7 Ways to Embrace Who You Are

You go on Pinterest and your feed is overflowing with motivational quotes (or is that just us?). “Love yourself” they say. “Be you”. That’s great advice, but… how? Is there some sort of fine print with instructions that we’re missing? How do you embrace who you are?

Embracing yourself – all of yourself – is not just a switch you can turn on and off. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Although there will never be a universal set of fine print instructions for how to embrace yourself, we hope that ours will be a starting point for you in learning to love your amazing, unique, brave self. 

1.  Work at It

The most important thing to realize is that embracing yourself will not happen magically overnight. It won’t be automatic, and it won’t be easy. Learning to embrace yourself is going to be a work in progress and that’s ok. It’s a marathon not a sprint. Just know that every time you make a conscious choice to stay true to yourself, you’re closer to your end goal than you were one day ago. 

2. Choose a Support System That Helps You Grow 

Surround yourself with people who are willing to work with you, who will give you the opportunity to grow into yourself, and who will never judge you along the way. Although it is ultimately up to you to choose and accept yourself, it doesn’t hurt to have people around you who are also willing to choose and accept you. They will be there to support you as you grow and will not expect you to be the same person they met years ago. They will acknowledge that there is more than one version of you. 

3. Forgive Your Earlier Mistakes

As you grow, it is so important to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes you’ve made not only with others, but with yourself as well. Be kind and practice self-compassion. In the process of growing and embracing yourself, you are inevitably going to make mistakes. That’s ok. Since we’re in the spirit of embracing things, let’s embrace those too. Learning from mistakes is the only way to grow. 

4. Detach Your Value From the Values of Others

We’ve heard it a million times: it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Then why does it still feel like it does? Because it’s going to take a lot of time and a constant effort to reverse the habits we’ve lived with for years. It’s ok to hear the opinions of others, but the important thing to realize is that their negative opinions do not diminish your value.

Repeat after us: my value does not depend on what others think of me. 

5. Get to Know Yourself

Part of embracing who you are is knowing who you are. If you don’t even know who you are, how are you supposed to embrace and stand up for that person? If you’re unsure of your identity right now, don’t worry. Be open to trying new things so you can figure out what makes you you. It will take work and introspection to know yourself – that’s what we’re here for.

Use our DiveThru app to dig deep into yourself and find the true you that’s hiding under all the layers of fitting in (see next point).

What makes you swell with pride?

What makes you want to scream in frustration?

And what makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside?

Once you know these things about yourself, it will be easier to embrace them and live authentically. This is a small step towards learning how to love yourself more.

6. Don’t Try to Fit In

It’s very hard when all we’ve been taught is to fit into a box, a mold, and a certain way of being. Growing up, all we wanted to do was fit in. The thing we probably didn’t realize was that, by being different, we were already similar. Our differences make us unique and interesting, but they are also what make us similar. We are all different. That’s a good thing. How boring would the world be if everyone was a carbon copy of one another?

7. Know That You’re Doing Your Best 

It’s hard to be yourself in a world that’s constantly trying to tell you to be someone else. We get it. Just know that you are doing your best and that that is enough. Despite what people may tell you, you don’t have to be perfect. Your best is and will always be enough. 

 

How to Practice Self-Compassion and Be Kind to Yourself

You don’t think you need to learn how to practice self-compassion until something like this happens. Muse along with us for a minute while we paint a picture.

You’ve finally scored THE job interview. It’s your dream role and you’ve been prepping for this interview for weeks. You’ve researched the company, you know what you’re going to wear, you’ve rehearsed what you’re going to say. No room for failure this time. 

You’re in the waiting room. Your palms start to feel clammy. You’re a little nervous. You think to yourself, “Don’t mess this up”. The interviewer calls your name and you walk into the room on shaking legs. You sit down and – and you blank. You forget absolutely everything. 

Now you’re really sweating and your heart is pounding and you’re so mad at yourself because UGH you practiced for this and you screwed it up and why can’t you just do one thing right???

Now imagine a friend tells you the exact same story.

You answer the phone and hear their voice…they sound so defeated. Your heart breaks for them. You know how bad they wanted this job. You tell them that it’s ok, everything will be ok. It was just one interview. They are so talented and qualified and amazing and there will be many more interviews. “It happens to everyone,” you say. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” 

Hmm.. do you see where we’re going with this? 

Experiences like this are NORMAL. They happen to everyone. 

