DiveThru

Choosing to Be Child Free: Why No One’s Opinion But Yours Matters

So, you’ve thought about it. Having kids. Maybe your whole life you’ve imagined getting married and immediately starting a family with five kids, three dogs, two cats, plus a hamster. You might have even had baby names picked out since middle school! Hey, we don’t judge. Unless you think Khaleesi is actually cute for a baby… then we might judge a lil’ bit. And now the words child free are closer to your heart than before.

Because as you got older, your dreams started to change. The thought of having kids doesn’t align anymore with your goals. Maybe instead, you wanna throw all of your time and energy into growing your own business, travelling the world, or opening your own art gallery. And you can’t imagine accomplishing those dreams on top of the huge responsibility of raising kids. Orrr, it could be you’ve come to realize the simple fact: you just don’t want to have kids. You’ve decided to live the child free life.

For so long, becoming a parent was expected of pretty much everyone. Like we saw with our grandparents, settling down with a partner and starting a family was considered the norm. Nowadays though, choosing to be child-free is way more common for tons of different reasons. But guess what? Both choices are valid! And it’s YOUR choice to make.

If you’ve decided to not have children, you might worry about what others will say, or if it’s gonna be a big deal for the rest of your life. Totally understandable. But here are 8 things to consider when deciding to be child-free that we think will help you feel validated! ‘Cause we’re here for youuu.

1. You’ll deal with people who don’t ‘get’ your decision.

When you decide to be child-free, you’ll probably hear a LOT of this:

But who’s going to look after you when you’re old?

You’ll change your mind. It’s just because you’re young.

Don’t you want to keep the family name going?

I don’t get it, you’re so great with kids!

You might think you don’t want them now, but you’ll regret not having kids one day!

Excuse us, who asked?! First of all, you don’t have to validate your choices to anyone. Ever. Ultimately, it’s your life. But hearing these kinda comments will definitely get old after a while, so it’s probably for the best to shut them down sooner than later. When you’ve had enough of explaining yourself over and over to Aunt Helen at Thanksgiving about your choice to be child-free, set those personal boundaries! It’s okay to say: This is my choice and I don’t want to explain myself to you anymore. Please respect that. Drawing that line will make you feel 1000x less on edge at family gatherings. Just pass the gravy boat and MYOB, thanks!

2. You can enjoy spending time with kids.

There’s this misconception that people who don’t want to have kids, hate them. News flash: you can still like hanging out with kids without wanting to raise one! WILLDD concept, right? You probably love spending time with your niece or nephew, or babysitting your neighbour’s kids. You might even want to coach for a kids’ soccer team or volunteer at the after-school program. Being child-free doesn’t mean your whole life can’t include kids at all!

3. You still have a family.

“But don’t you want a family?” is probably one of the worst things to say to a child-free person, ever. Actually you DO have a family. Not only do you have your parents, siblings and all of your relatives. But there’s also your partner, your best friends in the whole world, plus their families who treat you like one of their own. Family doesn’t just mean procreating. They come in all shapes and sizes, and they’re pretty great.

4. You can focus on having a strong relationship with your partner.

Sometimes people have a baby to save their relationship, or they think that having kids will bring them closer together. Yikes. Babies aren’t a band-aid, and they shouldn’t be used to improve your relationship with your partner. Since you’ve decided to be child-free, you’ll actually have more time to work on things with your partner when problems do come up. Plus, you won’t have to give up your quality time together! Your Friday night ritual of Netflix and sushi is here to stay.

5. You won’t deal with as much financial stress.

Making the decision to be child-free will reduce sooo much extra financial planning. All of your hard earned money can go towards vacations, growing your business, or any self-care needs like a gym membership or hair appointments. You can also put more money into savings for retirement or any possible emergencies in the future. Spend those dolla bills however you please!

6. Your time = yours.

Being child-free means you can make plans when you want, where you want for the rest of your life. Pretty sweet, huh? Nothing about your life is gonna have to change. You can still go on weekend getaways with your besties or have a spur-of-the-moment date night with your partner, without having to worry about who’s going to take care of the kids.

7. You don’t have to handle the extra pressure.

Parents can deal with a LOT of pressure to be perfect and raise their kids a certain way. If you’re child-free, you’re eliminating a ton of unsolicited parenting advice and the crazy amount of decisions parents have to make on a daily basis. Who knew there was so much debate over breastfeeding vs formula?! Or how much screen time is acceptable before you completely rot a child’s brain?! You probably have enough decisions to make for yourself as it is.

8. You can still live a fulfilling life.

Another thing you might hear a lot when you decide to be child-free is that you won’t be truly fulfilled in life. We think that’s a pretty messed up thing to 1) say to someone and 2) think in the first place. Maybe you’re working on publishing your own novel, starting a charity, or finding a cure for fucking cancer. Or maybe you just want the simple things in life, like stopping at your favourite coffee shop every morning. Those all sound pretty fulfilling to us!

A Closing Thought

Here’s what our in-house writer, Olivia, shared with us about her choice to be child-free:

“I’ve never wanted kids. I’ve known that since I was 6 years old. People give me funny looks when I say that I want to remain childless, but I couldn’t imagine my life with a child. I’ve never made a list of baby names, I’ve never looked at nursery decor, or even baby outfits like other people do. It’s just not in me.

I’ve been called selfish for not wanting a kid, but I think it would be selfish if I did have one. I wouldn’t be able to give them the kind of love that they deserve and would need. It also wouldn’t be fair to me because I wouldn’t be able to do everything that I want to with my life. I want to travel, I want to have a million pets, I want to explore every facet of my life and I don’t see a child as being part of that exploration.

I was really nervous to tell my partner that I don’t want kids, but he has been so amazing about it. He said that being able to love me means more than having a child and that got rid of all my fears. We plan on having a full and colourful life together. A child just isn’t part of that plan.”

Keep in mind that every person is different, and we support whatever decision makes you happy. There’s pros and cons to every decision! We hope this list reminded you that your choice to be child-free is valid, no matter what anyone has to say about it.

Parents Separating: An Adult-Child Survival Guide

So, your parents have been together for 30ish years, then all of a sudden, they decide to call it quits! Maybe you saw it coming, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you understand exactly why they’re separating, maybe you don’t. But what you know for sure is that they’re calling it … and that a whole wheel of emotions is about to hit you. You could say that’s a pretty standard result of parents separating.

But you’re an adult now. You should be able to handle this, right? You’re mature, you have a career, and a good head on your shoulders, so why is it getting more and more complicated by the second?

These are new waters that no one really talks about navigating. Some of us feel that if our parents had split up when we were kids, it would have been easier. Decisions would have been made for us and we would have had years to get used to sharing holidays, birthdays, and major celebrations. We would have known how to navigate those waters because, while growing up, we saw our friends go through it and figure it out.

But we aren’t kids. We’re full-on adults! In a way, it’s better, and in a way, it’s worse. We get to make the decisions now, and OOF! These decisions aren’t fucking easy.

Nothing about the situation is easy. So, here are some things no one really tells you about when your parents separate.

