you’re supposed to meet? Not cool. Do they get mad when you tell them you’re busy? Also not cool. Your time is valuable and it’s a good idea to make sure your friends understand that too if you want to maintain a healthy friendship!

So how do you set time boundaries with your friends? Like this!

“I can come, but only for an hour.”

“Actually, I’ve already made plans. Does another day work for you?”

“I don’t have time to talk right now. How about this time instead?”

“It looks like I can’t today, but I really want to help. Can we figure something out?”

“Things have been so busy lately, I need to have some me-time. But I’ll let you know when I’m feeling back on track?”

We know that setting boundaries can feel awkward or scary. As you’re thinking about them now, you might even be worried that your friends will feel bad or lash out at you. The last thing you want is to have to work through a fight with your friend. But here’s the thing…you can’t control how they react — that’s up to them. All you can control is your actions and you deserve to be respected in every single relationship you have. So go ahead. Ask for your boundaries. We’ll be here, regardless of the outcome.

6 Serious Relationship Red Flags and How to Spot Them

Have you ever played the game Red Flags? If you haven’t, here’s the rundown. It’s when players pull random cards that have two positive qualities about a fictional person, and then pull a card that’s a “red flag.” One of the players in the group then has to decide who they’ll pick to go on a date with based on these cards. For example, someone can choose to date a guy who is a doctor, loves dogs, buuuuuut only wears a diaper around the house. This game is meant to be hilarious and funny for friends to play with each other, but recognizing relationship red flags in real life can be a bit harder to do.

Red flags can pop up in any kind of relationship! It doesn’t matter if this relationship is with your parents, your romantic partner, your friend, your sibling – it doesn’t matter. Regardless of how someone is attached to you, these red flags should make you take a step back and evaluate if it’s a healthy relationship that you want to move forward with.

Here are some relationship red flags to look out for that aren’t part of a fun card game.

1. Love Bombing

At first, this term sounds awesome! Who wouldn’t want to be loved? Wellllll, unfortunately, it’s not as fun as it sounds.

Love bombing is when a person gives you tons of gifts, texts and calls you all the time, constantly tells you how wonderful you are, and rushes into REALLY intense emotions REALLY quickly.

Eventually, they’ll want your undivided attention, disrespect your boundaries, and can become extremely needy.

You’ll know the difference between love bombing and regular, healthy unconditional love because you can feel it in your gut. There is just something… off about it that makes you uncomfortable with how they’re expressing their intense affection.

2. Chronic Anger

This isn’t the kind of anger because someone has had a bad day. And it’s not due to depression or anxiety, either. This is when the person in your life is alwayssss angry. They can use this anger as a way to control their surroundings, and this includes the people around them.

If someone is always angry, you’ll inevitably end up feeling like you’re walking on eggshells and you’re constantly tiptoeing around them and their feelings.

This isn’t healthy! You should be able to exist and speak in a way where you feel safe and free to express yourself. No one should ever be angry at you for doing normal things. And you should never feel afraid of your partner.

3. Disparaging Humor

This is when the toxic person in your life belittles you in a joking way. It’s pretty much just a disguise for anger and ridicule in the form of a joke.

Yeah, sometimes we can joke with our friends at their expense, but everyone is in on the joke and laughs about it at the end of the day. But this is different. It feeeeels different. It doesn’t feel like a joke and it comes across as just… mean.

Your partner shouldn’t make you feel like crap. They should be on your side and build you up. They shouldn’t be the one to tear you down.

4. Insincere (or No) Apology

Even though you might be hurt by something this person has said or done to you, they won’t apologize. They might say, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” but that’s not an apology.

Taking ownership for their actions or words would be an apology, but a statement like this puts the onus back on you. They’re basically saying that it’s your problem that you feel the way that you do because of their actions. In their minds, they didn’t do anything wrong and you’re the one with the problem if they made you feel bad.

5. Isolation From Friends & Family

Every relationship starts out with the deep desire to spend every single minute with your partner! This is totally normal because it’s new, it’s exciting, and you’re discovering all these incredible things about this other person. But as the relationship evolves both parties should start being more independent of the other and start enjoying the people and things that they used to.

Isolation starts to creep into the situation when the person you’re in the relationship with starts pulling you and keeping you away from other friends and family. They don’t want you to have access to your support system, and they want to keep you all to themselves. They might put down your friends, or complain about how much they dislike your family. They can even say things like, “Your family hates me and doesn’t want us to be together! Don’t they see that I love you more than anyone?”

Isolation is about creating feelings of doubt when it comes to your relationships with everyone you knew before you were in a relationship with this toxic person.

A healthy relationship doesn’t look like this. Two people can love spending their free time together, but also have independence from the other person. They’re free to see their friends and family whenever they want, and the other person can too. It should be a two-way street of trust and respect.

6. Manipulation

People who are really toxic can make you feel a lot of guilt and they use your emotions as a weapon against you. They can do this in a number of ways, and they always make you feel like absolute crap.

“If you really care about me, then …”

“I can’t believe you’d do this. Don’t you love me?”

They also often only see their opinion as the correct one and can frequently convince you to change your mind to match theirs.

They’re jealous to the point of anger, and follow you online and in-person as much as they can.

Manipulation is all about control. If your partner starts to control and manipulate everything you do from how you socialize with others, to what you wear, to guilting you about the little things, they’re not expressing a healthy version of love. These types of ‘controlling’ relationship red flags are really unsettling when you experience them.

What Can You Do About It?