When they happen to others, we are good friends – great friends, even. We are there with support and encouragement because all we want to do is make them feel better. So why, in the exact same situation, do we feel authorized to rip ourselves apart? 

Because we aren’t practicing self-compassion.

Dr. Kristin Neff has spent years studying self-compassion and describes it as giving the same care to yourself as you would a good friend: 

Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?

Maybe this seems like a revolutionary idea. Being kind to ourselves? What? Or maybe this is a Eureka Moment – everything finally makes sense. Either way, being kind to ourselves is so so so important. 

In fact, Dr. Neff has found that “self-compassion is very strongly related to mental wellbeing”. Ok, we should definitely be nice to ourselves.

The Three Elements of Self-Compassion

According to Dr. Neff, there are three elements crucial to self-compassion. As we dive thru them together, think about where you stand in relation. Are you more prone to one than the other?

Self-kindness vs. Self-judgement

Self-kindness points to being understanding to ourselves, rather than giving ourselves large doses of harsh criticism. When you reflect on your self-talk, does it sound like something you’d be okay with saying to your best friend? If the answer is no, you’re likely being way too mean to yourself. Your internal critic got hold of the reins and is wreaking havoc. Get those reins back.

Common Humanity vs. Isolation

Making mistakes is part of being human – it connects us all together. When you realize you are not alone in your feelings, you begin to feel the common humanity in our experiences.  You’re not alone in your struggles.

Mindfulness vs. Over-identification

Being mindful means accepting your thoughts and feelings as they are and not necessarily trying to change them.

Simply put, self-compassion is the same as having compassion for others:

With self-compassion we mindfully accept that the moment is painful, and embrace ourselves with kindness and care in response, remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.

So, are you ready to be a friend to yourself?

6 Ways You Can Be Kinder to Yourself

Let’s start implementing self-compassion in your daily life. Check out these exercises from Dr. Neff herself on how to be kinder to your incredible self: 

1. Learn more about what self-compassion is.

Watch Dr. Kristin Neff’s Tedx Talk about self-compassion and the impact it’s had on her life. She explains the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem and some of the science behind self-compassion.

2. See how you actually treat yourself.

Take Dr. Neff’s self-compassion test to see how you’re treating yourself now, as well as some areas of improvement for the future. Think of it like those quizzes you used to take in teen magazines. Except, instead of telling you which member of One Direction you are, this one tells you how kind you’re being to yourself. Fun and productive.

3. Write a letter to yourself from an imaginary friend.

This may sound odd but writing from another perspective will help reframe your thoughts. You’ll realize how you should be treating yourself all the time and can start allowing that compassion into your own life. The only thing left after that will be coffee dates with your imaginary BFF.  

4. Change your critical self-talk.

Critical self-talk can be an ingrained habit so this will likely take time and dedication. First, try to recognize and acknowledge when you’re thinking negative thoughts. Then, try to work on shifting them to be more loving and compassionate. As Dr. Neff says, “Love is more powerful than fear.”

5. Keep a self-compassion journal.

If you’ve been around for a while, you may have noticed that we kind of dig journaling.

Ok, we really dig journaling.

You can use the free resources on our DiveThru app to track your journey to self-compassion. As you go through the events of the day, try to keep the three elements of self-compassion in mind: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Check in with yourself and as you do,  celebrate the little moments of self-kindness until they become second nature.

6. Take advantage of the resources available to you.

The entirety of the world wide web is at your disposal; there are so many amazing (free!) resources just beyond the google search bar. One excellent resource is guided reflection in podcast format. Dr. Neff has created ten different self-compassion guided meditations that are free to listen to. Some of the topics include self-compassion for caregivers, noting your emotions, and self-compassion break. Take some time to explore these, along with other resources on your journey to become more self-compassionate.  

At DiveThru, we believe in you and we are here for you. With just a pinch of practice, a teaspoon of forgiveness, and a cup of kindness, you’re on your way to becoming a better friend to yourself. Mix in a whole lot of love and you have the perfect recipe for self-compassion.

Or is that the recipe for chocolate chip cookies? Either way, it’s a win. 

 

How to Relieve Stress in 8 Simple Ways

Our constantly changing world is inevitably going to create stress. Let’s face it, whether it’s a demanding boss, a busy schedule, or a difficult relationship, the Earth can be a stressful place sometimes! What makes it even more challenging is that there’s no one perfect way to deal with it. Since everyone experiences and deals with stress in their own way, here’s how to relieve stress with 8 techniques recommended by psychologists!