Your Relationships Will Change

Regardless of how the cookie crumbles, your relationship with your parents is going to change. They might try and keep you out of the nitty-gritty, but it’s hard not wanting to be informed about what’s happening in your childhood home.

If one parent is hurting more than the other, you might become their support system. During this supporting process, you stop being a child and become more of a friend. Even in this role as a “friend,” you might end up parenting your own parents. You’ll be offering them advice and walking them through some really hard times. So be prepared!

Alternatively, maybe one of your parents really sucks! Your relationship with them might change because their actions were harmful to your family, and you don’t know how you want to move forward in your relationship with them.

There is going to be a lot of shifting back and forth between the roles of parent, friend, child, or no relationship at all. Wherever you stand with your parents right now, know that it’s ok. It’s also ok if and when your relationship with them changes again. There are going to be a lot of emotions that come up over the next little while and they’re all going to impact how you move forward in your relationship with your family.

You’re Going to Feel a Lot of Things

There are… *sigh*… so many emotions when it comes to this kind of situation.

You will experience grief about the home life you knew coming to an end. You’re going to feel sadness and pain for your parents who are hurting. You’re going to feel anger at someone or something and be so mad that you’ll just want to explode.

As adults, we often think to ourselves, “I’m old enough that I should be able to rationally think about this. I should process this in a healthy way, right?” Well, even if you think you should feel a certain way, your emotions might betray you! That’s sooooo much fun. Sometimes you get smacked with a tidal wave of emotions in the middle of your workday and you end up having to cry quickly in the bathroom.

Your emotions are going to be jumping all over the place for a while and that’s ok. An entire way of life and a whole familial system is changing right before your eyes! You’re going to need to cry.

It’s also not going to be easy if/when your parents have a new partner in their life. Let yourself adjust and take your time with accepting this new relationship. You were raised with your parents only ever loving each other, but now there is this whole new person in your life who has a relatively significant role. It might feel like you’re betraying your other parent if you’re even remotely nice to this new person.

Forgive yourself for your feelings and don’t push it. The more fake you are, the less you’ll process how you feel and become bitter.

No matter what happens, it’s going to take some getting used to and emotions are going to totally get in the way of every rational thought you might have. Just roll with it if you can and give yourself time!

You Will Become MORE Responsible

If you’re an older Gen Z or a Millennial, you’ll understand when we say that the concept of adulting evades those of us in this age range. But once your parents split up, you reach a new level of responsibility that you might have never felt before.

You might be taking notes for your parents while they are on the phone with lawyers. You might be offering to help them out financially to fix up the house and sell it. You’re rationalizing actions, you’re mediating, you’re a therapist, you’re caring for your siblings… there’s a lot of new responsibility placed on you as an adult child.

Maybe this responsibility is self-appointed because you feel like you have to fix everything and support everyone, but it’s a sense of responsibility nonetheless.

Hard Conversations Are Gonna Happen

You’re going to have to put some boundaries up. This might be for your own mental health and wellbeing, or just because you can’t emotionally take on any more of their baggage. This might hurt your parents because your relationship before all of this might not have included many (if any) boundaries.

Maybe you decide to take a break from a relationship with one or both of your parents while you figure out your boundaries. It’s a hard pill to have to swallow! But if it’s going to benefit you and your mental health in the long run, you might have to do it.

None of this is easy. And if you’re anything like us at DiveThru, we have a lot of feelings. We’re basically that girl who crashed the assembly in Mean Girls.

Just remember that even though you have a ton of feelings, your feelings are still valid!

5 Ways to Cope with Your Parents Separating

It’s important to look after your mental health as much as possible right now! Listen to yourself and your body and try to understand what you need in order to take care of yourself in this moment.

But what kind of things can you do to work through all of these emotions? Adult children with separated or divorced parents don’t really talk to each other about how to cope with such a tough situation because we’re expected to be emotionally mature enough to handle everything. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t need help or advice. Good news for you, we have some things that can help you out during such a hard time.

1. Therapy

Go to therapy. Please. You’ll need it!

2. Journal

You can journal to get all of your thoughts and feelings down on paper. It can be helpful to look at what you’ve written and see your thoughts on a page. We have our thoughts rolling around in our heads all day and it feels overwhelming if we can’t take the time to sort them out.

3. Take an Emotional Step Back

Sometimes we have to protect ourselves. We have to remove the emotional part of a situation for our mental health and that can be hard to do. But it’s necessary! This lets you see the situation from a more objective point of view and allows you to imagine the kind of relationships that you want with your parents in an ideal world (post-separation of course).

4. Find a Support Group

Going through this kind of familial trauma is really hard and it’s not a super unique experience. There are probably a ton of people around you who have experience with the same or similar situations. There are also many online groups that you could join, or you could even start your own support group if you can’t find any that you really vibe with.

5. Give Yourself Time to Heal

If you’re just at the beginning of this journey, get ready for a long road ahead. It’s going to be tough, so be gentle with yourself and give yourself the kind of time and space that you need. It’s going to be hard. But to quote Glennon Doyle, “We can do the hard things.”

Ultimately, however you’re processing things is totally valid and completely understandable. It’s a lot to go through! Things are changing for better or worse and it’s scary! But we believe in you. We don’t have all the answers, and unfortunately, no one ever will. Just take care of yourself as much as possible and do some of the things that we suggested.

This is hard. Holy shit is this hard. But we know that you’re an amazing and strong person who is capable of getting through even the most difficult of times. Go to therapy, get some support and love, and give yourself the space and time that you need to heal. You’ve got this!

Feeling Overwhelmed: A Guide to Your Emotions

It’s not easy to cope with feeling overwhelmed. You’re probably thinking: “Uhhh, no shit. I feel like I’m totally losing my mind, can’t get it together and everything is falling apart around me! Because i am so fucking OVERWHELMED and don’t know how to not feel like this.” Okayyy, let’s take a moment to pause here.

You’ve got a lot going on right now. But it’s gonna be okay! It’s important to recognize where exactly your overwhelmed feelings are coming from in order to get them under control. It could be that you’ve got too many responsibilities on your plate and it’s been a struggle fest trying to manage them all at the same time. The list of things in your life that have become overwhelming just keep piling up, like that huge stack of laundry you’ve been avoiding…

It can be too much to handle on your own sometimes, but you’re not alone! Everyone feels overwhelmed now and then — it’s part of being a human being. Let’s dive thru feeling overwhelmed and how you can get through this emotion like a pro!

A Deeper Look at Feeling Overwhelmed

According to GoodTherapy.org, being emotionally overwhelmed is “a state of being beset by intense emotion that is difficult to manage. It can affect your ability to think and act rationally. It could also prevent you from performing daily tasks.” Okay, so obviously there’s lots to unpack there.

So, what causes us to feel emotionally overwhelmed? It turns out, a lot of things! The most common one is stress, which can be a result of a busy schedule that you’re struggling to keep up with, a demanding workload, relationship problems and even trauma that you may have experienced. When all of these stressors build over time and become too much for you to manage emotionally, it causes you to feel totally overwhelmed.

