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Feeling Aware: A Guide to Your Emotions

Feeling aware? Hey, that’s pretty cool. You probably feel pretty perceptive to the things around you. Better yet, you may feel super in touch with your own thoughts and feelings! And that’s not always easy. It can be a struggle to understand our emotions and where they’re coming from. But right now, you might feel like you have a clear picture of what’s going on in the old noggin’.

Maybe you’re also feeling aware of the thoughts and feelings of other people, paying close attention to their body language and listening to what they’re saying. Someone might come to you with a problem, and you’re able to see things from their point of view. You can understand where their hurt, frustration, anger or sadness is coming from, and you also show them empathy. Becoming aware of your feelings and the feelings of other people can have great benefits to your relationships and help you form strong connections. Isn’t that what we all want?!

Becoming more aware of our emotions and having the tools to cope with them is pretty amazing. It never hurts to learn more about ourselves and what works for us! Let’s dive thru feeling emotionally aware and how it can improve your mental wellbeing!

A Deeper Look at Feeling Aware

First thing’s first, what does it really mean to be aware? APA Dictionary defines awareness as: “n. perception or knowledge of something.”

Sooo, what does it mean to be aware of our emotions? Well, in psychology it’s known as emotional awareness or emotional intelligence. According to research, people who are emotionally intelligent have four components: the ability to perceive emotions (notice body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, etc.), reasoning with emotions (helps us prioritize what needs our attention), understanding emotions (interpreting the root cause of the emotion), and managing emotions (regulating and responding appropriately). We develop emotional intelligence over the span of our lives and can improve our relationships, our mental wellbeing and overall quality of life. Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be learned, but it does come easier for some.

Obviously, some people have higher emotional intelligence than others. People with low emotional intelligence tend to get into arguments a lot, have poor listening skills, blame others for everything and are more prone to emotional outbursts. They also have poor coping skills for dealing with their emotions, either suppressing their feelings or walking away from the problem instead of resolving it. Hmm, we probably have run into someone like this a time or two. Okay, let’s be real… we’ve all been this person at some point. Emotions are hard, okay?! But there’s good news: anyone can learn emotional awareness. It can be challenging and take some time, but we 10/10 recommend learning as much as you can. It’ll do wonders for your mental wellbeing!

Emotional Intelligence IRL

Now, how can you use emotional awareness in your daily life?! We’re so glad you asked. Here’s a few simple ways to become more emotionally intelligent in real life:

– Practice active listening skills

– Show empathy to others

– Maintain personal boundaries

– Regulate your emotions before reacting

– Build your communication skills

These are just a few ways to become more emotionally aware, but there’s always much more to learn! Awareness starts with education, so try to build your knowledge as much as possible. There are tons of resources out there (including our lil’ website here at DiveThru) to guide you along as you learn more about emotions. We all gotta start somewhere, so don’t be intimated to start!

How Feeling Aware Shows Up Mentally

There are lots of ways feeling aware shows up mentally. Maybe you’re curious and want to understand more about your own feelings. Or you might want to strengthen your relationships and feel more connected to others. It could be that you want to find ways to cope with anxiety, depression or stress, and you believe that understanding where your emotions come from and how you react to different citations will be really beneficial.

Now that we have a better sense of how awareness shows up, let’s look at how it improves our mental wellbeing. Being able to process our emotions and manage them can obviously improve our mental state, like a lot. The better we can predict our reactions and how something will potentially make us feel, the better we can find ways to control and cope. Emotional awareness can help manage many mental illnesses including:

– Depression

– Anxiety

– Dissociation

– Borderline personality disorder

– Eating disorders

– Substance abuse and addiction

If you feel like you have difficulty managing or coping with your emotions, or like your emotions are out of control, it would be beneficial to seek professional help from a therapist. It can be hard to navigate your emotions on your own! And if your wellbeing is suffering, there’s no need to face it alone.

How Feeling Aware Shows Up Physically

When we feel more aware physically, we might pay more attention to things around us. We engage all of our senses: what we can hear, smell, taste, touch and see. One sign of alertness is actually when our pupils dilate. It’s like our eyes want us to take in as much information as possible! As far as noticing others’ emotions, we might become more aware of their body language, as their tone of voice and how they speak. Even without the other person saying “I feel upset” out loud, we as humans are pretty good at picking up those physical cues!

Becoming aware of your emotions is also beneficial to your physical health. If you can perceive and manage your feelings, that means you’re probablyyy on the right track as far as managing your stress, too. And we know what lower stress means:

– Reduced blood pressure

– Lower cortisol levels

– Improved sleep

– Better immune system

– More likely to stay hydrated and nourished

We strongly believe that your mental and physical health are closely tied. You can’t ignore one or the other!

5 Ways to Increase Awareness

Looking for ways to improve your awareness but aren’t sure where to start? Don’t worry, we’ve got your back. Here are some strategies to help boost awareness:

1. Practice deep breathing

This is a tried and true method to improve focus and awareness. Try it with us now: breathe innn, and breathe outtt. Taking a moment to focus on your breathing has actually been proven to lower anxiety and reduce stress. Plus, deep breathing slows your heart rate and provides your brain with enough oxygen to gain a sense of calm.

2. Journal

Emotional awareness is alllll about perception and understanding. This makes journaling a great practice for gaining insight into how you feel! Try writing down your thoughts and feelings to not only better understand where they’re coming from, but how you can reframe and counter any negative thoughts that might arise. Try it out, we guarantee you’ll learn more about yourself than you thought possible!

3. Progressive muscle relaxation

This might be a new one for you, but we highly recommend trying it out! This technique involves tensing a group of muscles as you breathe in, and then relaxing them while you breathe out. It’s been proven to reduce stress and anxiety, making you feel more calm and clear-headed. Repeat as needed!

4. Engage in something soothing and comforting

When you become more aware and understanding of your emotions, you’ll know when you need to be comforted. Spend time with your pet by cuddling them or taking them on a walk. Touch something comforting like your fave cozy blanket. Brew some tea or your drink of choice. Find whichever method or activity is right for you in the moment!

