Written by DiveThru Team
Reviewed by Dr. Katelyn Baker Psy.D
Validating Your Bisexuality: Understanding & Accepting Yourself
Published Jun 3rd, 2021 & updated on Jun 3rd, 2021
Well, hello there! Are you looking for confirmation that you’re bisexual and needing some ways to validate it? Well, look no further!
It can be hard to identify, and feel valid in, your bisexuality for a number of reasons. Maybe you’ve only been with people of the opposite gender, maybe you’ve never had bisexual experiences (or any sexual experiences) before, or maybe you’ve been told “it’s just a phase” so much that you doubt yourself! Why is it SO easy to accept someone else’s queerness…but when it comes to understanding bisexuality for yourself, it’s so damn hard?!
Well…there are a few reasons. So, let’s dive into all of them so that you can better understand why accepting your bisexuality can be difficult, and how to feel valid in your identity.
What Is Bisexuality?
Quick overview! Bisexuality is the sexual attraction to both cis men and cis women. As a bisexual person, you might also be romanticly attracted to both and consider this to be under the umbrella of ‘bisexual,’ while some prefer to classify this separately as biromantic (it’s all about whatever feels right to you!). For the purpose of this article, we’re going to refer to bisexuality as both sexual and romantic attractions.
It can be incredibly difficult when you’re wondering how to explore bisexuality for yourself. And, how to explain bisexuality to your loved ones and friends (if you choose to come out). Plus, if you’ve only ever been in heterosexual relationships (casual or committed) then determining and accepting your bisexuality can be even harder — for yourself AND others.
Questioning your sexuality is a big challenge to face and bisexual people have a slightly different kind of battle in this realm. (We also know all too well how real the struggle to feel valid can be!)
Why Is Bisexuality Not Accepted Sometimes
First, some bisexuals don’t feel like there is a place for them in the Queer Community. Gays and Lesbians sometimes exist in a sexual world of certainties and black and white. You’re either gay or you’re not. It’s that simple, right? Wrong! Bisexuals are sometimes told that they’ve “turned straight,” “come with baggage,” or “don’t know what they want,” by others in the Queer Community. So, even though we’re part of the acronym, we’re not deemed as legit by others in the community.
And, if you’ve only been in hetero relationships thus far, then there are the people who question how you can even know that your bi. And this can extend to your own thinking too! It’s hard to remember when people project their opinions onto you that your sexual identity is still valid.
There are also some people that hear you when you tell them you’re bisexual, but seem to think that you can simply choose to focus on finding an opposite-sex partner (You wanna have kids, don’t you? Yes, Karen. And, guess what, I can have kids in ANY relationship!).
All of this bi-erasure and biphobia can leave you doubting whether you’re “gay enough” to identify as bi. You don’t want to occupy a space (the LGBTQIA2S+ space) that doesn’t belong to you, so you hesitate to declare yourself until you are 1000% sure. But regardless of what anyone says, if being bisexual feels right to you, that’s all that matters. Remember, dating someone of the opposite gender doesn’t automatically make you straight!
What You Can Do To Feel Valid
Now that we’ve covered the not-so-fun stuff, let’s talk about how you can find validation for your bi-ness within yourself, within a community…and in other ways you might not have even thought of before! Ready? Let’s dive in.
1. Connect With Other Bi People
It can so easily feel like your experience with bisexuality isn’t like anyone else’s. So many people around you (and in the media) are out, proud and accepted by the people around them. But, once you start looking, you’ll be surprised how many people have felt the EXACT same way that you do.
2. Dress However You Like
Have you curated your style to look feminine “enough” or masculine “enough” to avoid any questions or assumptions about your sexuality? Well, try out something a little different. If you love the boxy blazer look but have been too uneasy to try it…now is the time to try it! We’re not going to delve into the stereotypes here (because that does no one any good), but you know what you’ve avoided and want to try. So, do it. We swear it’s so validating!
3. Ask Yourself If The Label Feels Right
If the label feels like it matches who you are then it’s the label that you’re meant to have at this moment. Sexuality is a spectrum and it’s totally normal for it to change and develop as you do! So if pansexual feels more accurate down the line, that’s okay too! And if you’re worried that you’re actually just straight and are inserting yourself into conversations and communities that aren’t meant for you — remember, most straight people don’t question if they’re straight. It’s just a given for them. So, if you’re questioning if you’re bi enough to be bisexual, you prooooobably are. 😉
It’s also okay for your definition of bisexuality to change over time. If being bi used to mean only dating men and women, but has moved to include people of all genders, you can still be bi! Bisexuality can mean that you are attracted to people that identify closely to how you identify with your gender, and then you can be attracted to those that don’t – thus making a new binary for yourself that isn’t gender exclusive!
4. Read About It
Okay, so you’re already doing this right now (hi), but if you look up stories and personal accounts of people searching for bisexuality validation, you’ll find a lot of people who have gone — or are going through — a similar experience to you. If you don’t feel like you have the guts JUST yet to reach out and talk to others about your experiences, reading about how others feel, or felt, can also be reassuring and validating!
5. Come Out In Small Ways
You don’t have to have a whole party dedicated to your coming out (unless you want one!). And, you don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to! You can do whatever you want and what feels the most comfortable for you. This might mean incorporating the bi flag into your bitmoji character. Or, maybe simply checking “yes” on a survey that asks if you’re part of the LGBTQIA2S+ community. Give yourself these small ways of validating your emotions and attractions! The more you do this, the more sure and confident you will become with yourself and your sexuality.
We hope that this article has at least given you some bi-deas (get it? Like ideas but we made it bi-themed) on how to feel comfortable and confident claiming the label of bisexuality! We know that it’s not easy to figure out who you are and where you fit. Know that we see you, we love you, and YOU are SO valid!