Feeling overwhelmed can be caused by so many different events in our lives. Maybe you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one, and you’ve suddenly had to take on a ton of new responsibilities at the same time. Or maybe you have started a new job in a new city, and you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing and worry that you’ll mess something up and everyone is gonna hate you. It could be that you’re just trying to juggle so many things at once, but you’re burning the candle at both ends. And not the good kind of therapeutic, lavender scented candle. Just an emotionally overwhelmed candle. Okay, that was a really bad metaphor. But you get the idea!

No, you’re not a freak or a total failure for feeling overwhelmed. Again, we all feel this way sometimes! It’s virtually impossible not to get overwhelmed, ‘cause let’s face it — life can be rough. Our emotions can act as signals, reminding us when we need to make some changes and remove those stressors. Preferably before we completely lose it! But if you do lose it, that’s okay. We’re still here for you.

How Feeling Overwhelmed Shows Up Mentally

Your mental wellbeing can definitely be compromised when you’re feeling overwhelmed. You’re expelling so much extra energy on everything that’s making you feel this horrible emotion. After a while, your mind gets really tired! Overcoming overwhelm isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination and it can end up hurting your mental health. How exactly? Let us count the ways…

Increased anxiety
Feelings of anger, irritability, guilt, or fear
Struggling to complete tasks
Difficulty thinking clearly or focusing
Withdrawing socially from family and friends
Panic attacks

Feeling emotionally overwhelmed for a long period of time can be a sign of anxiety or depression. If these symptoms continue, we highly recommend seeking the help of a mental health professional.

How Feeling Overwhelmed Shows Up Physically

Since feeling overwhelmed and stress are closely linked, it’s no surprise that their physical symptoms look pretty similar, too. They’re basically like a pair of mean siblings that like to go wherever the other is. They can’t seem to be apart (and we wish that they just wouldn’t show up in general). Here’s some physical signs you might experience when you’re overwhelmed AF:

Increased heart rate
Raised blood pressure
Muscle tension
Headache
Stomach ache/digestive problems
Heartburn
Fatigue
Difficulty sleeping/insomnia
Weakened immune system

Being overwhelmed isn’t healthy for your mind or body, so stop that shit! Just kidding (but not really), we know that it’s not simple. But we just want the best for you and for your body and mind to be ok.

5 Ways to Cope with Feeling Overwhelmed

We know that feeling overwhelmed can be… a lot. That’s probably the understatement of the frickin’ year. But we’ve got some coping strategies for you, so don’t worry! You’re gonna get through this. Try ‘em out and see for yourself!

1. 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise

Engage all five senses and mindfully notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Go in any order that makes sense for you and your current situation — no pressure

2. Find a positive distraction

Pick up that book you’ve been meaning to read. Watch an episode of a show that never fails to make you laugh. Clean out your closet. Listen to a podcast. Break out a puzzle. Do whatever takes your mind off things and sparks a ‘lil joy! You deserve it.

3. Engage in compassionate self talk

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s easy to fall in the trap of being not-so-nice to yourself. Instead, turn that negative self talk around and say some positive things to yourself! Remind yourself that this emotion is temporary and that you’re gonna get through it, because you’re a strong and capable human. I feel overwhelmed at this moment, but I can get through it. I have overcome challenges before. There is no doubt in my mind that I am strong.

4. Practice deep breathing

Try it with us! Breathe innn… and breathe outtt. Taking a moment to focus on your breathing has actually been proven to lower anxiety and reduce stress. Plus, deep breathing slows your heart rate and provides your brain with enough oxygen to chill out a bit… which you could use right about now.

5. Reach out for support

You don’t have to work through this feeling alone. When you need to talk through this whirlwind of emotions you’re experiencing, lean on the people you trust. Sometimes just having someone to listen to us and validate how we’re feeling makes all the difference!

Trust us, we know how hard it can be to feel overwhelmed. But hang in there! You can get through this feeling, one step at a time! We believe in you, friend.

Feeling Discouraged: A Guide To Your Emotions

It’s hard facing the world every day and trying your hardest, only to be met with results that crush your poor little heart. Eventually, after trying and trying for so long, you start feeling discouraged and begin to question yourself. Sometimes you think “Wow, is it even worth trying?” These negative thoughts keep running around and around… and around in your mind.

When we feel discouraged, it’s hard not to think that certain situations are hopeless and that we’re stuck in our lives with no way to move forward. Maybe you’ve been passed over for the jobs that you’ve applied for, or maybe the last few people you went on a date with didn’t work out. It’s also hard not to feel discouraged when it comes to your mental health. We can go to therapy, take medication, do self care, and still struggle with our mental wellbeing. Whatever you might be facing, know that it’s totally ok to feel discouraged about it!

If you think that you’re alone in feeling this way, you are definitely not! We all feel discouraged about what’s going on in our lives–big or small! We can’t all be positive about everything ALLLLL the time, you know? That’s just unhealthy. So give yourself a big hug and be nice to yourself. We’re gonna help you through this, don’t worry.

A Deeper Look at Feeling Discouraged

When we feel discouraged, it can sometimes feel like we’re lost. We’re roaming through life without a compass. You see people you grew up with accomplishing amazing things, and you feel like you aren’t where you “should be” at this point in your life. This way of thinking can introduce a little nugget of self doubt that becomes bigger and bigger the more we think about it. All of a sudden, this self doubt has changed from a little nugget to a whole 10 pack of chicken nuggets!

With every rejection, every milestone we haven’t yet reached, every task we have to redo, we can start to feel lesser than and damage our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. We can also feel really discouraged when we feel that we don’t have a support system to fall back on. It’s like we’re forced to navigate uncharted territory on our own.

We then start to feel more and more that life is just too hard. It’s like every single day, we’re forced to get up and push a boulder up a mountain, only to have it roll back down to the bottom of that mountain at the end of each day. Then, in the morning, we have to start pushing that same boulder up that same mountain all over again.

We can end up dwelling on our past, dwelling on our mistakes, and reliving those same feelings day in and day out. Eventually, we just become resigned to the idea that life is really hard and the pessimism takes over.

But even though it feels like there is so much working against you at the moment, it is totally possible to overcome this feeling of discouragement!

How Feeling Discouraged Shows Up Mentally

The feeling of discouragement is totally and completely valid! We’re faced every day with challenges that can become overwhelming and too much for one person to handle on their own. It can bring up a looooot of other feelings that go along with it, not just the one emotion of discouragement. It likes to bring along its group of nasty little emotion friends with it, and personally, we just find that to be RUDE:

Low self-esteem
Low sense of self worth
Victimization
Sensitive to criticism
Feelings of rejection
Unable to make strategic decisions

All of these things can exacerbate the feeling of discouragement. It’s like a shitty cycle that you can’t seem to get out of. So, give yourself a little break because you deserve some kindness and love from yourself. You’re going THROUGH it!

How Feeling Discouraged Shows Up Physically

It’s hard not to want to scream into a pillow when we’re frustrated as hell. If you feel like you need to do that too, we won’t stop you! Sometimes it’s super wonderful and cathartic to just scream. You’ve been trying so hard over and over, but still, get knocked back each time. If you didn’t think that your actions were common, think again! Here are some of the ways that frustration can manifest itself physically:

Crying
Screams of frustration
Needing a vent session

Sometimes seeing a list like this helps us feel like we aren’t alone. We hope that it’s helped you a little bit because you definitely aren’t alone in feeling like this. Want us to prove it? Well, you’ve got us here with you, so BAM! Facts!