If you can, take a break from interacting with this person. See how you feel when you’re not in contact with them. Do you feel safer? Happier? Take this time to reflect on what bugs you about this relationship. Sit with these feelings and allow yourself to come to a conclusion about your relationship with this person.

Taking the time to emotionally distance yourself from someone can also help in situations like these. You don’t need to cut off contact completely (that might be hard to do in almost any situation), but protect your emotions. Pull back emotionally ever so slightly so that you don’t internalize what your partner says about you or your loved ones. Don’t let their opinions define you.

Sometimes, these red flags in a relationship can become scary or even dangerous. In certain situations, sexual assault and all the different ways it shows up can be really hard to recognize – especially if you’ve been dating your partner for a long time. It’s best to seek out professional advice to help you with next steps and help you decide how to move forward in your relationship. Reach out to a therapist, or call one of the helplines below.

Emergency Information and Resources

Canada

Ending Violence Association of Canada

America

The Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

Remember, you are worthy of love and respect. No one should make you feel any different. We love you!

15 Things Only People with Anxiety Will Understand

If you have anxiety, you might have quirks or habits that you think are a bit unique or strange. Well, we’re here to tell you that you probably can relate to some of the things in this article. You can have a bit of comfort knowing that not the only one who does them!

1. Biting Your Cheek

Some of you might be reading this WHILE you’re biting your cheek. Lol. Surprise! Many people who constantly bite the inside of their cheek actually might be doing it because of their anxiety. Who knew?

2. Watching the Same Show Over and Over

Did you know that people who watch the same show over and over usually have anxiety? We do this because we find comfort in knowing how things are going to turn out. So, if your friends bug you about bingeing The Office for the 37th time, now you can tell them to “shove it up their butts” because watching it helps your anxiety!

3. Practicing Your Order Before the Waiter Comes Over

This. Is. So. Stressful. The absolute WORST is when you don’t know how to pronounce something. Or if you walk into a Starbucks hoping that there will be a line so that you can take your time to decide what you want to order, BUT THERE’S NOT and you have to order IMMEDIATELY! *Panic*

4. Group Projects

Do… do we even have to explain this one? Group projects are stressful enough as it is, but when you add anxiety into the mix, there are a million more worries that pop up when you’re working with other people. Are they going to pull their weight? Are they going to do things well? We should probably just do it ourselves… But then it wouldn’t be a group project and they might get mad at you… Or would they appreciate the help? Ugh! There are too many things to consider.

5. “Hey, can we talk later?”

Ummm… NO! We can talk right now so that I don’t spend the whole day thinking about every possible scenario that you might want to talk to me about. Yes, it might be a conversation about something good, but my anxiety definitelyyyy doesn’t see it that way. So, the answer is yes, but also no.

6. Unread Texts And Emails

Ignoring texts and emails could be considered a superpower for people who have anxiety. Most people wouldn’t have much of a reaction if they receive a text (or a few texts in a row). They would just answer them and reply without much thought. But for people with anxiety, we avoid those texts like the fucking plague!

7. Having to Call… Anyone

Phone calls? No way, man. If I never have to make another phone call again, I could live a VERY happy life.

8. When Someone Calls You

These are gonna have to be a no for us, dawg. We would say call again later, but we still probably won’t pick up.

9. “What medications are you on?”

When you talk to another person who has anxiety, one immediate way of bonding is asking what meds they’re on. The best feeling is when you’re on the same meds! You immediately become best friends!

10. Only Knowing One Person at a Party

This is our worst nightmare… Like, our literallll worst nightmare! We don’t just have anxiety around going to a party, it’s the fact that there will be people we don’t know that we will have to try and make small talk with. Noooo thank you!

11. Thinking That Everyone Hates You

It doesn’t matter how much you can be reassured that nobody hates you. People with anxiety will never believe you. Lies! It’s all lies! We know you’re right, but it’s LIES!

12. Being an Overachiever

We like to make sure that we are doing a good job at literally everything. This way we can prevent anything bad that might happen from NOT overachieving. Washing the dishes? There will never be a cleaner plate on the planet if we have anything to say about it! Therapy? We’re going to make sure that we graduate therapy with honours (if that was even a thing). Whatever it is, we’re probably making sure that we’re the best at it.

13. Jumping to Conclusions

Did someone phrase something slightly weird? Maybe they looked at you with a different expression on their face. Well, if there’s a conclusion, we’re going to jump to it!

14. Being Too Comfortable with Your Therapist

The more you see your therapist, the more comfortable you become with them. At first, you start out being honest, but not really being your full self. A few months later, you’re showing up to your therapist’s office in sweatpants and eating a bag of Cheetos as you slump into the chair and greet your them with a “Heyyyy! So, let’s get right into it. You wanna know how my week has been? Buckle up.”

15. Getting Over One Worry, Then Finding New Things to Worry About

It’s a never-ending cycle of quelling one worry and then discovering another. It’s like a game of whack-a-mole with anxieties. One after the other, after the other, after the other… If you have anxiety, you totally know this feeling because it never ends.

Having anxiety is like being part of your own fun (and sometimes not so fun) little mental health club! Millennials and Gen Z-ers are super open about their anxiety compared to past generations, so it’s easy (and kind of fun) to find people like us.

But we know that anxiety can be really fucking hard to deal with sometimes, so don’t forget to take care of yourself! Ya, you might need to have a good cry about some shit, but taking care of yourself is so important. Maybe you and your friends from your new-found anxiety club can have a little self care party or even cry together! Do what you gotta do. We won’t judge!