5. Practice meditation

This practice is another great way to elevate your emotional awareness. Meditation is a method that’s been used to relieve stress and improve mental clarity since, like… forever. It allows us to slowww down and shift our mindset. If you’re not sure how to meditate, start out with a guided practice!

That’s all for now, friend. We hope you find these tips helpful and that we’ve inspired you to learn more about emotional awareness. ‘Cause if there’s one thing we love, it’s learning about alllll the feels!

Why Saying ‘Just Get Over It’ Undermines Anxiety Disorders

Anxiety disorders are complicated. There’s no easy fix to feeling anxious and it’s hard for people who don’t understand anxiety to comprehend why it can be so debilitating. Because these people don’t really know how to react when someone is anxious, they can end up saying some really hurtful things. The last thing that you want to hear from someone is to “just get over it.” Ugh! Gut-wrenching!

Statements like this often come from well-meaning friends and family who don’t totally understand what anxiety feels like and what it is. It’s not as simple as “putting it out of our mind” or “calming down.” If it was, we wouldn’t have anxiety!

Having someone say “just stop worrying” invalidates so many emotions that a person has while experiencing anxiety. It’s not something that people can easily get over because it’s a physiological response to stress.

Anxiety is a chemical thing and it affects the wholeeee brain. There’s a reason that many people feel better when they’re on anti-anxiety medications. That’s because the meds help balance out the brain’s chemicals and bring them to a state of equilibrium.

Opening up about anxiety disorders isn’t easy! It’s a really vulnerable and raw part of ourselves that a lot of us try and push away. Crying in front of someone is hard enough, but having anxiety or a panic attack can feel like you’re bearing your soul to another person.

When you share your anxiety with someone, this means that you have an immense amount of trust in this person. But when this person says to “just get over it” it feels like your emotions don’t count or aren’t worthy of being experienced.

8 Ways to Respond to ‘Just Get Over It’

Dismissing someone’s experience also reinforces the idea that the mental health issues they’re facing aren’t worthy of being treated with therapy or medication. If you can just “get over it,” then it’s not thaaaat bad, right?

That’s absolute crap! You should be able to feel however you need to feel in order to dive thru what you’re going thru. Your emotions ARE valid and your anxiety isn’t something to be discounted.

We’re going to help you out by giving you a few things to say when someone invalidates your anxiety. Hopefully, these phrases can help you combat any future crap anyone says to you.

1. “Please don’t say that. I really need your support right now.”

This shifts the focus back onto the person that has just told you to get over it. By asking for their help, it will hopefully get them to spring into action and support you how you need to be supported.

Asking for their help will let them see that you’re going through something that you can’t always handle on your own and that you trust this other person enough to assist you in a really vulnerable moment.

2. “Anxiety is something I can’t control. Saying things like that really hurts.”

People might not know or understand that you can’t control your anxiety. Remind them of this!

Also, communicating how their words impacted you will hopefully help them realize that words hurt. They might think that what they say isn’t that big of a deal, but it is to you. Hold them accountable in a kind way to help them realize that you need love and support when it comes to your anxiety — not criticism.

3. “My mental health deserves to be treated with as much respect as my physical health.”

Mental health is just as important as physical health! This can be a hard concept to convey to some people because not everyone sees it that way.

Saying this phrase will hopefully remind the person you’re speaking with that you consider your mental health to matter as much as your physical health. They might not, but you do, and that should be respected by them.

4. “You can’t see what I’m dealing with inside my head.”

They won’t know your experiences because they can’t feel what you do. Mental health is considered to be an invisible struggle because you can’t see how someone feels. Remind this person that they really have no idea what you’re going through, and just because they can’t see it doesn’t mean that it’s not real.

5. “Science proves that anxiety is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.”

If none of these phrases have worked, hit ‘em with the facts! It’s been proven time and time again that anxiety is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. There’s nothing that you can do about it. Your brain is just trying its best.

6. “Instead of saying things like that, I’d prefer that you ask how you can support me.”

Correct them! It’s like training an animal. Instead of allowing negative behaviour to continue, correct them with what you want them to say instead.

This also gives them a literal script for what to say to you the next time that you need help with your anxiety. Keep reminding them of this and reinforcing that instead of telling you that your anxiety isn’t “that bad,” they can ask you how you need to be supported instead.

7. “Please try to understand what I’m going through. It’s extremely hard for me to manage sometimes.”

This statement is useful because it directly asks the other person to have more compassion for your situation. The downside to asking this is that the person you’re speaking to might not see anxiety as something to be compassionate about.

However, that’s their problem to bear and not yours.

8. Describe how you feel.

This might be hard for you to do because it can be painful to vocalize what you’re feeling inside. But if all else fails and you feel like the person you’re speaking with STILL doesn’t get it, tell them how you feel.

Maybe after describing your emotional state, they’ll become more empathetic and compassionate to your situation. Showing them the truest form of your mental state might be the only thing that gets them to understand and send a little bit more love your way.

When someone doesn’t accept your mental health struggles or show understanding and compassion, it can hurt soooo badly. The best thing that you can do at this point is to try to accept that they won’t be able to meet your emotional needs.

Maybe this is because they don’t have any problems that affect their mental health or they were raised in a way where mental wellness wasn’t a priority. Either way, try to remember that your emotions, feelings, and anxieties are valid and that you’re worthy of seeking treatment and help.

No one should tell you that your feelings aren’t real, and we are so sorry that happened to you. Stay strong, believe in yourself, and reach out to people who you know will support you. You’ve got this!

How to Tell Someone Your Pronouns

Telling someone about your pronouns and asking them to use them can be a bit scary, especially if you’ve identified with a different set of pronouns before!

To make it a tiny bit less intimidating, let’s break it down into different scenarios. Asking the people in your life to use new pronouns, and even a new name, can actually be pretty simple (if you’re in a safe place to do so, obviously)! If you don’t quite know where to start or how to say it, come here you sweet baby angel. We’ve got you!

It doesn’t matter if you’re coming out for the first time or the millionth time (because let’s be honest, we never really stop coming out), it can be nerve-wracking if you aren’t sure what to say or what others’ reactions will be.