Maybe you’re someone who needs to exercise, someone who needs to talk it out, or someone who just needs to curl up with a book and a cup of tea. All of these options are perfectly ok for dealing with stress. Unfortunately, it can be a lot of trial and error before you find a stress relief technique that works for you. We’ve got your back. To help you get started, we’ve researched 8 psychologist-recommended techniques for surviving stress:

1. Identify Your Stress at the Source

Knowing what makes you stressed can be monumental in finding out how to cope with it. Once you realize why you’re stressed, you’ll be able to recognize those triggers and apply healthy stress management strategies to tackle them. Don’t get us wrong, this can be difficult, but it can be life-changing in how you relieve your stress in the future.

Psychologists often recommend journaling therapy as a way to connect to yourself and clarify your thoughts and feelings. We wholeheartedly agree! Our DiveThru method is rooted in journaling therapy! Our guided journaling exercises are developed with the help of mental health professionals and will help you find the source of your stress. What do you need to get started? Your favourite pen, paper + the DiveThru app! It’s free to download, friends.

2. Get Some Rest

Difficulty sleeping is one of the most common symptoms of stress which is quite unfortunate considering sleep is just what you need to combat your stress. 

Typical. If you have trouble falling asleep, try different techniques like putting your phone away before going to bed, listening to instrumental music, or adjusting your sleeping position. Psychologists recommend getting at least 8 hours of sleep per night in order to fully recharge. If that sounds like a stretch, that’s ok. Work your way up. Here are a few more strategies to get a better sleep, from our in-house mental health professional Natalie Asayag LCSW.

P.S. We know what you’re thinking and the answer is no. No, you can’t make up 4 hours of sleep with a venti iced coffee. Nice try though.

3. Try At-Home Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is all about identifying, challenging, and replacing thoughts. Using strategies like journaling, role-playing, and relaxation techniques, CBT aims to replace negative thoughts with more objective thoughts. CBT allows you to create healthy thinking patterns, which can then be applied to dealing with stress – like that growing pile of paperwork on your desk. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a great option because it’s goal-oriented, but also super accessible and can be tailored just for you!

4. Slow Down

Do you ever feel like you’re playing Mario Kart and you’re going so fast and you keep slipping on banana peels and crashing into walls? ‘Cause same. The secret is to slow down. You’ll see the banana peels coming and you’ll be way more in control. When you’re stressed it often feels like you’re going 1000 miles/hour. Make a conscious effort to slow down and take things one step at a time by prioritizing your needs (and yourself). Check in with yourself by doing a self-massage, listening to relaxing music, or performing a body scan. With a more focussed approach, you’ll find yourself crossing the finish line in no time!

5. Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)

When you’re stressed, your body tenses up. You may not even realize that your muscles are becoming rigid, stiff, and less flexible over time. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) can help relax your muscles by tensing up specific parts of your muscles and then releasing that tension. When you relax your body, your mind will follow suit and de-stress too. To get started, check out this guide on how to do Progressive Muscle Relaxation.

6. Visualize

Visualization is a powerful technique for managing stress. It involves guiding your mind out of a current, stressful situation and replacing it with relaxing imagery. Start by taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Then, imagine a peaceful space: your favourite travel destination or a cozy spot in your house. Visualize details such as the feeling of the sun on your skin or the smell of the rain. Stay in this space for as long as you need and remember that you can come back to it anytime you want. Ahh, we feel better already.

7. Create Boundaries and Stick to Them

Establishing boundaries is important in managing stress because it allows you to designate time and space for different areas of your life. Create boundaries for work hours, including how and when you can be reached outside of work. Make sure you consider your own needs and create boundaries that reflect those needs, whether it be at work or at home. Communicate openly with co-workers, friends, and family so they know what you need, and allow yourself to remain firm on your boundaries. After all, they’re called boundaries for a reason. We know that being assertive can be tough – you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings – but being assertive is crucial in taking care of yourself (and others).

8. Practice the ABC Technique

ABC stands for Adversity, Beliefs, and Consequences. The main goal of the ABC Technique is to overcome negative thinking that results from stressful situations. Here’s the Coles Notes version: when we find ourselves in a stressful situation we face Adversity. Our perception of the Adversity leads to our Beliefs, which then influence what we do next  – the Consequences. For example, receiving negative feedback may prompt beliefs of failure, which then have negative consequences on the remainder of your workday. By acknowledging and recording this harmful pattern, you can replace negativity with healthy thought practices.

