Not Sure If You're Being Manipulated? 12 Examples of Emotional Manipulation to Look For

PUBLISHED Aug 9th, 2022 & UPDATED ON Mar 14th, 2025

It can be hard to see the signs of emotional manipulation. Sometimes, the people we trust the most are actually using tactics to make you feel guilty, wrong, or like you’ve hurt them, even though you’re the one who’s being hurt. In fact, they might be using manipulation tactics without even realizing it!

If you’re being manipulated, you probably feel some mix of fear, guilt, or obligation, but you don’t understand why.

Understanding these tactics is crucial in maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being. Here are 12 common examples of emotional manipulation to be aware of:

1. “I was just kidding!”

When someone makes a hurtful comment and then dismisses your feelings by claiming it was a joke or that you’re being too sensitive, they’re invalidating your emotions. Everyone has the right to feel hurt, and no one should undermine that.

If you’re comfortable with the person, you can try to use “I” statements to explain to them why it hurt you, like, “I didn’t think that was funny because that topic is triggering to me.” If the person didn’t mean to hurt you, using an “I” statement like that can help them understand where you’re coming from.

2. “If you lost some weight, that shirt would look better on you.”

A manipulative person will prey on your insecurities to make you feel bad about yourself and diminish your self-esteem. Whether it’s about appearance, intelligence, or abilities, these comments are designed to make you feel inferior.

It could also take the form of a backhanded compliment, like, “I like your hair today. It looks better than it usually does.” Still an insult, but starting with a compliment gives the manipulator the ability to deny the insulting part. Recognizing this behaviour is the first step toward addressing it

3. “That never happened! You’re acting crazy.”

Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where the person makes you doubt your own memories or perceptions. So if you know that your partner was being rude to you all night but they try to convince you that it never happened, you’re overreacting, or that you “always get like this,” it may be them gaslighting you. By denying events or feelings, the manipulator seeks to make you question your reality, leading to increased dependence on them.

Long-term, gaslighting can cause people to question their own senses and reality because they’re constantly having their experiences invalidated. This tactic is common in abusive relationships and can severely impact mental health.

Gaslighting is also pretty common in relationships with people who have narcissistic personality disorder. A lot of the behaviour in this list can be exhibited by people with NPD, so check out our other article to learn more!

4. “Well, your mother agrees with me, so you must be wrong.”

Bringing others into a disagreement to validate their point is a tactic manipulators use to isolate you and make you feel unsupported. By pitting you against not only them but people you’re close to, like your friends and family members, they’re trying to take away your support system and give themselves the upper hand.  This can lead to strained relationships with friends and family, further increasing the manipulator’s control.

5. “I don’t want to talk about this here. Come to my office instead.”

This tactic is called home court advantage. By insisting on discussing matters in a setting where they feel more in control, manipulators aim to intimidate and dominate the conversation. This “home court advantage” can make you feel vulnerable and less likely to assert yourself.

6. “I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but this feels better than any other relationship I’ve been in.”

Have you heard the term “love bombing” before? Love bombing involves overwhelming someone with affection and praise to quickly establish a sense of dependency. They might claim that you’re soulmates, give you lots of gifts, and always text/call you.

Check-in with yourself: if the love you’re receiving is super early and pretty overwhelming, they’re likely love-bombing you in order to get an intense commitment right away. Someone who loves you will respect your boundaries, time, and individuality and not go too big or too fast. This can also be done inadvertently without ill intent, but it’s still harmful. It’s really important to set boundaries, no matter how excited you are about your new relationship. 

7. “Oh, I’m in the wrong? You’re the one who spent all of your time with your friend last week!”

Smokescreening/a red herring is a tactic where the manipulator brings up a different topic—usually something you did wrong in their eyes—in order to deflect from being confronted by you. They can bring up unrelated issues to avoid accountability. If you try to communicate with a manipulator and they want to change the subject right away, it may be a sign that they’re being manipulative.

8. “I want to know about you. Tell me everything.”