You might want to tell your coworkers, friends, classmates, peers, family, strangers, or even your pizza delivery guy your new pronouns and new name. But if you aren’t sure how to start this conversation and need a script, look no further! Actually, look a little further because we’re going to tell you what to say below.

1. Telling Your Friends & Family Your Pronouns

This scary (and exciting!) endeavour is probably going to be your first step in asking someone to use your pronouns. Whether you decide to start with your friends or with your family, you might find the script below useful to guide those conversations. We won’t be mad if you adjust it to suit you best! Actually we would really love that <3

What to Say:

Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I am changing my pronouns (and name if that applies). I’ve felt this way for a really long time and I feel the most like my true self when I use *insert pronouns here.* I would really appreciate it if you started using these pronouns too. I know there will definitely be an adjustment period and that it will take some getting used to, but I would feel really loved and supported if you used them.

2. When You’re Meeting Someone New

When meeting someone for the first time, you get to introduce yourself however you want! It’s a totally clean slate! We’re gonna give you an example of what to say, but this is really your time to shine and make that first impression however you want to!

What to Say:

Hi! My name is ___. I use ___ pronouns.

That’s it! Simple. Easy. Straight to the point!

3. When Running Into an Old Acquaintance

Now, let’s think about the opposite situation — you’ve run into someone that you haven’t seen in a while. This could be a doctor, a high school friend, a cousin. Anyone! They might deadname you (hopefully they won’t but they might), so this is your chance to reintroduce yourself to them and make your identity known.

What to Say:

Hey! It’s great to see you. I actually go by *insert name* and use *insert pronouns* now by the way. I don’t identify with my old name and pronouns anymore and I’d really appreciate it if you can use my new ones and new name instead!

4. Correcting Someone Using the Wrong Pronouns

Now, time to talk about the really shitty scenarios. If someone in your life is intentionally deadnaming you and using the wrong pronouns, that’s a hard situation to navigate. You’ll probably feel a million emotions all at once, and we’ll be the first to tell you that all of them are totally valid! Having your identity dismissed can be super painful. So, we’ll give you a little script of what to say in these tricky situations because it can be hard to keep your cool and think on your feet.

What to Say:

I just want you to know that when you use my deadname and my wrong pronouns, it really hurts me. If you don’t know what to say when referring to me sometimes, just ask. I’ll give you options, but please always use my new name and my proper pronouns.

If you’re ever in a situation where you are being bullied, harassed, threatened, or made to feel unsafe in any way, the best thing to say is, unfortunately, nothing.

As much as you’ll want to stand up for yourself and defend your identity, sometimes staying safe in a situation is the most important thing. We care about you too much to let anything happen to you!

We recommend that you practice these scenarios and little scripts. That way you are never caught off guard and know how to navigate the situation with confidence! Because you deserve to feel confident as fuck and we want to help you feel that way.

Going through the world as an individual whose gender identity has changed or is changing isn’t simple. Not even remotely. It requires an incredibleeee level of strength that we know is within you.

Remember, it’s important to be kind to yourself each and every day. It takes a fuck-ton (yes, that’s an actual unit of measurement according to us) of courage to live your life authentically and truthfully.

We are so proud of you for waking up each and every day and choosing to honour who you are. You’re a badass!

Teaching Kids Self-Love and Creating a Healthy Body Image

Kids don’t start thinking about how their body looks until someone points out something “wrong” with it (we’re gonna use a lot of air quotes in this article by the way, so BUCKLE UP!). No five-year-old kid looks at themselves in the mirror and sees “too much” or “too little” of anything unless they’re taught to see themselves that way. From an early age, it’s important to teach kids what body image is, and how they can create a healthy body image. That way, when they’re faced with comparison or with the idea that how they look “isn’t right,” they’ll be confident and prepared to deal with future negative comments and not take them to heart.

There’s been a shift in messages from the media (finally!!) that suggests people should love themselves as they are and should deconstruct the previous negative messages they’ve been told about their body. Notice we said a shift, not an overhaul. Those negative messages are still there so why not teach kids to accept themselves unconditionally at a really young age? Let’s do it before those negative messages get too indoctrinated into a person’s belief system!

But how do we do that? We’ll tell you!

Body Positivity Versus Body Neutrality

Let’s get one thing straight before we get into the list: it’s okay not to love your body every single day. We all have days where we feel insecure! And sometimes, body image issues make us really struggle to love our bodies. If loving your body doesn’t feel right, you can try to aim for body neutrality instead.

Quick explanation: body neutrality is the idea that people should try to accept their bodies, even when they don’t love them. It’s more focused on what our body does for us, like letting us move around, listen to music, and live our lives everyday. When your kids are finding it hard to love how they look, try to teach them to accept their bodies for what they can do.

Okay, on to the list!

1. Don’t Say Negative Things About Yourself

It can be hard to look in the mirror and not pick yourself apart. For years, you’ve been told that a person should look a certain way because society tells us what that “normal” or “standard” body is supposed to look like. Except there’s nothing standard about those images. It’s all a lie. If you’ve given birth, you’ve probably seen commercials or ads for creams and oils that reduce the appearance of stretch marks, or magazine covers telling you how to get back to your pre-baby body.

It can be hard to change the voice that’s in your head, but try your best to do that. Your kids will look at you and see how you view and treat your body. They’ll mirror your actions and your attitude towards yourself.

Show your kids that you need time for yourself too! Do some self-care, set some boundaries with your kids, and show them that it’s important to put yourself first sometimes. When you show them how important it is to care for yourself, your kiddos will grow up understanding that as well.

If you show that you love yourself, your kids will follow your lead and treat themselves with love too! And when self-love doesn’t feel right, self-acceptance will work just fine. It sounds really simple, but it’s really effective.

2. Validate Your Kids’ Insecurities, Then Teach Positivity

You know how we mentioned that little voice in our heads that loves to pick us apart? Kids get down days, too. If they come to you with their insecurities, it’s important to validate their feelings. Rather than forcing a positive mindset (remember the bit about body neutrality?), tell them it’s okay that they feel that way. Sometimes, validation is enough to make them feel better! Then, when they feel validated, you can work on teaching self-love.

