How to Deal With Family Members That Disrespect You

PUBLISHED Jul 13th, 2022 & UPDATED ON Mar 25th, 2025

Unfortunately, most people can relate to having that family member. You know the one — the person you avoid at gatherings because nearly every conversation leaves you feeling angry, exhausted, or on the verge of tears. Maybe they’re dishonest. Maybe they’re controlling. Maybe they hold harmful beliefs or just seem to go out of their way to be rude. However it shows up, dealing with family members who disrespect you can feel especially painful — because it’s not something that should happen.

Conflict is never easy, and being related to someone doesn’t make it any easier. While there’s no perfect, one-size-fits-all way to navigate these dynamics, there are strategies that can help you protect your peace and move through these situations with more clarity and confidence. Let’s dive in.

1. Keep Your Distance

Just because you’re at the same family event doesn’t mean you need to sit down and chat. And if you do find yourself in a conversation with someone you’d rather not talk to, it’s okay to step away — politely or otherwise. There’s no unspoken rule about how long you have to stick around.

And if attending the gathering altogether is likely to impact your mental health? You have every right to skip it. Your well-being comes first — even when it comes to family.

The same goes for those unexpected run-ins, like bumping into them at the grocery store. You don’t owe them your time or energy, even if your only “plans” involve snacks and Netflix. A simple “Hey, I’ve got somewhere to be!” is more than enough.

That said, we know that avoidance isn’t always an option. When you do have to engage, having a plan can help you feel more in control.

2. Be Direct

If you feel safe and comfortable doing so, being direct can be one of the most effective ways to handle disrespectful behaviour. Laughing off comments or relying on passive cues can send mixed signals. Being clear helps draw the line.

Try using “I” statements to express how their behaviour affects you. For example:

“I feel disrespected when you make comments about my relationship.”

This keeps the focus on your experience rather than framing it as an attack, which can reduce defensiveness and (hopefully) open the door to more honest communication.

Sometimes, people are trying (and failing) to connect through humour or banter and just don’t realize they’ve crossed a line. Friendly teasing requires mutual consent — and if you don’t agree to it, it’s not okay. Letting them know you don’t appreciate those comments helps set the tone for future conversations.

And if it turns out they weren’t trying to bond — they were just being hurtful — you still deserve to stand up for yourself. Being direct makes it clear that you won’t tolerate being disrespected, regardless of their intentions. “It was just a joke” doesn’t excuse behaviour that causes harm.

3. Try To Stay Grounded

When someone’s being rude or offensive, it’s totally valid to feel upset. But it’s also okay to choose not to take the bait. Sometimes, a quick redirection can shut down the conversation without escalating things:

“Glad to hear you’re keeping up on the news, Jim. Hey, Sasha — didn’t you go hiking last weekend? How was it?”

That doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the issue or letting them off the hook. It just means you’re protecting your peace.

And yes — staying calm is hard. But remember, staying grounded doesn’t mean you’re not setting boundaries. Sometimes, the calmest responses send the loudest message. Think back to your teenage years—being yelled at by your parents was nothing compared to a calm “I’m disappointed in you.”

Try not to take their behaviour personally. Easier said than done, we know. But their words say more about them than they do about you. You are not responsible for their behaviour, and you are not overreacting for feeling hurt.

4. Sobriety

Sometimes, disrespectful behaviour shows up when someone is under the influence of alcohol or other substances. That can add layers of complexity — because while intoxication may explain their behaviour, it doesn’t excuse it.

If this is a recurring issue, it might be worth planning dry family events or choosing to stay sober yourself — not because it’s your responsibility to manage their actions, but because it can help reduce the risk of escalation.

In some cases, there may be signs of a substance use disorder. If you’re open to it, speaking with other supportive family members and considering a more structured intervention might be a helpful step. If you go this route, try preparing ahead of time — write down what you want to say, and focus on expressing concern for their well-being rather than shame or blame.

Regardless of what you choose to do, give yourself space to process your own feelings, too. Supporting someone through addiction is difficult, and your emotional experience matters.

5. Set and Enforce Boundaries

Setting boundaries isn’t about changing their behaviour — it’s about clearly stating yours. You can’t control how they act, but you can decide what you will and won’t tolerate. Remember earlier, how we talked about being direct? That’s key when it comes to setting boundaries.

“I feel upset when you comment on my appearance. If you keep making those jokes, I’m going to leave the conversation.”

The key here is to be clear, calm, and consistent. And just as important as setting a boundary is actually following through on it. That’s why it helps to set boundaries you feel ready to enforce — not as punishment, but as a form of self-protection.

6. It’s Not Your Responsibility to “Fix” Them

Not everybody has the same beliefs, and that’s okay. Not all disagreements are created equal — if someone likes a different movie than you do — cool! That’s an easy difference to live with.

BUT there are certain things that just aren’t opinions. If your relative is making xenophobic jokes, sharing conspiracy theories about vaccines, being abusive, etc., that is not a difference of opinion.

You can speak up if you feel able to — but please remember that it’s not your job to educate or change them, especially at the cost of your own emotional energy. You’re allowed to walk away, even if it feels uncomfortable.

7. Cut Ties

Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is walk away — even from a family member. And while that decision is rarely easy, it doesn’t mean you’re being dramatic or unforgiving. Just because you’re related to someone doesn’t mean there are no consequences for disrespectful behaviour.

You’re simply choosing to protect your mental health — and that’s a valid choice.

You don’t owe anyone access to you, especially if they’ve repeatedly disrespected your boundaries. If you still want to maintain relationships with others in the family, let them know you’re not comfortable being around that person. You can be clear and kind:

“I’ve made the decision not to be around [Name] for my own well-being. I hope you can respect that.”

They may or may not understand — and that’s okay. You’re not responsible for managing their feelings, and you can’t control how others will react to your boundaries. But your mental health deserves to be prioritized.

8. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

Even if it feels like the “right” decision, walking away from a relationship — or even just emotionally detaching from it — can bring up a deep sense of loss.

You might be grieving the person your relative used to be. Or maybe you’re grieving the relationship you always hoped for but never had. Either way, it’s real, and it deserves your compassion.

Make space for your feelings, whatever they are. Talking to a trusted loved one or therapist can help, especially someone who specializes in family dynamics or grief. Figuring out how to deal with family members that disrespect you is hard work, but you deserve love and respect.

Figuring out how to deal with a disrespectful family member is never easy. And we’re so sorry that you even have to think about it. But you deserve to feel safe and respected in your relationships — yes, even with family.

Remember: being related to someone doesn’t give them a free pass to mistreat you. Family is a privilege, not a right.

If you are looking for support from a therapist with family or grief concerns, our matching tool can help you narrow down your search to find the ideal therapist for you.