How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

There are two small words that we use to guide our actions every single day. Yes and no. In this article, we’ll teach you how to say no without feeling guilty…and that’s the really hard part.

Yes has been acknowledged as an opportunity-inducing, people-engaging, relationship-building, risk-taking, open-minded kind of word.

It’s linked to adventure and adrenaline-fuelled escapades because life is short so let’s carpe the heck out of this diem. Yes makes you wanna belt out “I CAN DO IT, PUT ME IN COACH.”

Yes has been so well covered that we are all very familiar with the contexts and sub-contexts of the word. We love the ambition yes draws out from us and we love the empowering mindset that comes with it.

But its antonym, no, is equally as powerful. In fact, we’re going to argue it’s so powerful that it’s actually really hard to master.

If you don’t have trouble saying no, then maybe this post isn’t for you. But if you’ve ever struggled to speak out that one tiny little baby syllable, stick around and give this a read.

Oprah said it best: No is a complete sentence.

Why Is It So Hard to Say No?

You see, our bodies and brains are so incredible at protecting us. No is hard to say because no is hard to hear.

This way of thinking has a name in the world of psychology and it’s called negativity bias. What it refers to is this reaction we have to negative experiences, where the feeling is deeper and stronger than the reaction we have to positive events.

Negativity bias is the reason why embarrassing events, negative experiences, or hurtful insults get amplified and endure for so long.

So when we have to say no to others, we anticipate it’s going to hurt them. And since most of us want to be liked by our peers, we get the squeamish uneasy feeling that pushes us towards the yes instead of the no.

Oh, and guilt. Guilt also usually tags along with the squeamish uneasy feeling. Yay.

Why Is It Important to Say No?

Whether we say yes to avoid conflict or because we’ve been moulded into being people-pleasers over the years, the truth is that it takes a toll on our mental health. When people don’t respect our boundaries or continue to take advantage of our good nature, we can feel hurt and disrespected by their actions.

So, it’s a really simple answer, honestly. Saying no to commitments, requests, or conversations that you don’t want to be a part of will set boundaries that keep you from getting drained and/or burning yourself out. That applies to work, friends, family, relationships, you name it.

The same little word helps you set your internal boundaries as well. We call this “self-discipline” and it’s the no we tell ourselves.

And if we’re being honest (which we always are) …we all struggle with no in different ways. Whether it’s a relationship with food, a lack of work/life balance, or a harsh internal critic, at one point we’ve all crossed that line we drew for ourselves.

Which is why we’re diving thru this! We’ve got your back, sweet baby angels, and we’re here to guide you through the muck on your journey to mental wellbeing.

How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

Saying no takes strength so we’re going to work our way up. Don’t stress, we would never just push you out into the world armed with nothing but a word!

We had a chat with our in-house mental health professional, Natalie Asayag LSCW, and developed 10 tips to help you say no, and to do it without the guilt that accompanies the word.

1. Take a Look at Your Own Personal Limits

Natalie highlights how important it is to draw clear boundaries for yourself when it comes to work, family, romantic relationships/dating, finances and your social life.

So how do we actually do this? We start by looking at the limits we have in place and then expand on them.

Take some quiet time to think through and even journal about the boundaries you would like to define. Start by asking yourself these questions:

What would life look like if I did maintain these boundaries?

Are there any challenges I have to work through to do so?

What support do I need?

Thinking through these will help you to stay clear and less emotionally reactive.

2. Be Clear About Your No

Sounds easy enough, right? Except we sometimes get lost in the niceties. It’s helpful to think through what would logically happen if you say no vs. saying yes. Would you feel overwhelmed if you take on yet another task or commit to going to an event you don’t want to attend?

If you politely decline, will the individual be receptive and respect the boundaries you are drawing? Play the scenario all the way through.

3. Be Prepared for the Reactions Of Others

We’re gonna be honest, not everyone is going to be as happy about your ability to say no as we are. Some people will look at you and say, “Good for you! Do what you need to do,” and support you endlessly. Others… well, not so much.

Some might feel entitled to you, your space, your energy, and your time. They might see you as holding some kind of obligation to them where your boundaries don’t apply. These people, when you tell them no, are probably going to be angry. Unfortunately, you have to mentally prepare yourself for that.

The word no is like a magical sword you can wield to protect yourself. When you see people coming your way with “a favour to ask,” get ready to draw a line in the sand. Because while saying no may leave them slightly disappointed or temporarily upset, it will establish a concrete boundary for the future. So, the next time your boundaries are challenged or pushed, stand your ground and flash that shiny [s]word.

4. Journal Your Progress

Take some time to reflect on the responses, the reactions, the whole process. Ask yourself these important questions.

Where / how did I learn that I can’t draw healthy boundaries for myself?

What’s the story I’m telling myself about what would happen if I work on my boundaries?

Am I worried that maintaining my boundaries says something negative about me?

We all want to be loved and accepted by the people around us, but the most important thing is that we are showing ourselves that same kind of love by being true to what we need.

5. Stick to Your Decision

When you stick your boundaries, you will begin to feel more control and comfort in your everyday life. Sticking to boundaries will help you improve your self-esteem while also feeling calmer, and more sure of yourself.

Often, people don’t feel as though they can say “no” because of what they have internalized about themselves. They fear they are creating conflict by disappointing someone, or that they are taking the easy way out. Pay attention to that little inner voice that whispers one or more of these fear-based statements and work to reframe these thoughts.