Dr. Carrie Jackson has some great self-talk tips, along with more advice for teaching kids about healthy body image, in her course “Teaching Kids To Be Comfortable In Their Bodies” in the DiveThru app. Check out her videos for advice on examining media with your kids, teaching kids positive self-talk, and confronting how your own body image issues might impact your child.

3. Give Them Praise

This is a great way to show your child that you’re proud of them! This will make them feel super warm and fuzzy inside because praise shows them that they did a good job and made you proud!

However, you should be mindful of a couple of things:

Don’t over-praise: praising them too much kind of diminishes the purpose of praise in the first place. It starts to sound empty and fake after a while. If your kid does poorly at a soccer match, say something like, “I know you had a rough game today, but I’m still really proud of you for trying your best. That’s all that matters.”

Don’t only praise results: if your child comes home with an A on a quiz, amazing! Great for them! But don’t just praise the result of their efforts. Praise their efforts too. Did they have a good attitude about losing a game? Did they try really hard on a project or practice their guitar a lot for a recital? Praise the work that they put into something, not the end result.

4. Make an “I Love Myself” Jar

This is such a great way to teach your child to love themselves! Every day, have your kids write down something that they love about themselves on a piece of paper. If they’re not feeling the self-love that day, they can try something more neutral. Then, put it in a jar. You can decorate this jar howeeeevverrr they want to make it fun and special for them to have. At the end of every week, or every two weeks (you get to decide when to do this), you can open up the jar and read all the really nice things that your kids wrote about themselves.

Not only are they reinforcing their self-image every day, but they get a jackpot of love when they read all their messages all at once! They’re reminded why they’re so awesome and why they should love themselves every single day! Eventually, they’ll begin to hold onto those messages and keep them inside as they face a world that tells them the way they are is not good enough. They’ll remember why they’re good enough because of this exercise!

5. Watch Videos on Self-Love and Self-Esteem Together

Watching other people talk about self-love and self-esteem might make your kid realize, “Hey, this is an actual thing and not something that my parents made up!” It gives it a little bit more gravity and legitimacy to the concept you’re trying to teach.

YouTube is a fantastic resource that’s full of awesome videos about this subject. They have tons of videos for kids and parents on just about anything you can think of!

We did some YouTube deep diving of our own and found some videos on self-love that might be a good place to start for your family:

Hopefully these tips and resources help you teach your kids how to love who they are and establish a healthy body image early on. We know that they’re amazing, kind, smart, talented, and loving kids. Now, it’s just time to help them see that for themselves!

8 Ways to Avoid Losing Yourself in a Relationship

Relationships are wonderful. Being in a relationship can feel like you get to hang out and make out with your best friend all the time. It’s pretty great! But that can sometimes become our whoooole world! You don’t connect with your friends as much, you stop doing activities you love, all because you’re totally infatuated with this one person. You might even feel like you’re losing yourself in a relationship, which can be a little unsettling.

And we knowwww how exciting it is when you’re first starting to combine your life with another person. Love can be like a pair of magical glasses that you put on and the world around you seems to change. Colours seem brighter, food tastes better, the songs on the radio finally make sense! It’s awesome.

Of course, you’re going to be head over heels with this person at first! The honeymoon stage is a real thing. But the important thing to remember is to not lose yourself in this new and magical endeavour or lose who you were before you entered into this relationship. How do you do that? Let’s dive thru it!

1. Prioritize Yourself

Self care is still so important when you’re in a relationship. It means that you’re still looking after you. Self care could come in the form of keeping up with your passions, staying true to your goals, and continuing to do what you enjoy.

Don’t rely on another person to fulfill you. You’ll find that you have so much in common and you looooove doing things together! Which is awesome! But you still need to fulfill your own needs by staying true to yourself and what you love. Fulfilment can come from many different parts of our lives, so just because we are content romantically doesn’t mean that we won’t eventually need to feel content in other areas of our lives as well.

2. Don’t Replace “I” with “We”

Remember that you are still an individual no matter how long you and your partner have been together. If you’re invited somewhere, like JUST you, don’t assume that your partner is invited too. If you like chocolate, don’t say “We love chocolate!”

You are both your own people and have your own interests and likes. Try to keep your identities separate from each other (even though you’ll feel like you share a brain sometimes).

3. Don’t Compromise Too Much

Obviously, it’s good to compromise in a relationship to accommodate the people in it, but what’s not ok is if you’re the only one making these sacrifices.

Soon the little things become everything and you don’t have yourself shining through anymore. It’s important to know when to bend in a relationship, but make sure you don’t bend so much that you break. (and if you feel like you’re being pushed to that breaking point, maybe give our article about relationship red flags a quick read.)

4. Keep Seeing Your Friends and Family

Combining your life with someone new is so exciting and wonderful! Meeting their family and friends can be nerve-wracking the first time, but soon it feels like you’re part of the gang.

Even though these new people you’re meeting are kind, fun, and you get along great, don’t forget about your own friends and family. It’s natural to want to hang out with your partner all the time, but your loved ones probably miss you!

5. Do Things Without Your Partner

Keep connecting with yourself and your own likes without your partner participating in activities with you.

Maybe you love to go for runs in the morning, but your partner doesn’t. Keep going for those runs! Perhaps you love to go bowling with your friends every Saturday but your partner is terrible at bowling and doesn’t want to go. That’s ok! You can keep going bowling with your pals because that allows you to both connect with your friends and yourself.

6. Have Boundaries

Having boundaries will also help you maintain your sense of self. They protect who you are and your identity. Just be sure to communicate your boundaries with your partner so that they can know what they are and respect them.

Healthy boundaries can help you feel stronger, confident, and empowered within yourself and your relationship. If you don’t have any boundaries, you’ll feel the exact opposite! You’ll feel drained, exhausted, and honestly, kind of defeated.