How to Cope With Feeling Discouraged

It’s hard to feel like we’re worthy, confident, and capable people when what we do isn’t valued or appreciated. But, don’t fret! We have a lovely little list of things that you can try to help you move through this feeling of discouragement. Unfortunately, overcoming discouragement can take time and work, but with the help of these tips, we know that you can do it:

1. Reach out for support

If you feel like you can’t dive thru what you’re going through on your own, reach out to someone who can help! Our loved ones are there for a reason! We bet that they’ll be more than happy to lend an ear and give you their advice. If you don’t think that you can tackle your problems on your own, ask if they can help you! Sometimes, having a second brain, extra set of hands, and an open heart is all you need to come out the other side.

2. Comfort yourself as you would a friend or family member

Be gentle with yourself. You’re trying your hardest and facing the hard shit every. single. day. We applaud you for that! Give yourself a round of applause too. You deserve a little bit of love from yourself.

3. Practice deep breathing

Deep breathing can be a wonderful way to calm down a nervous system that’s working overtime. Try and find a breathing technique that works for you! One of our favourites is called belly breathing. Put your hand on your stomach and inhale a deeeeeeep breath. Feel your stomach push your hand away from your body. Hold it for a second, and then exhale and use your hand as you gently push the air out of your stomach. Keep doing this as many times as you need to ground yourself.

4. Journal

Sometimes all we need to do is see our fears and frustrations on a piece of paper. Once we see them in front of us, it’s almost easier to figure out what our next steps will be. We might feel discouraged because we have these negative thoughts rolling around in our heads allll the time! So take a minute to journal and take away their power by putting them on a physical space and taking them out of your sweet little head.

5. Give yourself a pep talk

Sometimes all we need to do is hype ourselves up! Think about what you would say to your best friend if they were feeling the way that you do in this moment! Give yourself the pep talk of a lifetime and go crush your goals!

We know that feeling discouraged is a heavy emotion to carry around. It can feel like it weighs a ton sometimes! But we know that you are one tough cookie who is going to come out stronger than ever before. We hope that this article helped you feel a little less alone and a little more encouraged that you did before. WE LOVE YOU!

Feeling Helpless: A Guide to Your Emotions

Unfortunately, feeling helpless can’t always be spun into a positive feeling like the super cute song from Hamilton. “Boy, you got me helpleeeeeessss! Look into your eyes and the sky’s the limit!” We wish it was always this adorable to feel helpless! But when you’re not part of a musical and experiencing this emotion, you feel frozen in time, paralyzed, devastated, and unable to change what is happening right before your eyes. This isn’t a feeling that you can just wish away. It’s not like feeling bummed out where you can just watch your favourite movie, maybe cry it out a bit, and then move on. If only!

Helplessness pops up when we feel defeated and pushed to just accept our fate. You might feel helpless for a number of reasons. The stress and anxiety of whatever is affecting you can start to feel like it’s just too much for one mind and one person to bear. We feel like we’re trying to find facts, reassurance, answers, but we’re left feeling like we’ve fallen off the edge of a cliff and are just grasping at the air.

A Deeper Look at Feeling Helpless

Some experts call helplessness, learned helplessness. You’re probably thinking, “I’ve never heard of that term before. What the heck is that?” Well, learned helplessness is when a person is repeatedly exposed to uncontrollable stressors or traumatic events. They’ll eventually feel that they don’t have any options or control over what happens to them, so they stop thinking that they can change what’s in front of them, even though they do in fact have the ability to help themselves.

But even though we say that helplessness can be a learned behaviour, don’t be too hard on yourself! It’s toooootally normal to feel this way. It’s most definitely a natural response to stressful situations, no matter how small.

Helplessness is also rooted in our biology as humans. If you know a little bit about the brain, you’ll recognize the hormone serotonin. When we feel helpless during a stressful situation, serotonin spikes to help us try and handle what’s happening to us in that moment. But then, as soon as it spikes, it drops right back down. The amygdala also starts working overtime as well because it’s the decision-making centre of the brain. But unfortunately, despite our brain’s best efforts, we still feel helpless.

How Feeling Helpless Shows Up Mentally

The brain is a very resilient yet sensitive part of the body. Go ahead, give your noggin a little pet because your brain does a lot of work for you. In a traumatic instance that causes you to freeze and feel helpless, the problem-solving part of your brain says “Umm, this is a little bit too much for me right now,” and takes a little nap. When you feel helpless, you can also feel a bunch of other emotions and sensations at the same time:

Lack of motivation to get through challenging circumstances
Depression
Anxiety
Feeling like a victim
Panic
Low self-esteem
Frustration
Giving up
Procrastination

Unfortunately, feeling helpless isn’t always as lovely as the song from Hamilton the Musical. It brings up a lot of negative feelings. We know that it isn’t easy to work through these intense feelings like panic and anxiety, but if anyone can, it’s you!

How Feeling Helpless Show Up Physically

The physical manifestations of helplessness are a bit elusive. They’re connected to how you’re doing mentally and if you’re having other feelings that accompany the helplessness. If you’re anxious as well, you might be experiencing some of the physical symptoms of anxiety. If you’re depressed too, you might have some of those symptoms. It allll depends on what is going on in your mind. Here are some ways that helplessness might show up physically on its own:

Crying
Fatigue
Difficulty sleeping
Repeat behaviours

This is a hard emotion to work through. We’ve been there too, friend. We know that you’re having a hard time, but we know that you’ll get through it. We believe in you!

5 Ways to Cope with Feeling Helpless

We’re on a mission to help you DiveThru this feeling of helplessness! Don’t worry, we’ve got your back. We’re gonna ask you to do something for us right now. Are you ready? Ok, take a deeeeeep breath in. Ok now relax your shoulders and let it out with a nice big exhale. Alright, now we have a little list of things that you can do to help cope with what you’re feeling. Read it over and see if one, two, or all five suggestions are techniques you connect with.

1. Journal

Starting a journaling practice can be an amazing way to work through your emotions. Sometimes the problems we face aren’t as hard to overcome when we see them written on a piece of paper. When we take these problems out of our minds and put them in a place where we can look at them, we can then make decisions about how you want to tackle what’s ahead of us. We take the power away from our negative thoughts when we can get them out of our heads.

2. Reach Out to a Support Person

You might not think that your friends and family can help you get through a time like this, but they are actually fantastic people for you to lean on. If you don’t think that you have anyone in your immediate circle that you can talk to, don’t be afraid to connect with a therapist or a helpline that you can text or call. Here is a website that has a list of mental health hotlines you can contact depending on your country.

3. Engage in Compassionate Self-Talk

Be nice to yourself! You deserve to receive the same type of compassion and kindness that you give so freely to other people. You’re going through A LOT right now, so give yourself a little bit of a break. You’re doing amazing!