6. Repeat Reassuring Phrases

This will help you remember that it truly is ok to say no. You can repeat things like:

It’s ok for me to ask for what I need.

You’ve got this. Stand your ground.

What I need matters. I matter.

The DiveThru team believes in me.

Whatever you need to say, say it! You don’t necessarily have to repeat these mantras out loud either. You can journal it, put up sticky notes around your home, or even make it the background image on your laptop. Whatever you need, do it!

7. Take a Step Back From Your Emotions

This can be a SUPER hard thing to do. Remove yourself from your emotions? You’re probably reading this and thinking, “They think that I can DO that?” Yep. We do!

Taking a step back emotionally can help you re-evaluate the situation you’re in. Doing this allows you to try to outline the kind of relationship or environment you would want if you could create it on your own, away from all other influences.

What’s your ideal situation? Think about it and work to create it by keeping yourself and your boundaries strong.

8. Don’t Forget Self Care

Saying no can be stressful. If you’ve said no to a highly reactive person, you’re probably VERY stressed about that interaction.

Taking care of yourself isn’t always like it appears on Instagram or Pinterest. It’s how you treat yourself. Are you speaking to yourself kindly? Are you giving yourself space, grace, and forgiveness? And are you trusting yourself to create space for things that bring you joy?

The more you care about yourself and the more self care you practice, you’ll begin to find more balance and happiness within yourself and your life. It won’t always be easy to practice self care, but it will get better with time.

9. Remember Why You’re Saying No

If you keep your ultimate goal in mind, you’ll remember why you have to stay strong and stick to the decisions and boundaries that you’ve made. Creating a better situation, relationship, or environment is why you needed to say no in the first play, right?

It might be hard not to waver or give in to people who don’t respect your no’s, but remember why you had to set this boundary in the first place.

10. Trust Yourself

Trust your gut. Listen to what it’s telling you. From our experience, it’s rarely ever wrong. Listen to what it says yes and no to. You can trust this inner voice because it’s trying to take care of you.

If you allow this to take care of you, your stress levels will go wayyyy down and you’re happiness will go wayyyy up.

You might not feel this shift immediately, but we promise it’s coming. The more you trust yourself and practice saying no, your life is going to look completely different in the best way possible.

Even if you’re doing all the right things, and you do them REALLY well, your boundaries will always be challenged. It’s not always going to be easy, but we know that you can do it. You have the tools that you need to say no, and you’ve got the strength to make it happen.

Now, go get ‘em, tiger! Go say no to people!

What to Do If You’re Questioning Your Sexuality

When you first start questioning your sexuality, it can either hit you like a ton of bricks or be something that you’ve known your entire life. Either way, hi! Welcome to the club. Some of our team members are part of the LGBTQIA2S+ Community (including the one who wrote this), and they can tell you that it’s an awesome place to be. They are so excited that you made it to this article!

It can feel a bit scary when you’re first coming to terms with your sexuality. Many of us have probably taken the “Am I Gay” quizzes made by 15-year-olds in 2007 at least a dozen times. Or turned to the interweb, plugged in “what is my sexuality” and hoped that would give us answers to alllll the questions we have. Well, we’re here to help you! Hopefully, we’ll help you more than those quizzes did.

If you’re looking up ways to help you discover your sexuality, chances are that you’re part of the Queer Community. And if you’re reading this article, chances are that you haven’t come out yet.

That’s ok! Coming out for the first time can be a really scary and intimidating thing to do. Plus, you might not even be ready to tell anyone about your sexual identity just yet.

It can be difficult to validate your sexuality when you aren’t out to anyone. It’s a quiet conversation with yourself, and it’s hard not to feel like your feelings and attractions aren’t “real.”

But they are! They are totally real! They’re as real as any feeling that you’ve ever had before. But if you’re struggling to feel validated in your sexual identity, this article is dedicated to you.

Be Honest With Yourself

When you’re in the process of accepting your sexuality, it’s totally normal to have a bit of an identity crisis. Many people ask themselves questions like:

Am I doing this just for attention?

Do I really feel this way?

But I’ve never had experience with this gender. Does that mean I’m not really what I feel I am?

All of these thoughts are normal, and some people in the Queer Community who are out still sometimes feel this way. Acknowledge these feelings, accept them, and try to decipher why you might be asking yourself these things. Is it because of internalized phobias? How about the patriarchy? The patriarchy ruins everythingggg!

Check-in with yourself. What is your heart telling you? If YOU know what your sexuality is, that’s all that matters. At the end of the day, no one can tell you if you’re wrong or right because they can’t experience what you’re feeling.

If it helps, journal your feelings! Sometimes we need to reflect inwards and sit with our feelings as we put them on paper. Ask yourself:

Who are you attracted to?

How do you feel when you refer to yourself with this new sexual identity?

How do you feel calling yourself straight?

If you lived on the side of a mountain with no heteronormative influences, how would you identify?

How do you feel when you picture yourself with a person of the same gender or someone beyond the gender binary?

How do you feel when you picture yourself in a relationship with this person?

What kind of qualities can you give your sexuality? Does it have a colour or smell?

What would it feel like to accept your sexuality?

Just remember that it’s ok for sexuality to change. It doesn’t mean that what you felt at one particular moment in your life was wrong, it just means that you’re changing and helping yourself reach your ultimate form (like a Queer Pokémon). Go from one end of the sexuality spectrum to the other if it feels right! No one is telling you that you can’t.