It is completelyyyyy reasonable to have boundaries in a relationship. Everyone has things that they will and won’t tolerate from another person, and that’s ok! You shouldn’t be expected to sacrifice your boundaries just because someone wants you to.

7. Communicate

Everyone always says that open, honest, and kind communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and we agree! Don’t be afraid to tell your partner how you feel. If you think that you’re losing yourself in the relationship, don’t be afraid to say something about it. Maybe you and your partner could find things to do separately and inspire each other to find cool things to do on your own.

Talking openly with your partner can be scary because you don’t know how they’ll react and you hate to hurt their feelings. But if they really care about you, they’ll support you and your needs as much as you support theirs.

8. Stay True to Yourself

Don’t change who you are and try to be someone you’re not. Maybe you hate sports but your partner is allll about them. This is one of those scenarios where “fake it ‘till you make it” does not apply. It’s not in your best interest to try and act like you think they want you to. Be honest with yourself and your partner about who you are.

Otherwise, you’re going to end up faking who you are and you’ll probably be soooo miserable if you have to sit through sports games every day and wear a jersey for a team you don’t even know the name of.

Take a minute and think back on your current and past relationships. How have you given parts of yourself? How can you get them back? Take ownership of who you are and be confident with yourself. Your partner will still love you no matter who you are and will be proud of you for being true to who you are. We’ll be proud of you too!

How to Ask for a Mental Health Day From Work

Sometimes, we just need to take a mental health day from work. Our brains can only take so much before they need a break. Looking after your mental health is so important, so don’t feel guilty about it! It’s just as important as your physical health. We know that sounds super cheesy and that people say this all the time, but it’s true! If your mind isn’t cared for, you can’t care for the rest of your body.

A lot of us feel no shame when it comes to talking about our mental health with our friends and people we trust. We also love talking about therapy. And the topic of mental health and needing a mental health day shouldn’t be considered a taboo subject anymore!

The only problem is that a lot of us feel awkward when it comes to asking for a mental health day from work. We want to prove to our bosses that we’re good employees and that we care about our jobs, but a lot of us feel guilty when calling in and asking for a mental health day. It’s been drilled into us that if we aren’t physically sick, we should still be able to go to work. But you shouldn’t feel that way!

Most employers these days are pretty understanding if you ask for a mental health day, but it can still be scary to approach them. So, if you aren’t sure how to ask for a mental health day or if you don’t know how, we’ve got you covered.

1. Don’t Say More Than You Need To

If you don’t want to have to explain why you need a mental health day, then don’t. Sometimes shit gets really personal, and if you don’t want to talk to your employer about what’s going on, you’re not obligated to!

If they ask you why you need a mental health day, you can just say that you don’t feel comfortable talking about it. If they press you for more info, that’s kind of weird in our opinion.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation about why you need a mental health day. Including your boss!

2. Keep It Short

You don’t have to tell a whole story to your boss to justify why you need a mental health day. You can simply say, “Hey, I need a mental health day. Do you mind if I take today off?”

Short. Sweet. To the point. They’ll likely say yes anyway, so you don’t need to tell them all the details about your situation. They’ll probably be sympathetic regardless of how much they know or don’t know. So just keep it simple!

3. Be Direct

Don’t skirt around the issue and be sheepish about it. Just say what you need to say — your boss will appreciate the honesty. Being direct also prevents there from being any miscommunication between the two of you. That way, they don’t think that you’re still coming in to work. Clarity is key!

4. Ask as Soon as You Can

The sooner you ask to take a mental health day, the sooner you can get things prepped in case anyone has to take over some of your duties at work. This way, you don’t end up putting anyone in a tough position at work.

Asking sooner will also alleviate the stress of having to ask for a mental health day. Many of us get really anxious when we have to talk to a person of authority (especially our bosses), so having to ask for a mental health day can seem like a really stressful thing to do.

But, the sooner you ask, the more time you’ll have to rest and recoup.

5. Practice What You’re Going to Say

If you’re nervous about talking to your boss, practice what you’re going to say first. That way you won’t trip up on your words and will know exactly what you’re going to say and how to say it.

Doing this gives you a little more confidence going into the conversation because you won’t have to improv your way through it. You’ll be prepared and scripted!

6. Write Out a List of Reasons Why You Need Your Mental Health Day

Write down a list of reasons why you need a mental health day. Have it nearby while calling your boss to ask for a mental health day. That way, if they try to get you to come in, you have your list there to remind you why you’re asking for this day off.

This list can be for your eyes only! It can just be there as a reminder for you to stand your ground and make your boundaries clear. You deserve a break!

7. Think of Possible Reactions and Have Responses Ready

Although we like to believe that your boss will be understanding, there is the possibility that they won’t. Prepare for every possible scenario just in case. That way, you’re never caught off guard and know exactly how to communicate what you need for yourself.

8. You Don’t Have to Say It’s for Mental Health

You don’t have to say that you need a mental health day if you aren’t comfortable disclosing that. You could say something along these lines instead:

I don’t feel well today.

I have a migraine.

I think I have the flu.

If saying that you need a mental health day is causing you more stress and anxiety than if you were to take a sick day, then take a sick day! Only disclose what you’re comfortable with.

Asking for a mental health day from work shouldn’t be something you’re afraid to do. It’s actually really brave and incredibly commendable that you’re asking. If no one in your office has ever taken a mental health day before, you’re actually blazing a trail for them!

Does Therapy Work? Yes, and It’s Awesome

In our opinion, therapy is one of the BEST ways to help you divethru anything you might be facing in your life. These problems could be anywhere on the scale from “this is the worst fucking thing that’s ever happened to me” to “I don’t know how to tell my sister to stop borrowing my shit.” Your therapist is there to offer judgment-free advice and basically be a professional guide walking you through the vast and confusing forest of mental health. In this article, we talk about a common question that Google hears every day…does therapy work?

The answer is yes, and (in our humble opinion) therapy is the best thing ever. It is so much more than reclining on a couch and clinically talking through your symptoms.

But what exactly can therapy help you do? Let’s find out.