Think of these stress-busting techniques as a shield. They will be there to protect you from any stress that comes your way. 

You’re basically Captain America now. Congratulations.

 

How to Work Through a Fight with 5 Effective Strategies

When we think about conflict we usually think of a heated argument. You know, the hands gesturing wildly, the raised voices, the forehead vein popping. It might be an emotionally charged argument, where we see people resorting to judgmental remarks or inappropriate comments. Naturally, there is also an opposite side to that spectrum where we might see the silent treatment and the passive-aggressive behaviour. By the end of this article, you will know how to work through a fight with at least 5 effective strategies. 

Some of you are picturing work-related conflicts while others are revisiting a few harsh words exchanged with friends or family. Before we dive any further, there’s one thing we need to get straight.

Conflict is natural. It’s as natural as being attracted to Chris Evans’ gentlemanly charisma or impeccable character. Sorry not sorry, we love our Avengers here at DiveThru.

But back to conflict. It’s a product of friction (and/or tension), and that product is not always negative. In fact, it’s what challenges our current state and helps us move forward. In the great words of Bill Nye The Science Guy, without friction we wouldn’t be able to walk. 

That’s as far as my knowledge of physics goes so maybe we’ll stop with the metaphors there.

The important thing to take away is that disagreement is sometimes a key ingredient in challenging our current perspectives. The better equipped we are to understand the nature of conflict, the more capable we are to come out of it in a better place.

When we talk about Interpersonal Conflict, we refer specifically to the issues arising between two or more people. When we speak about internal conflict, we call it Intrapersonal Conflict. 

Today, we’re diving thru the first. Let’s get to it.

Know the Different Types of Interpersonal Conflict

Before diving thru strategies to work through interpersonal conflict, we need to identify which type we are dealing with. This will help you get a better understanding of the root of the issue and it can help shape the resolution itself. According to healthline, there are 6 types:

Pseudo Conflict

This type of conflict is usually based in misunderstanding. The issue will brim when the individuals involved are making judgments without seeing the full picture or having all the details. More often than not, pseudo conflict can be resolved with a further explanation of what the parties actually mean. However, pseudo conflict could also be a result of badgering, mocking or taunting of one party. 

Fact Conflict

This one is pretty straightforward! It’s a conflict that arises from the facts that are being shared. The simplest way to solve these arguments is to check a reliable source that has the answer for you.

Your friend is adamant that tomatoes are a vegetable but you KNOW for a fact that they are a fruit.

How do you figure it out? Turn to the google machine!

Value Conflict

A little harder to figure out than the first two, this type of conflict revolves around personal values and belief systems. A difference of opinion, especially on sensitive topics, can result in disagreement and arguments. 

The best thing to do in these situations is explain your point of view while respecting the other person’s perspective. Acknowledging that there is a difference in your values can be the best way to move forward, even if no agreement has been reached.

We see this type of conflict surface around religion, cultural practices, healthcare practices, and many, many, many other social issues.

Policy Conflict

When your approach to problem-solving differs vastly from another person’s, policy conflict can arise. This type of conflict stops us from moving forward with an action plan because we can’t all agree on what that plan should be. 

Take healthcare for example. Our approach in Canada to public healthcare differs so greatly from the United States’ privatized system. The same problems exist but the two nations have chosen different approaches to solving them.

Not all Canadians are on board with public healthcare and not all Americans agree with a privatized system. We have no doubt that policy conflict has played out in both countries because of that. 

[quick flashback to your last holiday dinner party and the discussions going on at the table?]

Ego Conflict

As the name suggests, our egos are at risk with this type of conflict. As an argument escalates, some people will turn to judgmental remarks and find ways to make it personal.

In other cases, people will refuse to lose an argument (even though they know they’re wrong) because the loss would mean an insult to their intelligence. 

We all have that one friend in our lives who looooves to argue. We might have even learned our lesson to not start an argument with them because they always win anyways. 

What we don’t think about is that our loves-to-argue pal might tie their identity close to this ability to “win” arguments. Their ego may play a bigger role in the situation than we’ve prepared for.

Meta Conflict

An argument about the way we argue. Have you ever been so fed up with how your friend approaches your conflicts that you decide to pause the argument and argue about how you argue? A quick example we can give is the use of extremes:  

“You always walk away.”

“You never listen to what I have to say.”

