Feeling Hateful: A Guide to Your Emotions

PUBLISHED May 4th, 2021 & UPDATED ON Nov 28th, 2022

Growing up, your parents or teachers probably told you that hate is a strong word. Well, hate IS a strong emotion! Think about a time where you used the word ‘hate.’ Ugh, I hate this song! Don’t you hate how cold and rainy it is today? I signed up for this spin class, only I actually hate exercise. It’s gonna totally suck! Feeling hateful is a super intense and angry emotion, but we can use it pretty casually. Do we really feel that strongly about not liking brussels sprouts, or is hate just a default word?! We’ll never know.

Surprise, surprise: feeling hateful takes up a LOT of our energy. This negative feeling can eat us up inside if we let it (and let’s be honest, it’s easy to let hate take over). That’s why it’s so important to understand our feelings and where they’re coming from. That way, we can conquer our negative thoughts and improve our mental wellbeing. So let’s look at how to cope with feeling hateful!

A Deeper Look at Feeling Hateful

What does it mean to feel hate? APA Dictionary defines hate as: “n. A hostile emotion combining intense feelings of detestation, anger, and often a desire to do harm.” Yeahhh, it’s a big one, that’s for sure.

We can feel hateful for lots of reasons. If you’re dealing with burnout from school or work, you might start to hate your studies or job. Sometimes, if we resent someone we interact with regularly, like a coworker, friend or family member, their actions can start to annoy us and we might feel like we hate being around them. That could be a sign that we need some space or alone time. It’s also common to hold onto hurt and anger when a person does something that hurts us, like lying or making a super hurtful comment. Instead of forgiving them or working through it, we might hold this anger inside. Setting boundaries in all of our relationships is a great way to avoid some of this stress. Even though you can’t control how other people act, stating what your boundaries are will help protect you in the long run.

Self-Hate

If we’re struggling with self-hate, we can feel a lot of frustration and anger towards ourselves for not meeting our own expectations. We can be our own worst critic and think of our successes in extremes, like…if I don’t prove myself at my job, everyone is gonna hate me and I’ll get fired. We tell ourselves I’m worthless instead of I feel worthless. Our thoughts lean towards the negative, instead of remembering all the positives we like about ourselves or our achievements. Low self-esteem is also an issue with self-hate where we believe we’re not good enough. All in all, self-hate can consume our happiness and turn us into angry, hateful people. We might even start to take out this anger on other people, which can affect our relationships and success in our professional lives.

How Feeling Hateful Shows Up Mentally

Feeling hateful can take over our thoughts and create space for a lot of negativity. And the worst part is that it shows up in a variety of different ways! Here’s how you might experience feeling hateful mentally:

Feeling an extreme case of envy
Having contempt for someone
Feeling humiliated by another person or situation
Feeling powerless or shameful
Self-hatred and negative self-talk

These toxic symptoms can also indicate mental illness including depression and anxiety. Please seek the help of a mental health professional if your intense feelings of hatred aren’t manageable on your own!

How Feeling Hateful Shows Up Physically

Feeling anger and hate can really put a lot of emotional stress on your body over time. Here a few ways your physical health becomes affected by hateful and negative emotions:

Chronic stress
Insomnia
Hormone imbalance
Poor immune system
High blood pressure
Cardiovascular disease
Digestive problems

Not-so-fun fact: these symptoms can actually shorten our life span. Yikes! The relationships between our emotions, mental health and physical health are very strong. This is why it’s so important to find healthy ways to work through our feelings and take them seriously. They affect our quality of life!

5 Ways to Cope with Feeling Hateful

It can be hard to get past your feelings of hate and anger, we know. But don’t worry! We’ve got some coping strategies for you to help overcome this negative emotion and go back to feeling like your regular self!

1. Practice Deep Breathing

Hatred can make you feel pretty heated! Need to calm down and cool off a bit? Take deep breaths in, followed by deep breaths out. Taking a moment to focus on your breathing has actually been proven to lower anxiety and reduce stress. Plus, deep breathing slows your heart rate and provides your brain with enough oxygen to chill.

2. Reach Out for Support

Stewing alone with your hateful feelings can be tricky. Try reaching out to a friend, family member or loved one when you need to have a good ol’ vent session. They can be there to listen and support you, and maybe even offer up some advice if that’s what you need. Either way, just having them be there for you can make all the difference in the world! ‘Cause let’s be honest, we’re not always the most rational when we’re angry.

3. Engage in Something Soothing and Comforting

Ya wanna know what’s calming? Enjoying a nice bubble bath. Curling up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket and drinking a mug of hot tea. Going for a walk. Listening to a podcast or watching your favourite show. Doing a peaceful activity, like puzzles, crosswords or colouring. Try doing something positive that will improve your mood and take your mind off those hateful thoughts!

4. Journal

The best method out there, in our humble opinion, is journaling. We LOVE it. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can give you a ton of clarity. Plus, it’s helpful for reframing all of those negative thoughts you might be having. It also feels very therapeutic and will help release some of that pent-up anger — just be careful not to push so hard when you’re writing! We don’t want your hand to cramp, friend. ❤️

5. Move Your Body

A huge benefit to exercise? Those endorphins, baby! Getting physical not only improves your mood, it also releases stress and improves your focus. So try doing something active that you personally enjoy! It could be dancing around your room to your upbeat playlist, or following along to a yoga video on YouTube. Maybe you like to run. Or swim. There are endless activities that get you up and moving! Not only will your heart thank you for it, but so will your mind.

Okay, that’s all we’ve got. Hopefully, this helped you gain some insight into how you’re feeling and how you can move on from feeling super mad and hateful. ‘Cause this feeling sucks. And you deserve better, friend!