Therapy Helps You Work Through Intense Emotions

Feeling overwhelmed with emotions can be a really scary experience. Suddenly, out of nowhere, BOOM! You start crying. We’ve had that happen… More than once.

We can be overcome with feelings we don’t know how to process and end up giving ourselves emotional whiplash.

It can be hard trying to understand why you’re feeling a certain way and what the cause of it is. None of us WANT to feel incredibly sad, but sometimes it just happens. Whether or not you know the root cause of your emotions, a therapist can help you face it head-on in a safe and supportive space.

They can also give you tools to keep in your back pocket to use when intense emotions do come up. These coping strategies can basically be custom made to fit you and your situation (ooooh, how fancy). If you find that one technique isn’t working as well as you’d like, that’s ok! Your therapist has a million other ways to help you divethru what you’re going thru.

Therapy Helps You Process Trauma

Trauma can come in the form of a breakup, loss of a loved one, or even being fired from a job. Anything you might be struggling to process, your therapist is there to help!

Some people like to try and push these feelings deeeep down inside of them so that they never have to feel them again. But imagine if these emotions were a passenger in the backseat of your car. You can try to ignore what they’re saying, but you’ll never be able to block them out completely. Eventually, this passenger is going to get REALLY loud and you won’t be able to ignore them anymore.

So, the moral of the story is don’t ignore your feelings. Talk it out with a therapist instead. Emotions can be heavy for one person to carry all on their own.

Therapy Means Advice From an Expert

Venting to your friends about your problems can feel really good, but for some reason, it just hits different when you talk to a professional about your issues.

This might be because they’re an objective third party in your life, they’ve gone to school for years and years to study science-backed approaches, or maybe because you’re able to speak freely in a safe space about anything you need to. Yes, anything!

Therapists can give you advice that helps you see improvements in your mental health. Your friends can be a great sounding board for your thoughts, but therapists know how to guide you through your emotions so that you’re able to process them in a healthy way. This is extremely important if your quality of life is being affected by a mental health concern. There’s no shame in the therapy game so do like Pete Davidson does and get the support you need.

Therapy Helps You Rediscover What Makes You Happy

With some mental health issues, like depression and anxiety, you can lose interest in the things that used to bring you joy. We can feel bogged down by our emotions if they become too much to bear on our own.

A therapist can help you fall back in love with your favourite things by sharing the weight of your emotional load. This will help free up space in your heart and mind for the things that you love. As you move through therapy, your mental health will improve, and you will reconnect with your excitement for the things that you love!

They’re There Specifically for You

When you see a therapist, they’re there specifically to help you. Yes, you! They will move at your pace, they won’t push you too far, they’re there to listen, and never EVER judge.

You can talk about whatever you want, and your therapist will listen. They’ll truly listen! If you think your problems are too small to talk about, a therapist won’t see it that way. Any issue that you have, no matter the size, is one that the two of you can work through together.

If you don’t have any issues to talk to your therapist about one week, they can be there to just help you celebrate your awesome wins!

It can feel amazing to have a trusted partner in crime… Wait… Not crime… Trusted partner in mental health? Sure. We’ll go with that.

Everyone Needs Therapy

You read that right. Yes, everyone. Therapy doesn’t have to be limited to just improving a serious mental health concern. It can help you improve your communication, your relationships, help you advance your career, or become a better partner or parent.

Seeing a therapist doesn’t have to be reserved for the times when you’re struggling the most. They can help improve the already fantastic life you’re living! This will sound corny as hell, but it truly is a great way to help you achieve your full potential and help you become the best version of yourself.

Some people view going to therapy as a sign of weakness, or as an admission that something is “wrong” with them. But we’re here to tell you that way of thinking is BANANAS! There is no shame when it comes to getting professional help. If you feel uncomfortable with telling people that you’re in therapy, you don’t have to tell them. It’s your business, not anyone else’s! But we can almost guarantee that you’ll be shouting from the rooftops how fucking awesome therapy is once you try it.

How to Practice Self-Care After Coming Out

The anxiety around coming out can really take a toll on your wellbeing. It’s not as easy as running out into the street, arms wide open, screaming “I’M GAAAAAYYYYY!” and calling it a day. Chances are, you sat down with someone you trust and had a super personal, vulnerable conversation about it. Which is a-m-a-z-i-n-g, by the way! But remember all of those feelings and nerves that were building up over time? The sleepless nights you spent tossing and turning, wondering: How will my life change when I come out? Yeahhh… that was a lot, huh?

Now that you have officially come out, maybe you just wanna move on with your life and be your true, authentic self. We get it! Buuut hold on a sec. You’ve been holding that part of you inside for so long, and it wasn’t easy. Maybe you doubted yourself, questioned how you really felt, and dealt with a lottttt of negative self-talk while coming into your sexuality. On top of that, you might have also struggled with how and when you would finally say those words. Not to mention, what your friends and family would say. Ughhh SO. MANY. EMOTIONS.

Speaking of this emotional rollercoaster, it’s time to look after YOU and practice some self-care. You might be thinking: Thanks so much, but what self-care will help me take care of myself mentally while coming out? We’re so glad you asked!

Here are some ways to practice self-care after coming out.

1. Keep Your Support Team Close

Sooo, you’ve come out. Not sure what’s next or where you fit in now? That’s okay! You have loved ones who accept you and love you for who you are, no matter what. They’ll be there for the ups and downs, and won’t make you feel any different after coming out. There’s no need to bury anything deep inside anymore. You can finally share things with them that you’ve been holding back, making your relationships that much stronger. And that’s pretty great! Give them a hug and talk to them about that stuff that you’ve always wanted to.

2. Set Boundaries When Needed

Even though you might feel super lucky to have the people in your life show support after coming out, their support can also feel totally overwhelming. Ah, the flip side of the coin! If there are things you’re not ready to talk about yet, or you’re not comfortable with your bestie setting you up with their gay cousin (even though they are pretty cute), guess what? That’s okay! You, and only you, get to decide what you’re comfortable with right now. Just because you’re technically out, doesn’t mean you wanna focus on it 24/7 or jump head-first into the dating scene. So make the people in your life aware of your boundaries!