4. Practice Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is an incredible way to help reset your body and calm down your nervous system that’s working overtime at the moment. So take a deep breath in for four counts, hold for four counts, then breathe out for four counts. Keep doing that over, and over, and over to calm yourself down a bit.

5. Positive Distraction

Positive distractions could be anything you want them to be! What do you think would help you out right now? Would it be cooking a meal? What about watching your favourite TV show? Like we said, a positive distraction can be whateverrrrr your little heart desires!

Well, that’s all the advice that we have for now. Remember, you aren’t alone with how you’re feeling. You’ve got a million people in your corner who are ready and willing to help you out–including us!

Feeling Cheerful: A Guide to Your Emotions

When you’re feeling cheerful, it feels like you’re radiating sunshine. Maybe you even feel like you’re walking on sunshine and have a bounce in your step! There’s a permanent smile on your face and you’re cracking jokes left and right so that you can get a smile out of the people around you. Feeling cheerful can turn you into the life of the party! You just wanna pass along all of your good energy to everyone else so that they can get on your level. And it feels like no matter how much shit is thrown your way, it’s not so bad. ‘Cause there’s so much to be cheerful about, nothing and nobody can take that away from you!

The world can be such a negative place so when we do feel cheerful, it’s nice to appreciate the feeling to its fullest. Let’s talk about feeling cheerful and how it improves your wellbeing, ‘cause even if it’s obviously a positive emotion, there’s always more to learn! That’s why we’re here, friend: to talk about allll the feels, all the time.

A Deeper Look at Feeling Cheerful

Being cheerful is obviously rooted in the core emotion ‘happy,’ but what does it really mean to feel cheerful? Great question! Dictionary.com defines cheerful as: “adj. full of cheer; in good spirits.” Pretty straight forward, right?

You could be feeling cheerful for so many different reasons, because life is full of things to be happy about! You could be having a really good day thanks to the weather being great, so you’re enjoying fresh air and getting some exercise at the park. Or your boss gave you props for all the hard work you put into a project that took a lot of your time and effort to make it so great. It could even be something as small as getting a nice ‘good morning’ text from a special someone. Maybe you’ve made some positive changes to your life that have caused you to feel super cheerful. That’s pretty amazing of you to look after your mental wellbeing, btw! Proud of you!

You could be feeling cheerful for no particular reason at all, and that’s totally cool, too. Whatever the reason is, it’s got those happy neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin firing in your brain, causing your mood to be 10/10 amazing.

Fun fact: did you know that there are ways you can actually trick yourself into feeling more cheerful? No, we’re not messing with you. It’s backed by science! When you smile, even if it’s not based on real emotion, it can trick your brain by boosting your mood and lowering your heart rate. Plus, smiling reduces your stress levels! So go on and fake it til you make it. Maybe even tell yourself a corny joke to make yourself laugh. Sure, you might feel weird at first. But we all could use a pick-me-up now and then, so why not give it a shot?!

How Feeling Cheerful Shows Up Mentally

It’s safe to say that feeling cheerful does wonders for your mental wellbeing. It’s like a giant ray of sunlight is shining RIGHT on your brain. Ok, weird image, we know. But being cheerful really does benefit your mental health. It impacts so many other areas of your mind, and you probably didn’t even realize it was doing that for you! But let’s look at the specifics, ‘cause they’re awesome and we want you to know that:

Lifts your mood
Reduces stress and anxiety
Increases attentiveness and focus
Boosts productivity
Sparks creativity
Improves analytical skills
Promotes good thoughts
Increases motivation

See? We told you! There are so many awesome reasons why being cheerful is such an amazing emotion to feel. Your brain is basically lighting up with happiness and we couldn’t be happier for you! Wow, this is making us cheerful just thinking about how great you feel right now.

How Feeling Cheerful Shows Up Physically

Feeling cheerful has some great physical benefits, too. Yup! If you’ve read some of our other emotions articles, you’ll know that the body is super aware and tuned into our emotions. If you want your body to be feeling a certain kind of emotion, you’d probably want it to be this one! Here’s a few physical symptoms you might experience when you’re in good spirits! Spoiler alert: we think they’re pretty worthwhile.

Reduces cortisol levels
Lowers blood pressure
Strengthens immune system
Provides better sleep
Improves digestion
Reduces pain
Lengthens lifespan

So, basically our heart is happy when we’re happy! Isn’t that kind of cute and sweet? We think so. But we hope that these give you some more reasons to be even more cheerful than you were before! The reduction of cortisol levels makes everyone happier, right? Right?

5 Ways to Embrace Feeling Cheerful

Feeling cheerful is simply the best. So what are some ways you can embrace this emotion and enjoy it while it lasts?! Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Try out some of these simple but effective ways to embrace your cheer to the fullest:

1. Do something creative

Use your favourite creative outlet to channel those cheerful feelings. Get artsy by drawing, sketching, doing calligraphy or painting. Write poems or try blog writing. Practice an instrument, sing, dance! Feeling cheerful can really put you in the right headspace to get creative, and the possibilities are endless. Try it out!

2. Journal

Try writing out exactly how you’re feeling and what made you feel this way. Can’t stop smiling because you received a nice compliment? Feel on top of the world thanks to your amazing test score? Expressing your feelings can give you clarity and feels really great, so jot it all down in detail! Your hand might start to cramp, but so what? Totally worth it.

3. Connect with a friend

Our true friends are there for us when we need them most by making our day a little brighter. So why not connect with a friend and pass on the good vibes you’re feeling?! Ask to go out for a coffee, a nice stroll in the park, or even FaceTime just to catch up. Spending time with our friends is a great way to maintain our good spirits!

4. Practice gratitude

Ya know what feels really good? Showing gratitude for the things that bring joy to our lives! Gratitude can look like acts of kindness, including giving your coworker their favourite drink to thank them for all of their hard work.

5. Practice meditation

Meditation is a method that’s been used to relieve stress and improve mental clarity since, like… forever. This practice allows us to slowww down and shift our mindset. If you’re not sure how to meditate, start out with a guided practice. Everyone’s gotta start somewhere!

That’s it! That’s all for now, friend. We hope you keep on feeling cheerful and spread some of that positivity to the people around you. ‘Cause we could all use a boost now and then, right?

Feeling Confident: A Guide to Your Emotions

In the wise words of Demi Lovato: What’s wrong with being confident? The answer is simply, NOTHING. It’s safe to say that feeling confident is a-m-a-z-i-n-g and makes you feel on top of the world. It’s that feeling you get when you feel like you have your shit together, know what you’re doing and are 100% secure in your abilities. You’re way less likely to care what other people think, spend time worrying they’ll judge you or think you’re not good enough. And puh-lease, making a mistake or looking ridiculous? Those thoughts aren’t even on your radar. ‘Cause you’re feeling so good about yourself, all of that self doubt or negative self talk is totally drowned out. As far as you’re concerned, you’ve got this!