Talk to Others in the Queer Community

It can be a really validating experience to talk to another person who has already walked the path that you’re beginning to travel. They’ve likely had some of the same thoughts and feelings as you and can tell you what helped them at the start of their journey.

Talking to other Queer people can also provide you with a safe space to be honest about your sexuality for the first time.

Maybe think about joining an online group (one that can be anonymous of course), or even talk to friends that are already in the Queer Community. Speaking about your sexual identity to other people who have found theirs can be a really powerful experience. Saying it out loud or typing it out for the first time in a safe space can feel sooo liberating!

Representation Matters

If you’re anything like some of us here at DiveThru, we realized that we weren’t totally straight after we downloaded TikTok. So many beautiful people in the Queer Community started popping up on our For You Page and it helped us realize that maybe, juuuuuust maybe, we weren’t straight after all.

Immerse yourself in the LGBTQIA2S+ Community! Educating yourself about Queer-dom, if you will, gives you the tools to understand your own sexuality better and feel more confident and safe expressing it.

Surround yourself with Queer creators, read books on Queer history, go to Queer events and Queer spaces. Seeing others thrive in a space that you feel you belong to can help you feel even more sure of your identity. Learning about it can give you more confidence to express yourself as part of the group.

Finding strong voices of public figures who have come out can also be really valuable! It can help you feel like you’re not alone and that your experiences are something to be celebrated instead of hidden away.

But if you ever need more validation, the TikTok algorithm won’t let you down!

You Don’t Need Labels

If you’re overwhelmed with trying to discover your new sexual identity, sometimes labels can be a bit scary.

Just remember that you don’t have to label yourself right away, or ever! Just go with the flow. Your sexuality is still valid whether or not you have attached a label to it. You’re not a can of soup that is required by law to list what’s inside of it. You’re a breathing human being who may or may not want to have a label define how they feel.

Explore Your Sexuality

If you’re in a position to explore your sexuality, just frickin’ go for it! Download Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, or Grindr. Download all the apps! Swipe right on whichever people you want and date whoever you want for the first time. Just make sure that you’re transparent with your prospective partner about your intentions and where you are in your life. That way, everyone is on the same page.

But sometimes, experimenting isn’t always possible. For example, you might be a woman in your mid-twenties and in a long-term relationship with a man when you realize you’re actually bisexual. If this is the case, talk to your partner. They might be open to creating an arrangement within your relationship where you can experiment and gain experience with another woman. Or, if you don’t feel comfortable with that, talking to your partner about your sexuality and opening up to them is a great first step.

Also, if you’ve never had any kind of experience with the same gender, remember that your feelings are valid! YOU ARE STILL VALID! Many of us who are just beginning to find their sexuality (including the DiveThru team member, Olivia, who wrote this article) haven’t had any experience with the same sex. Our attractions have been there for ages, but we never had the experiences we needed to back it up. It takes a lot of internal work to accept it once you start questioning your sexuality, then own it, and confidently know your own sexual identity–regardless of who you’ve been with.

Move at Your Own Pace

You might not want to come out just yet for a number of reasons. Some people don’t want to tell their friends and family about their sexuality because they might not be in a position where they feel safe opening up about it.

Or, you might just be nervous as fuck!

Just remember that there is no pressure or expectation for you to come out. We know that it can be hard keeping a part of yourself from the people you love, but if you’re not ready, don’t do it! We’ll still love you and support you all the same.

To be honest, the best kind of advice that we can give is to basically trust your gut and embrace who you are! Have a dance party while you blast “Metamorphosis” by Hillary Duff. You’ll feel a lot more sure and be questioning your sexuality a whole lot less afterwards. We promise!

10 Physical Signs of Anxiety That May Show Up for You

The body can be a weird and wonderful thing. Sometimes, it can be weird but not so wonderful. Anxiety is a complicated mental health issue that affects all parts of the body. Surprise! It’s not just all in your head! I mean, it is, but it also isn’t. You know? So yeah, you may definitely see some physical signs of anxiety too.

Shall we look at what those could be?

Physical Signs of Anxiety

Anxiety can manifest in many different ways, and sometimes that means showing up in the body as (really shitty) physical symptoms. We love manifesting, butttt maybe not this kind. Here are some common physical signs of anxiety that may appear in your body.

Sweating

Sweating is a super common symptom that people with anxiety experience. Sweating if you’re anxious is totally ok! Being a Sweaty Betty is completely normal if you have anxiety, and it can happen for a number of reasons.

It’s part of the body’s natural stress response. The body releases stress hormones and changes its response based on what information it’s receiving. If you’re having a panic attack, these stress hormones will likely cause you to sweat.

If you’re overstimulated for an extended period of time, sweating can be the way that the body involuntarily handles the stress. So, it’s normal to sweat even if you don’t know why. Anxiety can heighten your senses and there might be environmental stimuli that are affecting your level of anxiety as well. If you notice that the room you’re in has become too noisy, or if bright lights are bothering you, it’s your body’s way of hyper-focusing on your environment when you’re in a heightened state of awareness.

Thinking about how much you’re sweating can actually cause you to sweat more. Soooo, don’t think about it too much if you can. If you still think about it, no worries. Shit happens and the mind is a bananas place to be sometimes. Forgive yourself a little bit and just ride the anxiety wave as best as you can.

Chills / Hot Flash

How’s this for a fancy word: vasoconstriction.

Vasoconstriction means that the blood vessels in the body contract to move blood to other parts of the body when it’s in fight, flight, or freeze mode. It’s also what makes you feel hot when you have anxiety.