3. Try Not to Take All Reactions Personally

This is a tough one, because some reactions might suck more than others. Maybe there was an awkward silence that dragged on foreverrr. Or they might have been like, “Duh, I knew that!” and then conversation was over. They might not have really shown any reaction at all, meanwhile you were sitting there thinking: Wait… they heard me say that I’m gay, right?

It can be weird, but sometimes people need time to process what you’ve told them. They might have been surprised, or just didn’t know in the moment what to say. That doesn’t mean they don’t support you and that your relationship with them will change. Some people aren’t the best at communicating their feelings, so try not to take it personally. Coming out was still brave of you, and we’re so proud!

Also, any negative reactions you get? Don’t take those personally, either. Those are not people you need in your life. And the ones who do accept you are gonna be there, always.

4. Keep a Journal

If you don’t journal already, we highly recommend it! (Did we mention we have an app for that?) Write about your experience with coming out: who you told, when you told them, and where. Put down how it felt to say the words out loud and how they reacted. Whether the experience was what you hoped for or not, it’s gonna feel great to put those emotions on paper. Maybe one day, you’ll wanna look back on those entries to see how far you’ve come! Grab a pen, a journal, and let. it. out.

5. Find a Mentor

Maybe there is someone in your office or class who is part of the LGBTQ+ community, or maybe there is someone in your local community who you’ve been following on social media. Finding someone who’s been out for longer than you have can be really helpful when you’re navigating this new journey. As their protégé, they’ll give you advice, share their experiences and introduce you to other people in the community. We could all use a little guidance. So don’t be shy! Reach out. They’ve been in your position and would probably love to help you out.

6. Move at Your Own Pace

Now that you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, maybe you’re not sure where you fit in. Reading up on the history, the culture, the movements, and participating in events like Pride Month can be a lot to take in as someone who is newly out. There’s a whole new world and group of diverse people that you’re aligning with, and that’s super exciting! But it can also be really overwhelming and intimidating so we want to make sure that you move at your own pace. Keep checking in with yourself to see how you’re feeling about all of the excitement and give yourself time to process all the emotions coming up.

7. Keep Learning About Yourself

Now that you’re open with your sexual identity, you might be feeling like: Okay… now what? Good news! This is a great chance for you to try new things that you never let yourself do before you came out. Maybe you’ve always wanted to rock a rainbow knit sweater or express yourself by styling your hair a certain way. Or maybe there have been clubs and hobbies you’ve been wanting to join, but you held yourself back until now. You weren’t ready to draw attention to yourself or have anyone draw conclusions about your sexuality based on your looks, the music you like, or what you like to do for fun. Not that anyone should be doing that, but you know people. If you feel comfortable exploring those interests now, we’re so so excited for you!

8. Meet New People in the Community

If you don’t have anyone one in your life who can relate to you, expanding your friendships to the LGBTQ+ community is a great idea! Plus, you might be able to have conversations you’re not ready to have with your straight friends yet. You’ll learn so much about yourself when you’re surrounded by people who make you feel 100% comfortable as you are. Honestly, self care after coming out can also look like this. It’s about asking yourself what you might need in that moment and then doing your best to give yourself that. This could be meeting a new group or it could be spending time with yourself! It’s your call!

We hope these post-coming-out self-care tips help! Remember: we’re rooting for you because you deserve the best and nothing less.

How to Support Someone Who Comes Out to You

Ok, so someone in your life has just made a huge step in owning their sexuality by coming out to you. Good news: they clearly trust you A LOT. It can be a really scary experience (and they’re really brave!). Maybe you’re even the first person they’ve told! In that case, you’re probably someone who means a lot to them, and who they trust to support them on this emotional journey. YAY! So what can you actually do to support someone who comes out to you?

Let’s talk about that! We’re sure there are a billion questions swirling around your brain right now, especially if the news is fresh. Like how do you know what to say when someone comes out? What if you say the wrong thing and hurt their feelings?? Or what if you blurt out something that you thought sounded supportive in your head, but instead it comes out awkward and forced??

We got you. Here are a few ways to support someone who comes out to you, like a true ally.

1. Thank Them for Telling You

It doesn’t matter whether you were surprised to hear this news or not. They came out, and that’s a big deal! First and foremost, try saying something like: Thank you for telling me, I really appreciate that you trust me enough to share this. It shows you recognize how hard it was for them to share this part of themselves. Anddd don’t forget to tell them that they’re amazing AF. A little empathy and encouragement goes a looong way.

2. Remind Them That You’re Always Gonna Be There

*Cue Friends theme song* I’ll be there for yooooouuuuu…

Part of them probably knew you would be accepting of them no matter what, but it doesn’t mean they weren’t nervous as hell to come out to you. A lot of people might worry that things will change if they come out, or worst case scenario… lose someone close to them forever. That must be suchhh an isolating feeling. Saying the words: I’m here for you and I’ll always support you is a must, even if you think they already know. Say it.

3. Be Serious But Not Tooooo Serious

What they’ve told you is important and took a lot of courage. Maybe there were even some tears… orrrr a lot of tears. Hey, we encourage crying here!! But that doesn’t mean you can’t lighten the mood, right? Being your normal self and throwing in a joke here and there (when the moment is right, of course) will make them feel way more at ease. Make ‘em laugh, ‘cause that shit is the best medicine.

4. Ask What You Can Do to Support Them

If you feel like maybe words aren’t enough, ask how you can help them or what you can do to support them. Maybe they want you by their side when they tell the rest of your friends, or even their family. Or they might just want to go get some chicken nuggets. That works too. Offering to help in any way, shape or form will mean so much to them!

5. Let Them Come Out to Others on Their Own Terms

A suuuper important thing to check once someone has come out to you is whether or not they have come out to anyone else and if not, when they will be. You NEVER want to out someone before they’re ready. That can be traumatic and devastating on so many levels. Just don’t do it. If someone else questions you about your friend/family member’s sexuality and you know they’re not out yet, you keep that info under lock and key.