Confidence doesn’t always come easy. In fact, feeling confident can be a major struggle for most of us. A lot of the time, we might question our worth or put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect. But when we DO feel confident, it’s the BEST. We feel on top of the world, like we can do anything and accomplish all of our hopes and dreams. We can recognize all of our strengths and put them to good use without worrying so much about failure (Failure who? Never heard of her). So let’s talk about feeling confident and how it contributes to our wellbeing, ‘cause this feeling deserves some recognition!

A Deeper Look at Feeling Confident

What does it really mean to feel confident? So glad you asked. Dictionary.com defines confident as: “adj. sure of oneself; having no uncertainty about one’s own abilities, correctness, successfulness, etc.; self-confident; bold.” Ummm, that sounds pretty great, doesn’t it? This is the feeling we all want more of in our lives!

Feeling confident is something that you can experience every now and then, like when you’ve practiced an important presentation for your class so many times that you just know you’re gonna nail it. Some people just have a more confident personality where this feeling comes more naturally for them. But where does confidence come from, though?! How do you stay confident when you struggle with self doubt? Asking for a friend…

Where Did Your Confidence Come From?

Remember how as a kid, you would do or say the most outrageous things because you just didn’t give a shit? What’s up with that, anyway? Well, it’s because kids don’t have the same filter or fear of judgement that we adults have. It’s like kids have this sort of blind confidence that allows them to fart in public or sing their heart out in the grocery store without a second thought. Okay, so a lot of that probably has to do with the fact that their brains aren’t fully developed or whatever… But you can’t deny that these tiny humans also have a LOT of self-confidence! Nobody has told them that their drawings suck, or that they’re not the next Justin Bieber. They just do what they like because they think it’s fun! That’s it. Worrying about what other people think or about their abilities isn’t really an issue for them yet.

Then we grow up. We become a lot more self aware and the stakes become higher. Suddenly, we care about impressing our friends, family, boss, and romantic partners. We have to prove ourselves more than ever before, and it can be really hard to stay confident under all of that pressure. Like, really hard.

Another important thing to note is that feeling confident and having a high self-esteem are linked, but slightly different. How we measure our self-worth and value as a person = self-esteem. How much we believe in our abilities = confidence. Makes sense, right?

How Feeling Confident Shows Up Mentally

It turns out, feeling confident is super great for your mental wellbeing. You’re probably thinking, no shit – confident people are always so happy! And ya, you’d be right. But let’s break it down and get a little more specific. Here are some ways confidence can be positive for your mental health:

Higher self-esteem
Positive self image
Reduced anxiety
Lower stress
Feeling more productive
Feeling empowered to achieve goals
Stronger interpersonal relationships
Better communication skills
Drive to succeed

Confident people are like the honey badger meme from 2009. They don’t give a shit about what other people think about them, so they use allllll of this extra energy do whateverrrr they want! That sounds awesome, right? Well, it is because doing what they want makes them happy, and when they’re happy, they feel more confident. What an awesome circle of events to be part of!

How Feeling Confident Shows Up Physically

Feeling confident can also be really great for your physical health. Say what?! It’s true. Confident people really are out here living their best lives. This includes you! Wow, you’re just winning this whole life thing with an emotion like confidence. Here’s some physical signs of confidence:

Increased energy
Better cardiac health
Improved sleep
Less muscle tension/better posture
Developing healthy habits like staying hydrated, eating balanced meals, physical activity, etc.

So, there you have it! Not only are you well rested, and have good health, but you’re happier too! You have worked hard for this awesome emotion, so good on ya! We’re really proud of you and we’re happy to see that your body and mind are CLEARLY thriving at this moment! GOOD JOB, FRIEND!

5 Ways to Feel More Confident

Confidence is a feeling that comes and goes. So whenever you need a pick-me-up, don’t worry! We have some fun little exercises for you. Try ‘em out when you could use a confidence boost, or if you just wanna enjoy this badass feeling to its fullest!

1. Give yourself a pep talk or use a helpful statement

Confidence is all about recognizing your abilities and knowing your worth. Let’s face it, that’s not always easy to do. So whenever you start to doubt yourself, remember: I’m strong, capable and deserve to be here. I earned this! Feels great, doesn’t it?!

2. Engage in compassionate self talk

Sometimes, we could use a reminder of all the things that make us so amazing. And there’s nothing wrong with giving ourselves the pep talk we need to hear! If your confidence is low, go ahead and tell yourself how amazing, talented, and hard-working you are. Remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes and they don’t define you as a person!

3. Practice gratitude

Showing gratitude is a way of counting all of your blessings in life and showing appreciation. Maybe it looks like grabbing your co-worker their favourite drink from Starbucks on your way into work to show them how much they’re appreciated. Or you could write a nice thank-you note to your fitness instructor for pushing you to meet your goals every week. Whatever it is, spreading the positivity will always feel good for everyone!

4. Reach out for support and connect with a friend

Sometimes, we could use a little extra support and validation for our feelings. If you’re feeling not so confident, reach out to someone you can count on to be there for you! Venting feelings can be a huge weight off our shoulders. And your support person will remind you how great you are!

5. Journal

This practice is a great way to explore your feelings and understand where they’re coming from. When you’re struggling with your confidence, try to reframe and counter your negative thoughts so that you can build yourself up! Putting your thoughts down on paper can give you a lot of clarity, trust us. Just beware the hand cramps when you start writing up a storm!

There you have it, friend. We hope that you keep on feeling Demi Lovato levels of confidence, because we think you’re pretty great. Remember that this feeling can come and go, and that’s okay! No matter what, we’re rooting for you.

Feeling Appreciated: A Guide to Your Emotions

Feeling appreciated feels amazingggg, right? You feel seen, like all your hard work hasn’t gone unnoticed, people love you, you love them, and you genuinely feel good about what you’ve just done. IT’S JUST A LOVE FEST! Maybe you made an awesome meal for your partner! Maybe your boss or manager said that you’re doing a fucking awesome job at work! Whatever the case is, you probably feel soooooo good right now, and we love that for you.

This positive feedback from people impacts how we view ourselves and starts impacting our sense of self at a very young age. As we get older, we start to crave and thrive off of positive feedback from the people in our lives. When we have positive feedback, our sense of self-worth skyrockets!

So, right now, you’re probably riding high on life and loving yourself. You deserve to feel this absolute loveliness!

A Deeper Look at Feeling Appreciated

It’s kind of rare for us to feel appreciated. We spend so much of our time searching for approval, so when we are given that feeling we’re searching for, UGH IT FEELS SO GOOD. But why do we even want to feel appreciated anyway?

Basically, it gives us a sense of meaning, and we all search for meaning in our lives. Not to get existential, but being appreciated makes us feel like we have a purpose in our lives. Whatever that might be for you, feeling appreciated reinforces the idea that how we’re spending our time is making a difference to other people and ourselves.

When we feel appreciated by others, we feel a deeper sense of connection with them. Positive vibes foster positive feelings and positive connection. That was just a hippie-dippy trippy way to say that we want to connect more with people who make us feel good.

And honestly, we like being liked. Think about the kind of people that you genuinely like. They might be kind, helpful, honest, caring, or respectful. When we are appreciated, it feels like we are alllll of these wonderful adjectives to someone else too. Who wouldn’t want to be seen as a wonderful human being?