This is called a meta conflict. Because communication plays a key role in resolving conflicts, voicing your concerns about how someone approaches arguments is healthy. 

What’s not healthy is doing it in the heat of the moment and without reproach. When these emotions bubble over, communication becomes muddy and we may lose sight of the bigger goal.

Understand What Causes Interpersonal Conflict

We talked about friction and tension earlier and now we’re going to expand on that a bit. 

In their book Everyday Encounters, Julia Wood and Ann Schweitzer take a closer look at interpersonal conflict. What actually causes it? Why don’t we just accept each other’s differences for what they are, without conflict?

One of the points they make is that differences don’t lead to conflict unless we feel the need to reconcile that tension (p. 266). 

Can we have totally different goals, preferences or decisions? Absolutely. Will it lead to interpersonal conflict? Not unless those preferences affect us.

The best way to think about it is like this.

Say you and your friend have super different preferences when it comes to pets. She’s a dog person and you love all members of the furry species but currently have a cat. Is this bound to create conflict at the moment? Nope, it doesn’t really affect either of you.

Now say you two are thinking of moving in together. You’re stoked about it! And she’s stoked about it too until she finds out you would be keeping your cat. Your friend isn’t too keen on the idea of living with a cat so she asks you to give it up.

See how this could turn into conflict? Both of you are now affected by preferences.

There are countless reasons and causes for interpersonal conflict, both personal and professional. Here’s a list of examples but keep in mind this is not exhaustive in any way:

common causes of interpersonal conflict: lack of planning, dishonesty, stress, misunderstanding, unfair treatment, frustration, poor communication, conflicting pressures, failure to follow through on promises, lack of clarity, inconsistency between actions and words

5 Ways to Resolve Conflict

Honestly, you may not always see a straightforward path out of the argument or conversation you’re in. That’s okay. Keep in mind that communication — the clear and open kind — is the best way to move forward through conflict. 

Below are 5 categories that your resolution will most likely fall in. Take a look at these strategies and think about which one you tend to default to.

1. Withdrawal

This is also known as an avoidance strategy, where you dodge the problem and walk away from the situation. By withdrawing yourself from the argument, you sidestep the conflict itself and avoid confrontation or discussion.

Withdrawal is both useful AND problematic. There are situations where walking away is the best thing to do — think unimportant conflict, and conflict where emotions are running way too high. There are also situations where withdrawal is problematic. It can result in passive-aggressive behaviour, overly sarcastic comments, and an overuse of the silent treatment. While withdrawal can help some forms of conflict, it can also have a serious effect on relationships.

2. Accommodation

The strategy here is to put someone else’s needs above your own. You’ll hear a lot of people refer to this strategy as “being the bigger person.” Just like Withdrawal, this strategy is also dependent on the situation itself. If you concede every argument for the sake of the other person, your own needs won’t be met. A good balance is needed. Be the bigger person but don’t forget to also be your own advocate.

3. Competition

People engage in this strategy when they’re pushing their own perspective forward in an effort to persuade others. When manipulation or aggression is used, this strategy causes negative effects on relationships. However, when these tactics are not used, competition can be a respectful and positive way to resolve conflict.

4. Compromise

Compromise involves a little losing and a little winning for both parties. On the one hand, you’ve actually reached an agreement and you’re no longer in conflict. Not only that, but you also got some of what you wanted, which is better than nothing. 

On the other hand, is a fraction of what you wanted enough to keep you happy? Because both parties are giving something up now, the conflict may be stirred up again in the future.

Is compromise the best way to solve conflict? It’s a good strategy but not the best. Keep reading.

5. Collaboration

A true win-win situation means everyone got the resolution they set out for. Sound a little far-fetched? It’s actually not!

The key is to look at the problem as something you need to solve together, as opposed to individually. Instead of fighting for your solution to be the best solution, you’re just fighting for the best solution. Period. That could be your idea or your partner’s idea. It could be something you came up with together. It could also be something your friend mentioned in passing.

Communication, and particularly active listening, is crucial for this strategy to work. 

5 Strategies to Work Through a Fight

You’ve officially unlocked a deeper understanding of conflict! Therapists around the world are tossing their notepads and jumping for joy! Jk but I promise you they’re super proud right now.

Now let’s dive thru 5 ways you can use your newfound knowledge in a practical way.

1. Choose the right time and place for a face-to-face conversation

Make sure you have this really important conversation in person. We know how easy it is to text out a paragraph and list out your frustrations instead but trust, that’s not the best way. 