This one is situation-dependent because getting to know someone isn’t an inherently bad thing. But, if you find that the person asks lots of probing questions right away without offering much information of their own, they could be establishing a baseline and looking for weaknesses to manipulate later. Again, that’s not to say you shouldn’t get to know a new partner! But it should be a conversation you have together, not an interrogation. 

If you like the person, but find their questions a bit overwhelming, you can let them know that you aren’t ready to divulge everything right away and that you’ll tell them when you’re ready. It’s okay to set a boundary around your personal information!

9. “…”

The tactic is known as the silent treatment. This is a form of manipulation that’s loud and clear—without saying a word. Withdrawing communication without explanation is a form of punishment used to make you feel uncertain and anxious. This tactic pressures you into conforming to the manipulator’s desires to restore communication. They want you to reach out, apologize, and make up for whatever it is that’s making them ignore you, even when they don’t make the reason for the silent treatment clear. The silent treatment is not an effective replacement for open and honest communication.

10. “Fine. Don’t let me borrow your car. But could you at least give me a ride to work?”

The door-in-the-face technique can be used to manipulate people into giving in to a request by making a bigger request at first, which then makes the following request seem small. In the example above, borrowing someone’s car is a pretty big request, so asking for a ride to work seems reasonable in comparison, even if it’s not something you want to do. 

The foot-in-the-door technique is similar but in the other direction. The person will ask for something small, then escalate to something bigger. A salesperson in a retail setting might use this by asking you to try a sample of their product, then, after you’re covered in twelve of their products and have been in the store for fifteen minutes, they ask you to buy something. You already said yes in the beginning, so why not say yes now?

11. “You’re not going to stay late tonight? I’m really starting to question your dedication to this team.”

Toxic workplaces can use guilt-tripping as a tactic. Your manager or supervisor might guilt you into staying late in order to lessen the load on your co-workers, prove your dedication to your workplace, or show that you’re “worthy” of a raise or promotion. Just remember that you sign an agreement with your workplace to work a certain amount of scheduled hours per week, and you shouldn’t have to work late if you aren’t able to or don’t want to. A good work-life balance is vital to your mental health.

Outside of work, it can also look like: “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” —  it leverages your sense of responsibility and compassion to control your actions.

12. “I know that you agreed to see me once a week, but I really need you to see me three times a week at least.”

This one is called moving the goalpost. The manipulator will ask for something, then change what they want after the manipulated person gives in. It’s a form of boundary-pushing where the manipulator is trying to see how much they can get from another person. Remember what you originally agreed to, and if you don’t want to do more, then don’t do it! 

This is an under-discussed form of sexual assault. Just because you consented to one thing doesn’t mean that you consent to anything more than that. Consent is an ongoing process, and your boundaries deserve to always be respected.

You’re Being Manipulated. What Now?

You’ve made it through this list and thought, “Huh, maybe I am being manipulated…” How do you respond?

As always, it depends on the context. In a sales situation, spotting manipulation can help you shut it down and protect your money. Let that salesperson know that you know their tricks and you want a fair deal! Or take that free lotion sample, say thanks, and walk out—because you’re not obligated to buy anything. 

If you find that someone you’re close to is manipulating you, it can be a bit more complicated. Sometimes, manipulative people will use these tactics without even meaning to. If someone was brought up in a household where emotional manipulation was commonly used, that might be how they were taught to communicate. 

But that still doesn’t make it okay! It’s a conversation you’ll need to have with the person involved — and as long as you both remain direct and honest with communication, it can be worked out. But not everyone will be receptive, or accept that their behaviour is manipulative. Be ready to set boundaries with that person. 

Purposeful manipulation is a form of abuse. If you find yourself unsure of your feelings, questioning yourself, and feeling your mental health declining, reach out to your support system. Establishing firm boundaries with the manipulative person will be super important. A good practice is to delay your response to a request or demand from a manipulator—so you don’t let them guilt, shame, or confuse you into giving in. If it doesn’t feel right, check in with your emotions, and stick with your boundaries!

Read More: Common Therapy Concerns, Therapy FAQs,