When the body starts to cool down, even a little, our senses are so heightened in an anxious state that we begin to feel chilly with the temperature change.

You might feel cold, then hot, or only hot or cold. Whatever the case is, know that your body is looking out for you and is just trying to regulate itself.

If you have any grounding or breathing techniques that you use to help calm yourself, try doing those to soothe your nervous system. This will hopefully calm your body and mind, and help stop the hot and cold flashes from continuing.

Increased Heart Rate

Thousands of years ago, humans faced a lot more physical dangers than we do now. Giant cats could eat us at any moment so our hearts would pump blood to important parts of the body that could help us run away faster and evade danger.

Now in the 21st century, our hearts still pump blood to parts of our body so that we are ready to run away from our fears and anxieties. Fortunately, we are no longer afraid of giant cats attacking us. We are afraid and anxious about a number of different things. Anxiety is different for everyone, but our bodies still respond to fear and stress like they did thousands of years ago. That means physical signs of anxiety still include an increased heart rate and as you’ll see below, a bunch of other fun symptoms.

Like with managing chills and hot flashes, grounding and breathing techniques can be a great way to help a panic attack subside. Some of us here at DiveThru also like to use distraction techniques as well! For example, we like watching our favourite TV series or scrolling on TikTok.

But seeing a mental health professional is probably the best way to help you effectively manage your anxiety and lower your heart rate.

Muscle Tension

Just like an increased heart rate, tense muscles were how humans survived danger thousands of years ago. Our muscles would contract, and we would be on high alert if we felt danger was near.

So, if your muscles feel tight after being anxious, now you know why! Unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath, and treat yourself to a massage. You deserve it!

Anxiety Canada has a fantastic blog post about a technique called Progressive Muscle Relaxation. They go into more detail about it than we will here, but we’ll give you the Coles Notes version! It’s basically tensing and relaxing muscle groups all over your body in a mindful way to help calm your mind.

Remember the little muscles too! If you need a guide to walk you through this process, there are many free and fantastic videos on YouTube such as this one that you can listen to while practicing this technique.

Stomach Problems / Nausea

Has your stomach ever felt like crap when you have an anxiety attack? Has it ever said, “There ain’t no time for rest and digest! I’m afraid and have no time to eat, so I’m gonna stay in knots instead.”

Yeah? Ours too.

This is one of those physical signs of anxiety that is just straight up unbearable for some people.

Cortisol is a stress hormone that can affect the stomach. So, if you ever feel nauseous or have stomach pains when you’re anxious, this might be why.

But sometimes the culprit truly is just your body and anxiety hormones. So, managing your anxiety with your favourite soothing techniques might be the best solution to your stomach pains.

Derealization / Depersonalization

Derealization and depersonalization are really common physical signs of anxiety that not many people know about.

Derealization is when the world around you doesn’t feel real. You might feel detached from the objects and people around you, as if you’re looking at things through a veil or a film.

Depersonalization is when you feel like you’re detaching from yourself, your mind, and your body. It can feel like you’re outside of your body, telling it what to do.

These symptoms are actually quite common! So, don’t worry. Because the blood is rushing to other parts of the body and away from the brain, these symptoms can occur if someone has a prolonged panic attack.

Numbness / Tingling

When the body is under stress, it takes the blood out of the extremities and moves it towards your core.

This can make parts of your body feel like they’re numb or tingling. When you have a panic attack, your senses can heighten, and you can end up hyper-focusing on these sensations.

We know that this is more easily said than done, but we believe in you. You’ve got this!

Chest Pain

Just like muscle tension is a response to stress, so is chest pain. It’s the tensing of the muscles in the chest for a prolonged period of time that causes them to hurt. That plus an increased heart rate can make your chest feel even tighter and hurt more.

First things first. If you have any concern about your chest pain being related to a heart attack, you should go to the emergency room or call your local emergency services. This is not something to play around with! But, it’s also helpful to take note if you recognize other anxiety symptoms, like those noted in this article, accompanying the chest pain.

You may even know exactly what prompted your anxiety. If so, work on taking several deep, slow breaths.

It can be scary! Anxiety is a hard barrier to overcome, but we know that you’ll get to the other side of it eventually.

Sleeplessness

Ok, so you’ve gotten ready for bed. You’re in your coziest pjs and you’ve made a tea to sip while in bed. You’ve had a hard day! But as soon as your head hits the pillow, your brain refuses to turn off, your eyes can’t stay shut, and you can’t seem to fall asleep!

Sleeplessness is a common manifestation of anxiety. Some scientists say that the relationship between sleep and anxiety is bidirectional (meaning that they both influence each other).

So, it’s totally normal if you can’t sleep when you have anxiety. It sucks, but it’s normal!

Having a podcast or music play in the background while you try to doze off can be a great way to help your brain focus on something other than your thoughts. Sometimes our minds are racing so fast that we just can’t seem to fall asleep no matter how hard we try, but having background noise can distract us just enough for our mind to take a break and our bodies to fall asleep for a much deserved rest.

Shortness Of Breath / Hyperventilating

If you’ve ever had shortness of breath while having a panic attack, we can relate. It’s not uncommon for people to hyperventilate when trying to overcome an episode of anxiety.

Breathing is an unconscious action for humans, and anxiety can disrupt a person’s normal breathing pattern. They then begin to take more shallow breaths, causing an increase in carbon dioxide in the body.

This increase of carbon dioxide can even cause some of the symptoms we’ve already talked about. For example, it can cause chest pains, numbness, tingling, and depersonalization or derealization.