Nobody wants to see those three little dots blink on while their friend types up an essay. You’ll miss out on the body language that needs to accompany these convos.

Choose somewhere less public to talk about your conflict. Emotions can surface unexpectedly and people watching you ugly cry in a busy cafe adds unnecessary stress to the conversation. 

Likewise, time is important. Stay away from having these convos right before you have to go to work or complete a really important assignment. Think about the other person’s schedule as well and choose a time that’s best for both of you.

2. Attentive listening is key

If you’re hoping for this to be a productive conversation (which, duh, why wouldn’t you), then you need to acknowledge how the other person feels.

How do you do that? Through active listening. Entire research papers have been written on the matter but here are some quick notes: 

Listen without judgment or interruption. 

Use open body language. 

Check to make sure you’re understanding the speaker correctly by repeating what you heard and paraphrasing it. 

Ask open-ended questions. 

Limit how much of your own experiences you share and listen to theirs instead.

3. Focus on the problem, not the other person

Try to stay focused on the issue you’re dealing with and not the person who brought it to you. It’s a lot easier said than done, we know.

When emotions bubble up during conflict, it can be difficult to process them quickly and respond appropriately. Stay away from the temptation to make things personal or point out other flaws unrelated to the conflict. If you concentrate on figuring out the problem, you’re more likely to come together in devising a solution.

4. Get to this conversation early

Resentment, anger and frustration can build over time on issues that are ignored. Instead of letting the conflict fester into a monster of frustration, address it early. Save the strain on your relationship, whether personal or professional, and discuss the issues that need to be heard.

5. Journal first, talk after

We have dedicated much time to the research behind journaling therapy and the result? A hefty list of benefits + our DiveThru method! One of those benefits is the ability to resolve interpersonal problems. Journaling helps you clarify your thoughts and feelings, which in turn can help you see a different perspective. Journal first, talk after.

Carefully and thoughtfully crafted, the DiveThru method encourages users to take charge of their mental wellbeing through guided journaling. See for yourself why journaling therapy can make a huge difference in both mental and physical wellbeing. (And feel free to take our app for a spin! You can download DiveThru for free!)

What to Avoid Doing 

There are a few things that are guaranteeeeeeeed to make the situation worse. Don’t worry, we’ve all been guilty of one or two of these ourselves. According to healthline, these are the pitfalls to avoid when it comes to interpersonal conflict:

Hostility

Arguments can reach a point of hostility, despite best efforts to prevent it. Things like personal insults, criticisms of the other person’s character that are unrelated to the argument, defensiveness, aggressive behaviour like shouting or verbal abuse — they’re all going to do more harm than good. Steer clear of this behaviour. If you encounter it from the other party, make the choice to step away from the argument and revisit it another day.

Demand-withdrawal

This is a term that describes one person’s withdrawal from the conflict while the other person is trying to address it. Constantly changing the subject or ignoring the conflict altogether will lead to resentment and frustration from the individual who’s trying to make themselves heard.

Counter-blaming

When one person responds to the argument by redirecting blame to the other, it results in accusations. These usually end with frustration and anger. One thing that’s recommended in this situation is “I” statements. Instead of saying “You never wash the dishes,” you can try saying “I have a hard time when you don’t wash the dishes.” Share your perspective, but without the blame.

Cross-complaining

You know those issues that are not related to the current argument but they’ve been bugging you forever? The ones you’ve been suppressing and bottling up because you’ve just been picking your battles? Don’t let them come up now. Cross-complaining will lead you down the rabbit hole and escalate the conflict unnecessarily. Set aside a different time to talk about those other problems that have been weighing you down.

Serial Arguments

This is like your favourite Netflix series, except not. We’re talking about the arguments that never actually get resolved because we walk away from the conversation. Either it becomes too much to handle or it gets too heated, but it has now turned into a 3 volume series of stressful reality TV. 

You need a new approach. Continuing down this path will wear down both parties involved because it will continue to come up again and again and again. Switch your strategy so that you can resolve it before it becomes insurmountable.

Now Get to Work

YOU GOT THIS! We sincerely believe in your ability to work through interpersonal conflicts and now you’ve got some strategies under your belt. 

Don’t forget to process your own thoughts and emotions first before engaging someone else into the conversation. If you need help with that, you know where to find us! We live in the app store and we’re looking forward to saying hello.