Written by DiveThru Team
Reviewed by Natalie Asayag MSW, LCSW
'Why Am I Getting Ghosted?' Here Are Some Theories
Published Mar 2nd, 2021 & updated on Mar 19th, 2021
Ahhhh dating. Isn’t it a fun time? Just kidding. It can feel like playing the lottery every day and not even winning $25 to cover the cost of the tickets.
What’s even worse is when you feel like you’re getting somewhere with a person and then POOF! Ghosted! Out of nowhere!
If you’re reading this article then we assume that you’ve probably been ghosted. Sorry to hear that, friend. We’ve all been there. The DiveThru team member writing this blog has umm… some pretty fucking sad first-hand experience with being ghosted. She kept her Skype open for 5 HOURS one time waiting to talk to a boy who said he’d call but never did. DEVASTATING. So uhhh, ya. We definitely get it. Getting ghosted is never on the daily to-do list, and — like every victim of a supernatural occurrence such as this — we don’t know why it happened and can only guess as to why this person has left you on read.
Let’s theorize together, shall we?
Option 1: They Suck
If they’re anything like the boy who didn’t call back our writer, they probably suck (she’s CLEARLY not bitter about it since she keeps bringing it up). You seem like a really awesome person and your ghoster probably didn’t deserve to hang out with you anyway. We won’t ghost you. Promise!
Option 2: They Don’t Suck and Are Just Going Through Something
When people go through some tough shit, they can sometimes ghost a person because they just don’t have the emotional capacity to explore a relationship. They might not want to talk about their feelings or life with anyone, and the best way they can deal with the situation is by shutting down. Sometimes, people get too overwhelmed to communicate, and ignoring everyone and everything is just how they cope.
It can be really hard trying to balance a new person’s feelings AND an emotional crisis at the same time! It’s a lot to mentally and emotionally take on, so if this is the case, give them a little slack. They’re probably going through a lot.
Option 3: They’re a Player
‘Cause you know I love the players, and you love the game!
So, this clearly wasn’t forever and it went down in flames a bit, hey? Some people might just like the chase. They love the thrill of meeting someone new and the intense attraction that comes with it. But once that attraction dwindles a bit or they find someone new to fancy, they ghost the first person and focus their efforts on the new one.
Do they even care how getting ghosted feels?! It can really hurt when you feel like you’ve been used! It’s not an easy feeling to process, or even get over, so be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel the way you need to.
Option 4: Intimacy
Some people just can’t handle intimacy. Maybe they wanted a super casual thing but you might’ve wanted more? Getting to know someone on a deeper level can be some intense stuff, so they might not have been ready for that.
They also might not like when people get to know them in a romantic way, either. They might have gone through some stuff in the past that really hurt them and aren’t totally over that trauma. The only way they know to protect themselves is by keeping people at an arm’s length.
Option 5: They Don’t Want to Hurt Your Feelings
Sometimes ghosters don’t know how to easily let down a ghostee. The best way they know how to deal with it is just by not replying anymore.
It’s kind of the easy way out for them…but not you. You’re left with soooo many questions and zero closure about the situation. But sadly, they might just not know how to honestly and kindly communicate their feelings.
Option 6: They Don’t Want Anything Serious
Unfortunately, some people like to disappear if there is even a whiff of commitment in the air. “Making it official? No thanks!” Then they turn to dust and float away with the wind.
It can be frustrating because you didn’t even get the chance to communicate your thoughts and feelings about commitment to them. They might’ve just made an assumption and got scared.
We obviously can’t totally understand why someone might have ghosted you because we are just some words on the internet at the moment. But we hope that this allowed you to commiserate and maybe guess as to why someone might have ghosted you.
Like we said, you seem REALLY COOL! So, come back and talk to us again sometime. Neither of us will ghost the other. DEAL? Deal!