Hopefully this list gave you some peace of mind and that you learned a thing or two about anxiety. Just remember that all of these are all normal and common physical symptoms of anxiety. We know how hard it can be to try and overcome them, but we also know that you’re strong as hell!

6 Ways to Be More Accepting of Adult Acne

The day has finally come. It’s your first job interview and you wake up, excited to conquer the day — only to find two new pimples on your chin. You rush to your makeup drawer and quickly begin covering the damage with concealer and foundation. Anything you can find to cover up the ‘monstrosity’ that has manifested itself on your face. As you finish getting ready and head out the door, you catch a glimpse in the mirror…and curse under your breath about the lack of “cover” the full-coverage foundation has. Did we just describe your day? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. 40-55% of adults deal with adult acne.

Acne can be extremely detrimental to one’s mental health, creating problems with depression and anxiety. For some, it can be an all consuming dread and the first thing they think of in the morning…immediately touching their face when they wake up to see if they have any new pimples. For others, the lack of dialogue about adult acne and constant airbrushing in the media can leave them feeling extremely alone.

If you’ve never dealt with acne before, it may be difficult to understand the concept of acne causing insecurity or self-consciousness. Those with an acne condition will often hear things from “Nobody will notice!” to “Why are you being so superficial? It’s just skin.” Yikes. Seriously, whoooo thought that was a helpful thing to say?

The problem is, those who have not truly experienced acne don’t understand what it means to stay at home because you don’t want people to see your face. They don’t understand the anxiety that comes from thinking no one will love you wholly because of your ‘imperfections.’ And you bet they don’t realize this negative thinking pattern can spiral to the point where you hate mannyyyy things about yourself.

But we want you to know that we get it. And no, we’re not here to share another skincare routine. You don’t need yet another organization telling you to change your diet, drink 6 gallons of water a day, or find your peace in essential oils.

Let’s get real and talk about some ways we can embrace our natural skin and build up our self-esteem.

1. Take Skin Care Advice with a Grain of Salt

We commend people who don’t comment on someone else’s skin. Because our bodies are all so different (and unique!!), we react differently to foods, products, hormones, you name it. For some of us, our cause might be digestive, hormonal or stress related.

Maybe we get acne because that’s just what’s in store for us. With this in mind, take advice from others with a grain of salt. Washing your face more often may not actually be good for your skin, even if it worked for your friend. Same with that lemon juice cleanse.

Try telling those who hit you up with unsolicited advice (politely at first, then grab the megaphone) that there are different factors that can contribute to a person’s acne and that it is almost impossible for anyone apart from a dermatologist to say what is going on with your skin. Talking to people about the individuality of acne can help change the negative discourse around it. The unsolicited advice might be coming from a good place, but the reality is that they don’t know your body as well as you do.

2. Take Off the Filter

Acne is a completely normal skin condition. The Journal of American Academy of Dermatology states that 54% of women older than 25 deal with acne. So why isn’t this talked about? Social media has perpetuated the idea that flaws should be covered. Acne should be photoshopped out, edited, angled and filtered to achieve the “perfect image.”

And, we think that’s a load of bullshit.

It’s problematic AF because it makes flawless skin the norm…when that’s not actually the norm. Taking off the filter and embracing our natural skin helps combat the narrative of perfection that the world of Instagram would have us believe.

3. Write Your Positive Affirmations

Even after coming to terms with the fact that acne is a completely normal thing to have, you may still struggle with your self-confidence. So, how does one build themselves up, despite being in despair from their skin? Positive affirmations.

We know, it can seem ridiculous to stare at yourself in the mirror and say all the wonderful things you see, but it will help. Pinky promise. Writing out or speaking out your affirmations helps subconsciously change what your internal critic is saying. Instead of looking in the mirror and noticing your face may be red or inflamed, tell yourself how strong you are.

Here’s another thing to keep in mind — as much as we feel that our acne draws attention to our face and our blemishes, other people don’t notice our skin as much as we do. Psychotherapist Azra Alic dismantled the belief that our acne is visible and obvious to other people through a number of behavioural experiments with her own clients. Turns out, no one really sees your acne the way you see it in yourself.

4. Don’t Accept the Myth That Acne Is “Dirty”

Did you know that the face wash industry itself is worth $22 billion? And yet, despite the exorbitant amount of money spent by consumers on skin-care products, there is still “a great need for more evidence supporting the use of washing and cleansing in acne treatment.” So as a consumer, ask yourself why acne is being equated with being dirty or unclean. Is it all just a marketing effort?

To someone suffering with acne, it can be extremely overwhelming to walk into a Sephora and be ambushed by the amount of clearing, purifying or detoxifying products. It sucks. It’s impossible not to leave feeling like maybe if you bought the more expensive face wash, all your breakouts would go away. We wish we could tell you we have a solution for this but we don’t, because we don’t know what’s best for your skin. Heck, we’re still trying to figure this sh*t out ourselves. Here’s what our founder, Sophie Gray, has to say on finding the right skin care routine for you:

“I spent 8 years at war with my skin. After coming off of birth control, my face was ‘a mess’. I tried everything. And, I mean everything. I spent hundreds of dollars and so much time thinking about my blemishes. After giving up on finding a fix, I focused on building my confidence away from my physical appearance. When I arrived at a secure place, I decided to give skincare products another go. And, what I learned was this…. It. Takes. So. Much. Time. In my spare time, I would watch video after video talking about products, the science behind skincare and dermatologists recommendations. From there, I tried numerous different products and routines before landing on a select few products that actually work for my skin. It’s been a journey, but was much easier mentally after I chose to accept myself as I am, blemished and all.”

