Most people don’t understand the damage it causes to suppress feelings rather than process them. When it comes time to resolve feelings, it’s absolutely necessary to actually FEEL them first. It’s hard and it can hurt, but finding freedom from negative feelings will help you live a live more connected to yourSelf and others.
Do you remember crying as a child. It came so easily to you. You feel something and your body just reacted naturally and the tears flowed and the noises rang out. It’s more than likely that someone along the way told you to stop. “Big Girls Don’t Cry” as the song goes, or even worse, “Boys don’t cry,” a common refrain for parents of a certain era. Our culture teaches us to push our emotions down, lock them up and move on. This is our imprinting. We learn to ignore from a very early age.
No wonder so many people suffer with addiction, eating disorders, relationship issues and any number of other emotion-based difficulties! It sounds obvious when you say it, but sometimes we need to have the obvious stated. You can’t resolve feelings until you feel them. But why is that the case?
What Are Emotions?
Emotions are shortcuts to our needs and reactions to the world. We feel a certain way when we need a certain thing. This is ingrained in our very being, our DNA. It’s why we share our emotions with animals, particularly mammals and primates. If someone hurts you, you feel anger because you’ll need to protect yourself. If you do something embarrassing, you feel shame because you need to protect your standing within your peers. If your partner shows signs of sexual interest in another person, you feel jealous because we need the security of someone who will stick around to take care of the kids.
This is obviously over-simplified, but the idea is that emotions are inherently tied to needs. They serve an embodied function, even though they’re psychological. Everything is connected. The tricky part comes when that natural emotional response is interrupted, ignored or negated by our upbringing.
What Happens When You Don’t Resolve Feelings And Emotions?
Emotions will manifest somewhere. A commons strategy is substance abuse, such as alcohol, opiates, and other substances. All of these act on the reward centres of your brain. In the case of opiates, it actually numbs you, working better on emotional pain than physical pain. The vast majority of street addicts have suffered some form of trauma in their lives, the ramifications of which can go unresolved for years, or in sadder cases, entire lifetimes.
But other activities that trigger the reward centre can be just as harmful, such as gambling, shopping, sex and eating disorders.
Leaving emotions unresolved can lead to more painful outcomes, which only adds to the pile of emotions that are left unresolved. It’s the classic vicious cycle.
How Does One Begin To Resolve Feelings?
In order to reconnect with yourSelf and take the first step away from that negative cycle is to simply resolve your feelings. While the action itself reads simply, actually feeling your feelings and not pushing them away can feel daunting and impossible- but it’s a necessary step for growth and to move forward in feeling connected to yourSelf.
It can take some time to overcome those learned psychological roadblocks and relearn how to feel again. Our method is not to try to make you feel better, in the sense of feeling a nice feeling, the way drugs or other reward driven behaviours do. Those only keep the ignoring more tolerable.
Instead we want you to feel better: to face your feelings and build the skill of being in touch with your emotions. We want to help you to be able to identify the name of a feeling and determine the cause of why it’s there. We want to help you discover what need is not being met or what past experience is being triggered.
Taking Action Toward Those Suppressed Feelings
How will you take action and how will it be beneficial?
You’ll be asked to follow simple mindfulness and journaling techniques where we encourage you to open yourself up emotionally with easy-to-follow guided breathing exercises.
We’ll invite you to answer a question in your journaling that will allow you to put into words all of the feelings you’re processing- which will bring the emotions from the subconscious to the conscious level.
This process, which is what we call a “dive” will help you to process those feelings within the brain’s higher cognitive levels and start the changes inside yourself that will lead you to be more open, connected and able to take care of your own needs. These “dives” cover every type of life question and are condensed into 6, 12 and 18 minute sessions in order to quickly help you work out an issue and get you back to your life- feeling better.
Learn More About DiveThru
Learn more about the DiveThru Method.
Learn more about “dives” and how using the DiveThru app (created with a licensed therapist) daily can help you to resolve feelings of any type and in any situation.
In opening up your ability to feel, it’s possible that a flood of old, unresolved emotions may emerge. It can take a long time to get through them all. It’s easy to fall into traps of negative feelings of blame and self-loathing.
Within this process, we want to encourage self-compassion and self-love. Think about what it would be like for you if a loved one were going through what you’re going through. You know everyone makes mistakes and deserves the chance to make a positive change and do good by themselves. So you would most likely tell your friend that ‘it’s okay’. If you’d say it to a friend or family member, you should say it to yourself.
Love yourself, because you’re f*cking awesome!