6. Ask Questions

Maybe you’re worried about coming at them with too many questions like it’s a pop quiz, but it’s okay to have a few! Just be understanding that this person might not have all the answers yet. It could still be very new to them and it might take some time for them to sort out their thoughts and feelings. Remind them that it’s okay to not have all of the answers right now, and that you can figure it out together.

7. Treat Them the Same That You Always Have

One of the biggest fears a person has when they’re coming out to a friend is that the relationship will change or be different. Make it clear that is NOT the case! They’re still the same friend, sibling, roommate, or whoever they might have always been to you. The only real difference is that they’ve shared their true self that they might have kept inside for so long, and we think that’s pretty awesome. So remind them how much they mean to you.

8. Learn More About the 2SLGBTQIA+ Community

If you haven’t already, now is a great time to learn more about the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, its culture and its history. It could make you and your friend grow even closer than before! It’s a win-win for everyone. Also, add RuPaul’s Drag Race to your watchlist if you haven’t already. You can thank us later.

“Help! I Didn’t React Right When I First Heard!”

Maybe you’re here because someone came out to you and your reaction was… bad. Whatever you said (or left unsaid) ended the conversation on a bad note. You upset or hurt them. You feel awful. And now you’re worried you’ve ruined a relationship that means a lot to you.

We all make mistakes and sometimes say or do the wrong thing in the moment. What matters now is that you try to rectify the situation so that you don’t lose this person for good. Coming out to you was already a big deal for them, so if it didn’t go well, they are probably not feeling great right now.

But you can turn this around! It’s never too late to acknowledge your mistake and start a conversation around it. Be humble and honest in how you try to open up a dialogue but here are a few things you can say to someone if you didn’t react properly when they first came out to you:

I want to apologize for how I reacted.

I’m really sorry. The news caught me caught off guard and I didn’t know what to say.

I will always support and love you, no matter what.

I hope you can forgive me, but I understand how much I hurt you.

You’re really important to me and I don’t want to lose you. Can we start over?

Taking ownership over the situation will show how much you regret your response and want to do better. It’s also important to spend time listening to this person and allow them the space to express their feelings, including how your reaction made them feel. This makes your apology more about them, not you. ‘Cause remember, this is all about their experience! Ultimately, this is a major event in their life and your reaction shouldn’t overshadow that. Make sure to follow the tips we mentioned above, so that they know they have your full support.

We hope this article will help you as you try your best to support anyone who comes out to you!

How to Use Gender-Neutral Pronouns in Conversation

Using gender-neutral pronouns can be a bit of an adjustment. We are taught in school that when we are talking about someone, we should refer to them as he/him or she/her. These rules become part of our everyday vernacular and have made it challenging to use and encourage the use of more inclusive language.

Here are just a few examples of common titles and phrases that are said a lot and aren’t inclusive, like… at all.

Policeman.

Fireman.

Mankind.

Ladies and Gentlemen.

Fight like a girl.

That’s women’s work.

Fathers babysit their children.

Man-made.

The more you start to think about how gendered our language is, the more you’ll begin seeing it all around you.

For many of us, we have only ever spoken about or referred to people with gendered language attached to them, so making a change to using gender-neutral pronouns can be a little tricky. But we’re happy that you’ve clicked on this article because that means that you’re willing to learn!

So, how do you start using gender-neutral pronouns in conversation?

If You Don’t Know Someone’s Gender, Use “They”

If you’re talking to a friend and she mentions that her cousin just had a baby, you can ask, “What did they name them?” That way, the gender of your friend’s cousin and the baby aren’t assumed.

If you’re out for a walk and you meet a puppy, you can ask the owner “What’s their name?” instead of, “What’s her name?” That way, even though it’s a puppy, you’re using gender-neutral language and getting used to it in every situation!

There is some debate around the use of they/them when referring to a singular person, but we’re here to tell you that even if it feels weird, DO IT ANYWAY! It’s a really easy way to show respect for nonbinary and agender individuals, and they’ll definitely appreciate the effort.

Switch to Plurals

Instead of using “his or her” when talking about a group of people, try to use they, them, or their(s) instead.

For example: Every student must put his or her cell phone away before taking the test.

You can change that sentence to: All students must put away their cellphones before taking the test.

See? Super easy.

If someone you know uses the pronouns they/them and you don’t know how to use those pronouns correctly just yet, you can repeat their name: “I was talking to Sam yesterday. Yes! Sam is doing really well.”

It might sound funny at first, but if you’re having a hard time incorporating they/them pronouns into your language, this is a really easy way to start being more inclusive!

Refer to Someone’s Significant Other as a Partner

A lot of us in relationships call our significant other our boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband.

If someone is dating another person whose gender you don’t know, you can refer to this person as a “partner.”

For example: “Did you meet Matilda’s partner at the Holiday Party?”

Some of our team members here at DiveThru already refer to their significant other as their partner. It’s an easy change if you want to be more inclusive with your language when a person you know is settling into a relationship. Plus, calling someone a partner makes it sound super cool–like they’re a pair of detectives.

Correct Yourself

If someone uses they/them pronouns, you’re probably going to slip up and use their old and gendered pronouns. That’s ok! It can take some getting used to, especially if you knew this person before they changed how they identify.

What matters most in this situation is that you say, “Whoops, sorry!” Simply correct yourself, and then keep moving on with the conversation.

Many trans people don’t like when you make a big deal and hullabaloo over accidentally messing up their pronouns. Just apologize, make the correction, and keep going. That way, you aren’t focusing on their old gender and making a scene about it. Trans people will appreciate your correction because that means that you’re trying and learning!

Here’s a little list to get you thinking about how you might be incorporating gendered language into your vocabulary:

Do you refer to a group of people by one gender?

Do you use he/him/she/her when talking about someone whose gender you don’t know?

Was the mention of their gender necessary?

Did you stereotype someone based on their job or any other factors?

You don’t have to change your whole vocabulary overnight. Even small changes can add up and eventually make a big difference! But if you’re ever unsure about which pronouns to use when talking to or about someone, just ask them if they feel comfortable sharing them with you. Easy, right? You got this!