We also feel more motivated when we are appreciated. If you clean your bathroom and your roommate says “Wow! It looks great! Thanks for doing that,” you’ll want to do it again. But if you clean your bathroom and your roommate goes in afterwards, messes it up, and doesn’t say anything about how clean it was or apologize for their mess, you’ll feel less motivated to clean it again in the future. We want our actions to be seen and we want to be praised and thanked for our hard work.

Show Yourself Some Appreciation Too

But it’s important that you feel appreciation towards yourself too! Love yourself a little! Maybe you live alone and the only other living being you interact with is your cat, and they can’t say “Great job on the dishes!” So, it’s important to thank yourself for all your hard work. Take a look around and appreciate what amazing things you’ve done for yourself too and what you’ve accomplished.

How Feeling Appreciated Shows Up Mentally

When you feel appreciated, there can be a bunch of other wonderful emotions that pop up in your head. It’s like your best friend brought along your other best friends to surprise you at brunch or something! They might seem like simple feelings, but they’re powerful! It feels like lovely champagne bubbles in your heart and you feel like you’re on cloud fuckin’ 9:

Happy
Loved
Seen
Valued

Who wouldn’t want to feel this way, honestly? You’ve hit the jackpot of emotions with this group of feelings right here. We think that you’re pretty lucky, to be honest, and we kind of super envy you!

How Feeling Appreciated Shows Up Physically

You might not think that being appreciated can show up in physical ways, but it can! Surpriseeee! It actually has some wonderful benefits for your body. Bet you didn’t think you’d be hearing that sentence today! But it’s totally true. Are you calling us a liar!? Just kidding, but we’ll still prove it to you. Here’s how it shows up in your body:

You feel gentle
Your body feels at ease
You feel relaxed

Okay, it may be a short list, but you can’t tell us that we’re wrong! When you feel relaxed, your body feels great. Your heart rate slows down, and you feel at ease. It’s like you’re getting a massage… kind of. But it’s even better because when you feel appreciated, you feel good about yourself too!

5 Ways to Keep Feeling Appreciated

It feels so, so good to be appreciated, doesn’t it? Well, we have some strategies for you that will also feel ahhh-mazing! Try ‘em out for yourself and keep those positive vibes rolling. It’s what you deserve, friend!

1. Journal

Write down why you feel so awesome in this particular moment. Savour it! Enjoy it! You can come back to this feeling and this time on days when you might be feeling a bit low. You can also start a gratitude journal to help you feel all the good feelings at this moment.

2. Visualize your happy place

What does your happy place look like? Is it a bookshop in a small European town? Is it a coffee shop in New York? What do you see, smell, and hear in this space? Now, add in the feeling of happiness and appreciation that you’re feeling and just enjoy it.

3. Practice gratitude

Be grateful for yourself and what you’ve done for you. You have offered so much time, energy, love, and care in your life and you should take the time to celebrate that by being grateful for what you’ve done.

4. Connect with a friend

Sometimes it’s nice to just brag to a friend who will be happy for you and want to celebrate this feeling with you! It can help reinforce that amazing feeling of loveliness that you’re experiencing.

5. Meditate

It can also be nice to sit with this feeling on your own. If you decide to mediate with it, it can be a really wonderful experience to feel that much love and pride within yourself.

How are you feeling? Still riding high on life? Amazing! We know that feeling appreciated can sometimes feel like an elusive emotion, so we are so proud of you and happy that you feel this way today. We also hope that you feel just as amazing tomorrow and every day after that!

Feeling Irritated: A Guide to Your Emotions

When we feel irritated, we aren’t our usual selves. We’re super on edge. We get upset more easily and it’s like the slightest thing can set us off at any moment. It can make us snappy, rude and hard to be around. Other people might avoid us because of how moody we seem, like we’ll snap if they say one word to us. We might find it hard to accomplish simple tasks because we get easily frustrated and wanna give up when there’s the slightest inconvenience. Sound familiar?

It happens to the best of us. Look, we can’t all be happy rays of fucking sunshine every single day! Sometimes, things just get on our nerves and that’s okay. But if we let this emotion control us, we might take it out on others who don’t deserve it. It can also create a lot of problems in so many areas of our lives if we don’t get it under control. But don’t worry, that’s why we’re here! Let’s talk about feeling irritated and how you can cope with this emotion.

A Deeper Look at Feeling Irritated

APA Dictionary defines irritability as: “n. a state of excessive, easily provoked anger, annoyance, or impatience.” Yeppp, that checks out.

Feeling irritable is a normal human emotion that everyone goes through sometimes. It doesn’t make us bad people, though. ‘Cause guess what? We all have bad days! And sometimes, we might just feel like we woke up on the wrong side of the bed. We might want to be left alone to work through this feeling and cool off. There might not be a clear reason we feel irritated, but we’re in a bad mood anyway.

What Contributes?

There are a lot of factors that can contribute to our irritability. Stress can make us super irritable, especially when it’s been built up over time and we’ve tried to suppress it. It could be work-related stress, relationship stress, school stress, you name it. Alllll the stress! Eventually, the stress becomes too much and we lash out at other people, even when we don’t really mean it. If we don’t learn the best ways to manage our stress, our irritability can become out of control! And nobody wants that, especially when it can impact your relationships and make life harder than it needs to be.

Sometimes, the cause of irritability is pretty simple. Are you hungry? Not getting enough sleep? Lacking in the self care department? Those are easy fixes for the most part. It’s important to take the time to find the cause of your irritability so that you can move past it and get back to living your best life! You might think it’s your annoying neighbour who listens to their music too loud, or your mom who texts you constantly with family updates that you don’t wanna hear about. Life is full of small annoyances, and your feelings are totally valid. But check in with yourself and reflect on what the real root of your irritability is, ‘cause you probably have some idea. Like we said, it could be stress. Or you could just be hangry! You know yourself better than anyone. It’s okay to prioritize yourself and look after #1: you.

How Feeling Irritated Shows Up Mentally

Feeling irritated can affect our mental wellbeing in negative ways. Yep, more than just simply feeling annoyed! It ends up being a little poopy party in our minds that goes on forevveerrrr! And by the end of this shitty party, we end up feeling even more irritated than before. Here’s a few signs you could notice:

Anger
Frustration
Confusion
Difficulty focusing
Impatience
Fatigue

If these mental symptoms continue, it could be a sign of mental disorders or illness including anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. Irritability can also be a side effect of some medications. It’s always a good idea to seek medical attention if these symptoms persist and start to seriously harm your mental wellbeing.

How Feeling Irritated Shows Up Physically

When we feel irritated, our body shows signs. You might be trying to hide your irritation from others, and you may or may not be doing a good job at it. BUT what you can’t hide it from is your body. Yep! You heard that right. Here are some you might experience when your irritability is off the charts (and not in a good way):

Sweating
Increased heart rate
Fast breathing
Low blood sugar
Hormonal changes

But sometimes the irritation isn’t your fault at all. If your irritability is caused by a hormone imbalance, here’s a few more physical signs you may notice:

Headache
Fever
Hair loss
Hot flashes
Irregular menstrual cycles or menopause

If these physical signs continue, it’s important to seek medical attention. They could be indicators of larger health issues, so don’t ignore what your body is telling you!