5. Unfollow Social Media Accounts That Make You Feel Bad About Your Skin

Social media, particularly Instagram, can be one of the worst platforms for misleading, altered, or even completely fabricated photos. In order for you to become comfortable in your own skin and your realness, we may need to remove the accounts on your socials that cause you to question the beauty of your authenticity.

You will no longer be looking at perfected and edited photos, but rather real people that are confident and unapologetic in their own skin.

When scrolling through the ‘gram ask yourself… Does this person make me feel good about myself? Are these photos damaging my self confidence? Would my life be better if I wasn’t following this account?

6. Follow Skin Positive Influencers

While social media can cause a wide range of problems, it has its benefits. Following acne positive accounts is a great way to make peace with your skin. Seeing people so comfortable in their flaws and unapologetic about their skin is truly inspiring. We’ve followed these accounts to build us up when we’re feeling down about our skin!

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A post shared by Kali | acne positivity (@myfacestory) on Jul 6, 2020 at 5:39am PDT

It’s important to remember that everyone is fighting their own battles every single day. It can seem disheartening to think that our acne is something that defines us, or that it is all that people see when they look at us. So here’s our gentle little reminder: be kind with yourself, your skin, or any other adversities you face. You’re doing great, sweetie.

How to Be a Better Listener

We’re all guilty of this at some point: your friend is telling you a story about something that happened. At first, you’re listening intently like the good friend that you are. But then you get distracted. Your phone lights up with a new text. Your mind starts to wander and suddenly you’re thinking about where you should order takeout tonight. Maybe butter chicken? No, you had that a few nights ago. You know it’s rude but you can’t help it…you reach for your phone to see what it says. Maybe it’s an emergency, you tell yourself. Before you can read it, you realize you’re being an asshole. Didn’t you say you were going to learn how to be a better listener this year??

Ughh.

Meanwhile, you’ve missed 80% of your friend’s story. And now they’re looking at you – waiting for you to chime in. There’s an ahhhh shit moment. You have zero idea what they have just said, and you’re about to look like the Worst. Friend. Ever.

It happens. It’s not that you don’t care about what your friend is sharing with you. It’s just that you’ve got a lot on your mind! But here’s the thing: we all want and deserve to be heard.

So how can we become better listeners? Here are some easy tips.

1. Minimize Distractions

Look, phones are great. We love our phones. They keep us connected to what’s happening literally all over the entire world 24/7. But what about when someone is right in front of you and they’re telling you about how their job is stressing them out and they really, really need to rant about it for a minute… or 10?

Constantly checking notifications during a conversation makes it seem like you’re not interested in what the other person has to say. And being on the receiving end of that, sucks. So keep your phone on silent and face down – it can wait!

2. Take a Pause

Sometimes we get so caught up with what we want to say next in a conversation, that we don’t really hear what the other person is saying. After someone shares something with you, allow a second of pause. Instead of trying to finish their sentence or offer up advice (also, did they even ask for advice?) give the other person a chance to finish their thought.

Think about it. When you’re sharing something with another person, how frustrating can it be when they keep interrupting? Sure, it’s probably not on purpose. But it may feel like they aren’t really listening to you. Let the person speaking have the spotlight!

3. Ask More Questions

One of the best ways to show that you’re really listening to someone is by asking them questions. Obviously, we wanna be genuine here – don’t ask something completely unrelated to the conversation. Instead, ask for more details on that passive aggressive comment their sister made over Thanksgiving. Throwing in something like: “That was a shitty thing to say to you! How did you feel about it?” shows that you’re paying attention. They’ll appreciate your interest and feel like you truly care!

4. Validate Their Feelings

If someone is sharing their inner cluster-fuck of thoughts and feelings with you, validate them. By adding comments like: “I appreciate you sharing that with me, that must have been hard” or “I understand why that really upset you” you’re acknowledging that their feelings matter. All we need sometimes is a little validation!

5. Be Patient

We all have that friend or family member who can talk for daysss. But if they’re telling you something that is clearly important to them, just be patient. If you’re actually in a hurry, ask if you can continue talking about it later so they don’t feel cut off.

6. Share Your Perspective (at the Right Time)

This can be a tricky one. Offering advice or your own take on someone else’s situation can be really helpful – but only if they want it. Sometimes it makes us feel less alone when people share their similar experiences. But other times, we just want a good rant session (okay, a lot of the time).

Before you offer up your hot take, ask the other person if they want to hear it first! Try saying something like: “I have totally been there. Do you want my advice?” Or: “I think I have a suggestion – are you okay with hearing it?” It shows respect for their personal boundaries.

7. Show Interest and Do It Genuinely

Sometimes we think we already know everything about someone. It’s easy to tune out the people in our lives if we start to think: “Meh, I’ve probably heard this before” or “I already know what they’re gonna say.” Try to listen like there’s more to learn – they might surprise you!

8. Be Honest

If you keep zoning out because you have a lot on your mind, be honest! It’s okay to admit when you’re stressed and you just can’t focus. Apologize and let the other person finish their piece, or respectfully ask if you guys can chat when you’re in a better headspace. Give your full attention when you can, and they’ll return the favour when it’s your turn to vent!

Listening can be tough. It might take some practice, but it’s definitely a skill that’s worthwhile. Your relationships will come out stronger than ever! And chances are, your good habits will rub off on those around you.