5 Ways to Cope with Feeling Irritated

It can be hard to cope with feeling irritated, but don’t worry. We’re here for you! And we have some simple yet effective coping strategies for you whenever you’re feeling on edge. Try ‘em out!

1. Practice meditation

2. Progressive muscle relaxation

When you’re feeling irritated, it can be hard to calm tf down and reduce your anxiety levels. This is a helpful technique for reducing stress that involves tensing a group of muscles as you breathe in, and then relaxing them while you breathe out. Repeat as needed!

3. Journal

Wanna gain some clarity and insight into your feelings while also releasing some of the stress you’re harbouring? Well, look no further! Writing in a journal is a 10/10 excellent way to better understand your thoughts and reframe the negative ones.

4. Reach out for support

Sometimes when we feel crabby, the last thing we want to do is be around other people. But having someone to listen to us and validate how we’re feeling makes all the difference! So go ahead and have a lil’ vent sesh with someone you can count on.

5. Find a positive distraction

When you’re feeling irritated, it can be helpful to focus on something else for a bit. Watch an episode of a show that never fails to make you laugh. Clean out your closet. Listen to a podcast or playlist of your favourite songs. Paint, do a puzzle, whatever you like! Choose something you know will be a guaranteed stress-reliever and mood-booster.

That’s all for now, friend! It might seem hard when you’re having an off day, but we know you can get through this feeling like a champ.

Feeling Hurt: A Guide to Your Emotions

When we feel hurt, it can obviously be a really painful experience. It can feel like a punch to the gut, or a knife in the heart (safe to say neither of those are enjoyable). We might replay what has caused us to hurt over and over again in our minds, which can make it hard to move on from this feeling. We might try to hide away and disappear off the face of the earth so that nobody will see how much we’re suffering. Instead, we bottle up this feeling inside and repress it as much as possible. Onlyyy it doesn’t help, does it? The hurt is still there, dragging us down into a deep pit of sadness until we finally address what we’re truly feeling.

It’s just like the REM song says: Everybody hurts. Nobody (we repeat: NOBODY) is immune to getting their feelings hurt! Even the people who seem confident and happy most of the time. Feeling hurt sucks, but knowing we’re not the only ones who experience this feeling kinda makes it suck less. Plus, we’re here to help you get through your hurt feelings, so stick around!

A Deeper Look at Feeling Hurt

Feeling hurt actually has a few different names. There’s psychic pain, spiritual pain, psychalgia, emotional suffering, psychological pain, algopsychalia, soul pain, or mental pain. Phew, that’s a lot! But one of the most common titles is emotional distress.

Emotional distress or pain is caused by non-physical sources. It’s not the kinda pain you feel when you stub your toe or burn your tongue when you take a sip of piping hot coffee (ouch!). Feeling hurt can be caused by other emotions that you’ve avoided dealing with including anger, sadness, shame, guilt and anxiety.

We can feel hurt when our partner forgets our birthday because it feels like they don’t care enough to remember. Or when a parent criticizes your choice of major even though you are really passionate about your education, and you want them to be proud of you. It can be hurtful when we put a lot of hours into a project at work, and your boss doesn’t show you any recognition or appreciation for all of your effort. The thing is, our hurt feelings come from hurt thoughts. It’s important to dig deeper and ask why something makes us feel hurt. Are the negative thoughts we’re having based in reality, or are we feeling hurt based on personal assumptions?

This doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid or that you haven’t been mistreated. If your partner forgets your birthday, they should absolutely apologize and make it up to you! But it could be that they’ve had a lot on their mind, have been dealing with stress, and they made a mistake. Take the time to recognize the difference in order to protect your heart and look after your mental wellbeing!

How Feeling Hurt Shows Up Mentally

When we feel hurt, it affects our mental wellbeing in lots of ways. Sometimes it appears as a Johnny Cash song, and sometimes it pops up as an emotion. Unfortunately, we aren’t experts on Johnny Cash, but we DO know how to talk about emotions. So, let’s talk about how the emotional hurt shows up. Here’s what you might experience mentally when you’re going through hurt:

Feeling overwhelmed, helpless, or hopeless
Feeling guilty without a reason
Worrying excessively
Difficulty concentrating or remembering
Become hostile and irritable
Difficulty keeping up with daily tasks
Withdrawing socially

We’re going to state the obvious here and say that hurt is suuuper painful. We don’t blame you for feeling the way that you do! It’s totally normal and completely valid. Remember that!

How Feeling Hurt Shows Up Physically

Like we said, feeling hurt can actually give us physical reactions to the pain we’re experiencing. It’s not just all in our heads like we think it might be! Mental pain can easily translate to the body in a number of different ways that you might not have known about before!

Our bodies are more sensitive than we give them credit for. They feel what happens in our mind and interpret it like it’s actually happening to our physical selves. Here’s a few signs you might notice if you’re hurting mentally:

Headaches
New, unexplained pain
Changes in appetite
Stomachache/gastrointestinal issues
Fatigue
Sleeping too much or too little
Relying on mood-altering substances like alcohol

These symptoms can also be a sign of an underlying mental health condition including anxiety or depression. If you continue to experience these symptoms, please seek professional help.

5 Ways to Cope with Feeling Hurt

Okay, so you’re hurt. It sucks a lot right now, but we know you can get through it! In fact, we have some coping strategies for you. Give ‘em a go and see how much better you’ll feel!

1. Journal

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: journaling is an underrated practice. Write down exactly how you’re feeling, even the dark and twisty thoughts you don’t wanna confront. That way, you can gain the clarity to reframe and counter those negative thoughts. Your hand might start to cramp, but we swear you’ll feel sooo much better!

2. Reach out for support

Just like the Beatles song goes: I get by with a little help from my friends! Reach out to someone you can trust and who will be there for you. You might feel inferior now, but it doesn’t mean you have to navigate it alone! Get all of those negative feelings off your chest. Having someone there to validate our feelings can be so helpful!

3. Engage in something soothing or comforting

When you’re feeling hurt, it’s safe to say you could use a little healing. Spend time with your pet by cuddling them or taking them on a walk. Touch something comforting like your fave cozy blanket. Brew some tea or your drink of choice. Do whatever makes you feel calm, safe and happy!

4. Give yourself a pep talk

It’s hard not to fixate over what is causing us to hurt. Sometimes, we gotta give ourselves a little pep talk in order to turn those negative thoughts around. Try saying some encouraging phrases to yourself out loud: I feel hurt right now but I can move on. I’ve gotten through hurt before. I’m gonna be okay.

5. Comfort yourself like a friend

If you don’t have anyone who can be there for you at this moment, that’s okay. You can be there for yourself! Think about how you would want a loved one to comfort you in this moment. Give yourself a pat on the back, write a list of the things you like about yourself, and reflect on your accomplishments. Be the friend you need right now!

There you go! It’s hard to get past your hurt feelings, but we know you can do it. We hope this has helped you so that you can move on and feel your best again! We’re here for you, friend.